Unstable and confusing relationship.

I would appreciate it if anyone can help me understand the dynamics between myself and a man I have been seeing on and off for the past year. He does frequent disappearing acts without any warning or apparent reason.

Our synastry shows a few stressful aspects like my his and his which are opposed in his natal chart. But we also have positive aspects - I have my his Asc and his my .

The Composite, on the other hand shows more stess and instability...Saturn making various stressful aspects and and which I guess explains the on again off again nature of the relationship.

But what I don't understand is why I am so hooked on this guy and I can't end it...and why he is being alusive - he wont commit to anything but neither will he cut me loose!

If anyone can give any insight it would be a big help as this situation is driving me insane

petal said:

I would appreciate it if anyone can help me understand the dynamics between myself and a man I have been seeing on and off for the past year. He does frequent disappearing acts without any warning or apparent reason.

Our synastry shows a few stressful aspects like my his and his which are opposed in his natal chart. But we also have positive aspects - I have my his Asc and his my .

The Composite, on the other hand shows more stess and instability...Saturn making various stressful aspects and and which I guess explains the on again off again nature of the relationship.

But what I don't understand is why I am so hooked on this guy and I can't end it...and why he is being alusive - he wont commit to anything but neither will he cut me loose!

If anyone can give any insight it would be a big help as this situation is driving me insane

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He has Mercury in Scorpio, opposing his Mars in Taurus. What he says is in direct opposition to what he really desires. He constantly gets in his own way, trips over his own feet, just before putting them in his mouth. In other words, you may never know what his intentions are, because he does not really know either. He says one thing, but does another. It is as frustrating to him as it is to you however.
Men with this opposition, especially in Venus/Mars ruled signs, have a very difficult time
navigating relationships. His mind and his mouth can be saying one thing, even as he knows full well he is already in the process of doing the opposite. It is not even like they are 'lying' in a planned out manner, it is just that they are so impulsive and reactionary, that things change--drastically and quite often.

Your Moon sits on his oppostion, and your Sun makes it into a t-square. So you take this all so personally that it gives you stomach aches. You may have a gastric ulcer if you do not learn how to not take it so much to heart. It is not YOU he keeps running from, it is himself.

the confusion comes from the biwildering disconnect for the words ,plans ,common direct toward a serious longterm relationaship/marriage and the seeming total lack of emotional bonding and consideration.
there both intense attraction that somehow degenerates to mutual ignorance.this seems to be a"bipolar" relationship with such drastic emotional polarities.
the relationship is stable on function,reality levels but emotionally it is very dissonant.

rahu

Thanks for your input Katydid,

I see what you mean about him saying one thing and doing another, even when he promises something and it appears certain, the next day he might act as if it was never mentioned! And yes, his actions have a huge impact on my emotions...and it is giving me an ulcer But my venus in virgo trines his mars in taurus and sextiles his mercury in scorpio - shouldn't this lessen the tension and help him express his thoughts and desires?

Thanks rahu,

"Bipolar" does ring true with the current situation. Please can you explain if you read this from the composite chart - what aspects are causing the problem with bonding and why does the attraction degenerate? I think he is inconsiderate of me...but my feelings towards him are constant and genuine...and as you said the attraction is very intense... and that aspect of our relationship is mutual I feel. I am guessing that the problems are to do with the positions of saturn and uranus...

I'm only just learning how to read composites and I usually rely on synastry...but I would realy appreciate some help interpreting these aspects.

Thanks again for your time.

ps. his venus at 1.50 sag is within 1 degree conjunct my vertex and out of sign conjunct my NN at 28 degrees scorpio, if that helps explain the intensity of my feelings (I dont know if it goes both ways with these points).

petal said:

Thanks for your input Katydid,

I see what you mean about him saying one thing and doing another, even when he promises something and it appears certain, the next day he might act as if it was never mentioned! And yes, his actions have a huge impact on my emotions...and it is giving me an ulcer But my venus in virgo trines his mars in taurus and sextiles his mercury in scorpio - shouldn't this lessen the tension and help him express his thoughts and desires?

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Your venus in Virgo allows you to adjust YOUR reactions long enough to keep the relationship intact. As it trines his mars, and sextiles his mercury, it understands him, and condones his behavior, and does not demand anything different. other than trying to figure out what YOU might do differently next time.

Here is an example of how your venus in Virgo tries to release thr tension from his own mercury/mars turmoil;
While in a glorious mars in Taurus mood, he announces plans to whisk you away for the coming weekend. Don't make any other plans he says, cuz we are going go play.
On Friday night you eagerly show up with your overnight case , and he says 'Where do you think you're going?"

So , in an effort to ease tension, Venus in Virgo says, " Note to self, next time leave the case in the car until he mentions the trip himself.'

Honestly, Venus in Virgo is no match for a fixed opposition between mars and mercury.
All you can really do from that position is damage control.

Your natal Sun/Moon square is possibly what keeps you here. You may not know that you do NOT have to be treated this way. Did your dad treat your Mom like this?
Did you feel like having to be the peacemaker there as well?

katydid said:

Your venus in Virgo allows you to adjust YOUR reactions long enough to keep the relationship intact. As it trines his mars, and sextiles his mercury, it understands him, and condones his behavior, and does not demand anything different. other than trying to figure out what YOU might do differently next time.

Here is an example of how your venus in Virgo tries to release thr tension from his own mercury/mars turmoil;
While in a glorious mars in Taurus mood, he announces plans to whisk you away for the coming weekend. Don't make any other plans he says, cuz we are going go play.
On Friday night you eagerly show up with your overnight case , and he says 'Where do you think you're going?"

So , in an effort to ease tension, Venus in Virgo says, " Note to self, next time leave the case in the car until he mentions the trip himself.'

Honestly, Venus in Virgo is no match for a fixed opposition between mars and mercury.
All you can really do from that position is damage control.

Your natal Sun/Moon square is possibly what keeps you here. You may not know that you do NOT have to be treated this way. Did your dad treat your Mom like this?
Did you feel like having to be the peacemaker there as well?

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Ha! Indeed, the going away scenario did happen...he didnt exactly say those words, but the outcome and me noting to self to wait until he brings it up himself is spot on!

And yes, different situation but dad did treat mum that way - they divorced many years ago...

But I though that my sun/moon square made me more of a 'villain' than a peacemaker! Though I do in my more rational moments wonder why I allow this situation to go on

Thanks, this is all very insightful!

petal said:

Ha! Indeed, the going away scenario did happen...he didnt exactly say those words, but the outcome and me noting to self to wait until he brings it up himself is spot on!

And yes, different situation but dad did treat mum that way - they divorced many years ago...

But I though that my sun/moon square made me more of a 'villain' than a peacemaker! Though I do in my more rational moments wonder why I allow this situation to go on

Thanks, this is all very insightful!

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They divorced many years ago but it is still heavy on your heart. Sun/Moon squares may hold in past painful losses and turn them into their own sense of failure. Like you cannot 'believe' that your relationships could be any different than what you know from the past.
So first major step is seeing it can be done better.
Rather than having to be the villain, you allow him to take on that role for you. If you were with a mellow, nurturing guy who only spoke the truth, you might well take on the villain role just to spice things up a bit.

I think that you may allow this situation to go on because you are still working out your past issues concerning male/female--mom/dad and power struggles that ensue. You are learning to stand up for yourself, to expect more from others and to expect more for yourself.
When they divorced, was Mom left adrift with the kids? And did you promise yourself that you would not make the mistakes she did, that made her feel lost and alone?

katydid said:

They divorced many years ago but it is still heavy on your heart. Sun/Moon squares may hold in past painful losses and turn them into their own sense of failure. Like you cannot 'believe' that your relationships could be any different than what you know from the past.
So first major step is seeing it can be done better.
Rather than having to be the villain, you allow him to take on that role for you. If you were with a mellow, nurturing guy who only spoke the truth, you might well take on the villain role just to spice things up a bit.

I think that you may allow this situation to go on because you are still working out your past issues concerning male/female--mom/dad and power struggles that ensue. You are learning to stand up for yourself, to expect more from others and to expect more for yourself.
When they divorced, was Mom left adrift with the kids? And did you promise yourself that you would not make the mistakes she did, that made her feel lost and alone?

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Yes she was...and yes I did promise myself that...though I havent done a good job of it so far

And I do tend to get addicted to these types...though he is by far my greatest passion . I just think that if he didnt want me then he would have finished it and forgotten about me by now rather than keeping me hanging. I guess i'm just dillusional...

But there are aspects that show he likes me, no? Perhaps it's one-sided...because most of his planets aspect my sun, so he's more important to me than I am to him??

Just BTW, I seem to meet a lot of guys with sun/uranus conjunction and moon/pluto hard aspect - perhaps that's something to do with issues have too.

petal said:

Yes she was...and yes I did promise myself that...though I havent done a good job of it so far

And I do tend to get addicted to these types...though he is by far my greatest passion . I just think that if he didnt want me then he would have finished it and forgotten about me by now rather than keeping me hanging. I guess i'm just dillusional...

But there are aspects that show he likes me, no? Perhaps it's one-sided...because most of his planets aspect my sun, so he's more important to me than I am to him??

Just BTW, I seem to meet a lot of guys with sun/uranus conjunction and moon/pluto hard aspect - perhaps that's something to do with issues have too.

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My sweet Petal,
It is not about him wanting you or not. Of course he does, he LOVES you. The real question is whether he is capable of treating you and LOVING you like you deserve to be loved.
I would guess that the reason you attract so many unsettling relationships[sun/uranus, moon/pluto squares] is that you are working out your early life traumas as best you can.
Your Venus in Virgo is traumatized, and plays NANCY NURSE FOR OTHERS, so she can avoid dealing with her own war wounds.
If you truly want to get this relationship pn track, then perhaps counseling for yourself would be helpful, to help you to understand why you would allow yourself to get ulcers in the name of love. This is not about HIM, it is about you. Saturn is in your Venus sign now to help you work this stuff out.

petal said:

Yes she was...and yes I did promise myself that...though I havent done a good job of it so far

And I do tend to get addicted to these types...though he is by far my greatest passion . I just think that if he didnt want me then he would have finished it and forgotten about me by now rather than keeping me hanging. I guess i'm just dillusional...

But there are aspects that show he likes me, no? Perhaps it's one-sided...because most of his planets aspect my sun, so he's more important to me than I am to him??

Just BTW, I seem to meet a lot of guys with sun/uranus conjunction and moon/pluto hard aspect - perhaps that's something to do with issues have too.

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t.

You have Saturn on the ascendant, in Cancer. That might indicate that your father had a great impact upon your emotional life. Your freedom was restricted somehow. Maybe it was just the lingering sense of sadness, or the lack of feeling protected after their divorce. But that is like a raw emotional wound, hanging out in the open, waiting for others to take advantage of your neediness and longing.

This man you are in love with now has a very strong Saturn connection to your chart, and in some ways brings your father's memory back home. He has Moon opposed Pluto, which forms a t-square to his Saturn in your 12th, and squaring your Pluto in the 4th.

You're going to fight tooth and nail to make him [ your father/ saturn] LOVE you, and to stay with you and not abandon you. Even if he is cold, stubborn , irrational and wrong, it is up to YOU to make him stay. Can you see the trap here?

katydid said:

t.

You have Saturn on the ascendant, in Cancer. That might indicate that your father had a great impact upon your emotional life. Your freedom was restricted somehow. Maybe it was just the lingering sense of sadness, or the lack of feeling protected after their divorce. But that is like a raw emotional wound, hanging out in the open, waiting for others to take advantage of your neediness and longing.

This man you are in love with now has a very strong Saturn connection to your chart, and in some ways brings your father's memory back home. He has Moon opposed Pluto, which forms a t-square to his Saturn in your 12th, and squaring your Pluto in the 4th.

You're going to fight tooth and nail to make him [ your father/ saturn] LOVE you, and to stay with you and not abandon you. Even if he is cold, stubborn , irrational and wrong, it is up to YOU to make him stay. Can you see the trap here?

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Again, you have a point! And there is a father type connection with this guy...erm, not as in he is like my father (they are very different), rather I do sometimes feel that he treats me like a child...and I also tend to look up to him for some reason -- perhaps this is why!

So his saturn in my 12th re-awakens feelings that I've buried? I know that my saturn/asc has been an issue all my life...though I don't think I come across as needy - I'm quite reserved (saturnian, perhaps ) in expressing my needs/longings.

This guy has definitely touched a sore (previously untouched) spot with me. However, I think he probably has just as many 'issues' if not more than me. And he is also going through a pluto transit which is squaring his moon and pluto and opposing his saturn!! To be honest, I have been making allowances because of that, thinking that he'll come out of it at some point. I've experienced his good side too...even if only periodically and always followed by distance/indifference.

But as I understand you, the dynamics will never change with this man and I will have to make all the concessions...and even then, he will at some point leave because of these past issues that I have??

This is great...and even though I don't want to go into too much detail on a public forum, its very much on the mark!

You're right. Pluto currently squaring his natal Moon might come to your rescue. He does LOVE you imo.
His lunar aspects are pretty brutal so he had it much worse than you did coming up I bet. So I see why your Venus in Virgo cuts him slack. As long as you look out for yourself, it's all good.
I would still suggest that you do some healing work on yourself , in preparation for Saturn on your Venus. Your natal Venus is a very well aspected part of your natal chart, and the place you have learned to take solace. Saturn taking over may be quite a test for you. It is always good to study for a test. PM me if you want to take this offline.

Just to update: I told him to get lost and now he seems to want me again!

I'm thinking that, aside from the fact that he has 'issues' and will never be a regular relationship type of guy, that it must be his mars closely conjunct my moon - thrill of the chase and all that!

I'm not going back, but just out of interest, has anyone had any experience with moon/mars aspects?