I hate myself

I hate myself,i hate my life,i hate that im forced to do a job that i hate,i can't sleep well at times,i can't control that hateness against my own self.Too much negative emotions together that can't be controlled.Why is this happening to me, what is it that causes me to feel that way?

Breathe!
what you've been just putting up with until now, is coming to ahead. Its possible your Life Purpose is screaming out.. There's more to me than this!
Mars has just moved into Capricorn, joining your natal Mars that squaring your North Node and Moon in the 8th house. You need for change.has turned to anger. Saturn in Capricorn, causing restrictions. Pluto in Capricorn too all in your 5th house of pleasure!
Uranus transitting your 8th house, is edging you in a different direction. you may decide to travel by the end of the year.
just a short note...(sorry I haven't got a transit chart in front of me..)
Mars goes retrograde on the 22nd, so any volatile feeling should calm down. Maybe give yourself some time then to re assess your life situation and hopefully make some changes. for your future.
Hopefully you can get some more insight from others today.
Love and Light
Luney

Hi,last 2-3 days i felt really down and depressed,i check my biorhythms for this month and my emotional,spiritual,intellectual state was near -90. I'm tryin to do some things but after awhile i stumble and stuck in front of obstacles,then dissapointment,anger,depression comes,as a result i become more isolated,introvert and self blaming sabotage.

Hi,anyone insterested read my chart and give me some details about that bad emotionally period? Will last still long?

It will last as long as you let it last, all i see you are doing and saying is complaining, i can't control, i hate, i'm forced, and that's not true, you have your own life and you can live it on your own terms, but you're making yourself a victim with your own thoughts and actions, you shouldn't be asking why is this happening to me, you should be asking why am i leting this happen. You sound like a person who always takes a victim place, so be aware of that and practice being more responsible for your own emotions. Sure it's normal, but when you're aware it's easier to be ok with and, do deep breathing, meditations, walk in the nature, and if you want to change your life, do it, the only one who's stoping you is you, because it's your own life and it's your responsibility to change that. Have a beautiful day, nice easter and stay positive, keep your head up and take your power back by taking responsibility for your emotions rather than playing a victim!
p.s force yourself to open up, go to the nature and scream your lungs out, jump up and down, it will help, but you need to force it because you will def not feel like doing it, goodluck.

You can also post your solar return AND progressed chart seperately, this will give a lot more info I believe.

Also try to find info on how to harness the positive energy of Mars. It seems to me now the channel is sort of distorted.

See, bad aspects or difficult ones are in my opinion the most beneficial ones. The problem comes how we harness the energy that's coming our way. And now it seems to me you are not really harnessing good the energy of Mars.
Your natal moon is in Aries, and that's something that will be helpful to you. Aries is a positive sign, maybe you need to bring forward that moon, because it seems strong to me and resilient.
An astrologer can guide you as to what's going on and how to manage the energy, but the rest of the work is on you, I hope you know that.
You got to be willing to work as well.

Natal chart


I don't even know how anyone can use Mars energy,this suggested to me several times but i'm sorry i can't make it work properly.

Moon in 8th house (transformation, upheaval, change)
Conjunct Rahu (North node) very closely.
Squared by Mars very closely in degree.
Sesquisquared by Saturn.

Transit Pluto squaring Moon....



Your Moon is thus quite challenged natally. That gives from time to time phases of emotional turmoil and worries. That is a given.

Question is how do you manage to deal with it ? How to be with the pain in an accepting mode, instigating some transformation and change ?

Without being lost in it. In all the stories and thoughts about the pain felt...

Nightfall said:

Progressed chart
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Natal chart
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I don't even know how anyone can use Mars energy,this suggested to me several times but i'm sorry i can't make it work properly.

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Look, I'm definitely not a professional astrologer, I read intuitively.
Your moon is progressed in gemini and is opposing Saturn.
This to me is the major problem for your condition.
Saturn wants a structure, even when it's in Sag. Saturn wants to create and build for the long term, Saturn is the harsh teacher, the lord of karma.
When I had my moon progressed to Gemini i undergone the same thing you are going through now. It was a huge identity crisis for me. I hated the person I was, I hated myself, I hated my life in general. However, seeing how many squares you have in your chart, this tells me you are used to challanges and obstacles.
But Gemini is a dominant sign, and it wants what it wants. It wants to rule over Saturn, so to speak. So you become "spoiled". To me Moon in Gemini is like the rich, spoiled child. It always wants to get its way, and when it doesn't it will start crying, and yelling, and banging its head in the wall. Everything possible and dramatic to get the attention of the parent (Saturn) and hope this will bring forth mercy. Once it sees things won't go his way, it will calm down and start doing what it has to do.
Your moon is still in the early degrees so you are still adjusting to this new energy that will force you to better yourself. To ask what YOU want and how to get it. Trust me, once you get into that mind set, you will see how things will start working for you, because Saturn will start helping.

When I say use Mars energy, it's more of a mental state and conscious choice. You have to be very aware of energies to spot the Mars energy. Each time you get mad, that's Mars. Mars is that drive, the passion, determination, Mars is warrior! However, if used in the wrong way, and too much of it, Mars turns into accidents, outburts, anger. And that's all manifestation through a broken prism. Sometimes that anger turns into sadness and depression. Anger that's directed towards our own selves, we become self destructive.

I don't know why but I think it's possible you might meet someone significant, that will help you and show you what's the "right mindset". Moon in Gemini (duality, much like the opposition) and significant oppositions might manifest as an external partner.

When my Moon progressed to Gemini and I was having the same crisis, I met someone so special to me, someone who indeed first broke me down, and helped me rebuild a new , better version of myself. Showed me my weak spots and strengths. But anyways, that was my experience, could be different for you.

Try to be conscious of the energies influencing you, cos you are using them in all the wrong ways. Mars could be your best friend now. You need all this energy and determination to change your life in the direction you want.

Indeed Moon in 8th, close to Rahu, squared by Mars speaks of literally what I just wrote.

Moon is your desire for change, for transformation of self and your life (8th house) and the North Node represents a path your soul wants to take, but your mind is scared of ,because it's so new and different, something you haven't experienced in any lifetimes, and you are hesitant to go on it, but if you go on it, you will experience happiness and joy. And this is where Mars comes. It's the needed trigger and push for you to GO there. Like it or not, you gotta take that path. You gotta change.
So soon you will grow very tired of the negative push of Mars, of feeling constantly sad , and depressed about your life, and this anger will tranform into "THAT'S IT! NO MORE!" and you will finally take the initial steps towards that transformation.

I hope this helps! <3

Nightfall said:

Progressed chart
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View attachment 74154

Natal chart
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I don't even know how anyone can use Mars energy,this suggested to me several times but i'm sorry i can't make it work properly.

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How to effectively use Mars energy? Work out, take up physically demanding labour (even for just the sake of it), apply your energy to a lot of different avenues simultaneously so that you're engaged from all angles (in mind, body and spirit) , actively try to conquer your fears, push outside of your comfort zone (progressively and slowly if that's all you can manage), break things (maybe do it for a living), walk the long way home, run more often, learn/acquire leadership skills, apply to clubs and groups that develop you into being more assertive and articulate (like toastmasters for example), martial arts, go outdoors more often, build something, cut things and people out of your life that no longer serve any positive purpose in your life, train your will power, find ways to lead and/or be proactive in your everyday life which can be in very small ways. Notice how all of these suggestions actually require you to get off your ***? That's Mars for you.

Personally, with an out-of-sect Mars in Sagittarius, out-of-bounds, conjunct the ascendant and in conjunction with Jupiter which is also in Sagittarius, it's a necessity for me to find constructive ways to utilize my Martial energy, or else it will cause me problems in my life. So I'm passing on some suggestions, some of which I've personally used in my own life.

conspiracy theorist said:

How to effectively use Mars energy? Work out, take up physically demanding labour (even for just the sake of it), apply your energy to a lot of different avenues simultaneously so that you're engaged from all angles (in mind, body and spirit) , actively try to conquer your fears, push outside of your comfort zone (progressively and slowly if that's all you can manage), break things (maybe do it for a living), walk the long way home, run more often, learn/acquire leadership skills, apply to clubs and groups that develop you into being more assertive and articulate (like toastmasters for example), martial arts, go outdoors more often, build something, cut things and people out of your life that no longer serve any positive purpose in your life, train your will power, find ways to lead and/or be proactive in your everyday life which can be in very small ways. Notice how all of these suggestions actually require you to get off your ***? That's Mars for you.
.

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Excellent points there from Conspirary....

There is a lot of energy in that natal configuration with mars squaring node moon.
so I guess that the physical part of it must find an outlet.

In combination with the 8th house part of it which is more psychological therapeutic, in whatever mode that is entailed.

I've tried most of the above suggested things without positive results in big period,it was only the positive of the moment and then i was back in the same old situation after awhile.The hatred to my self and for others around me,the anger of forced into things i cannot stand for,i cant feel that mars energy can help me at all now.

How long did you try these for? Did you expect to get instant results?

Chiron in Gemini 10th and NN Aries - stop losing focus and keep working towards your goals. Practice forgetting about the chaos around you or people who are hurting you and love yourself enough to fight for your own happiness.

[deleted attacking comments - Moderator]

Nightfall, you expect fast results. Expectation will ultimately lead you to failure, and more anger. Try to just do it everyday, even when its hard. Each time you feel yourself slipping in the old pattern just tell yourself "Nope, not going there." Trust me, it will get easier with each day, until one day you won't even realize, you don't have those moods anymore. But it takes work from yourside too. Every psychologist will tell you the same. A psychologist can guide you where yo work on and HOW, same as astrology. But it cannot give you a magical cure. "God helps those who help themselves." Right now you aren't helping yourself with all this anger and hatred towards yourself. You are self-sabotaging, so not even a higher power can help you. Make a little effort, have a little faith, and see how your life will transform like magic before you realize it. Because then you will start seeing the blessings you receive and take the opportunities universe gives you.

Nightfall:
Take a thorough review of your physical body. Sometimes low levels of steady chronic pain going unattended will seem like a bad case of victimzed thinking.
To me, Mars wants physical action, and dismay escalates if we can't move well. If you can get a chiropractor to review and or relaxing body massage. Check for swollen lymph glands. Body temperature. Soreness in face from sinus prssure. These are th kinds of low level chronic pain that could be undermining your efforts to move out of this. The energy of Mars is known for proplling us to take physical action, or else thr action works on us. Some people report they did not know they were in pain until the pain stopped.

Don't reply unless you give something astrological, to All

All,

If you don't like the OP's thread for some reason, don't respond. Unless you are giving an astrological answer to the OP's question on the Read My Chart Forum, don't post.

Back to astrology,

Tim

Saturn is squaring your mercury, which is your ascendant ruler and also pluto.

Pluto also is squaring your moon and Saturn will go onto square your moon too.

Perhaps this may cause some anxiety in you and perhaps make you feel limited.

I also agree with the other member, your moon is challenging which may cause emotional turmoil at times.

Nightfall said:

I hate myself,i hate my life,i hate that im forced to do a job that i hate,i can't sleep well at times,i can't control that hateness against my own self.Too much negative emotions together that can't be controlled.Why is this happening to me, what is it that causes me to feel that way?

Click to expand...

Many of your posted threads are about sadness, depression, or even hate, to use your own word. I think the Saturn, Neptune, Pluto combination in your natal chart may indicate a chronic emotional outlook reflective of those conditions. Would you consider seeking counseling or possibly psychological therapy?

https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.major.html
Article by: Arnold Lieber, MD

"Major Depression (Unipolar Depression)
Major Depressive Disorder Can Often be Treated for Better Quality of Life

What is Major Depression?

Major depression, also known as unipolar or major depressive disorder, is characterized by a persistent feeling of sadness or a lack of interest in outside stimuli. The unipolar connotes a difference between major depression and bipolar depression, which refers to an oscillating state between depression and mania. Instead, unipolar depression is solely focused on the ”lows,” or the negative emotions and symptoms that you may have experienced.

Fortunately, major depression is well understood in the medical community and is often easily treatable through a combination of medication and talk therapy."