Excellent effort and a very well made (first effort?) video in that you chose a fine example to use for the presentation (Einstein).
I, myself, might have chosen a different personage to use as an example but that is due to my limited knowledge about physics and the man himself.
I did notice that you presented my own discovery that the M.C. and I.C. should be read as to the opposite of what Dane presented and didn't make mention of the fact although you did give explanation, that in the manner as which, that it is a "spiritual interpretation" You likely will get some flak from astrologers familiar with the Sabians, as interpreted by Dane, about that until, and unless, you explain why you gave them in the opposite interpretation. As you pointed out in a few threads/posts that they should be read in both manners to get a complete understanding...to which I had to agree to after contemplation on the matter... you should also mention that in any future videos that bring up the chart axis interpretation and that we both suspect, or that there is suspicion, Dane possibly knew of this fact but likely never had amassed enough evidence to support it and publish as such.
I do wonder what Dane may have said publicly or privately on that matter and hope that anyone that knew him personally or heard him say so in a lecture would come forward and so inform so as to give credit where it is truly due. But given Danes intelligence, depth of study of both Jungian psychology and astrology, along with the many years He spent in study of the Sabian Symbols before he finally published his book, some forty years after being first introduced to the subject matter, it is most suspect that He did know but just didn't amass enough evidence before his demise.
Narrative quality will come with experience and possibly with better recording equipment but what you did is pretty good and better than many I've listened to before.
I took a course in public speaking in school and that has served me pretty well. I've done three radio interviews on the subject and can attest that when dealing with a host it can get pretty difficult to maintain both composure and clarity of mind. Only one of those three was to my satisfaction and luckily it got the largest audience of the three. I owe an inestimable amount of gratitude to the late Rick Barber of a.m. station KOA out of Denver for that opportunity and being such an experienced host that allowed me to give such a clearly understood and composed presentation.
I didn't read from a script but I had written about the information often enough and only needed an outline of the material to cover to pull it off. But for a video I think you made the best decision to read from a script...that is if you did so...but it sure sounded like it. I wouldn't do it any other way myself, if I were to make a video, as the audience doesn't want to hear any "hems or haws" or "oh, by the way's", or "I forgot to mention's"... or I should say YOU don't want them to hear that... as, imho, it causes a loss of interest with some of the audience.
Kudos, Phoenix Venus, on a job well done and one that was sorely and long needed to be done.
I eagerly await the promised second video on the Sabians and Astrological Parts.
And are you really a Scorpio (Phoenix decan) Venus? I'm a jug Aquarius - the last decan ruled by Libra, the planet Venus), 26' Sun conjunct 20' moon Aquarius (new moon day).