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  #1  
Unread 09-13-2021, 08:34 AM
scahm scahm is offline
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Will my relationships always be difficult?

I've always been aware that I have a bit of a difficult natal chart - I see my tough childhood reflected in my chart and I think it's also clear that I'm driven by relationships. I've recently realised that I've used relationships to try and fill an inner void, which has naturally led to a lot of unrequited love/chasing after people who are unable to meet my emotional needs. I have been in therapy for the last year to work on my inner issues however and feel like I have been putting in the work to overcome the root causes in relation to my sense of self worth.

I'm continuing to struggle with feelings of emptiness however and for someone who is so relational, I have a fear that I'll end up alone and I'll never be able to experience the gift of great love.

I know the empty feeling is related to feel unfulfilled however - does my chart have any pointers of where I might find that purpose?

I'll greatly appreciate any and every insight on my birth chart - I really feel like I've been struggling recently.
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  #2  
Unread 09-16-2021, 08:26 PM
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kimbermoon kimbermoon is offline
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Smile Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

Given the overt polarity between the energies in the chart, finding an appropriate balance in life can be quite daunting. As such, relationships are apt to bring definite challenging for you as a means of bringing you back to center within yourself. In turn the focus of the chart is emphasized to the western half of the chart.

Your inquiry is quite timely as you are now moving towards a significant transitional point in your life, with Saturn making a return to its own place in the chart by next May. This represents a pivotal point in your development, which comes in the form of a reckoning with the past, and movement into a new cycle of your personal evolution. In order to know where you are going, you have to know where you have been.

For you, Saturn’s return will serve to re-enact the t-square configuration that ties together natal Saturn in opposition to the Moon, intersected by the stellium [built up energies] in the 7th H. With Venus also involved in the stellium
this holds the reference to having experienced low self esteem which is still capable of causing interpersonal challenges you have been needing to overcome.

What is essential though is being aware of the need for developing the positive expression of your Taurus rising . The opposition between Saturn and the Moon holds testament to a ‘difficult childhood’ which will in turn hold a great influence on how you react to any given circumstances.

The weighting of planets in the 7th H, also points directly to the significance of relationships in your life, and especially with having the North Node there as well [pointing to a destiny that awaits you].

South Node in Gemini read more here:
http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.c...0First%20House


Adding complexity to the 7th H, is the mixing of rather contrary energies:

Venus/Pluto working through the intense and mysterious influence of Scorpio [instincts and depth of experience], while NN, Venus, Sun and Mars form a stellium expressing through Sagittarius. Scorpio seeks the depths of sexual relationships, while Sagittarius can be akin to the spiritual warrior seeking for more of the true nature of love. Here is where there must be differentiation and exploration.

The Sun [Identity/Sense of Self] and Mars [the restless explorer] represent a key to the goals you need to seek after in order to command your full sense of empowerment. Since it is the energy of Scorpio at the center of the t-square,
you will need to move beyond the potential for violence and misdirected anger, whether directed at you or by you.

Personally, I would look further into the ‘division of the axis’, exposing the lack of energies on the eastern half of the chart while putting more emphasis on the western half of the chart. This also represents a Bundle pattern, as described here:

http://blog.littleredtarot.com/astro...-birth-chart/. People with bundle charts ‘tend to be on a mission and always fighting for a cause’.

Since you are on the way to your Saturn return, this could well represent a turning point for you, by internal revue and adjustment: as such ,you might need to set specific goals for yourself. Also further studies of your North and South Nodes, as well as Chiron can provide guidelines as to what
you are ‘meant to be doing’ in your life.

Your upcoming Saturn return is all about letting go of the past through greater understanding and awareness, so that the next chapter of life may be less fraught with unnecessary detours. Saturn responds well to stability, security, duties and confidence.

At this junction, I suspect the first challenge for you would be in the pursuit of stabilizing your own inner sense of self-esteem by focusing on your inner development, more so than seeking after outer acclaim.

Namaste
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scahm (09-20-2021)
  #3  
Unread 09-16-2021, 09:14 PM
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Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

Quote:
Originally Posted by scahm View Post
I've always been aware that I have a bit of a difficult natal chart - I see my tough childhood reflected in my chart and I think it's also clear that I'm driven by relationships. I've recently realised that I've used relationships to try and fill an inner void, which has naturally led to a lot of unrequited love/chasing after people who are unable to meet my emotional needs. I have been in therapy for the last year to work on my inner issues however and feel like I have been putting in the work to overcome the root causes in relation to my sense of self worth.

I'm continuing to struggle with feelings of emptiness however and for someone who is so relational, I have a fear that I'll end up alone and I'll never be able to experience the gift of great love.

I know the empty feeling is related to feel unfulfilled however - does my chart have any pointers of where I might find that purpose?

I'll greatly appreciate any and every insight on my birth chart - I really feel like I've been struggling recently.



We need to see a complete chart all in one



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  #4  
Unread 09-17-2021, 01:18 AM
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Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

Quote:
Originally Posted by scahm View Post
I've always been aware that I have a bit of a difficult natal chart - I see my tough childhood reflected in my chart and I think it's also clear that I'm driven by relationships.

I've recently realised that I've used relationships to try and fill an inner void, which has naturally led to a lot of unrequited love/chasing after people who are unable to meet my emotional needs.

I'm continuing to struggle with feelings of emptiness however and for someone who is so relational, I have a fear that I'll end up alone and I'll never be able to experience the gift of great love.

I know the empty feeling is related to feel unfulfilled however - does my chart have any pointers of where I might find that purpose?

I'll greatly appreciate any and every insight on my birth chart - I really feel like I've been struggling recently.

Hi scahm,


with all what you described here - you sound like a strong, clear, deep and profound exploring mental mind - able to go deep to the roots of an issue - and this is what mercury - ruling your 3rd house - mental mind, perceiving and processing information - always delivers - if mercury works hand in with Pluto and scorpio energy - like yours does - with mercury in scorpio in 7th house - conj. your pluto. A persisting, strong intense energy - and not giving up - until you haven't found - what you are looking for.

With mercury ruling your 3rd house in 7th house- probably also a difficult and kinda competitive sibling relationship may have taken impact on your relationships in your later life, too - with mercury in 7th conj pluto and squaring your saturn in 10th house. You probably had to early take responsibility for - or for yourself and on your own - having been early left alone and on your own - without much mother support in your childhood, to get your own emotional needs nurtured - less basic trust in life and less support of own gender to be a woman yourself - with moon squaring pluto.

Moon rules your 4th house- your emotional identity, you are a very sensitive and empathic being with. And 4th house is also about mother/ mother figure experience in childhood, mother as first female model role to nurture your own needs, how to feel at home and welcomed and what you need to do for feeling yourself well and at home - and mother as model role for being a woman and a mother yourself in later life.

Moon as ruler of 4th house squares your pluto in 7th house - where you put first foot steps on earth at point of your birth- doesn't look like a warm-hearted welcome - for certain reasons and circumstances.

Moon squared by pluto always has to do with an experience of physical and emotional danger, near to death experience, shock and trauma - afterwards stored in subconsciousness - leaving a deep scare to get existentially destroyed - and an inner need and urge -to avoid it to happen again. As moon also squares mercury as your 2nd house ruler -physical body house of existence and self-protection - first-.

One can kinda get own true emotions and feeling superimposed from something or somebody else - like being controlled from an invisible hand- working beyond personal control. And this in later life often causes a feeling of emptiness - like a black whole inside of oneself - one can't fill and can't get filled from somebody else - as what is not truly yours - and does not belong to you - you will in fact never be able to fill - if this feeling was taken over and belongs to somebody else.

Unless one discovers, that it is a past experience- you a) have survived and b) never can get repeated in the same way - as you will never return to the same young age and will never be a helpless child again.
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Last edited by Zora; 09-17-2021 at 01:23 AM.
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scahm (09-20-2021)
  #5  
Unread 09-20-2021, 07:46 AM
scahm scahm is offline
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Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kimbermoon View Post
Given the overt polarity between the energies in the chart, finding an appropriate balance in life can be quite daunting. As such, relationships are apt to bring definite challenging for you as a means of bringing you back to center within yourself. In turn the focus of the chart is emphasized to the western half of the chart.

Your inquiry is quite timely as you are now moving towards a significant transitional point in your life, with Saturn making a return to its own place in the chart by next May. This represents a pivotal point in your development, which comes in the form of a reckoning with the past, and movement into a new cycle of your personal evolution. In order to know where you are going, you have to know where you have been.

For you, Saturn’s return will serve to re-enact the t-square configuration that ties together natal Saturn in opposition to the Moon, intersected by the stellium [built up energies] in the 7th H. With Venus also involved in the stellium
this holds the reference to having experienced low self esteem which is still capable of causing interpersonal challenges you have been needing to overcome.

What is essential though is being aware of the need for developing the positive expression of your Taurus rising . The opposition between Saturn and the Moon holds testament to a ‘difficult childhood’ which will in turn hold a great influence on how you react to any given circumstances.

The weighting of planets in the 7th H, also points directly to the significance of relationships in your life, and especially with having the North Node there as well [pointing to a destiny that awaits you].

South Node in Gemini read more here:
http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.c...0First%20House


Adding complexity to the 7th H, is the mixing of rather contrary energies:

Venus/Pluto working through the intense and mysterious influence of Scorpio [instincts and depth of experience], while NN, Venus, Sun and Mars form a stellium expressing through Sagittarius. Scorpio seeks the depths of sexual relationships, while Sagittarius can be akin to the spiritual warrior seeking for more of the true nature of love. Here is where there must be differentiation and exploration.

The Sun [Identity/Sense of Self] and Mars [the restless explorer] represent a key to the goals you need to seek after in order to command your full sense of empowerment. Since it is the energy of Scorpio at the center of the t-square,
you will need to move beyond the potential for violence and misdirected anger, whether directed at you or by you.

Personally, I would look further into the ‘division of the axis’, exposing the lack of energies on the eastern half of the chart while putting more emphasis on the western half of the chart. This also represents a Bundle pattern, as described here:

http://blog.littleredtarot.com/astro...-birth-chart/. People with bundle charts ‘tend to be on a mission and always fighting for a cause’.

Since you are on the way to your Saturn return, this could well represent a turning point for you, by internal revue and adjustment: as such ,you might need to set specific goals for yourself. Also further studies of your North and South Nodes, as well as Chiron can provide guidelines as to what
you are ‘meant to be doing’ in your life.

Your upcoming Saturn return is all about letting go of the past through greater understanding and awareness, so that the next chapter of life may be less fraught with unnecessary detours. Saturn responds well to stability, security, duties and confidence.

At this junction, I suspect the first challenge for you would be in the pursuit of stabilizing your own inner sense of self-esteem by focusing on your inner development, more so than seeking after outer acclaim.

Namaste
Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to write something so detailed, it's greatly appreciated. I was wondering if you'd please be able to clarify a couple of things you've written about however?

- Is there anything indication of what having a North Node in the 7th house would promise me in terms of relationships (especially as it's conjunct Venus)?
- I have been in therapy working on issues of self-worth and attachment and whilst I have been making progress, I'm unsure of what specific goals I should work towards ahead of my Saturn return?
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  #6  
Unread 09-20-2021, 07:49 AM
scahm scahm is offline
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Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zora View Post
Hi scahm,


with all what you described here - you sound like a strong, clear, deep and profound exploring mental mind - able to go deep to the roots of an issue - and this is what mercury - ruling your 3rd house - mental mind, perceiving and processing information - always delivers - if mercury works hand in with Pluto and scorpio energy - like yours does - with mercury in scorpio in 7th house - conj. your pluto. A persisting, strong intense energy - and not giving up - until you haven't found - what you are looking for.

With mercury ruling your 3rd house in 7th house- probably also a difficult and kinda competitive sibling relationship may have taken impact on your relationships in your later life, too - with mercury in 7th conj pluto and squaring your saturn in 10th house. You probably had to early take responsibility for - or for yourself and on your own - having been early left alone and on your own - without much mother support in your childhood, to get your own emotional needs nurtured - less basic trust in life and less support of own gender to be a woman yourself - with moon squaring pluto.

Moon rules your 4th house- your emotional identity, you are a very sensitive and empathic being with. And 4th house is also about mother/ mother figure experience in childhood, mother as first female model role to nurture your own needs, how to feel at home and welcomed and what you need to do for feeling yourself well and at home - and mother as model role for being a woman and a mother yourself in later life.

Moon as ruler of 4th house squares your pluto in 7th house - where you put first foot steps on earth at point of your birth- doesn't look like a warm-hearted welcome - for certain reasons and circumstances.

Moon squared by pluto always has to do with an experience of physical and emotional danger, near to death experience, shock and trauma - afterwards stored in subconsciousness - leaving a deep scare to get existentially destroyed - and an inner need and urge -to avoid it to happen again. As moon also squares mercury as your 2nd house ruler -physical body house of existence and self-protection - first-.

One can kinda get own true emotions and feeling superimposed from something or somebody else - like being controlled from an invisible hand- working beyond personal control. And this in later life often causes a feeling of emptiness - like a black whole inside of oneself - one can't fill and can't get filled from somebody else - as what is not truly yours - and does not belong to you - you will in fact never be able to fill - if this feeling was taken over and belongs to somebody else.

Unless one discovers, that it is a past experience- you a) have survived and b) never can get repeated in the same way - as you will never return to the same young age and will never be a helpless child again.
Hi Zora - thank you so much for taking the time to look at my chart in such detail, I really appreciate it. I am an only child but you are spot on about having to take on responsibility and take care of myself at an early age - my parents had an intense and difficult relationship which led to a lot of neglect and abuse in my childhood, as well as the need to support my parents instead.
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Unread 09-20-2021, 10:31 PM
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Thumbs up Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

I am glad to hear that therapy is helping with some of your internalized issues, for that can be helpful in offsetting the imbalance leftover from the past. In doing the necessary work :

- Is there any indication of what having a North Node in the 7th house would promise me in terms of relationships (especially as it's conjunct Venus)?

So the North Node is about what we are meant to be working on in this life for our own karmic/spiritual development. In contrast the South Node shows what holds us back from our spiritual equalization and balance in the physical world.

Let’s look more closely at the stellium of Sagittarius energy, which transitions from the 7th to the 8th H in your chart.

On the one hand you can be pleasant in nature and readily attract relationships through physical attraction: Do you feel this to be true?

On its own, this conjunction suggests that on the Soul Level, you are meant to be seeking after love at its highest and truest level of expression, rather than merely for superficial reasons.

-beauty and love will be a definite focus in your life, especially if expressed through the creative arts [Moon in 5th], but this may have be hindered by the Saturn/Moon opposition. Note that Venus / North Node is at the midpoint of the T- Square, suggesting that there is also tension being held here at the inner level of the psyche.

First you must learn to quell the intensity of your internal dialogue [Mercury/Pluto in Scorpio] that can create misunderstandings with others;

the contrast of Mercury/Pluto in Scorpio relates more to the secretive and penetrating communication style that you more readily express, in contrast to the more easygoing side of Sagittarius.

So while you may have some benefits noted through your 7thH and relationships, the implications of the t-square involving Saturn oppose the Moon further imply difficulties in relationships due to a lack of ‘awareness and understanding’ about the true purpose and meaning of intimate relationships.
This particular t-square shows that hindrances involve issues of low self-esteem and lack of self worth that were developed in childhood and carried through into the present.

Do you find yourself often being pulled in two different directions because of this?

The contrast between the Nodes often defines the need for an appropriate balancing of your inner consciousness [the specific set of your ‘sails as they are set in this lifetime’ as determined largely by childhood influences and teachings].

With this particular set up in your chart, it is through Venus that you may be able to project the more positive traits of Sagittarius, while your conditioned methods of communication [Mercury and Pluto: penetrating, bullying, obsessive, compulsive] can interfere with the ease in which you are understood by others. The NN primarily points to where you are ‘meant’ to be going, while in contrast the South Node represents your past karma that is needing to be released. The polarity of this axis often defines the need for balance of your inner consciousness at the level of the psyche that is necessary. These are issues that need to be addressed, especially around the time of the Saturn return.

Hindrances to the natural expression of the NN is depicted by:

- the t-square aspect that involves Saturn/Moon in opposition, while each also squares the Venus/Node.
Saturn in our charts shows the limitations we set for ourselves through fear or insecurity and relates to the karmic lessons we are needing to learn in this
lifetime:

Saturn/Moon: distance, separation and problems relating to the parental input, especially through the mother in early childhood; prone to depressive tendencies due to emotional disequilibrium. This opposition alone can serve to diminish the sense of self into adulthood.

Natal Saturn in the 11th :
- Learning to trust your own intuition, rather than following the lead of other people’s ideas and belief systems.
-avoidance of group interactions?
-troubles in trusting others, due to insecurity
- Feelingings of alienation in terms of social interactions may be grounded in the sense of low self-esteem
-learning to trust and try new things from time to time,

As such the Saturn return is about having the awareness and consciousness to reassert the Identity in a more balanced way. Letting go of childhood fears and perceived weaknesses [the South Node] is a necessary part of the healing. Coming to terms with your authentic and true ‘spiritual self’ [the North Node] occurs according to your own attempts at healing yourself and the removal of unnecessary blockages.

Above all, the key is about learning to forgive the past and move on with greater confidence about who you are and what you are here to do.

Read more here:

http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.com/search/label/Saturn%20Return


By the way, Today is the Full Moon occurring in Pisces: this is a time for insight and clarification, accenting the need to identify and express our spiritual needs while maintaining order on the physical level.

If you need clarification on any of my input, just ask. You can contact me directly through kimbermoon@gmail.com. I’m happy to keep our dialogue happening, if you so desire.


Blessed be.
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Last edited by kimbermoon; 09-20-2021 at 10:33 PM. Reason: context
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  #8  
Unread 10-01-2021, 04:42 PM
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Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

Just want to briefly add to kimbernoon's generous reading. You have an often life-changing, important step into true maturity with your Saturn return coming up in the spring. This period leading up to it is an opportunity for you to assess your life and consider the tone and flavor of the next 28-29 year Saturn cycle.

With all the planets in your natal skewed toward the 7th and away from the 1st, perhaps what may be called for is a clearer, more balanced look at yourself, being present with yourself, who you are, what are your foundational values?
I am truly wishing you the best,
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  #9  
Unread 10-01-2021, 05:12 PM
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Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

Quote:
Originally Posted by IleneK View Post
Just want to briefly add to kimbernoon's generous reading. You have an often life-changing, important step into true maturity with your Saturn return coming up in the spring. This period leading up to it is an opportunity for you to assess your life and consider the tone and flavor of the next 28-29 year Saturn cycle.

With all the planets in your natal skewed toward the 7th and away from the 1st, perhaps what may be called for is a clearer, more balanced look at yourself, being present with yourself, who you are, what are your foundational values?
I am truly wishing you the best,
Thank you kimbermoon and Ilene for your inputs, I really am so grateful - interestingly, these are all themes that I have currently been exploring in my therapy already. It doesn't however prevent me from attracting turbulent (and I guess short-lived, often unrequited) relationships into my life - I'm attributing that to the Pluto in my 7th. I think my concern is that I'm destined to spend my life either alone or in unrequited love scenarios, which feels particularly harsh given the deep inner void and loneliness I feel when I'm out of a relationship - even if it's one which isn't serving in my best interests.

Saturn has been squaring my Ascendant by transit for a while now, which has made me lose what feels like a significant and karmic relationship in my life, and South Node is currently directly on top of Venus, so I feel like I've been through the wringer emotionally. I'm worried how long this will last for me - will my Saturn return continue to be a really lonely period?
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Unread 10-01-2021, 05:46 PM
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Re: Will my relationships always be difficult?

Quote:
Originally Posted by scahm View Post
Thank you kimbermoon and Ilene for your inputs, I really am so grateful - interestingly, these are all themes that I have currently been exploring in my therapy already. It doesn't however prevent me from attracting turbulent (and I guess short-lived, often unrequited) relationships into my life - I'm attributing that to the Pluto in my 7th. I think my concern is that I'm destined to spend my life either alone or in unrequited love scenarios, which feels particularly harsh given the deep inner void and loneliness I feel when I'm out of a relationship - even if it's one which isn't serving in my best interests.

Saturn has been squaring my Ascendant by transit for a while now, which has made me lose what feels like a significant and karmic relationship in my life, and South Node is currently directly on top of Venus, so I feel like I've been through the wringer emotionally. I'm worried how long this will last for me - will my Saturn return continue to be a really lonely period?

The Saturn return is a time of deep learning and re-structuring. It is not necessarily a lonely period, but it can be a challenging period. The more open you are to what Saturn asks of you, the easier the flow.
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