Hi Canaqua.
the knee cap cracks and snaps when I try to walk
I could be way far off the mark here, but I might be able to relate to this symptom.
When I was about fourteen, the sockets where the tops of my legs meet my hips would sort of click and crack when I walked, although it wasn't quite painful, but an uncomfortable sensation.
I was told by a doctor that this was 'boleritis'. This is where the natural lubricating fluid around the joints dries up, and causes the bones to grind together, accounting for the sensation.
This was very unusual at that age as this is normally a condition experienced by old people. I reckon that this must have been brought about by stress as I was a horrendously depressed teenager. I wasn't prescribed anything by the doctor, other than to eat oily fish, as it seems to be something that just comes and goes of it's own accord. As it happens, the symptoms eventually disappeared and it has never bothered me since.
It might be worth looking into this, or asking a doctor about it.
I have also lived through Neptune transiting my ascendant, something that not all of us experience. In fact, in 2001, Neptune actually met it's first station and went retrograde right on my ascendant, and this was one of the most awful times in my life I've ever had. I felt swept along by circumstances that I seemed to have no control over. Without boring you with the detail I have never felt so confused, trapped, lost, suffocated, isolated and set adrift. I'm not just trying to make the symbolism fit here. I had no idea about Neptune on my ascendant at that time, nor even what my ascendant was for sure. I'm very much into the traditional perspective in astrology, but I'm quite taken aback at how the stereotypoical Neptunian attributes were manifesting in my life, this was a time in which I had so many first time drug experiences, all my 'friends' were drug addicts, I was growing and selling cannabis, I had loads of precognitive dreams, I was arrested and jailed more times than I care to remember, once under the mental health act, I develop a drink problem and drank a bottle of vodka a day, I attempted suicide, I was hospitalised....
Now, about the Saturn/Neptune opposition. I have a blog that I've been very lazy with. About a fortnight ago, I was going to make a blog post about the opposition, and it was to be called 'A Sea Wall'. I didn't make the post in the end because I was just lacking the drive and couldn't get it as I wanted it.
Anyway, what I wanted to talk about in this blog post was about a major engineering project that is taking place on the coast where I live, where a hugely expensive sea defence is being erected, and I thought about how appropriate it is that this is occuring under the Saturn/Neptune opposition, a barrier being erected against the rising sea levels. This lead onto thoughts about how Saturn is very debilitated right now, and consequently, I do worry about the efficacy of this sea-wall against the might of the sea, if, or should I say when, some disaster eventually comes. If this symbolism is telling me that the sea wall is to actually succumb to the sea, given that it is state of the art 21st Century engineering, I am very frightened at just how big a wave may be in store to actually destroy it someday.
Any astrologer knows that the worst time possible to erect any structure that is meant to endure is during Saturns long exile through his detriments of Cancer and Leo, but to build an actual sea defence with Saturn so debilitated and with Neptune right in opposition to him, really seems to be asking for it. I find this really disturbing.
I was also lead to think about how Saturn also symbolises ice, and how this opposition probably represents a period of increase in the rate at which the ice-caps are meting due to global warming, with Saturn being so debilitated that is, and also opposite Neptune, the ice being overcome by the sea, breaking up and drifting apart. This thought ties in well with why this sea defence is being engineered in the first place, due to the very real danger of a disaster due to the rising sea levels because of global warming, the effects of which we are noticing very, very obviously in Britain, and have been for a few years now.
I so wish I had expressed these thoughts fully and eloquently in the blog post, because my fears reagrding this sea-defence, and the worrying symbolism of a debilitated Saturn opposite Neptune seemed to be confirmed, when in Sheffield, England, a reservoir dam broke, causing disastrous flooding throughout the city and several surrounding villages.
Sorry, I'm on a roll now, I'm just waffling on.
What I am saying, is could you relate this symbolism, of sea-walls and broken dams, to what is going on across your first/seventh house axis?
How is it that other people in your life, your 'other halves', be they partners or enemies, are embodied in the symbolism of a weakened barrier, against a great deluge, which having Neptune on the ascendant, would be you? I just wanted to offer this thought to give you something to think about.
I have only just thought of this now, but this week, due to things that have been happening in my life, I have found my self repeatedly exclaiming 'Something's got to give!', which reflects what happened with the dam in Northern England, and Neptune opposed to debilitated Saturn.
What is it that has got to give in your life, concerning 'the other half'? How is 'the other' the buckling dam, and you the deluge?
Sorry to go on, but your post set off a chain reaction of thoughts for me.
