Help: I am losing my mind and I don't know where else to turn to.

Hi everyone,

Would like to introduce myself first: 27 Male who has an interest in astrology. Here's my story: (Sorry for the length but this already feels so therapeutic for me)

I met my love (let's call her NP) at my current job 2 years ago. My cousin had committed suicide and I had recently gotten out of a horrible, abusive 2 year relationship. I decided to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro after this and truly felt my life was "cleared up" and "reset".

NP was amazing, beautiful and caring. We got close, and kissed. She immediately told me she couldn't be with me because of her family obligations (Also, we are both from strict South Asian families). Yet, we still hooked up (no sex) after I got told no.

After a while, I really fell for her. She "broke it off" with me after some trivial arguments we had and said that we couldn't do this at our job anymore as the rumors kept arising.

Devastated, I consulted a psychic. She told me this woman was my twin flame soulmate and I was going to marry her. I kept going to this psychic to help myself and her.

Going to work was soul-crushing for me but the psychic kept telling me NP still loved me. NP kept texting me however and tried to keep in contact with me which made the pain even worse.

After 6 months, we start talking again and kissed again (still no sex). After starting it again, NP all of sudden quits her job. I am utterly baffled by this to this day. I was so angry at the psychic not being able to prevent or warn me about this so I stopped seeing her. In hindsight this was probably a bad move but I can't change the past.

It will be one year next month since she left. Yet, she still texts me about once every 10 days to check up on me. NP always says she wants to meet up but it never happens or she cancels last minute.

We never had sex, but I can't stop thinking about this woman. I have traveled extensively to try to forget her. I have kissed other women (I can't even bring myself to sleep with other women). It just won't go away.

Her texts make it worse because maybe I can move on (the psychic still believes she is my twin flame) but I can't when I see that she still thinks of me.

I have read about twin flames and I think I'm "the runner" in this relationship.

I can't move on from this. I sleep with her on my mind, I wake up to her, my whole being is engulfed in thinking about her.

What do I do?

MY CHARTS:

Synastry Chart:
She's outside

http://i.imgur.com/RHytk.gif

Composite Chart:

http://i.imgur.com/Wgm6A.gif


And a cafe astrology profile with both of our birth times: http://goo.gl/xuIhF

If someone could maybe look at the charts and/or offer some advice with twin flames, please feel free, I really don't know where else to go. From my own novice understandings, we have a lot of good trines and sextiles and a lot of hard aspects as well.

I also cross posted this exact message in the linda goodman forums if anyone noticed btw.

Thanks for reading,

TheInnerSpirit

Thank you for your insightful advice. What is interesting to note is we are both from very religious families as well. I was born into a Buddhist one while she is from a Hindu one, which both emphasize meditation.

I used to meet with one of my Elder monks in my temple and practiced Samadhi (breathing) meditation once a week but I stopped going for a while.

I will definitely start it up again.

TheInnerSpirit said:

Thank you for your insightful advice. What is interesting to note is we are both from very religious families as well. I was born into a Buddhist one while she is from a Hindu one, which both emphasize meditation.

I used to meet with one of my Elder monks in my temple and practiced Samadhi (breathing) meditation once a week but I stopped going for a while.

I will definitely start it up again .

Click to expand...

That's good news The Inner Spirit, to meet with one of your Elder monks is maybe the best action you can take at the moment, because perhaps surprisingly - given their celibate lifestyle - monks are frequently insightful with good advice to offer, particularly on calming the emotions. Focusing on the breath is very grounding

Bumping up

TheInnerSpirit said:

Bumping up

Click to expand...

I would be willing to look at your charts, but they are too cluttered for me to easily read and I need to see your natal and hers separately and then the synastry chart. Please make them at astro.com to exclude all the asteroids, just the planets and Chiron.

Use the following settings for your natal chart and hers:
Type of chart: natal chart and transits
House System: whole sign
Reduce/Increase orbs: 85
Additional Objects: Select only => Add aspect lines to Chiron

Then please redo the synastry chart also to be:
House System: whole sign
Reduce/Increase orbs: 85
Additional Objects: Select only => Add aspect lines to Chiron

Instead of copying the charts directly into your new post, save the three charts to your computer and then upload them as attachments in a new post to this thread. If you do it that way, I can go between the charts easier, making it easier to analyze all the information.

Hi IleneK,

First off, thank you so much for your help, really appreciate it.
Alright, so I followed your instructions and I think I got it

TheInnerSpirit said:

Hi IleneK,

First off, thank you so much for your help, really appreciate it.
Alright, so I followed your instructions and I think I got it

Click to expand...

Hi,

You are welcome. Now I'll take little time to look and I'll post back here...

how is she your soulmate, the composite shows too many squares and opposites including mercury/venus opposite mars...

basically its 3 major squares and the relationship will end, there seems to be too many challenges.

Thanks for your input gen6k.

I don't disagree with anything you've said because we have definitely fought when we were "together" yet she continues to keep it lingering.


I still feel the relationship has a fated aspect to it though.

TheInnerSpirit said:

Thanks for your input gen6k.

I don't disagree with anything you've said because we have definitely fought when we were "together" yet she continues to keep it lingering.


I still feel the relationship has a fated aspect to it though.

Click to expand...

gen6k makes good points.

Both your Venuses, the way you relate and approach relationship, oppose each other. That, with the other hard aspects, points to great difficulty.

The reason that the relationship may seem fated to you and why she may be lingering or uncertain [although not so uncertain that she would not quit the job that gave you daily contact] is that you both have Venus trine Neptune natally. She has Moon conjunct Neptune as well. With Neptune so situated, neither of you can see relationship very objectively or clearly. So it is Neptune's fog of idealization or delusion that seems present. Even how she permeates your dreams is Neptunian, but I don't really see any particularly fated connections between you.

You were born so close together that many of your outer planets conjunct. But it is the hard aspects, especially the square from her Sun to your Moon, that do not bode well. I believe you will greatly benefit from releasing yourself from this situation as soon as you are able.

[FONT=&quot]Hello Inner Spirit,

I'm really sorry to hear about your agony. I agree with the others that this person is perhaps not your soul flame in that a soul mate would make you feel more like yourself, instead of being out of your elements like you are right now.

However, given its intense nature, perhaps there is a karmic lesson here. One of the most important things that we have come here to learn, is how to give and receive love. Right now, that desire is frustrated. How can you go from here? We cannot know in advance the nature of this encounter, other than that sometimes you just have to move things forward, at the risk of losing everything; and other times, you just have to let go and let be.

A significant relationship doesn't have to be a long relationship. It also doesn't have to be reciprocated. She may simply be the catalyst for a deep change within yourself, whereas you have virtually no significance for her... This is a possibility...

I found this for you. Hopefully it will bring you some comfort at times of difficulty such as this:

http://rubyslipper.ca/2012/05/recognizing-and-dealing-with-karmic-relationships/

http://sasstrology.com/2012/02/what...g-karmic-debts-in-romantic-relationships.html
[/FONT]

Thank you all for your great advice. It's not what I wanted to hear but the overwhelming evidence points to what you guys are saying.


So it goes.