I don’t live my life, never really did

Hello, I am new here. I am a female, in late 30s. I’ve been learning astrology on my own for a couple of years now and find it very fascinating. The reason that I dived into astrology is that I needed answers desperately because I feel like paralyzed and my life is slipping through my fingers.
I was hurt by personal relations in the past, I made some reckless choices and ever since I cannot move on and take control of my life. Ever since I was a teenager I remember myself living more in my head, fantasizing about my future, rather than living life here and now. Ever since the relationship trauma it got only worse. I cut myself off from all social connections, I am jobless and can barely support myself financially. Not a single day goes by without myself obsessing over this situation and wish the person who hurt me could come back to my life and, yeah, save me... it’s as if I fell into a deep dark well and too weak and broken to get out of it to the sunshine which I crave.
I am struggling with my natal chart, I feel there might be answers.
Thank you very much to anyone who might be interested in interpreting my chart. In case any additional info is needed that will facilitate chart interpretation, I will be glad to present it.

Latelet said:

Hello, I am new here. I am a female, in late 30s. I’ve been learning astrology on my own for a couple of years now and find it very fascinating. The reason that I dived into astrology is that I needed answers desperately because I feel like paralyzed and my life is slipping through my fingers.
I was hurt by personal relations in the past, I made some reckless choices and ever since I cannot move on and take control of my life. Ever since I was a teenager I remember myself living more in my head, fantasizing about my future, rather than living life here and now. Ever since the relationship trauma it got only worse. I cut myself off from all social connections, I am jobless and can barely support myself financially. Not a single day goes by without myself obsessing over this situation and wish the person who hurt me could come back to my life and, yeah, save me... it’s as if I fell into a deep dark well and too weak and broken to get out of it to the sunshine which I crave.
I am struggling with my natal chart, I feel there might be answers.
Thank you very much to anyone who might be interested in interpreting my chart. In case any additional info is needed that will facilitate chart interpretation, I will be glad to present it.

Click to expand...

You have saturn in 5th house

Latelet said:

Hello, I am new here. I am a female, in late 30s. I’ve been learning astrology on my own for a couple of years now and find it very fascinating. The reason that I dived into astrology is that I needed answers desperately because I feel like paralyzed and my life is slipping through my fingers.
I was hurt by personal relations in the past, I made some reckless choices and ever since I cannot move on and take control of my life. Ever since I was a teenager I remember myself living more in my head, fantasizing about my future, rather than living life here and now. Ever since the relationship trauma it got only worse. I cut myself off from all social connections, I am jobless and can barely support myself financially. Not a single day goes by without myself obsessing over this situation and wish the person who hurt me could come back to my life and, yeah, save me... it’s as if I fell into a deep dark well and too weak and broken to get out of it to the sunshine which I crave.
I am struggling with my natal chart, I feel there might be answers.
Thank you very much to anyone who might be interested in interpreting my chart. In case any additional info is needed that will facilitate chart interpretation, I will be glad to present it.

Click to expand...

The first thing I look at when analysing someone's chart, is the chart PATTERN.

If you scroll through the charts posted on this forum right now, you will see various types of overall planetary formations. Sometimes the planets are scattered all around the circle. Sometimes they form two groups, looking like a seesaw. Or they are randomly spread out, with no definitive pattern.

But your chart is a rare pattern called 'A BUNDLE.' = it means that all planets have been grouped into one-third of the natal chart in a tight bundle formation.

This Bundle pattern signifies people who are specialists in their field – but also may have obsessive personality traits.

So the narrowness of vision and experience which comes with having a small tight bundle, also brings along the ability to be extremely effective individuals in their limited areas of experience.


If it falls in the lower half of the birth chart, like yours does, then there is more concern and worry about personal affairs, other than the outer world.

So it is important for you to figure out how to stick your head up, out of that tight , self imposed bundle, and find a path that you can refocus upon. Maybe you can become a counsellor/nurse/ for those who suffer from trauma? Or you can work in a bed and breakfast, where you help others who are seeking comfort and rest? Or maybe work in the Healing Arts in some capacity?

The Moon, the ruler of your chart is in Scorpio in the 6th house. So healing others and being in the service of others is a good way for you to refocus your intense energy. Maybe working in Animal Rescue, or working with children or the homeless?


https://www.astro.com/astrology/in_jonespatterns_e.htm
BUNDLE PATTERN:
This chart shape makes it easier to focus on one thing over a long range of time. It’s not that bundle people can’t have a wide range of interests. They are simply less influenced by what goes on outside of themselves. They are more likely to create and live in their own little world.

In some cases, this can manifest as self-centered insensitivity. In others, they can
make a big impact on the world because they tend to be immune to outside criticism and can’t be easily dissuaded. There is also, according to Marc Edmund Jones, a self-obsessed quality bundle people. The effect can work even when the planets cover a little more than 120 degrees as long as the signs at each end are trine.*

This formation can give the individual a tremendous focus in life, enabling them to accomplish much in their area of concentration. The high concentration of planets produces a person who is equally intense and unrelenting in pursuit of personal interests.

With this emphasis, however, often comes a lack of widespread interests or a more panoramic view of life. Perspective and understanding of others is limited, and it is difficult for this person to share their lives with anyone.

The best course of life for such a person is to enter into enterprises that require deep concentration, persistence and commitment, or to specialise in one area of expertise.

Hope find insights into the chart helpful, pick n integrate judiciously :

Ascendant lord moon debilated scorpio with saturn, debilation cancelled by mars aspect own scorpio,
gradual improvements with research-occult-astro-forensic psychology aptitudes and health/urological issues;

mars aspect scorpio protective of luck-education-position-employment
while may not be good for general health of children and for opponents;
wear pearl over silver pendant touching heart;

Moon-saturn scorpio secretive, suspicious, sentimental, sarcastic, passionate, impacting romance, while as lords 1/7
seeking mutuality in marriage relationship; saturn as lord 7th over 5th, gains from marriage-spouse;

saturn aspect own capricorn 7th, supportive of vocation-business but sickness for spouse;
sat as 9th lord over scorpio 5th supportive of luck through research aptitudes; Prayers to Mother Goddess tues evenings;

Saturn 5th negates employment prospects;

Past 2.5yrs jup-sat transit capricorn 7th, growth through mass supervision, public admin, event management,
research-trainer-advisory-insurance roles; later moved to 8th cap for chronic health issues knees-liver etc;
success amidst adversity;


sooner now jup-sat move to acquarius 9th, seeking change, tending to distant lands, gradual improvement
in luck-education-distant travels and university research-trainer-advisorylegal-innovative/reformist roles the year ahead;

jup-saturn transit acq opp mars-venus, stress-struggle, craving for affections but difficult to manifest;
saturn acq debilated aspect over aries 11th for income-gains-friendships-relationships;

mars-venus leo 3rd relationships by mere attractions; aptitude for arts, finance, mechatronics, pharma, physics, etc;
attracted to men with high self-pride and romantic; mars 3rd good for initiative and progress
but accident prone and strained sibling relationships;



Jupiter significator for husband sagittarius 6th with ketu SNode, finally settles for philosophical, optimistic etc;

jup-ketu sag 6th, medicinal-legal aptitudes; ambitious and impulsive; coping with opponents, accident prone,
pain-injury-surgery thighs-liver-intestinals-hips etc and tend to job separations;
coming 1.5yr ketu transit natal jup-ketu sag 6th to care; prayers to Christ, offer red flowers thurs mornings;

Rahu NNode gemini 12th, global general knowledge, aptitude for information processing/IT, foreign lands,
chest-lung-feet issues; rahu now transit natal rahu 12th trine transit jupiter acq 9th for distant travels;

Jup-rahu opp, toxic health issues, rise-fall in life to care; wear brown hessonite over pendant touching heart;
prayers for ancestors, observe fast on No-moon evenings; observe death anniversaries in the family religiously;

Sun-mercury elevated virgo 4th, critical thinking, good for audit-editorial-quality managment-health care roles;
literary-oratory-astro aptitudes;

Hope jup transit acq aspect mars-venus 3rd leo promotes relationship, while mars lord 11th for income-gains;


Do share salient feedbacks how true traits-talents-health-life trends-ideas to pick etc
Hope find the remedies helpful to overcome the challenges.

Wishing you well with jupiter-saturn transit 9th for gradual luck-change,


JYOTISHBHUSHAN SHANTARAM
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Venus-Mars on the IC is trine Neptune on Descendant and square Moon. This is a deeply committed and nearly religious devotion. You would rather be unhappily in love than not in love at all. It is beautiful; there is not doubt about that, but with Neptune on an angle, you can lapse into derangement as a result.

Pluto-Saturn opposes the midpoint of Ascendant and Midheaven. This suggests obsessive-compulsive behavior and probably depression as well.

I doubt any astrologer can so reveal your chart so effectively that it would heal you or dispel your despair.

If you can't function well enough to work, that meets the standard for mental illness. I'm not qualified to label your particular problem, but the fact that you can't work is the measure that many clinicians use to diagnose mental illness and to implore you to get professional treatment. I don't think astrology or astrologers can heal you or fill that void in your treatment. It is not their expertise.

Sounds like the real problem you're having is obsessive thought patterns. It's reached the point where you can't get past them, you can't change them, and you can't live your life, as you put it, because of them. Is that correct?

Thoughts, and ways of thinking, are represented by Mercury. But there are two sides to Mercury. There's the logical, rational, linear, conscious side, which is what we mostly talk about in astrology when we're talking about Mercury and its traits... and there's the subconscious, non-linear, dream logic side. Sounds like that second side to Mercury has taken over.

Mercury has some helpers here... or enablers. A sextile to Moon, in Scorpio, which has the potential to be the most obsessive placement of all, especially when it comes to emotional matters. Moon is your deep emotions and subconscious beliefs. Mercury is also square Neptune, which is a powerful non-rational, non-linear, and potentially obsessive force in itself. Neptune is daydreams... and delusions. Neptune is where you imagine things so wonderful that reality can never compare.

The sign placements of your Neptune and Mercury may exacerbate this. Virgo is the most practical and "doing" of the signs. An earth sign, Virgo wants to create tangible results, in the real world. Sagittarius is all about experiences, movement, just going with the flow. Sagittarius, like all fire signs, provides a spark, but doesn't make the rubber hit the road in and of itself.

Learning your natal chart may help identify the problem, but if your obsessive thoughts are such a deeply rooted pattern, identifying the problem won't change that. You'd have to meet the subconscious with the subconscious. I've found hypnotherapy to work well under circumstances similar to yours. Other alternative healing arts... herbalism, curanderismo, certain forms of meditation, to name a few... may be helpful too.