This male higher up I can no longer stand - He's been making my life hell

Update:

Hi all,

I just wanted to update you on something that happened today, which I think is of significance given the track record of this business relationship.

We had a conference call together today along with 3 other colleagues.

He kept complimenting my work throughout the call even though the point of the call was not my work at all, it was to discuss a new procedure. At some stage, he even said: This is a compliment by the way. He kept addressing me and finding random cases to compliment me about.

I would normally feel happy about any compliment that is work related. The issue is today I went into work completely disheartened, to the point where I was feeling nothing. I'm so used to him not replying or he once called me an "amateur", that when he complimented me today, I said nothing.

I would normally say something along the lines of "Thank you, I appreciate the feedback". This time around, I went silent. Completely silent, to the point where people though I had disconnected from the call.

This is bad. I really appreciated his input, but I found it odd given the negative behavior he's been showing towards me. I'm very embarassed because I feel as though is now going to retaliate even more. I'm not sure why I went silent like this, it doesn't resemble me. This would have been a good opportunity to mend things, but no, I acted a bit a fool.

LostinPhilly, please stop beating yourself up. Maybe your co-worker had a change of heart, maybe your immediate supervisor spoke to him about his conduct and told him to shape up. Having read a number of your threads, I think you are prone to stressing out about difficult situations. This is only human and natural but it doesn't mean that another job would be better or that any of us would have handled this situation better.

I don't think you acted at all badly. If you can't think of what to say that is appropriate, it's fine to remain silent. Probably better than whatever I would have blurted out. Your silence may have been the best possible response.

What can you do now and tomorrow to feel centered and stronger? Then you could be prepared to face whatever the workplace throws at you.

You seem very competent at your work. You haven't done anything inappropriate.

Hi all,

Thank you very much for your help.

I wanted to update you a bit on the situation.

After that meeting during which he complimented me and I was silent, it seems his attitude kept progressing on the same wavelength. He suddenly was more responsive even to my emails.

He called me on the phone last week, during one of the worst days I've had at work. I was a mess. A few minutes prior, I was sobbing in the bathroom (due to something that was unrelated to him - it was probably a burnout sign). It was horrible. Then, I returned to my desk after a short walk outside. It was about 6.30 pm at the time, so no one was left in the office.

He called me to discuss an email I sent him. Then, he asked how I was doing and he spoke a bit about his life. He ended the call with a "Take care" which was odd since I don't really say that to people I have a formal business relationship with, unless we're close. Strange.

Whether it will last is another question.

Anyway. I thought it'd be interesting to post this small update, just to address how it compares with the chart.

Thank you.

You said:

"These past three weeks, he's been making my life hell. Ignoring my emails blatantly, escalating directly to my manager for no reason, sending mean emails I response to queries, logging in complaints in my name when he was the one to receive them because he didn't cooperate with the client, dismissing my emails to clients and re-writing the same one after I did send them one, yelling at me via email, dismissing my phone calls. "

There is room for interpretation in most of this (what makes an email mean, or yelling at you?), but how about evaluating if he does this to other people? Logging complaints in your name you could dispute. That could be fixed because it's a technical thing and you coukd go around that guy with littl repercussion imo...rest you'd have to have a conversation. That you'd appreciate him coming to you first, or that you would like more feedback to the emails, I had some resonance with your frustration though by having a boss that doesn't interact with you as person with a voice in the work. I kept a paper trail but never got to use it, but even if he didn't respond to your emails I think it still is
Evidence you were trying and got no response. As for the chart I could see how him as Jupiter would put him in fall of you and in general when someone doesn't know how to act with someone they just minimize interaction, as I think is what happened in myncase. I don't think drinks or familiar behavior has anything to do with that, but it's a possibikity.

Hi besitos,

Thank you for your help.

Unfortunately, there's now ay to dispute a complaint if it's been requested to be under your name. These people are in senior management, not some random analysts. Whatever they say goes. Financial industries are highly bureaucratic and there are areas you cannot dispute.

What's been done is now done. It's fine.

He doesn't know how to behave around me? Too bad for him. Well, he certainly knows how to behave around other people, since I've seen him in action with my own eyes. I've seen him interact with other colleagues who were as young as 20 (interns) and other females around my age. His behavior is surely not resulting from social inadequacy (which would be a real paradox given the nature of his position).

Anyway. His call from Thursday showed a step in the right direction (because he never replied to my emails, let alone call). We'll see whether it will last or he'll go back to acting inconsistent. I'm not letting my guards down so quickly though.

Good strategy. Hope for a reasonable professional relationship, and hold up your end if it happens, but watch your back.

Hi all,

Small update on this horary:

We had another department call back in January in which he said: "If you need any help with anything, do not hesitate to call me and I'll assist".

He called a few times for work related purposes in January.

Then he disappeared into thin air. I don't have any interaction with him at all anymore. He doesn't send emails like he used to. The few interactions we had (probably 3 in the space of two months), he sent bizarre emails with no salutation (no hi/dear or even my name) .. just a random sentence. Yet he seems to include polite salutations to other people in his emails. Really weird.

I found out he started seeing someone - around my age - now (which oodly coincides with the time around when he stopped all interactions). So, indeed the 10 weeks in the horary were correct.

That said, I'm slightly bumped he's seeing someone, but oh well. At least, I now know where the issue came from!

Hi all,

So things went on fine between December and early July.

Honestly, especially June and early July were great. We got along extremely well. We would even talk about non work related things.

Yet, yesterday whilst I was away, he escalated an issue to manager, which I had no involvement in in the first place. His former trainee made the mistake and he blamed me.

The past week has been especially challenging. I was not dealing with anyone due to severe issues with my local management and he added another layer. Granted, he couldnt have been aware since he worked in a different office, but I'm rathe close with the manager who works in his office. She knows I will be leaving and this fool added this unnecessary layer.

That's 2 weeks after he had said he appreciated my work and had not escalated since I posted this thread.

I'm tired.

Hi all,

A final update after almost 2 years since I posted this thread.

I ended up leaving the company and we got along so well the year and a half before I left. Actually, things took a positive shift shortly after I posted this thread. It was a slow progress, but by the time I had resigned, we'd end up talking to each other multiple times a day, venting about work/life frustratins etc... I believe we really enjoyed working with each other towards the end and even appreciated each other as individuals.

He even talked me into applying for an internal job before I left because he wanted me to stay in the company.

Anyway, that was my small update on this one.

Thanks.

I am so glad you are elsewhere and I hope this new position is one that lives up to what you have to offer.
Wishing you the very best,