Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

david starling

Well-known member
So, this guy I worked with about a month ago sees me while we're driving, stopped at a light. He rolls down his passenger side window, and says "Hi! How are things?" Then he gets upset because he can tell I'm not sure who he is. He says "Hey, it's me, Sam."
Then I remember him, and I say apologetically, "Oh, sorry Sam, but I didn't recognize you without your mask on!"

[Actually occurred yesterday] :biggrin:
 
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Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
coronamethlab.jpg
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
To accommodate Anti-maskers, we have provided a space 40 feet west where you can stare at your reflection in the window since apparently you're the only person you care about.
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
3 more jokes from my Facebook back in March when all this crisis started:
Don't worry America, the Coronavirus is nothing compared to windmill cancer - President Donald Trump.

Space aliens debate whether they should land on earth in 2020:
Can we land yet?
No, they're fighting over toilet paper.

This is Bill.
Bill wants to take a trip.
But Bill doesn't want to contract Corona.
Bill chooses to take a trip at home, With mushrooms.
Be responsible, Be like Bill.
 

AppLeo

Well-known member
Not really a joke, but I notice that no one coughs anymore unless they absolutely have to. Kind of funny to me.
 

david starling

Well-known member
An actual tee shirt with the wearer's face on the front, captioned "this is how I look without a mask on". My sister saw a guy wearing it in Arizona. Wonder how many others have had the same idea?
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
Humans are smarter than a stupid virus.

We wear masks, stand 6 feet/2 meters apart from another and wash our hands.

"Look, another person I can infect...uh oh, AH! I CAN'T!" - poof, virus gone.

Coronavirus, you can't beat us.
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
Copypasta from the YT video comments:
I've been working feverishly on some Coronervirus jokes... (drums); Is a free flu vaccine a cheap shot? (drums); During this Covid thing, my wife and I decided to separate...(drums); I told my wife that I don't want to die...she said, 'Good! You're thinking outside the box'... (drums); Then she asked me how many pall-bearers I wanted at my funeral...I said, 'Let's not get carried away here'...(drums); I told my wife: 'I think I'm losing my memory.' She said, 'forget about it...' (drums); If Covid comes from bats, how can you have baseball season? (drums); It's estimated that 3% of the people who attend a baseball game will get Covid, but that's just a ballpark figure...(drums); I admit it: I was the one who released the virus. Well... I wanted to get out of jury duty... (drums); a restaurant owner wanted to beat Covid by serving meals on the roof. She said, 'Food's on the house'... (drums).
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
This new virus is like a roommate who was kicked out of an earlier host species coming into your home (the human race) and wants to live with us forever :lol:
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
Mexico has a cute yet serious PSA superheroine, Su-Sana Distancia, to educate the country on prevention of the spread of COVID-19...and it's working well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KL-4FTrWR2s - 1.5 meters of space (vs. the US CDC's 6 feet/2 meters).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BGCSYsrnGA - She tells Mexicans to stay-at-home until this is all over.

Imagine Su-Sana Distancia goes into battle against 4chan's notorious COVID parody waifu character: Corona-Chan, often personified as an anime-style Asian girl in traditional Chinese female attire. I place my bet on !VIVA Su-Sana Distancia!
 
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CapAquaPis

Well-known member
"Dangerous" but essential: Doctor and dental visits, they're used to stringent disease control and prevention methods.
"Not dangerous" but proven super-spreaders: Bars and pubs, not grocery stores and takeout-only food counters.

(Contradictions on what the public knows vs medical science studies confirmed)
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
Copypasta from my FB page today:

Here are 12 things to consider as we get closer to closing the door on one of the most horrible years of our lifetime:
1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house & told my cat. We laughed a lot.
6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!
9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & ask for money.
Here’s hoping for a Happier New Year!
 
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