Hi leffe, first of all I'll look at your natal chart.
Sag Ascendant with Neptune sitting right below it, a very strong placement. MidHeaven Libra with Saturn applying and Pluto inside by 6 degrees and Jupiter in the 10th House as well.
Thanks so much for looking into my chart.
I have read your comments, and need to say that I am very honored having a privilege to learn from You. First of all ... I am apologizing because of my English. I am not a native speaker, therefore, I am able to write English in a bit awkward way.
Regarding Your mentioning of Neptune which is near my ascendent, I do not remember very well, but I did read it somewhere that this position is very common with the people who have been impacted by the war.
Like, it is a sign of a burden related to the personal biography of an individual involved directly or indirectly: with the war experience of death, dying, suffering, loss, pain, separation, etc. I was wondering, if this interpretation is correct, can we speak about it in light of the generational impact on people?
For instance, when I was 9 years old, my parents took my twin sister and me, they collect our stuff in one bag (mostly the school books, hahahah) and they put us, alone!, on the bus which was driving direction Austria, almost thousand kilometers far away from our hometown. Some unknown people provided the shelter, food, clothes for the six months of our stay.
Our parents found us later on and they stayed in touch with via telephone lines. Actually, I have never in my life seen bigger Christams three, or more gifts under it, or I have never experienced Vienna's Christmas Eve ... like that year. In that period learning how to play a piano, learning German language, learning about other people, while at my home place was the ugliest war ever going on.
Amazing. I think that to the rest of my life I will never be able to work enough; or to love enough to give back to the Universe what we have received in those days.
The two Angles show you are driven, an adventurous personality, there are forces here that are directing you to succeed. The Neptune adds sensitivity as does the Libra at the MC. These two want you to consider all the consequences of your actions. If we add Saturn then he reinforces this quest to be in balance and to do it carefully.
So just looking at these two House cusps we see a lot of power that pushes you forwards, sometimes it gets too pushy. Add those two sensitive points, Neptune and Libra, we see that you can get hurt when you hit a barrier in your drive forward.
From this feeling of helplessness, although, I am sure you can trace it back to the earliest stage of development, since the family life was everything than peaceful due to various reasons: poverty, sometimes extreme; physically hard working parents, sometimes fighting for a bit of a common sense in the craziness around them ... I was blessed to realize how one person is powerful. How one can do a lot, one can change a lot, boundaries are where one sets them, and the most important through the hard work you can achieve your dreams. Then disappointments come. Falling down, raising up, three steps backwards, two steps forward, then again backwards etc ...
OK, you are doing your PhD in in the medical field, thats quite in line with your chart, so yep, good direction here. Doing a PhD is not a walk in the park, its hard work, and thats where Neptune and Libra say, hold back a little. Pluto wants you to control the process but as a student you have other people's deadlines, thats not going to work with Pluto.
So we start to see the forces behind your studies and why it is not so easy.
Indeed.
On the one hand, the chosen carrier is related to the medical field, but as well as to the ethics in medicine.
I do have feelings of being grateful to be where I am now, I know that I worked for it, as well. But, having the possibility to express my inner world in line of anticipating towards the future generation ... I do feel it as if I would be on the mission.
Enormous stress and fear.
Having a discipline to produce the text, to write the 400 pages of a dissertation, it is a freaking thing for me now ... all those feelings of creating something of my signature, something original to be defended as a dissertation means to expose oneself, and on the other hand there is almost a duty not to disappoint. uh this one is a tricky, i believe ...
Your father may be seen in your Sun in Taurus, he sits in your 4th House of home and family, he is opposed by Pluto and Jupiter. This suggests an intense and passionate man who sometimes withdrew from you, he didn't give as much as you needed from him. It appears he was a good man and that you had adventures together, but there is a longing for him still.
Yeah, I would say that my father knew how to combine love and discipline in raising children. And, sometimes, for both of them they would be unavailable ... or emotionally, or in any other way. Criticizing a lot, but not being able to show us, or to learn us how to make it differently. It might sound pathetic for a grown up person to speak about own family like I do, or about my father now when he passed away, but we were really unusual ... the biggest the depths of sorrow, the stronger we were; and he left the enormous trace in our life.
In the period of wildest adolescence, trying to blackmail parents about their unjust and unfair approach, hahahahah ... we would ask them: who on earth would send their kids away during the war in the foreign country on their young age? or who would like to have kids at all when we are soo poor? or, who on earth would do this or that ...Their reply was: only the brave parents!
Never obeying to the unjust system, never putting things before people, being stubbornly convinced to defend one opinion ... And in combination with my mother ... who was equal to him regarding her inner and other strength, it was never peaceful at our home. If yes, then for sure some kind of a storm was on the horizon.
You have an interesting family, more so is your desire to help them. As you know, this will take energy away from your studies, so think about this. You have great sensitivity to help others, so sure, help them, but first focus on your own goals. If you are not going to finish your studies then you won't make as much money. Then you are less helpful for your family and community.
I know you won't like this but, I suggest you be a little selfish and focus on yourself and maybe finish your PhD.
You are hundred percent right as well.
Sometimes I just feel that I need more time to understand everything.
And sometimes, I think we cannot choose. I will finish my studies no matter what. Probably I will be hurt, maybe humiliated (professors might think that I am not good enough because I never say why I am late with my deadlines, what kind of bills do I have, what is happening at home and in my private life) in this process, but ... I think that I cannot ignore ... e.g. my mum who cannot pay her bills until September this year. When everybody is fine, I can find strength to push harder in my own world.
But, maybe this is an illusion, and a big big trick that my mind is playing with me.
Yes Saturn is important, but not quite as you think, there are other powerful forces in your chart that are doing things now.
Transiting Saturn and Pluto are both important, but its transiting Chiron who is impacting very powerfully on your Moon at the moment. This sure is a time to nurture yourself.
OK, more next post.
And just because of Your mentioning of Chiron, I am inclined to think that I am somehow playing tricks with myself, and there is something crucial in this picture which I do not understand yet ...
dear Noel, thank You for Your reply and looking forward to read more.
Now I am curious about Chiron nataly. It is in my 5th house, and now the transit Chiron is conjunct to my natal Moon in the third house (there is Venus and fixed star Achernar as well).
What would be the relation between Saturn, Chiron and Uranus?
ps
sorry for being too long, could not help myself, next time shorter
