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  #1  
Unread 12-07-2014, 05:19 PM
Becca Becca is offline
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What to expect in the following period? Please, help.

First of all, I would like to thank everybody who takes time to read this long post and help me with some advice.

PART 1 - MY LOVE LIFE

I'm going through an emotionally difficult period.

I'm 31, with a Master degree and a job. I've seen more foreign counties than most of my peers, BUT I am not happy because I haven't settled down and I am not in a happy and satisfying relationship.

My boyfriend (if I can call him that cause we've had another huge fight) is like Peter Pan, with no plan in life. He's been mean to me. He doesn't have a job, he's graduated secondary school, he has no money and depends upon a small amount of money his mother gives him when she feels like it.

In the beginning of our relationship, two years ago, he wasn't working, but had some money left from his previous salaries, so he could take me out sometimes. He has worked 1/3 of our relationship. When we got together I didn't tell my parents about it because I knew what they would think. At first, I wasn't even sure how serious that relationship would be. Before I met him, I had been lonely and single for a little over two years. I live with my parents, and he with his, like most of people in my country (before they get married). When I told my mother about him, she freaked out, she couldn't believe I got involved with someone who isn't my match, who is not either as intelligent or educated as I am. He got a job and worked for two months. Then he wasn't working for 6 months, then he worked for another 6 months, and now he's been unemployed for a year. In the period when he was working for 6 months I didn't introduce him with my parents because I wanted to be sure his job would be more stable and that his contract would be much prolonged. Is my boyfriend going to find a job any time soon, or there's no chance as long as Saturn is in his 6th house, even when it switches to Saggitarius?

It bothers me we never went anywhere together where we could sleep over. I haven't spend a single night at his place. I didn't want to disturb my parents. I wanted him to sort himself out and then him and I could both plan on our future, with our own funds, without burdening our parents. As you can see, in synastry, my sun falls into his 12th house, so I don't know if we'll ever get to the phase where I don't hide him to some extent from my family.

His parents raised him so that he has his own space in a separated house (not in the entire house) so that he can bring guests there. That house has a potential to be a house in which he could start his own family, once he gets financial income and renovates the part of the house he doesn't use (his father is in there). He's been in that space for 10 years, and it served him as a good space to have his freedom, bring his friends over, have parties.

He's very outgoing. I'm outgoing too, but I can't just approach people without a reason. He can go out and find a new mate in 2 hours. I think this is an issue of gender here, too. Most guys here follow soccer games and go to play soccer or basketball together, so they easily expand their circle of friends. They can see someone with a T-shirt of their favourite team and bang!, there comes a new drinking mate in their lives.

I wish my boyfriend were more romantic and that he put more effort in our relationship. He says it's hard for him to do so when he has no money. I know that there are things one can make for his girlfriend that don't cost - small romantic pleasant surprises, sweet compliments... I don't know if he can be focus to any girl now that he's not doing anything to improve his life and solve his own problems and whether it's realistic at all of me to expect his change of behaviour.

Now, I know I can't blame him for everything bad in the relationship. Tango is for two, right? I really don't understand myself. Very often when we fight, I tell him how he mistreats me and I break up with him, then I call him the next day and we're together again. It's like I'm chasing my own tail. I get lonely, bored, I start chasing him, when I catch him there at no new "hairs" to play with, I probably even ruin the existing ones, when he pisses me off I "scratch" him only to hurt myself! And the game goes on and on.

I love him a lot, but the future doesn't look bright to either or us. He often hurts me a lot, but when I leave him, I feel worse. In the words of Bono - "I can't live with or without you".

He's preying for party occasions, where he can go and drink with his friends, and leave me out. In the beginning of our relationship, he used to bring me along too, but now he wants his nights out with his buddies, he wants to have his freedom in the relationship. There's no point in stopping him because he's very self-centered, so I told him to at least announce to me when he's doing that, so that I can make plans with my friends. Last year there were many times when we would agree to go out together, and then a friend of his would call him, and he would go see them instead. It hurt a lot.

We broke up this summer and weren't together for 6-7 weeks. We got back together thanks to my effort, of course. When that happened, some bad things happened to him - his grandfather died, his dad got his ribs broken from falling, his car was taken by that spider-like machine cause he improperly parked it, his bicycle was stolen while we were out for a walk together, last night he got a ticket for drinking drunk. And he blames it all on me!

PART 2 - MY JOB/CAREER

If you have read about my love problems, I have to say here that they affect my mood and my job performance. As a teacher, it's hard for my to tell the students to study and be hard-working and persistent when my own boyfriend doesn't. It feels like I have double standards, and I hate that.

It is hard for my to act serious and authoritative when I don't have my own family. If the people I love most can't respect me and treat me right, how can I expect that from my students?

I was waiting for a long time to obtain my licence. The ministry invited my to do the test after 5 years of waiting. That's a long time. Of course, one shouldn't wait for more than a year, but, as everything else in this country, this too doesn't function as it should. I wonder which aspect brought the invitation. I always thought it would be Saturn transiting my 10th house, but the 1st part of the exam happened last June, and the final this November, when Saturn was in my 11th house.

Since I'll be having more time on my hands, I wonder how to use it best. Should I try to earn extra money and how? Should I get a hobby and which one? Should I try to find a new friend and where? Should I stay at home and perfect my working skills or write a novel?

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What am I to expect in the following period and how to deal with it?

I am attaching a chart with my transits, my bf's chart with his transits, our composite and synastry.

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  #2  
Unread 12-07-2014, 11:17 PM
thelivingsky thelivingsky is offline
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Re: What to expect in the following period? Please, help.

Hello Becca,
The answer to your relationship dilemma is obvious. You feel mistreated yet you return to the relationship. If you do not feel affection and love anymore due to ongoing loss of respect and situations of unfairness, you are not doing either of you a favor by continuing. If your boyfriend is unable or unwilling to meet certain standards that you find important, then the relationship has no future.

The composite chart shows nothing that would point to a good relationship. There is no conjunction or stellium of the Sun or Moon with other planets which is a hallmark of a significant connection. There is an opposition of Sun and Neptune suggesting a relationship based on unrealistic expectations or where you do not see each other clearly. There are numerous difficult aspects to the Moon. I do not like to see more than two difficult squares or oppositions even in charts that have strong conjunctions and yet this relationship boasts four.

There are some articles about composite chart analysis at my blog if you want to read them. Steven Forrest's book Skymates offers pragmatic advice for those who are in relationships to improve them using synastry.

Good luck,
Saggy Barb
www.thelivingsky.wordpress.com
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  #3  
Unread 12-08-2014, 12:26 AM
thelivingsky thelivingsky is offline
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Re: What to expect in the following period? Please, help.

Hello again Becca,

I hope I didn't sound too abrupt and unsympathetic in my first response. But it seems that your relationship has spiraled into very negative patterns. The astrological questions are pretty irrelevant if your boyfriend drinks to excess, and if he is abusive when you voice your issues. Astrology cannot assess another person's character . You need to learn to do that and choose partners who have not only strong character, but also share your values and some (at least one) of your passions. Then astrology can help you sort out the best choices for you or how to best relate to your partner taking into account his unique temperament.

As for what the future will hold, that depends far more on you than astrology. I do see that Jupiter trined your Saggy planets last year, and that would have brought some opportunities. I hope you will find the strength to set firmer boundaries and accept only better treatment even if that means you willbe alone for some time. I see that Saturn will enter your 12th house and then oppose your Moon. This is often a period of feeling emotionally isolated, but it will be temporary. The transits that seem unpleasant are only unpleasant in as much as we resist the growth and change that the cosmos is asking us to make. There really are no bad transits - they all are just signs of the evolutionary process we are meant to go through. If you resist necessary changes, then typically you experience very harsh experiences later.

Might be good to get some professional counseling for yourself to help support you through this 12 house transit.

Saggy Barb
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  #4  
Unread 12-08-2014, 02:28 PM
Becca Becca is offline
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Re: What to expect in the following period? Please, help.

Hi Saggy Barb!

You didn't sound abrupt or sympathetic in your first post.

I'll try to find and read the book you've recommended.

I've read your posts several times. I know I'll have a lot of thinking to do. I am not strong to end it now. A change needs to be made. It seems I need to hit the wall. I can't let it go until I cool off, and I've no idea when that will be.

I've noticed that Saturn will oppose my Moon, and then, much later, go through my 1st house which must affect my 7th house too.
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  #5  
Unread 12-08-2014, 02:51 PM
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Vista Vista is offline
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Re: What to expect in the following period? Please, help.

Hello Becca,

I didn't read through the other posts so I apologize if anything is repeated.

From an astrological standpoint, your boyfriend is not good relationship material. He has Uranus conjunct the desc(from the 6th) square Venus, he will be motivated and interested in women who are not available in some way or another. Unavailable can come in a number of ways....the women is in another relationship, emotionally unavailable, not interested in him, lives too far away....do you understand? There is an element of not being able to have her that stimulates his interest. In other words, a bird in hand is not interesting enough. What more, he has a Leo Sun which can make him very egotistical(not saying all Leo's are this way) but in his case, I believe he is. Finally, his Moon in Aquarius is square Saturn, it's very hard for him to have deep feelings and Saturn restricts, he can be very cold and moody and prone to depression. His career prospects are not much better, there is much instability surrounding his work like as well, actually, confirming what you already mentioned.

I truly wonder what you find appealing about him? He offers nothing in terms of stability and he doesn't treat you well not to mention blames you for all his problems. Can you really see this man as the father of your children? I think you need to look inside yourself and find the courage to actually believe you deserve better than this.
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  #6  
Unread 12-08-2014, 05:16 PM
Becca Becca is offline
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Re: What to expect in the following period? Please, help.

Vista, here is what attracted me to him in the first place.

When we started the relationship we used to spend 4 days in a row together each week. We could've spent even more if I hadn't had tasks at work and not have hidden him from my mom as well. After a long period of loneliness, this relationship was refreshing, it lifted my spirits. I found a friend in him willing to spend his time and attention on me. We went to romantic walks, he quickly introduced me to his family, he was a good host when I was at his place, he introduced me to his friends and we would even go out with them. When he was working on Friday nights, I would go out with my friends. My time was fulfilled.

Then after a while we started having arguments. This year was especially hard probably because the relationship couldn't make any progress due to his financial state and yes, his ego too.

I think my Venus in Cancer makes me way too emotional. Breakups are very stressful for me. I'm afraid to deal with another. I am in limbo, frozen, aware of everything that's going on, but yet I'm waiting for a magic, which is unrealistic. Wouldn't it be much easier if I could wake up one day and see an invitation from a prince charming to come and be his princess, and sleep over all the hurting and bad parts?
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  #7  
Unread 12-08-2014, 05:31 PM
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Vista Vista is offline
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Re: What to expect in the following period? Please, help.

Staying in a relationship out of fear is no way to live. It certainly will not garner you respect which is exactly what you are not getting from this man.

I understand it's easy to remember how things were in the beginning when you both are on your best behavior, but it's not the current situation with your boyfriend. If you don't have self respect, how do you expect others to treat you respectfully?

This guy is a dead end.

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Originally Posted by Becca View Post
Vista, here is what attracted me to him in the first place.

When we started the relationship we used to spend 4 days in a row together each week. We could've spent even more if I hadn't had tasks at work and not have hidden him from my mom as well. After a long period of loneliness, this relationship was refreshing, it lifted my spirits. I found a friend in him willing to spend his time and attention on me. We went to romantic walks, he quickly introduced me to his family, he was a good host when I was at his place, he introduced me to his friends and we would even go out with them. When he was working on Friday nights, I would go out with my friends. My time was fulfilled.

Then after a while we started having arguments. This year was especially hard probably because the relationship couldn't make any progress due to his financial state and yes, his ego too.

I think my Venus in Cancer makes me way too emotional. Breakups are very stressful for me. I'm afraid to deal with another. I am in limbo, frozen, aware of everything that's going on, but yet I'm waiting for a magic, which is unrealistic. Wouldn't it be much easier if I could wake up one day and see an invitation from a prince charming to come and be his princess, and sleep over all the hurting and bad parts?
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  #8  
Unread 12-08-2014, 08:45 PM
thelivingsky thelivingsky is offline
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Re: What to expect in the following period? Please, help.

Hi Becca,
Yes the Venus in Cancer is very reluctant to let go and in your case it and Neptune sits on the axis of the Moon's nodes. Venus - Neptune aspects contribute to over idealizing relationships always seeing the other through rose-colored glasses. You clearly have a bond with your boyfriend craeted by the attention he gave you and the time you have spent together. But bonding is not the same as romantic love which is based on mutual respect and admiration. Break ups are hard on everyone and the haeling period seems to be proportional to the length of the relationship.
Saggy barb
thelivingsky.wordpress.net
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