So to give more context, I lost my father this year, he passed away. While we were at odds, it was a defining moment for me because I really loved him and we were growing closer over the years. As I work through my Saturn return, some big events have happened.
A city I grew very attached to, I had to leave because of how bad the COVID restrictions got there. Financially, it was also not making much sense either. Now I am in another city and adjusting to life there. It is odd though because it seems like themes from my early 20s are resurfacing a bit and it is like life is looking at me and saying "so, what's gonna be different this time?".
I remember the me of my early twenties and mid-twenties who wanted lots of friends and to fit in, to belong to a crowd, and to have that validation of having a crew. A part of me remembers being almost bitter because he could not have that social life be it in college or afterward. So much toxic and angry thoughts filled me up.
Same thing I witness in my new city as I have had no social life here but it is like I am almost fulfilled with my solitude. Like I am by myself and alone but for some strange reason, I am happy with it. Could be a 12th house lesson of finding solitude in yourself and taking pride in that instead of wanting friends and social relationships.
Next up, I am having to tighten down on my daily routine. I have had to be selfish with my time and really block off a lot of friends and family because what they are doing is not of any beneift to my daily routine. That has been a journey but I have found myself often fighting hard for ME TIME because always something comes up to snatch it away.