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Horary Questions on Travelling, moving and relocation Questions about travels, changing residence, relocation and related.


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  #1  
Unread 07-23-2014, 06:36 PM
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butterflygirl butterflygirl is offline
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Question Should I go on road trip with mom-help pls!

My mom and I had planned a road trip 6 hours North to the Garlic Festival in Gilroy, CA. We planned the trip a few months back and pre-paid for the hotel room. This past week my mom and I got into an argument about who was going to drive. The standard has always been the person who has the newer car drives, her car is newer so I felt that she should drive.

She disagreed and attempted to bully and manipulate me into driving by dredging up the past and throwing baseless accusations at me. The back story is in October 2013 she came to pick me up (3 miles which were not out of her way) for a flight in which we were traveling as a family out of the country on vacation. Her husband didn't want my mom to help me out and pick me up. Although he was well aware of the plan before that morning. Mind you I was a single woman traveling with 2 children out of the country. So they argued about it that morning which made her 30 minutes late to pick me up then her car died in front of my house. She needed to call a mechanic to give her a jump. Meanwhile my ex was waiting for me at the airport with my step-son who was joining us on the vacation. He was threatening to return home with my step-son thereby not allowing my step-son to join us on the vacation if I didn't meet him at the airport ASAP. I ended up leaving for the airport in my own car, my mom got her car started, returned home to pick up her husband and unfortunately since she started out 30 minutes late ended up missing her flight and joined us a day later. According to her, I OWE her because of this alleged incident. She insists it's all my fault that she missed her plane and lost a day of her vacation. I disagree. I refuse to accept responsibility for her missing the flight. I believe that had she started out on time regardless of her husbands tantrum that morning and her car troubles she would have made the flight. She has since gotten a new car which is why I think the should drive.


My reason for not wanting to drive is my car needs service and could use tires. It's not a good idea for me to drive my car 800 miles round trip in it's current condition.

I had pulled back and stopped communicating about the issue since I had said everything I had to say on the subject. I kind of figured I was going to simply lose the money I spent on the hotel and stay local the next few days going to the beach, etc. I really didn't expect my mom to change her position, especially since I have a feeling her husband is behind the scenes fanning the fire.

This morning my mom sent me a text offering to drive her car although now I am not sure this trip is such a good idea. After all of the accusations and arguments I'm really not in the mood to spend much time with her but if I don't go now that she's so "generously" (I use that word sarcastically) offered to drive I can imagine the fall out to be worse. So I drew up a chart.

I would appreciate any/all input. Thank you in advance, especially for reading such a long post!
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  #2  
Unread 08-04-2014, 05:35 PM
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Re: Should I go on road trip with mom-help pls!

The Asc is extremely early; too early for the chart to be judged. More things are going to unfold that will influence your decision. If you haven't gone on the trip already, I suggest you for some time before you decide.
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Unread 08-04-2014, 06:41 PM
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Re: Should I go on road trip with mom-help pls!

Hi Summer Joy,

Thank you for responding to my thread. As for the trip, it was last week. I decided to go and while I enjoyed the festival and had a wonderful visit with my family it seems to have caused more damage to my relationship with my mom.

My mom has a tendency to hold grudges so I attempted to talk to her about the whole Cabo situation hoping we could resolve the issue and enjoy the trip but she switched positions and was adamant that it's ME who needs to get past the Cabo fiasco. She became very angry when I brought it up and refused to discuss it. She accused me of wanting to pick on her and argue when in reality all I wanted to do was clear the air. I could tell she was angry at me the entire trip which made for an uncomfortable time. Naturally her thinly veiled anger erupted a few times so there were a few disagreements between us while on the trip. Since returning from the trip I saw her once at a family gathering this past Saturday and she completely ignored me so I know she's still angry at me. I spoke to my sister yesterday and she confirmed that my mom is still angry but she said it's over a text I sent my mom shortly before we left where I explained to her that I'm under alot of stress (single mom, stressful job, very difficult soon to be ex who refuses to pay child support, child support case was going to trial right as we returned from our trip) and told her that I needed her support right now not baseless accusations and arguments. My mom feels the text was rude and disrespectful. I sent her that because when the whole Cabo situation happened she was supportive of me and my decision to leave for the airport, she understood that I needed to pick up my step-son. In fact it was her suggestion that we travel together so we purposely booked the same flight. This was the first time that she ever suggested Cabo was my fault, although her husband has ALWAYS placed the blame solely on me. Anyway, sorry to ramble on. There is so much back story to this chart and I thought it was only fair to elaborate a little since you were kind enough to respond
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Unread 08-04-2014, 10:09 PM
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Re: Should I go on road trip with mom-help pls!

I'm sorry about the fallout with your mother, butterfly girl. I am not the one to judge the relationship based on a single post from you. But I do some relationship coaching, and your story sounds familiar. I can tell you with some confidence that it's not about capo or the road trip or even that text message. The issue is older and deeper than that.

We can talk more on private messages if you ate interested. In any case, I hope you eventually get to the bottom of it and heal your relationship with your mother. Good luck
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Unread 08-04-2014, 10:36 PM
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Re: Should I go on road trip with mom-help pls!

Thank you for your kind response Summery Joy. I agree that the issues between my mom and I are very old and run deep. I also believe some of her 'issues' aren't even about me but it's easier to take them out on me than on the person she's really upset it. I'm an easy target and safer.
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