Thanks for your positive experience
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Can you give some examples of how you psychologically changed your way of thinking when you were depressed? Like when you felt unworthy in the face of others how did you make yourself feel better. I cant handle knowing others have easier life than me. Like it bothers me when I see charts wo are more successful in life had a much easier life. Im jealous of that. How can I improve those thoughts?
Believe me, I know that feeling all too well.
I recently just had Transit Jupiter conjunct my Sun and Venus at the same time. I think I also had some transits to Chiron this year. These helped me/aided me to change psychologically, especially the transit Pluto conjunct my ascendant. Jupiter fed me with lots of optimism, Chiron and Pluto made me look deep within me to uncover the truth of how and why I was that way.
What I did was just looking deep within myself. That was the basis of it all. Normally, I was ignorant of how low my self-esteem was or how harsh I was of myself because I thought it was natural, I thought I really was born that way. But no. Many factors made me this way and those factors were with me as I grew older and older, so the effect is really deep and hard to heal. Like Saturn in 4th house. Childhood and family life was tough and painful. But as I started fixing myself, I noticed that my home/family life improved as well. Idk, but this is just what i noticed.
The thing is, its probably because of my ability to really assess myself, dig up the truth that I neglected within me, the natural talent to do some sort of depth psychology. Someone told me this was my strength after they looked at my chart. They told me to really examine the causes of my negative behaviors and thoughts, and I did just that. It also helps that i have Jupiter trine Chiron. I guess this helped me soothe my wounds, ya get me? So after I spent LOTS of time reflecting, isolating myself to just think about how I got to this point and how I can move forward in a better way, I started listing down all of these in my notebook. I labeled it as my "weaknesses". Beside it, I listed down all of the things that I thought were my "strengths". Every now and then, I look at both of these lists to see and review how much progress I made since then. To turn my weaknesses into strengths, I had to think of way to really turn it around... and for me it was just positive thinking. Ha. It would have been very funny for the 16 year old me to actually do that. I've always seen myself as the ultimate pessimist
For example, my tendency to prioritize others, to attach and get possessive. I have abandonment issues. This all came from my father, his immature and irresponsible ways that I've always witnessed growing up. He was often absent, and it affected me more than I wanted it to. So what do I do so that others won't do the same? I try to "measure up" to their standards. I become too giving, neglected my needs and wants, I didn't care about my boundaries, I mimicked other people's personality to pretend that I could get along wth them as well, I basically dissolved my own identity and individuality (Neptune 1st House). I always got deeply sad whenever friends leave or backstab me. Or when my loved ones were always extra harsh, critical or putting their expectations on me. Because of this, I often thought to myself "I'll never be good enough, I don't deserve them/this."
So after I got all of that figured out, I came up with a more positive perspective out of my experiences. Astrology helped a lot! I finally understood how Saturnian I was, how Neptunian I was, and then next, i had to embody my Sun sign in a positive way. Scorpio.
Scorpio and Pluto is often acknowledged by its nature of regeneration, transformation, and its capability to stomach the pain of life and view pain in a beautiful way. This sign loves the dark side. I do have Sun,Venus,Mercury,Chiron in this sign. What i had to do was also embrace my dark side and then crawl back my way into the light. Because of this, I also happily embraced my Pluto transit.
Besides that, I finally got to rediscover who i really am and what I really wanted, what makes me happy and what ignites my passion. I have Leo NN in 8th house. Discovering my NN also played a part in my process of healing and transformation. I discovered that deep down I wasn't just the girl with serious issues of self-esteem, social and family life. I was just this girl with a passion for self-expression and art, and also really hopes to spread love and beauty to everyone/everywhere. I admit, I'm still in the process of getting back into this, because the last time I really was this kind of sunshine was when I was still in preschool. Before life ****** me up haha! But now, I'm very happy with the progress I made so far. Optimism is now my antidote for two things: to combat whenever I relapse and to encourage positive thinking on others-- because that alone really makes me happy.
I still think it's funny how a Cap ascendant like me is now able to use Optimism in a Sagittarian or Piscean way. Sorry if this post was really long. I tend to express my feelings better if I'm typing or writing the words, rather than speaking.