Yes, you are on the right track with building up self esteem and inner strength.
Yu cannot 'defeat' this wound. You need to heal the wound, stop the pain and prevent it from getting worse.
Chiron=in 12th:
Natal Chiron in the 12th house of a natal chart is a rather difficult placement, as the asteroid operates directly in one’s subconscious and unconscious mind. The 12th house is known to be the Achille’s foot of the natal chart and is connected with self-undoing. In addition, as the 12th house is connected with our fears, Chiron tends to induce phobias that sometimes are difficult to get rid of.
The twelfth house is the ocean of our dreams, the deepest layers of our consciousness. It is there where our traumas and fears hide, and also our secret enemies. The house is ruled by Neptune and Pisces. That is why there also lay our inspiration and our chord that connects us with the collective subconscious. From here we can download information in our mind connected with art, and that’s why the 12th house is also the realm of psychology.
Chiron in the 12th house shows unresolved traumas that possibly come from previous lives. Some astrologer schools claim that the 12th house is ruling the period before one’s birth, while he is an embryo in his mother’s womb. No matter if this is true or not, we should understand that the 12th house also roughly rules the last two hours before birth. It is because, during that time, the sign that occupies the 12th house was rising from the horizon and thus in conjunction with the native’s Ascendant (which is, of course, his physical body).
With Chiron in the 12th house, there probably were physical pain and difficulties during the labor. Even before exiting the mother’s womb, the young native felt some bad feeling. Depending on the signs or other planets present, the type of pain might differ.
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https://theastrocodex.com/chiron-in-the-12th-house/
This part is very fascinating as well:
A 12th House Chiron person should be very careful concerning his tendency to feel guilty without being wrong. Chiron in this house is urging the person to take responsibility for all the world’s troubles. The 12th house is making him a sponge that can absorb negative feelings from others, and so he might be easily feeling guilty for all the bad things that can happen around him.
If you have this placement, be careful to not fall into the trap of taking all things on your shoulders. This will distort you from your real task, which is to take the responsibility for the things that you indeed need to.
Also, such a native must fight against his tendency to surrender or to feel that he is predestined to fail. Such type of thinking can empower even more the series of events and lead to the manifestation of failures.
A 12th house person must find ways to increase his self-esteem, and this can even easily be done through auto-suggestion. Of course, when Chiron has hard aspects and the native’s life has manifested dramatic events, then some help from a psychologist might be advised. Such a person might be afraid to look deeper into himself, to explore his own mind and ideas, and confront his borders.
. A 12th house Chiron person can become a wonderful psychologist for other people though. In case he battles his fear of exploring himself, he can understand the structure of the mechanisms of healing and use them in order to heal other people with hurt subconscious. Yet, it always remains more difficult to heal yourself, than to heal others.
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https://theastrocodex.com - Read more at
https://theastrocodex.com/chiron-in-the-12th-house/
I'm sorry it took so damned long for me to reply, but I read this and sometimes I take a while to think things over as sometimes I engage in more passive thinking which I feel leads to massive insights
I don't know your personal spiritual beliefs, but I personally believe in past lives and I've always had this sense of feeling as if I'm innately wounded, as if I was meant to be born a little out of step with everyone else, like there was always something I just didn't 'get'. So I've always felt like an outsider for many many reasons. As a child I had anxiety, as far back as I remember, which is from the age of 5 on. So I'd venture to say it's possible I was born with anxiety issues especially since my mom has anxiety too and had an especially hard time while she was pregnant with me. I've never been in tune with the status quo, yet I've also always been very self critical as I can tell something isn't right with who I am in comparison to others, but I don't always know exactly what it is. As kids, I know we always go through periods of time where we're very concerned with gender. Throughout that period for my own self, I was extremely tomboyish. I rejected everything girly. Boyish things just appealed to me more and it took me several years to accept any bit of girliness. My mom had my ears pierced as a baby and even recalls that as a baby I'd get really upset when she'd put dresses on me lmfao. Anyway. I remember when I was 13 seeing a woman at the mall with her lobes double pierced and I just thought it was so cool looking. From then on, I was really into piercings. So I guess I never have been the type to do what I was supposed to or to just follow the rules, yet a part of me is also so critical of myself that I have to find some way of loving myself despite not being like everyone else
What I recognize is that how my life goes is completely in my hands. I actually have many talents, but I'm my own damned worst enemy. It's not for lack of self awareness tho. I feel as if I spend enough time with myself that I know myself well. Maybe it took me some time, but I've always been very reserved and self explorative. At the same time, I'm an escapist so maybe that's where lack of awareness may have come into play. For the most part, tho, I'm very aware of all my weakness. Probably too aware sometimes
If I'm being honest, I don't know how not to feel responsible for all that goes on around me. I feel like humanity is such a delicate thing, our spirituality, our emotionality, our psychology, everything is so delicate that I know I play a huge role just as everyone does in the pain around us, in the emotional atmosphere, in the chaos
The positive is that I've decided I want to dedicate my life to healing others through art, but I still find it so hard to feel I'm worthy of anything good. It makes me want to hide. For years, I did hide. For years I fell into a space of inactivity where I let reality happen to me, I let myself be the victim. As much as I may deal with deeper mental health issues now, then, I truly wasn't self aware enough to move myself to the next stages of my life. I felt powerless, therefore I had to chase power in so many unhealthy ways. I was very very dark, then. I would read obsessively about death, I would dream of having power over others both physically and through words. I wanted to be a writer, but then, it wasn't about healing or helping others, it was about power. It was about shaking things up for people just for the sake of knowing I could, not for the sake of expanding peoples' consciousness. I fell into many self destructive behaviors that I realized were all about power, the power to destroy myself or bring myself to the brink of death but pull through
Strange enough, I think I had a good spirit following me. Perhaps a guardian angel. I've seen it and my dad has too. It's also saved my life a few times
At the moment, I feel a little stuck. I tend to get stuck, but I feel like these moments are good for thinking. really, I'm depressed, but I feel like depression does force us to step back and take some time to think about ourselves and about life and at the end of it you have a lot of insight
Whatever happens in life, I know it's all in my hands. Like I think I mentioned, I have a lot of talents, but I have to use them for good. I've gotten myself out of dark periods in life and it was never with anyone's help, only my own sheer willpower. I've proven to myself I'm a powerful being and what I can do is limitless if I use that willpower, yet I still find myself stuck sometimes. But then I have to realize I'm still young and life is painful
What I'm working on now is not acting or making choices out of fear. For instance, I'm interested in computer science bc I love puzzles, but i was only majoring in it out of fear. What I really love is writing. I wasn't able to attend classes this semester, but the brightside is that it gave me opportunity to figure out that I want to major in English, not in computer science. I feel like when I return, I'll be one step closer to finding my groove
I've loved writing since I was a child,...I started writing in the way that I can say is a predecessor of my current style when I was 10, but I never felt I was worthy of being an 'actual writer'. When I was 21 or 22 or so, I took my first creative writing course and that was the first time I ever felt like I belonged somewhere. My professor saw so much in me that it filled me with a lot of confidence, yet it was so ******* hard to make the decision to take that class bc I was afraid. If I hadn't done that, I may not be in the place to make the decision to major in English now
Life's just been a huge practice in facing my fears and proving to myself they were always unwarranted and I suppose I need to continue doing that. On another brightside, my own journey has given me A LOT of insight into life itself for us as humans
