Sexuality & Sexual Abuse chart Q's...

Sexual Abuse & Sexual Attraction in Chart...

I've been into astrology for awhile now and am good at interpreting chart basics, however the more advanced stuff I haven't completely figured out yet. When it comes to my own chart there are some things that still elude me. So if anyone can help me clarify them I'd really appreciate it. I know this is long, so if you're taking the time to read it, thanks!!!

One major thing that I'd like some advice on is the theory of sexual abuse/exploitation in a chart. From what I know on the subject my chart is a big red flag for this theme, with Venus sq Pluto and Venus sq Saturn at tight orbs. I also have Mars/Pluto & Uranus/AS in hard aspect which I've heard is indicative, as well as my Sun exactly conjunct Mars in the 12th, and Scorpio/Taurus intercepted in my 5th/11th houses (I've attached a PDF of my chart). So while I'm aware these are suppose to be indicators, I'm not entirely sure how they are playing out in my chart, other than Venus sq Pluto, which I feel quite strongly. However I don't really know what to make of my 12th house or the 5th/11th interception.

Since I was very young I remember being kind of overtly sexual. I'd flash boys, try and be "sexy" around older men, forwardly flirting with them at times, and I began masturbating at around 7, which to me seems premature, I didn't even really know anything about sex, or realize what I was doing was sexual at the time. I remember having a feeling of wanting to charm and entice men in a sexual way, even as young as 4 or 5, very inappropriate. I don't have specific memories of being sexually abused as a child, but as I get older I get an increasingly haunting feeling that I was? If so, before the age of 5 and I don't believe by my father. Although I do recall having a few very disturbing dreams that my father was raping me or being sexual with me. I should note that just after my 21st bday, when I was in college, I was in fact raped. However not why I'm posting, since I feel there were indicators of something amiss long before this incident ever occurred.

I've noticed a pattern of being victimized by men in various ways. Men always seem to view me as a sex object, no matter how demure I dress or act (and that sexual overtness from childhood is no longer a factor, just fyi). I've had issues with sexual harassment by men at work several times. Had guys I was dating try to lure me into stripping or doing ****. Had close guy friends who I trusted take advantage of me when I was drunk. And there's also been an odd pattern of men showering me with gifts, wanting to buy me expensive things even though I give no indication of wanting them. I don't ask for gifts nor expect them. In HS one guy spent thousands of dollars on me, even though I had a bf and told him I couldn't date him. He would leave presents on my desk, send me flowers, insist on taking me on shopping sprees, out to nice dinners. He was attractive and popular, it was a very intoxicating experience for a 16yr old girl, although I felt bad and didn't understand why he wanted to spend all his money on me. My mom became suspicious of me, accusing me of doing sexual favors for him or something, which was very hurtful. It's only gotten more extreme as I've gotten older, with men offering to take me on trips and buy me cars. Women often exhibit out right hatred toward me, just being nasty and malicious for no reason at all, before they've ever even had a conversation with me! When I ask friends or family if I give off some sort of vibe that would elicit this kind of reaction, they always "no, you're so nice" and that it must be because "you're so pretty and they're jealous", which completely baffles me, because I don't think I'm anything special & am actually very insecure about my looks. It seems as though people in general are very focused on my looks. No matter how hard I work, or how good a person I try to be, or how intelligent the words that come out of my mouth, people seem to consider those traits of minor relevance in comparison to my appearance. I recieve far more love and praise for "being pretty or hot" than I do for anything else, but seem to recieve a lot of hate for it as well.

I am also inexplicably and magnetically drawn to bad men. Different variations of the 'womanizer' or 'bad boy', only far more perverse. They capture me even before I could possibly have any way of knowing they are that way. By all outward appearances most of them, seem like and are regarded as 'nice guys'. But they always turn out to be extremely deceptive, emotionally void, sexually deviant in some way and typically have an addictive personality with some sort of past or present drug/alcohol/sex addiction. I always have a feeling of being tricked into these relationships, because these men go to great lengths to put on an act, and they are very good at it! They're master manipulators who are adept at figuring out what kind of man I want and impersonating him, and they're always so very charming. They do what they need to, to get what they want from me, which is not generally just sex as one might think. Usually just the opposite, I assume some guy only wants one thing and it'll just be a fling, but they always keep coming back, calling, asking me out again and wanting to be in a relationship with me, or so they say...What's also so confusing is that I normally resist the idea of entering into relationships & preceed very cautiously in love matters. I've never been the typical girl who dreams about her wedding and always needs a man in her life. I've always thought that happily ever after, fairytail stuff was kind of ridiculous. But with these particular men, this romantic, passionate, true love conquers all side, that I didn't even know I had comes out turning me into the complete opposite of who I normally am.

I am an introspective person, perceptive and willing to face up to my own bad judgments, but in this area I truly feel somewhat doomed and powerless. These men always find me, it's like I give off a scent only they can smell & if there's one around no doubt I'll be insanely attracted to him, even if I don't find him very physically attractive! I'm not one to make the first move, ever, so it's them seeking me out. But the intensity of my draw to these men is completely consuming. After a date or two I'll start to experience very intense emotions of fear, very much like a fight or flight response once I realize I am starting to have feelings for them. I can sense the danger on some instinctual level when this starts to happen and it's frightening. I feel like a lamb being taken to slaughter, I know it's coming, but I can't do anything about it. By the time I start to sense something isn't quite right I'm already in too deep. My emotions completely take me over and it happens very fast. The pull is SO strong they become all I think about, all I want, the sexual chemistry is always off the charts, along with the sex, at least at first. Internally though, it's all very upsetting. I don't want to want these men, the fact that I do literally makes me ill at times because they aren't people I respect or trust. I don't feel safe with them and they always end up hurting me deeply on both an emotional and psychological level. If I do find myself on a date with an actual decent guy, the kind of guy who would make a good bf, husband, father, there's no spark, that chemistry that makes you excited and sexually interested just isn't there.

I really thought that I'd grown past this kind of dangerous attraction after an exceptionally heartbreaking few years relationship wise. But don't you know, that the very first guy to really capture my attention, attraction and interest in years....same kinda guy! He started flirting with me, hitting on me, seemed very nice, sweet, charming, funny. I pretty much instantly fell in love with his personality, I was SO smitten, and he was a freaking accountant, how much safer a guy would I expect to find than that? Turns out he had a gf he didn't tell me about, is a major **** addict and I highly suspect a sex addict and is bi-sexual, which he also lied about. After finding all this out, I ran in the other direction...but once again, it was too late. I couldn't stop thinking about him, missing him, wanting him, and of course he never stopped pursuing me, which makes it all that much harder. We only dated about 2 months, but I've spent over 6 months now trying to forget him, I've ignored him, refuse to see him, telling him (and myself) I don't want him, but he won't just let me go, which is how I know the intense attraction/chemistry that I feel is mutual and real, not just in my head. He explains to me how he feels about me and it's just how I feel, but I've never admitted having any feeling for him. It truly is a force bigger than me, and the more I try to fight it, the more unavoidable these experiences seem. My friends jokingly say I'm cursed, and nicknamed me the creep magnet! What's more upsetting is that this time it's even more intense than with anyone before him. The sexual chemistry between us alone could set fire to a room, but I also have strong feelings for him. I have compared our charts, and we're actually highly compatible astrologically, like "soulmate" compatible, and that just makes me wanna cry, because he completely terrifies me on a soul level. Meaning I don't think he'd ever be faithful to me, or honest, or ever genuinely love me, given what I know about him...not just me, but any woman. His DOB is 6/18/85, 6pm-ish, EST, if curious.

So I guess what I'm really getting at with all this is, am I doomed to always end up in this kind of relationship? Is it my destiny, should I just give in and accept it? Is there something in my chart which explains all of this? Or could this be me working out subconscious sexual abuse issues through these kinds of debasing experiences with men? Is there any hope of ever feeling the emotional and sexual intensity I feel with all the wrong kinds of men, with a good guy or am I just astrologically wired wrong? This has really taken a toll on me, I've become very jaded & cynical about love and life which is not like the real me at all. I'm now in my late 20's and would like to fall in love with a man who would actually be a good father before all my eggs are expired, lol, not that I'm in a big rush, but...it'd be nice to have a glimmer of hope. Any chart observations or insights would be very helpful.

Wow, that was a lot of information to share. I am not saying there is anything wrong with talking about these things here, but you should know that I have yet to come across a post so personal and so in-depth about what is both a compelling and yet a silencing and awe-inducing subject for most people. I have just joined here, so I really can't say if it is *totally* "out there" in terms of the nature of most posts here. It was just a lot to read about a very a serious topic, and in-depth and personal. And, of course, it was about sex, so most people feel some sort of concern about it when in one way or another.


That said, I want to answer you, but on some level, I feel compelled to give you a personal response in return. One which would be about how reading that made me feel, since the title alone really could not prepare me for what you have written here.

There are other people in this world, you will find, who have had traumatic experiences such as the one you've had. These people will react to you at some other level than "advice-giving" and maybe be hesitant to offer you anything at all at that. You've come here looking for insight, so to that end, be forewarned that some of the people in the world that will not want to give you insight, will be in here, and may respond.

It is only natural, if you are going to share something that significant here, that some people will want to respond to you. Some of these responses may be helpful, kind, considerate, and just the insight that you are looking for. Others may be a display of sympathy and empathy, but contain little by way of providing insight into your chart on this life of yours and astrology.

Now, as for my initial response then, to this story you've shared about your life. I wasn't prepared for it. I am not angry that you shared, don't get me wrong, but it upset me. It is something I just wasn't prepared to here, and it was very strong at that. Some might call it a trigger, in the sense that it "triggers" people to react a certain way, and in my case, it was surprise and then concern if I would help the situation in some way, because it is just so terrible.

With that said, I am going to consider returning to this thread when I feel I have a little more time to dedicate to it. My first thought is for you to go and look at your Moon Sign, which is the moon symbol in your chart. It looks like this: Go see and see what sign it is in, and what house. Then, using an excellent resource, like this, learning basic Western Astrology, check out the information regarding each of those components of the moon in your chart. So look up the sign, for example, or the house, but do it separately and don't go looking for "pre-mixed" descriptions, like looking up Scorpio Moon, for example. I mean, you can go look something like that up, but I recommend understanding how astrology works before doing that. Besides, the descriptions of Scorpio Moons for example, are not definitive, and just one person's way of a describing the energies of the planets on the stars and their impact on us here on Earth.

Just do this with the Moon, was my thinking, but consider looking up other signs too if you want. You seem to have some understanding of how Western Astrology works, if not more than I witness, perhaps.

As for my responding to this thread personally: feel free to take my thoughts into consideration and action as I have left them now, and I may return to you for my thoughts on your charts.

Kindly,

LR

I'm aware this is a very heavy topic. The information I've shared here isn't something I go around sharing freely...As a matter of fact I can honestly say, I've never shared these issues with anyone, ever. The reason I joined this forum, is because in researching this subject I came across an old thread from a few years back, by a poster expressing similar concerns and problems. It seemed as though she'd gotten some very helpful and thought provoking feedback about her chart, and I posted in hopes of getting the same.

My moon is in Pisces in the 9th house of Sag, and my Gemini Sun/Mars are in exact conjunt in the 12th house of Pisces, with Cancer asc (moon ruled). So I know there is a lot of Pisces influence in my chart. I know all of my planet placements, aspects and houses and have read many different explanations of them over the years. I know a lot of the things I've experienced are indicated by the Ven/Pluto square, but it seems there must be some other forces at work as well, I can't imagine that, that one bad aspect could be THAT powerful in my life. I don't fully understand how having my Sun/Mars in the 12th house might be influencing these types of events, but given the generally malefic nature assigned to this house, I'm thinking there's probably more there than just having my energies (sun) & efforts (mars) suppressed, thwarted or misdirected. I don't know a ton about the houses, all the information I find on them seems very generic and simplistic, so any in depth info anyone can share there, especially on interceptions might shed some light? I don't know...I welcome any chart observations that might explain what I'm dealing with. However the more advanced and in depth the better considering I am already fairly knowledgeable in the general interpretations.
I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond, if you come up with anything please share.

sexuality, to Jamisyn

Jamisyn.,

You said:

Jamisyn said:

...sexual abuse/exploitation in a chart. From what I know on the subject my chart is a big red flag for this theme, with Venus sq Pluto and Venus sq Saturn at tight orbs. I also have Mars/Pluto & Uranus/AS in hard aspect which I've heard is indicative, as well as my Sun exactly conjunct Mars in the 12th, and Scorpio/Taurus intercepted in my 5th/11th houses (I've attached a PDF of my chart). So while I'm aware these are suppose to be indicators, I'm not entirely sure how they are playing out in my chart, other than Venus sq Pluto, which I feel quite strongly. However I don't really know what to make of my 12th house or the 5th/11th interception...Any chart observations or insights would be very helpful.[/COLOR][/FONT]

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You have covered a lot of it right here. I'd add (spirituality, also idealization) (energy goes very easily with) (love), suggesting that you very easily idealize your love interests. And in the being (also action) house suggesting you "conquer" in love...and then maybe lose interest after you get what you were going after. Stressful (sex, also control) (love) aspects indicate either you control your sex or your sex controls you. Your ability to take control of situations sexually and in relationships is strong...if you work to develop it. You see things in your life clearly enough...the next step is to begin to take control over it. One thing to think about is your is in (spirituality, also deception), so you have a need for spirituality in the people around you...don't "settle for" deception because that is easier to find. Look for the truly spiritual.

Suggesting,

Tim

Hi Jamisyn,

Jamisyn said:

I'm aware this is a very heavy topic. The information I've shared here isn't something I go around sharing freely...As a matter of fact I can honestly say, I've never shared these issues with anyone, ever. The reason I joined this forum, is because in researching this subject I came across an old thread from a few years back, by a poster expressing similar concerns and problems. It seemed as though she'd gotten some very helpful and thought provoking feedback about her chart, and I posted in hopes of getting the same.

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I'm curious to know whatever made you think to look astrology on this matter. What is your personal desire when it comes to using astrology to better understand this situation. I'd like to know why you've come here now, telling us this, something you've never told. Is it in the hopes of getting the same sort of thing that previous thread seemed to contain? I am curious because I don't want to let my own attitudes about this dictate what you are looking to do here. If you want a particular *kind* of insight please let me know.

Some people, especially out of concern, are all too ready, I find, to jump on the band-wagon and tell you how YOU need to change emotionally/spiritually/mentally when you start talking about these things. They find ways to pinpoint an attitude of yours that has created or rather, magnified this issue in your life. This is especially so with Astrology, where the focus is only spiritual and self awareness. There is nothing wrong of course, with being self-aware, or promoting this, but you'll be hard-pressed to find someone who has been trained to do such a thing, in an unbiased manner. Even people's own attitudes about what has happened to you, and how/what they think should be done, will infiltrate the readings you receive here.

What happened to you was terrible. Whether you recognize not it or not, and whether or not you were abused as a child, you have been tormented in some way by what you yourself have recognized has been an underlying pattern of scary, undesirable, and ill-fated interactions in the world of sex and romance. This is a place poets and mystics through the centuries have dedicated unabashed passion, wanton and self-expressive lust, and a moving tenderness and emotion that is without parallel to anything in this world. Even Freud, who, due to the attitude of his time, when he tried to constrain this part of being human, the richness we feel about our bodies and the passion we feel towards others, the select few which make our hearts and eyes open, and our bodies feel warm, to some evolved drive linked to basic bluntly differentiated biological drives, could not truly fathom what this part of being human means. Case and point would be he could never explain Women within the system of thinking he created on the matter.

Funny enough, Freud in the creation of his ideologies about human sexuality, was actually looking at young women, his patients, who were expressing morbid symptoms of disassociation and obsessive physical/sexual tendencies. At first he linked these behaviors to having been sexually abused as children, implying that these people as children had suffered because of the hands of an adult. Later he changed this, saying that these young women had wanted this sexual interaction with these adults, their parents, (fathers mostly), and were now stricken in his office because they had had an emotional and energetic cathexis around the issue, and hadn't moved on, still wanted these people for their sexual partners. Thus, they brought was first seen as abuse and the left-overs, was their torment because they could not have any longer, or to the fullest, what had first been seen as abuse. Thus, they had brought both the "abuse" and this "illness" on to themselves. Freud then later went on to say we all want that, but during the maturation process, we grow away from it and learn how to be in society, desiring the appropriate people. So, these women were just immature, and were displaying primitive and undesirable patterns of desire, and acting poorly because of the stress of society on them to behave better. Funnier still, he studied women in this condition when he came to his supposed understanding of a child's incestuous desire for the parents (particularly the son for the mother), but he never could wholly explain how this would work for a woman!

*I could be re-telling this wrong, it's been awhile since I've studied Freud, and I am sure someone will come along and correct me if need be.*

Now with all of that said, the idea that people who have survived abuse, or demonstrate undesirable sexual patterns, particularly women, and that they are somehow responsible for it, or that the want it, or bring it to them in some way. It is really hard in this society, it is really hard anywhere, for people to acknowledge what sexual-victimization is. It is about power. One person is completely disempowered, they have their fate decided for them, and the other person is completely empowered, deciding everything that will happen to that other person. It is absolute. There is no attitude and no set of behaviors that a sexual victim demonstrates that brings their victim-ness upon them. If this was so, Elizabeth Smart could in affect, have been asking for it. But in that case, it was the perpetrator's evil, and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or, the more common assertion that women who dress a certain way want it or deserve it. Even if I went walking into a dark alley with a mini skirt on, I'm still not looking for sex, unless I say it. If someone there decides for me that I want sex without me saying it, I have become a victim to their over-powering me. What people are really trying to say is, "don't be stupid and think there aren't men who will hurt you and be easily provoked by any number of factors, to do it."

Wilsontc, an administrator here, was kind enough to read your chart, but as far as I know, he is not a professional and so, as any human being would be, biased. I didn't personally find anything *wrong* with what he was saying, but I did feel some concern. Mostly because some of what I will say, and how I will say it, will contradict him. The same is with Sugar. This is a very sensitive subject, and I hope you are considering talking to a therapist. You need to in my opinion, and be aware the limits of all the responses you receive.

They, myself included, have NO idea what you need. That person to know IS you and I believe the right therapist can help you with this. You need to figure out what all of this means for you and how to handle it, and even heal from it.

I prefer to be descriptive and not prescriptive, but unfortunately, this is not so for all astrologers.

I suggested you look at the Moon and that you do most of it yourself, because I think this process is a very independent and self-guided one. You need to show yourself where to go and where to look. Wilsontc provided you with what he thought were pertinent astrological chart markings, but that's his own perspective coupled with universal Western Astrological knowledge.

Personally, I would not say:

wilsontc said:

I'd add (spirituality, also idealization) (energy goes very easily with) (love), suggesting that you very easily idealize your love interests.

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To me, this is disempowering and unnecessary information. Venus trine Neptune suggests that you are imaginative, and creative, and if anything, if I was to mention this, it is something which could help you or heal you. Wilsontc seems to be suggesting that this aspect could have an undesirable impact on you, leading you to think people are better than they are, or simply not what you think they are. I'm not going to put words in his mouth, but it seems that he is saying that you in a way, bring this on yourself.

I come from a different place, I think you are innocent and I think Venus trine Neptune has been something which has helped you, a knowing that there is something better out there. Neptune increases sensitivity and imagination. With the strife for you associated with your interactions with men, you could be inclined to think it is always like this, that you deserve it, that this is the way it should be. Here is an example of when Neptune helps, and allows you to see what is beyond what has happened to you, into the world of possibility that Neptune opens up to you. Neptune is the higher octave of Venus, and so, it about the perfect, ideal love. With so much sadness which can loom from the things you have talked about, it is apparent you are still well-aware that things can be different, that they should be, and that you want that.


Wilsontc also says this:

wilsontc said:

And in the being (also action) house suggesting you "conquer" in love...and then maybe lose interest after you get what you were going after.

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Again, I think in light of this issue, the focus is much to much on you, and not the situations you are talking about. To me, just because Venus is in the First House, it does not mean it makes your Venus energies or intentions conquering. I would associate that way more with a Venus in the Eighth House. Moreover, if we wanted to look at your attitude towards your expression of power, of which is part of conquering, I'd look at your Mars. Mars is over-powered by your Sun, which is in Gemini, both in the Twelfth. I'd see you as someone who is less conquering, and someone with a kind, receptive nature, concerned for the well-being of others and not yourself, almost to your detriment. It is here that your Venus in Cancer in the First House is a boon to you, allowing you to put your needs and desire for self-protection first, and has been what has propelled you to keep this other guy at bay, because you know he isn't necessarily a good choice for you. I would not describe you as someone who conquers, but someone who is concerned with how others will treat you. I don't think you are inclined to get what you want and move on, as Venus in Cancer is about security and holding onto things, even if they no longer serve you. I don't think you are inclined to be so goal-orientated, wanting to see if you can get someone just for the sake of it. I think you are probably very self-protective and timid, but also want desperately to be loved and appreciated and nurtured.

Wilsontc then says:

wilsontc said:

Stressful (sex, also control) (love) aspects indicate either you control your sex or your sex controls you.

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To me, if anything, being that Pluto is an "outer" influence, this says to me you have experienced pressure, stemming from the Fourth House affairs, to be aware of the power dynamics in your relationships, and how that can most centered around sex, but not even the actual sex act. But Pluto acts upon Venus, and not the other way around. The trick here is strengthen your Venusian Energies, so that every time you are greeted with Pluto's effects, you can protect yourself and who you are, as Venus is personal. You yourself pointed out that you did not think that Pluto square Venus could be responsible for all of it, and I am saying that it sure can. The square is exact, and Pluto is conjunct an exalted Saturn, plus Pluto is in Venus's dignified sign, and in the House associated with Cancer, Venus's sign in your chart. This implies that this pressure began before you had any control or influence to stop it, from the home, from your childhood. If someone was to read your chart now and treat you as if you could take a step back, simply examine yourself, and change, I wouldn't listen to them, but that's me. I would prepare to take a step back and explore all that has happened to you, and then slowly, as you are ready to, the attitudes you have developed from it. You mentioned thinking it was someone in your family, not your father as you said, that may have done something. I'm not going to say who it was, since I don't know, but let it be known I think it is no accident that you can link this to your childhood. If that is the case then, it does you no service to simply see this as stemming from you and your attitudes (like being conquering) and not your past (of which someone conquered you, someone you could trust, and now you are jaded and self-protective, if anything, as this experience lurks and you are compelled to re-experience it to try to deal with it).

You mentioned men wanting to spoil you and buy you gifts. This is your Venus square Saturn. Saturn is authority, structure and limits, and Venus is pleasure and connection. These men represent temptation to you, because you acutely feel the pressure to be with an upstanding, "good man," and these men are not that, trying to replace real affection and affinity with gifts. You could go with this, but I would imagining with that self-protective Venus and a trine from Neptune, you know that true love is not built on these things. You are stronger than you realize, even for simply having been able to recognize this all and write it.

You are probably most concerned with the element of repetition here, and your compulsions to take part, almost as if outside of your control, spell-bound, like it "just keeps happening." Pluto and Saturn are overwhelming forces in your chart, and to me, the best thing to do here is go into therapy and create a safe space. Pluto and Saturn's issues will follow you there, but their influence won't. While Saturn is ruling the Eighth house, the one which is concerned with your transformation, and is square your Venus, the cusp of the Eighth House, is trine your Venus, so the relationship here for you can be a rewarding and helpful one, certainly supportive of you personally. You will not find attitudes by people which suggest that the issue has to do with what you are doing, but rather, the belief system you have developed which has helped you merely deal with what has been awful circumstances. Love is a beautiful thing, free of power and materialism, and yet, you've experienced anything but. How can anyone point a finger at your attitudes which have been self-preserving. Venus in the First is about the self, and making sure you survive. Changing that first, or at all, is a problem according to me. I am no professional, but I think what you need to change is how disempowered you feel. Yes these things keep happening to you, and in the past they were out of your control, but now you can take the control you so desperately want. Moreover, you can express your caring, empathetic energies with the right people, as I feel the theme for you has been that you have been taken advantage of, on repeat. Jupiter is trine your Venus, from the Sixth House, so stopping to take care of yourself and your health, to heal, is exactly what you need, and in my opinion, the only thing.

That is why I asked you to look at your Moon. This is what represents what we use/need to feel nurtured, safe, and protected. This makes us feel good, alive, and whole.

As you say:

jaymisyn said:

My moon is in Pisces in the 9th house of Sag, and my Gemini Sun/Mars are in exact conjunt in the 12th house of Pisces, with Cancer asc (moon ruled). So I know there is a lot of Pisces influence in my chart. I know all of my planet placements, aspects and houses and have read many different explanations of them over the years.

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Right now, I'd suggest recognizing that without a strong sense of what you need, and self-provided security, you will fall prey to people who think they have "just what you need."

jaymisyn said:

I know a lot of the things I've experienced are indicated by the Ven/Pluto square, but it seems there must be some other forces at work as well, I can't imagine that, that one bad aspect could be THAT powerful in my life.

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It is very powerful, but I also read your chart synergistically, so keep that in mind. That one aspect can set off a chain-reaction which utilizes other aspects to create a number of different outcomes all within the same theme.

jaymisyn said:

I don't fully understand how having my Sun/Mars in the 12th house might be influencing these types of events, but given the generally malefic nature assigned to this house, I'm thinking there's probably more there than just having my energies (sun) & efforts (mars) suppressed, thwarted or misdirected

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It conjures up for me, images of people being sneaky or shady, taking advantage of you again. People making decisions for you, or you not being aware of where you are being led/taken in a metaphorical sense. This is much more esoteric or immaterial, but could certainly be part of what led you to get raped since you had no idea it was going to happen. That's the key for you here: you truly have no idea, and at best, you can sense things that are going on that are "less than ideal." I am so sorry to hear you were raped. More power to you by the way, that person will rot in hell.

Wilsontc says this about your Pisces Moon energies, of which I think is related to what I am saying:

wilsontc said:

One thing to think about is your is in (spirituality, also deception), so you have a need for spirituality in the people around you...don't "settle for" deception because that is easier to find. Look for the truly spiritual.

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Or, stay away from alcohol (bad for Pisces Moon), in places of higher learning (9th house), as someone can take advantage of you and dictate your needs (sensitive Moon energies being used against you). I'm making an assumption about what happened to you but in places where "anything goes," where there are people you don't know and can't necessarily expect much about except that they will be there, and you are letting your guard down, just be careful. On the other hand, people very much long to get to know you and get close to you. You can look for someone, or people who are truly spiritual, in whatever sense, but I'd say be inclined to look for people who don't focus on that, but things on the ground, with immediate ramifications. These are people who are aware and responsible for their actions within the moment, and in the physical sense. They can even be atheists for crying out loud! You are inclined to want to be with like-minded people, who are philosophical, spiritual, and even religious, but you are also well-served by people who are concerned, say, with their well-being of their bodies, of which is immensely physical and not spiritual.

jaymisyn said:

I don't know a ton about the houses, all the information I find on them seems very generic and simplistic, so any in depth info anyone can share there, especially on interceptions might shed some light?

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I think interceptions are typically benign and linked to the ASC. Nothing to do be too worried about. The ASC pretty much just your outlook, so these interceptions say something about your outlook, and what has importance or lack thereof for you and in what ways.

jaymisyn said:

I don't know...I welcome any chart observations that might explain what I'm dealing with. However the more advanced and in depth the better considering I am already fairly knowledgeable in the general interpretations.

Click to expand...

jaymisyn said:

I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond, if you come up with anything please share.

Click to expand...

I hope this helped some. I will say this regarding Sugar's post, where they said:

sugar said:

The only word of wisdom I'd give you is this. It is not your fault. You were ******* at birth. You didn't have a choice or say in these matters. Are you doomed for life? Well no..er maybe. I would have to look into your chart further.

Click to expand...

Right, I agree, it's not your fault. I also don't think you were fated though, as Sugar said. That would mean that what happened to you was supposed to happen, or had to happen, thus making it ok in some way. Absolutely not. Those things did not have happen, and were not supposed to, but they did, and you were on the receiving end. At best, it was neutral, as what happened, happened, and you deal with it. Therefore, there is no way in heck that you are forever doomed.


Kindly,

LR

Re: sexuality, to Jamisyn

wilsontc said:

Jamisyn.,

You have covered a lot of it right here. I'd add (spirituality, also idealization) (energy goes very easily with) (love), suggesting that you very easily idealize your love interests. And in the being (also action) house suggesting you "conquer" in love...and then maybe lose interest after you get what you were going after. Stressful (sex, also control) (love) aspects indicate either you control your sex or your sex controls you. Your ability to take control of situations sexually and in relationships is strong...if you work to develop it. You see things in your life clearly enough...the next step is to begin to take control over it. One thing to think about is your is in (spirituality, also deception), so you have a need for spirituality in the people around you...don't "settle for" deception because that is easier to find. Look for the truly spiritual.

Click to expand...

I've always wondered about Neptune aspects. I know that Neptune can create deceit & disillusionment, but I thought that was more so with the negative aspects and that the positive ones would possibly make me more able to create an illusion or appear as a fantasy to others? I would've thought that Neptune/Venus trine would actually endow me with good intuition in love matters. Is that wrong? And I missed what you're saying about "Venus and conquering love interests", is that a Venus in the 1st thing? I've always felt lucky that any guy I was ever really interested in always did end up asking me out, since I'd never dare make the first move (a Ven Can/Rising rejection/traditionalist thing I'm guessing). Once I learned more about astrology, I figured that was my Venus in the 1st at work, drawing them to me. I wouldn't say I necessarily lose interest quickly though.
As far as "controlling sex & relationships" I def notice this as I get older. As odd as it is to say I tend to want to be with men who are either sexually or emotionally "obsessed or addicted" to me. Which I know in retrospect is about me controlling the situation so I don't feel vulnerable enough to get hurt by them, and in turn that power is almost like a high for me as well. I can be manipulative if I feel unsure of someone, playing games to make them jealous sometimes, but always in a very subtle way. My intentions are never to hurt them, only to find out where I stand with them because the second I feel unsure of their affection I become an erratic, anxious mess internally, although I never let it show, but it's the most awful feeling of panic. It's all so disturbing, and I hate that this is what my love life is reduced to. In the early stages of love (5th house pluto w/Scorpio intercepted) I'm such a crazy basket case emotionally, such a contradiction to how rational, calm, and realistic I normally am!
Thank you for your input. The Neptune aspect and the Venus are def not things I'd considered too much before.

Re: sexuality, to Jamisyn

Jamisyn said:

I would've thought that Neptune/Venus trine would actually endow me with good intuition in love matters. Is that wrong?

Click to expand...

Not in my opinion. This connects to what I was saying that Neptune represents opportunity and something you desire, something which you "know" on some level, is the thing you would really want. This would in turn, imply a good intuitive sense on desirable and ideal love matters.

Jamisyn said:

And I missed what you're saying about "Venus and conquering love interests", is that a Venus in the 1st thing? I've always felt lucky that any guy I was ever really interested in always did end up asking me out, since I'd never dare make the first move (a Ven Can/Rising rejection/traditionalist thing I'm guessing). Once I learned more about astrology, I figured that was my Venus in the 1st at work, drawing them to me. I wouldn't say I necessarily lose interest quickly though.

Click to expand...

If anything, what might happen is that once you get this guy, you are so concerned with keeping him, because you felt so lucky to have in the first place, that you try to do everything you can to "keep" him there. That's what I was saying with Cancer's focus on security, just so that's clear.

Jamisyn said:

[/FONT][/COLOR]
As far as "controlling sex & relationships" I def notice this as I get older. As odd as it is to say I tend to want to be with men who are either sexually or emotionally "obsessed or addicted" to me. Which I know in retrospect is about me controlling the situation so I don't feel vulnerable enough to get hurt by them, and in turn that power is almost like a high for me as well. I can be manipulative if I feel unsure of someone, playing games to make them jealous sometimes, but always in a very subtle way. My intentions are never to hurt them, only to find out where I stand with them because the second I feel unsure of their affection I become an erratic, anxious mess internally, although I never let it show, but it's the most awful feeling of panic.

Click to expand...

Right, you are so worried they are going to hurt you because you've had every sense of self-control and autonomy taken away from you in the past. This is the post-stress from having been raped, I am more than certain to say. Now, you demonstrate what looks like controlling and "conquering" behaviors, but really, you are self-protective and overly-defensive, concerned for your well-being so you manipulate the other person to make absolutely certain where you stand. This can be completely changed in therapy. Especially because you recognize it.

Jamisyn said:

It's all so disturbing, and I hate that this is what my love life is reduced to. In the early stages of love (5th house pluto w/Scorpio intercepted) I'm such a crazy basket case emotionally, such a contradiction to how rational, calm, and realistic I normally am!

Click to expand...

You are someone who needs open displays of real affection and heartfelt connection, that is what a strong Scorpio influence does. You want something real, deep, and passionate, and with your experiences, someone you can trust. So you probably create these situations to be able to "test" and see if this person works because you've had the idea taken from you that you deserve that or that people want to give it you. You feel like have to "earn" it and somehow have the person "prove it" to you. Once healed, this energy will become simply passionate, and deeply loyal.


-LR

Re: sexuality, to Sugar

Wow, that was very informative & interesting...at least what I could follow of it. I do have a few questions...forgive me if they seem obvious, I don't know much about a lot of the stuff you pointed out.

Sugar said:

The Almuten of the ASC is Jupiter. Jupiter Retrograde, in the 6th, Cadent, In its own Rulership, Correct Sect, Opposing the Moon, squares the Sun, and Mars. Jupiter Receives the Moon by Rulership, Receives Mars and Sun, by term, but Moon, Mars, and the Sun don't receive Jupiter. ****, Jupiter's the tax man.

Click to expand...

How is Jupiter the Almuten of my Asc? And how does it receive the planets by rulership & term? And when you say the planets don't receive Jupiter, is that because of the squares?

Sugar said:

Your Sun is at 12 degrees Gemini. The Triplicity Ruler for the Air signs are as follows:

Day = Saturn
Night = Mercury

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Ok, now from what I've read, supposedly Venus is the ruler of my degree of Gemini? Would reading the condition of it be more or less accurate than reading Saturn?

Sugar said:

...This takes place between the 1st house and 5th, Venus being dignified by being Angular, so we can say the Natives sexuality is hampered by Malefics.

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Is Venus still dignified even though it's not conjunct my asc and actually practically on the 1st/2nd cusp?

Sugar said:

Mars in Gemini is disposed by Mercury in Taurus, disposed by Venus in Cancer, disposed by Moon in Pisces, and lastly governed by Jupiter in Sagittarius, which again is the Almuten of the ASC. Which would tell us that, the beginning of your life will have a significant effect on you personally.

Click to expand...

This is VERY true! My early life was pretty sad & tramatic for many other reasons than those mentioned here. But I don't quite follow...is Jupiter then the ruler of my chart and not the moon? I'm not understanding how Jupiter is having such a negitive effect on my chart, or why?

Sugar said:

I judge the Natives early life to be of the following: a rape victim, sexually promiscuous, and child prostitute (dependent on the location of birth).

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I don't think I'd consider myself promiscuous, although I guess that's a matter of opinion. I'm sure someone who believes in saving themselves for marriage may disagree. And, I wasn't a child prostitute, thank god!

Sugar said:

Now, again let me remind you, this if the first part of your life. The later part of your life is ruled by Mercury. I have not judged Mercury in your chart.

Click to expand...

My Mercury is actually a singleton planet & is arguably considered unaspected. From what I understand this would make it extremely powerful and somewhat immune to the effects of outside influences. At what age would the "later part of life" start presumably?

Sugar said:

The only word of wisdom I'd give you is this. It is not your fault. You were ******* at birth. You didn't have a choice or say in these matters. Are you doomed for life? Well no..er maybe. I would have to look into your chart further.

Click to expand...

Well...that's good and bad I guess. I very much appreciate you taking the time to share this. Sorry for all the questions.

Re: sexuality, to Sugar

could you please repost using www.astro.com as I can hardly see/read this chart you posted!!

Basic astrology
Now basically your sun sign is your 'core beliefs, values, ego' and Asc is your physical body, mode of expression and mask and persona that we all wear and hide behind, but definitely not what's going on underneath. What's going on underneath is your Sun sign. Moon sign, house placements and aspects describe your emotional and intuitive responses, also describes your view of your mother, as saturn describes your father by sign and house position.

So, think of a glass milk bottle the bottle is your Asc and your sun the milk, but the milk still has to 'come out' through the glass neck of the milk bottle....

Now aspects within a natal chart represent 'facets' of our personality, because we are all multifaceted beings. What these do is 'break down and compartmentalise' these facets into smaller bite size chunks. This does take quite a lot of self analysis and objectivity to 'see yourself' and why you do certain things and behave in certain ways. Actually it can be quite good therapy...

Remember back to your school days an opposition is 180', square 90', trine 120', and sextile 60' Now challenged aspects are conj (depending on the planets, cos some like each other and some really don't) squares and oppositions. Easy aspects are conj (if the planets get along) eg: Jupiter conj Moon, sextile and trine. Quincunx is inbetween (depending on the planets) causes health strains and unresolved or hard to balance planets/energies.

VEnus square saturn shows feeling of being unloved in early childhood, saturn retro shows a father/parent who was either absent, missing or simply ineffecutal in formative years.

Sun/mars in 12th suggests you were prob not able to act (mars) or express ego/pride (sun) in a way that was helpful in childhood.

12th house planets/aspects
http://www.dkfoundation.co.uk/dkfoundation/dkfArtTwelfthHouse.htm
http://www.gotohoroscope.com/houses-in-chart-12th.html
http://www.dkfoundation.co.uk/dkfoun...rmaHouse12.htm
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/inhouses-sun.html#Twelfth
http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_dgtwehouse_e.htm
http://12th.tribe.net/thread/c160721f-6268-42d8-bf31-897977f99188
http://www.astrologyindepth.com/The_12th_house
http://www.myastrologybook.com/Mercury-Venus-in-the-twelfth-house-12th-house.htm
http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/venusinhouses.html
http://www.astrologyindepth.com/The_12th_house


Research threads on AW
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3173&highlight=12th+house
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19818&highlight=12th+house
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19818&highlight=12th+house
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18312&highlight=12th+house
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18312&highlight=12th+house

I just wanted to say that I felt the same way as Lonely Red felt at the initial reading of Jamisyn's story, a little taken aback at how personal this information was and so sad; my heart really goes out to Jamisyn. I know that sometimes a person can get to the point that 'what the hell, maybe I might benefit if I just let the chips fall where they may', and so Jamisyn reached out. I think that Lonely Red's comments on how personal information like that can be subjected to many types of responses was extremely responsible as was the advice to seek counseling. That was my initial response, too.

I am still learning how to interpret charts, and if I may change the subject here, I have a question re: something Sugar said about the 'Triplicities of the Ruler of the Luminaries' and how there are triplicities for the air signs and these are divided between day and night, etc. Please forgive my naivete as I have never heard of this in interpretation before and i would appreciate any information regarding this info.

I hope things get better for you Jamisyn! God bless.
Serafin5

Re: Sexual Abuse & Sexual Attraction in Chart...

I sympathize with you. I am older than you but I had similar incidents in my life. I found astrology during that time. What I discovered was that the transits I was having at that time were mostly causing many of the events that occurred. The planets Pluto and Neptune were transiting my chart's 12th and eventually the ASC. Pluto adds intensity and Neptune adds a surreal quality that makes it hard to explain to others. Presently, it appears that Pluto is transiting your 7th house which can indicate an obsessive partner, a man perhaps of means. It also appears that Neptune has been transiting your 8th house which would give sexual encounters a otherworldly quality. With Neptune beginning to transit your 9th house this might be a good time to explore spiritual matters and deepen your understanding of astrology and other such subjects. Careful with long distance travel if your considering it with this transit. All in all you need to consider your transits playing a role in your everyday experiences as well as what you came here with. Good Luck and Good Life!

Re: Reading Sexual Attraction & Abuse aspects in a Chart

That type of chart you used is really not easy to read, so please put up your birth data - I'll look at your chart in a different format.

It's amazing what is considered abuse - sexual or not - today, It turns out that many behaviors of older people with a baby/child can be translated into abusive behaviors. And abuse that is not sexual can still have sexual connotations later in life.

Feeling sexual is very different from being sexually abused. Feeling sexual is an issue between you and you and being abused comes from the outside...from another person. And you dont have to remember it. Most people don't remember things from before the age of 4 or 5, and if it's a trauma, it can be hidden and blocked out of the memory. So what you remember may have nothing to do with something that happened to you.
If you were ever left alone with ANYone not your mother, (assuming your mother is innocent of abusing you) it' could be that anyone abused you or touched you in an inappropriate way. This becomes a "feeling" that is, in itself, very confusing and can be destructive. The mind of the child cannot process these experiences and they become something "else." The something else can be scary, confusing, destructive.
LIN

Re: sexuality, to Astrologer50

astrologer50 said:

could you please repost using www.astro.com as I can hardly see/read this chart you posted!!

Click to expand...

Is this better?

Re: sexuality, to Astrologer50

Jamisyn said:

Is this better?

Click to expand...

this is one of the most unusual charts I've seen in a long time with *so few aspects* why does your chart show *ANY* aspects? not even venus square pluto?? saturn IS conj pluto but it's not on the aspect grid? I can only think you have reduced the orbs too much. I take them down to 85% which I find sufficient, do you use closer orbs???

mercury is singleton as well as unaspected. Also moon and jupiter are unaspected. I am assuming you have researched these??

unspected planets
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/aspects2.html
http://www.innerself.com/Astrology/unaspected.htm
http://classiclegendbooks.com/martinschulman-astrology-articles-17-unaspected-planets-1.html
http://astrology.findyourfate.com/astrology-unaspectedplanets.htm
http://www.donmc.com/Unaspected.htm
http://www.astrologyclub.org/articles/unaspected/unaspected.htm
http://astronuts.tribe.net/thread/dde3467b-df04-4a45-94c8-7aeb8e91e741

In Equal house Pluto would be 4th house of home roots and I would have expected this to be here for some kind of abuse

Re: sexuality, to Astrologer50

astrologer50 said:

this is one of the most unusual charts I've seen in a long time with *so few aspects*

Click to expand...

i think the orbs are way too reduced. looks like there is a no orb allotment allowed in this chart.

Re: sexuality, to Astrologer50

astrologer50 said:

this is one of the most unusual charts I've seen in a long time with *so few aspects* why does your chart show *ANY* aspects? not even venus square pluto?? saturn IS conj pluto but it's not on the aspect grid? I can only think you have reduced the orbs too much. I take them down to 85% which I find sufficient, do you use closer orbs???

In Equal house Pluto would be 4th house of home roots and I would have expected this to be here for some kind of abuse

Click to expand...

Sorry! I don't typically use astro.com, I didn't have the orbs set right, lol.

Re: Sexuality & Sexual Abuse to LonelyRed

LonelyRed-

I would like to thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response, I sincerely appreciate it. Sorry I didn't respond sooner, however, I wanted to take the time to respond accordingly, so I'm putting together a more thorough reply to your post...just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you!

Re: sexuality, to Sugar

Sugar said:

You should get a proper chart reading.
Astrology is very hard. I believe I'm going to quit, or maybe turn to Vedic.

Click to expand...

Lol...yes it does get tricky the more in depth you try to go. You did offer me some things to look into though. As for a proper chart reading, well I'm not really sure how to go about finding the worlds best chart reader

Re: Sexual Abuse & Sexual Attraction in Chart...

MILES111B said:

I sympathize with you. I am older than you but I had similar incidents in my life. I found astrology during that time. What I discovered was that the transits I was having at that time were mostly causing many of the events that occurred. The planets Pluto and Neptune were transiting my chart's 12th and eventually the ASC. Pluto adds intensity and Neptune adds a surreal quality that makes it hard to explain to others. Presently, it appears that Pluto is transiting your 7th house which can indicate an obsessive partner, a man perhaps of means. It also appears that Neptune has been transiting your 8th house which would give sexual encounters a otherworldly quality. With Neptune beginning to transit your 9th house this might be a good time to explore spiritual matters and deepen your understanding of astrology and other such subjects. Careful with long distance travel if your considering it with this transit. All in all you need to consider your transits playing a role in your everyday experiences as well as what you came here with. Good Luck and Good Life!

Click to expand...

I do read a generic daily transit horoscope for myself, but I guess I don't really bother to stop and think about how I might notice the transits working in my life. Mostly because I find it hard to decipher how aspects play out sometimes. You find so many differing explanations on which aspects mean what, that I guess it's a little confusing for me. If anyone has any really good book or web resources for learning how to interpret transits in your life, maybe that'd be a good starting point for me. Thank you!...Oh and why should I be wary of travel while Neptune’s in my 9th???

Re: Sexual Abuse & Sexual Attraction in Chart...

Jamisyn said:

I do read a generic daily transit horoscope for myself, but I guess I don't really bother to stop and think about how I might notice the transits working in my life. Mostly because I find it hard to decipher how aspects play out sometimes. You find so many differing explanations on which aspects mean what, that I guess it's a little confusing for me. If anyone has any really good book or web resources for learning how to interpret transits in your life, maybe that'd be a good starting point for me. Thank you!...Oh and why should I be wary of travel while Neptune’s in my 9th???

Click to expand...

I wouldn't bother

astro.com has a free 'personal portrait' interpretation of a natal chart in the free horoscope section, plus a six month free transit report in 'short report' Robert Hand gives a valuable in depth explanation of transits here

Transits
I use--- 1° approaching, 1° exact and 1° departing. If you click on the link listed below for the online ephemeris it will list all planets at any given time. Learning astrology is like learning a new ‘language’ and obviously the more effort you put into something the more your knowledge and understanding will increase. All transits act as ‘background’ influences through a house, until it makes a mathematical aspect to a planet inside or an Angle.

For 'timings' I would look to the retrograde hit as the most important trigger, then look to see what the quicker planets are doing especially mars & mercury --

astro.com has fee six month transit forecast plus when you get into Extended chart selection, look at the three tabs after calculating a chart under ‘method’ default is circular wheels (on left), middle is special charts and in their you get graphic ephemeris 1yr (or 5years) with natal = transits for 1yr and lots more. BUT you first must learn or memorise the 'glyphs' ie: shorthand for recognising what these maps/graphics mean.

For example when you post or reply to a chart the 'smilies' to the right and just under them [more] if you click on there it will bring up a whole loads of 'glyphs' Mercury Uranus conjunction (+or - 8') trine aspect 120' Libra
http://cafeastrology.com/transits.html
http://cafeastrology.com/transits_2.html
http://www.khaldea.com/ephemcenter.shtml
http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com/transits18.0.htm
http://www.astro.com/faq/fq_fh_transits_e.htm
http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_transits_e.htm
http://www.astro.com/swisseph/ae/2000/ae_2009.pdf
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/learn-astrology/astrology-glyphs.php
http://www.dkfoundation.co.uk/dkfoundation/BookTransitsAndProgressions.htm

Now it's more important to focus on transits from Jupiter to Pluto (poss mars as this is the ignition key)and these planets when aspecting something in your natal chart 'set off' the difficult or nice 'aspects - potential - problems' that your chart expresses. By that I mean if a benefic planet like Jupiter hits/touches/transits your venus, mars or uranus these could be experienced very pleasantly. BUT if your natal venus is afflicted, or badly aspected say conj saturn then jupiter will not has such a good effect. It all depends on how the natal planet is 'aspected'

For me I would say external 'events' must be seen by transits, progressions or Solar arcs to Angles ie: Asc/Desc & MC/IC most other times these events are 'internal, psychological matters as in between the ears'

Now astro.com uses a much wider orb, possibly something like 5° or even 10° that’s why when you use the free transit forecast service a transit goes on for months and months. BUT common sense should tell you when the transit is ‘exact’ then it’s at the strongest. Some astrologers swear by 1° approaching produces ‘events’ some say the 1° exact, some say 1° off for triggering events. I personally look to the exact and 1° off for ‘timings’ especially the retrograde hit (backwards hit)

This last website link is rather nice because it gives interpretations of what the ‘Lord’ of the house cusp ruler means ie: T Jupiter sextiles natal sun, so wherever Leo rules in your chart is connected to the area this transit will be affecting –
http://www.astrology-x-files.com/transits/
Astrology & timings (Electional and event astrology)
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15783