In need of some light in the darkness

To join discord chat click this link: https://discord.gg/HN6Ktc

No mods are here; you can say whatever you want without punishment. We believe in free speech here.

I'll be joining then. I love anything free, especially speech

Lykanized said:

I'll be joining then. I love anything free, especially speech

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Too bad Rawr isn't online right now

I still don't know how I'm gonna reassemble my thread.. Actually, I do, I'm just too lazy to do it

Hopefully my laziness will dissolve by next month bc I really do need this thread

I started working on a concept for a novel while in the hospital...I have a title for it already and I've had it for a while now. Titles come to me a lot and they always carry an infinite well of concepts and ideas. I actually have a lot of titles tho I'm still working my way around writing fiction. I'm gonna try to start it as a short fiction, maybe even as a flash fic/vignette type of thing and work from there. I don't think I could start with a story board bc it doesn't have flesh yet and for me, everything is always openended

It's about someone dying and having their whole conception of reality fall apart after leaving the physical form and having to come to a reckoning with themselves and what they can now perceive. That's not set in stone and will definitely evolve, but the title is sacred to me

I know that sounds very generic, but as I said, it has no flesh yet and yet has so many wounds. If I said what the title was, the idea would make sense, but anyway. I can't say the title


The title just kinda came to me out of thin air or rather from my subconscious, which happens a lot, and the curious thing is that my subconscious mind will come up with lines or titles or other collections of words that are actually very novel. Novel doesn't necessarily mean good, but it does mean they haven't been thought of before which is odd to me given that they feel like they come out of nowhere. Curious workings of the subconscious mind

Lykanized said:

I started working on a concept for a novel while in the hospital...I have a title for it already and I've had it for a while now. Titles come to me a lot and they always carry an infinite well of concepts and ideas. I actually have a lot of titles tho I'm still working my way around writing fiction. I'm gonna try to start it as a short fiction, maybe even as a flash fic/vignette type of thing and work from there. I don't think I could start with a story board bc it doesn't have flesh yet and for me, everything is always openended

It's about someone dying and having their whole conception of reality fall apart after leaving the physical form and having to come to a reckoning with themselves and what they can now perceive. That's not set in stone and will definitely evolve, but the title is sacred to me

I know that sounds very generic, but as I said, it has no flesh yet and yet has so many wounds. If I said what the title was, the idea would make sense, but anyway. I can't say the title


The title just kinda came to me out of thin air or rather from my subconscious, which happens a lot, and the curious thing is that my subconscious mind will come up with lines or titles or other collections of words that are actually very novel. Novel doesn't necessarily mean good, but it does mean they haven't been thought of before which is odd to me given that they feel like they come out of nowhere. Curious workings of the subconscious mind

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I decided I'm gonna work this month on a set of poems based on the title. Who knows? Maybe it'll become a poetry book. I have a cousin who's an artist who I may be able to get to do art if I decided to put out a poetry book, however, I feel like it's wiser to start my career by submitting to various journals, then putting out a book
Actually, depending on the journals, I could put out a book and still submit some of the poetry they contain


Since I have many titles and ideas, I may do that for all of them even while working on the story

In my journey, it's become known to me that I may not actually be bipolar. My friend suggested to me I may be an empath. And the odd thing is that I've been talking to a very knowledgeable woman lately and she told me that she perceive my latest suicide attempt to not have been completely about my own emotions. She told me the perceived the root of my suicide attempt to have been a blond girl, instagram modelish, but kinda nerdy and who wears glasses. This does not at all describe my friend who blocked me everywhere who really made me feel horrible, it describes my ex's ex who who 'fell madly in love with' after dumping me and who dumped her after she sold all her **** to move a few states away with her. This woman told me I was still attached emotionally to my ex and was partially feeling her emotions rather than just mine

Well, she actually told me my suicide attempt was wholly about this glasses wearing chick I'd never met, but I feel like it's more likely the emotions just piggybacked. I have no feelings for my ex, but I do pity her and all she's gone through and is going through

I've also become aware that some of my emotional and mental issues may actually be because I'm a medium and I'm also an initiated Shaman. This woman is helping me realize a lot of things about myself. I'm still very lost as I have no idea how to actually develop any mediumship abilities I may have latent within myself. I'm pretty lost on the Shaman front too, but it's not a surprise to me as I'm no stranger to trancelike states. I started getting myself into them quite naturally, but I know there's a lot more to them than what I've discovered

She told me I'm a "powerhouse of power" and that I do have a mission more important than most. But she won't go into more depth about those things. She did say I'm not ready yet and it's ok that I'm not, I have a little bit of time

She says most of the emotions and energies I pick up are so negative because I'm a healer from a different dimension. So all these negative thoughts and feelings aren't exactly my own. She wants me to do meditations to figure out what's mine and what isn't, but I feel like that may be next to impossible...

I have to try anyway


I know there are things for me to do, but it's so odd to me because before this year, I was just an aspiring writer with severe mental illness trying to make my way through school and failing. Now there's so much more and it's a lot heavier than I ever thought it was even tho I could perceive I had a mission as a teenager

Something weird happened to me last night. I started becoming a bit paranoid, but mostly, I'm pretty sure I was seeing and hearing things that weren't really there. Someone was directing me to meditate and a few times I fell asleep, but then I started going into this state of rapidly switching from dream state to waking state. It was odd.. I'd literally be almost deep in my dreams, and then the next second awake. And I kept having these odd sensations that certain things had happened to me that had never happened to me and they were things that would produce fear in me

I had this image of a deaf woman pop up pointing to her heard and mouthing something about my head. I heard "Things are shifting" and "It's all we can do before we can go out"

It was all very odd. Someone was directing me to meditate and figure out where my negative emotions and thoughts would come from

Perhaps for some reason my dream state and the concrete, physical 'reality' were colliding

Wait, did you join discord? I don't see you... Just curious

Because I'm a pretty decent listener, if you want and discord is easy to communicate through.

moonkat235 said:

Wait, did you join discord? I don't see you... Just curious

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No, but maybe I will. I'm not much of a social person but I feel like maybe I need to become more social. I'm feeling the call
Also, thank you for your offer to listen. You probably wouldn't actually want to listen tho. My mind's quite an insane place and when I'm really worked up, people I turn to tend to find my heavily abrasive

"If the idea of illness can become an illness, what else about our reality is actually a disorder?" -Legion

I never posted a link to the original thread which was, btw, a masterpiece, but here we go for my own sake... https://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117481

I despise when all a person can do is talk and talk and talk but they have nothing to show for it. Yet what I despise more is someone who only has a label, and worse, because they can't even talk, all they can do is tattoo something on their head and hope everyone walks along with them

But what I despise the most is how annoyingly obvious to me it is as I can easily see through peoples' ******** and it's quite impossible for me to just walk along with them


I gotta admit, I think there may be times I give myself a label without having knowingly proven it to be worth anything and people walk with me lol

I have many different personalities, but tonight I'm feeling a slightly different one. A wild, primal being is normal for me and one with whom I'm well acquainted. She's wild an insatiable, destructive because all she wants is to feel something and express herself. This one may be a new one... she's just as insatiable, but more choosy and also more likely to attack with precision because she knows what she wants. She's a devilish one. I like this feeling, it's quite tasty

Similarly, tho, I feel this aching need to express something like something is making its way out of me and it NEEDS to. Often times I feel like I'm soft-possessed when things like this happen, but I know I'm just a Cancer flowing with the waves and tides. And more than that, beyond all astrological conception, I'm just an intense person

Lykanized said:

I have many different personalities, but tonight I'm feeling a slightly different one. A wild, primal being is normal for me and one with whom I'm well acquainted. She's wild an insatiable, destructive because all she wants is to feel something and express herself. This one may be a new one... she's just as insatiable, but more choosy and also more likely to attack with precision because she knows what she wants. She's a devilish one. I like this feeling, it's quite tasty

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Where'd this precise, scalpel-like demonic personality develop from?

conspiracy theorist said:

Where'd this precise, scalpel-like demonic personality develop from?

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Oh, don't let the 'devilish' part draw you in. I wouldn't call this literally devilish, just devilish in the more human sense and really, it might point to me having gained more certainty and sureness about myself in general. I have many personalities tho. I can feel when they're coming about. It always feels like something trying to reach its way out of me and comes about seemingly out of no provocation

I fully believe our fears will feed off of us like parasites, fears, anything that makes us doubt ourselves and our power. I'm starting to embrace my power and to stop letting my fears feed off of me. It took a lifetime of feeling truly weak and powerless to reach a place where I could do that and so I feel grateful. But then I do believe the natural course of things when we're engaged in a state at any intensity is to bounce to the other side as I've said many times, opposing forces, always connected

This personality's top song of her soundtrack is definitely
Queen - Killer Queen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS54zmuEY3s

But I'm definitely sure I lost your attention when I assured you there was (most likely) not anything truly demonic involved in this situation. I of course can't be certain, but I'll keep you updated

Not at all. In fact, I was more interested in the fact that this personality of yours acquired a precision that you've never really articulated before, especially when you just came along. As one on the outside looking in, it looks like an evolution to me. What was the catalyst?

I can satiate my fix for demons elsewhere. Interesting that you think that's the only reason why I responded.