THANK YOU, Sunrise.
Your answer gave me relief. For now I so much needed... And your question, if im enjoying relationship with him, off course, makes me think again... I don't enjoy. Most of the times. Im in pain. And off course, what better alert could I get... But I can not do anything... If somebody just a few moths ago would tell me " I can not do anything" I would think, this person just ignoring the situation... And jes, i may be ignoring it to. Im so in it, cant see clear...
It felt for me, that last month it kind of change the way it is between us. But now I back in to the strange moods... He is very strong person, with very strong values, strong religious background and also with high social status, hes reputation is very important.
I want it to continue... but that also means, that im still ok with suffering. I try to change my view of this situation, see it lighter, trying not to identificate with it so much, but I fall and fall back
Thank you ones again.