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  #1  
Unread 05-07-2014, 05:58 PM
InspiredLunacy InspiredLunacy is offline
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Unhappy Am I going to be okay...?

I've been having a difficult time dealing with different areas of my life. I'm sure this is a major transit that's forcing me to deal with it all in order to grow. This has left me with a few questions regarding my future at this point.

As another (extremely helpful and kind!) user pointed out in an horary post I made, I'm going through a bit of a depressive state, feeling unmotivated and scared of so much. The aforementioned post gave me a lot of hope - more than I've had in a while - so I wonder if there's anything else I might have going for me soon?

A lingering fear of mine is that I'll never find lasting happiness in love, so if anyone can give me any in-depth clues as to who or what my future love will be like, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I guess overall, I hope that my future is more fulfilling than my past has been, so any signs of meaningful growth in my chart would be great to know about too.

Thank you so much in advance!
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  #2  
Unread 05-07-2014, 06:05 PM
Zarathu Zarathu is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

Quote:
Originally Posted by InspiredLunacy View Post
I've been having a difficult time dealing with different areas of my life. I'm sure this is a major transit that's forcing me to deal with it all in order to grow. This has left me with a few questions regarding my future at this point.

As another (extremely helpful and kind!) user pointed out in an horary post I made, I'm going through a bit of a depressive state, feeling unmotivated and scared of so much. The aforementioned post gave me a lot of hope - more than I've had in a while - so I wonder if there's anything else I might have going for me soon?

A lingering fear of mine is that I'll never find lasting happiness in love, so if anyone can give me any in-depth clues as to who or what my future love will be like, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I guess overall, I hope that my future is more fulfilling than my past has been, so any signs of meaningful growth in my chart would be great to know about too.

Thank you so much in advance!
Two Questions:

1. Did you move away from your birth place during the first 4 years of life, and if so, at what month were you in these moves; and at specifically what town were these moves made toward.

2. You appear to be looking for only wonderful things to bolster your difficult times at the moment. This means that you seem to be saying that if there are not wonderful things that will make things better, you don't want to hear about them, because you are simply too fragile to work on anything at the moment.

This does make it difficult to work on your chart because clearly you have struggles that need to be addressed or you wouldn't be in the position you are in now. There are, unfortunately, no magic wands in life.

Z





[P.S.: I am asking questions to decide if I am interested in pursuing your issues astrologically, not because I am offering or planning to do so immediately.]
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  #3  
Unread 05-07-2014, 08:54 PM
InspiredLunacy InspiredLunacy is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

Hi again, Zarathu.

1. I was born in Glen Oaks (Queens), NY in a hospital. For about the first three years of my life, I lived with my father. However, my parents then divorced (around June of 1991) and I moved into another apartment with my mother, also in Queens. I was never allowed to visit his apartment again until he fell ill, shortly before his death.

2. No, I'm not looking only for the "wonderful" things. However, I'm also not sure what person who is going through something difficult wouldn't want to hear some good news. I of course don't expect anything to be that simple and you shouldn't make that assumption about me. My life thus far has been a trial by fire, but here I am. It isn't very fair to say that I'm not willing to hear anything negative simply because of what you assume about me from one post. I'm sure there's plenty of negative things that I've been clinging to that I need to shed, but I'm not one to adapt so fast, unfortunately. My question was essentially trying to understand whether that time has come, since there have been a series of losses and heartaches I've experienced in the past 4 years (including the deaths of my grandfather/father and two breakups - one from someone I'd dated when I was 14 and he was 28, and another from someone my age who was both mentally and physically abusive).

I've endured much abuse from people I trusted throughout my life and as I am in a place where I've developed more strength on my own, I don't fear admitting that it is a scary time for me. Maybe the answers I seek are to be found elsewhere, and the connections and lessons I hope to learn won't given to me here. I honestly expect nothing, but I do live for glimmers of hope. I think it's the one thing that has kept me alive and I don't want that to ever fade - for the sake of whoever I might know in the future. I don't even expect respect from anyone here since you and others are obviously far more knowledgeable in this subject than I am, but there's no need to make condescending comments about magic wands fixing everything for me. I'm aware.

I asked these questions both for fun, but also as a distraction from the undeniable pain I've been experiencing on a daily basis recently. I honestly haven't felt this level of depression and anxiety since I was a teenager - which scares me considering what that was like. However, if my case doesn't interest you, thanks for taking the time to respond to my posts anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarathu View Post
Two Questions:

1. Did you move away from your birth place during the first 4 years of life, and if so, at what month were you in these moves; and at specifically what town were these moves made toward.

2. You appear to be looking for only wonderful things to bolster your difficult times at the moment. This means that you seem to be saying that if there are not wonderful things that will make things better, you don't want to hear about them, because you are simply too fragile to work on anything at the moment.

This does make it difficult to work on your chart because clearly you have struggles that need to be addressed or you wouldn't be in the position you are in now. There are, unfortunately, no magic wands in life.

Z





[P.S.: I am asking questions to decide if I am interested in pursuing your issues astrologically, not because I am offering or planning to do so immediately.]
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  #4  
Unread 05-07-2014, 09:27 PM
Zarathu Zarathu is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

I hope that you find what you need. However, many of us here are not in astrology for fun or distraction. I have spend 45 years of my life studying the subject.

From what you've said, I don't believe that you will find what you want in astrology, unless you also get someone who just dabbles in it for fun and distraction too.

Considering your response to my willingness to spend hours of my personal time studying your chart, I wouldn't now touch your case with a ten foot pole.

Anyone who doesn't provide the distraction that you are looking for here may also be treated to your assumption that our willingness, out of the goodness of our hearts to spend lots personal time for you, is actually an attack, simply because we asked to questions to qualify and be more accurate in our explanations.

Please find a real person to talk to. While you have not strayed into anything yet that would close down your thread, you clearly need more than a little astrology for assistance.

Good luck to you.

Zarathu
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  #5  
Unread 05-07-2014, 09:32 PM
InspiredLunacy InspiredLunacy is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

Thank you

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Originally Posted by Zarathu View Post

Considering your response to my willingness to spend hours of my personal time studying your chart, I wouldn't now touch your case with a ten foot pole.
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  #6  
Unread 05-07-2014, 09:59 PM
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

IL, I haven't spent hours on your chart (yikes!) but have some less considered thoughts about it.

You've got sun square Neptune and moon opposite Saturn. Both of these can contribute to self-esteem problems. With the first one, the sun is your identity but Neptune deals with illusion and disillusionment, so it is hard to develop a realistic sense of self where Neptune is involved. There can actually be a strong spiritual streak (with Jupiter involved,) a kind of longing to merge with the divine. Unfortunately this aspect can lead to "short cuts" like drug and alcohol abuse; so I hope you steer clear of these substances as you are likely very sensitive to them. (Neptune square Jupiter can be the aspect of, "If a little is good, a lot is better.")

Then the moon symbolizes your emotions, and Saturn often shows where and how we feel frustrated or inadequate. Your moon also conjuncts a planetoid called Chiron, who shows "where it hurts." So you are probably very hard on yourself, and take other people's rudeness or criticism of you deeply to heart, rather than just shrugging it off and thinking, "What's the matter with her?"

Obviously these two "strikes" can make it hard to enter into a solid relationship because if your self-esteem suffers, you are likely to look for a love interest to supply enough strokes to boost your self-esteem. This is a difficult burden to place on someone else.

However, once you take a stand for yourself as a self-actualizing human being who deserves a great life and is prepared to create it, I see no reason why you can't have a good love life. Your Venus in Pisces makes some nice aspects. Your sun conjuncts your NN, suggesting to me that your growth comes from developing a stronger sense of identity. Just because you say so.
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  #7  
Unread 05-07-2014, 10:50 PM
InspiredLunacy InspiredLunacy is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

Hehe, well no matter the amount of time spent, I appreciate you taking the time at all.

But thank you so much for that response. Since I know already that this is an important time for me, I can see these areas you mentioned as those parts of me that I need to pay closer attention to in order to change them into positive attributes.

Thankfully I haven't been prone to abusing drugs or alcohol, but I have had a tendency in the past to buy unnecessary things or give into fantasy oriented things (like movie marathons/video games/internet) when I'm feeling especially low. Are those part of the Neptune aspect? As a child, I wasn't really allowed to socialize and had a lot of strict rules placed on me, so I definitely spent a lot of time writing and doing stereotypical introverted things to ward off the loneliness.

Quote:
Obviously these two "strikes" can make it hard to enter into a solid relationship because if your self-esteem suffers, you are likely to look for a love interest to supply enough strokes to boost your self-esteem. This is a difficult burden to place on someone else.
This is such an important lesson for me. I've known it for sometime, and it's funny because I could never stand to see anyone else go through the process of defining themselves based on the love of another - but that is precisely what I have done in the past. And not only was it unfair to those that I placed the burden of being my sole source of love and happiness, but I suffered a lot of setbacks in terms of my own growth as an adult.

I'm still in school and working towards becoming a social worker now, but for a long time I had no set goals for myself, career-wise (a lot of that stemmed from not believing I'd live past 18...). And like you said, and as I'm starting to see as I slowly make my way towards that goal, I'm beginning to appreciate and accept myself more and punish myself for perceived faults much less. It really does help to understand the flaws in my chart and my personality though so that I can make a conscious effort to fight that tide.

Again, thanks so much for your response. It was very insightful - and helps me figure out the state of mind I've been in lately.

P.S. Does Chiron only influence my moon, or does it extend to other planets? Does Saturn in my chart hinder anything beyond my emotions (i.e. career, etc.)? You don't have to answer all that, I'm just curious.
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  #8  
Unread 05-08-2014, 04:06 AM
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

Thanks for the feedback!

Neptune deals with unreality. Fantasy is another way of putting it. I think there is good evidence that Neptune rules film and television as forms of escapism into fictional worlds.

Saturn, in contrast, deals with reality in all of its material manifestations. For example, if you charge a purchase to your credit card, it will show up on your monthly statement, whether or not you knew you had the money to cover it or unrealistically hoped that "something will turn up" to allow you to pay off the charge. Neptune (or Jupiter) say, "Buy what you want-- you'll find the money?" But Saturn says we better know exactly where the money will come from before we hand over the plastic to the cashier However, Saturn has a second nature as the critical parent or teacher, for whom we can seldom do things good enough. Saturn is, however, our greatest teacher, rewarding patience, perseverance, deferred gratification, and hard work. Did you ever see the film, The Karate Kid? Saturn is like Mr. Miyagi: we don't always understand his discipline, yet it invariably helps us later in life if we learn his lessons.

Are you familiar with how aspects work in astrology? Check out the red and blue lines on the horoscope, or read the aspectarian (aspect grid) published alongside Astrodienst charts. See what they tell you about Chiron and Saturn!
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My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world. Jack Layton, "Letter to Canadians"

I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

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  #9  
Unread 05-08-2014, 01:48 PM
InspiredLunacy InspiredLunacy is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

*sigh* Saturn. lol
I like the Mr. Miyagi comparison you made there. ^_-

Yeah, it's difficult to see the forest for the trees sometimes, but I think I'm training myself to be grateful for those moments (such as now) where everything seems to being going wrong and to understand that it's all necessary in the grand scheme. I think I'm going into a Saturn return - should I be worried? I'm hopeful something good will come of it. I am trying to take the steps I need to in order to move forward, but as I said before in another post, I haven't felt this depressed since I was a teen. The difference now, of course, is that I know it gets better - and then worse - then it balances out (kinda ).

I do worry about regressing, but like you said, I just have to remember to be patient when things don't happen right away, persevere even if I feel like I'm going to fail, work hard when it all seems pointless and lay off the instant gratification in exchange for something more worthwhile. Wax on, wax off.

I really should learn about those aspects on Astrodienst. I remember I used to play around with the interactive chart and click on the lines years ago, but they didn't make sense then. Perhaps they will now...

You mentioned before something about my Venus in Pisces having some nice aspects. I was just wondering what those could be. I've read general descriptions of Venus in Pisces, and the placement of Venus in House I, but apart from that I don't really know much else about how it affects my chart overall.

Thanks again for your response, waybread! Sorry if I ramble when I reply - just excited to learn more about my chart.
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Unread 05-08-2014, 07:05 PM
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

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Originally Posted by InspiredLunacy View Post
*sigh* Saturn. lol
I like the Mr. Miyagi comparison you made there. ^_-

Yeah, it's difficult to see the forest for the trees sometimes, but I think I'm training myself to be grateful for those moments (such as now) where everything seems to being going wrong and to understand that it's all necessary in the grand scheme. I think I'm going into a Saturn return - should I be worried? I'm hopeful something good will come of it. I am trying to take the steps I need to in order to move forward, but as I said before in another post, I haven't felt this depressed since I was a teen. The difference now, of course, is that I know it gets better - and then worse - then it balances out (kinda ).

I do worry about regressing, but like you said, I just have to remember to be patient when things don't happen right away, persevere even if I feel like I'm going to fail, work hard when it all seems pointless and lay off the instant gratification in exchange for something more worthwhile. Wax on, wax off.

I really should learn about those aspects on Astrodienst. I remember I used to play around with the interactive chart and click on the lines years ago, but they didn't make sense then. Perhaps they will now...

You mentioned before something about my Venus in Pisces having some nice aspects. I was just wondering what those could be. I've read general descriptions of Venus in Pisces, and the placement of Venus in House I, but apart from that I don't really know much else about how it affects my chart overall.

Thanks again for your response, waybread! Sorry if I ramble when I reply - just excited to learn more about my chart.
I'd like to touch on one other thing about Saturn. You've been through a lot. It is completely understandable how you feel. Saturn can be considered the strict disciplinarian because it's the "you're not allowed" planet in it's more difficult manifestation. Opposing moon, that can be "you're not allowed to have those feelings". But ultimately, it shows your strength, and those feelings need to be "allowed" in the sense that you accept yourself and your situation, but draw on your strength to pull yourself up.

Your sun is conjunct North Node and Jupiter in Aries, trine Saturn. This says to me that your Sun will pull you through a lot of hardship and depression. We tend to "fall back on" or be comfortable with the South Node position, which is in 8th house Libra. 8th house is about sex, about the resources of others, about hidden things and secrets. Libra is the sign of one-to-one relationships, harmony, passiveness; the opposite of Aries. You may tend to "fall back" on these things and that gets in the way of personal growth. Asserting yourself and not giving into others might be something you are continuously working on to do appropriately, and it brings you a lot of trouble and yet is important to your growth as a person. (this is shown in a few other aspects as well, such as Sun ruling your 7th house)

Venus in 1st house Pisces is also tied to this. 1st house is your identity, the house said to be represented by Aries. Venus is the planet that shows how we love and what we value. Pisces is a sign of empathy, of spiritual connections, of fantasies, ruled by Neptune. Neptune makes a sextile to Venus from he 11th, a creative aspect showing you are dreamy and idealistic, perhaps even an artist either through writing, a visual medium or music (loose conjunction with Mercury). Music likely has a strong effect on you especially.

Your values and ideals, your empathy and your ability to love deeply can define you (trine to Pluto), and this may be how you try to assert yourself, through love relationships... but this isn't your full potential and causes disillusionment (Sun square Neptune). Mars is on your IC in Taurus (and so ruled by Venus) and square your Venus. Mars is important (on an angle) but overpowered, and this causes tension. You may tend toward inaction in asserting yourself, or trying to "sacrifice" your desires, but instead you end up asserting yourself subversive ways without conscious consideration, or opening yourself up to abusive behavior from men, as you've mentioned.

Mercury is also really important in all this because it's part of a t-square with your Moon and Uranus/Saturn opposition in the 5th/11th houses. You may resolve a lot of your feelings through some kind of art... writing, poetry, painting, playing an instrument, some kind of creative outlet. Perhaps a physical activity, acting/theater, games or competitions... these activities can be very therapeutic or a strong focus in some way where you can excel and build self-esteem.

You have an Aquarius ASC, ruled by Sag Uranus square Pisces Mercury, and with your Sun in Aries, I'm wagering you're very unique. You have a lot to offer and probably have a exciting, different or refreshing outlook on a lot of things. You say you like fantasy genre... do you write your own fantasy fiction? If you do you are probably good at it. You should embrace your different-ness.

...

Something very odd as well. You said your father recently died? I have a friend who was born 4 days before you and her father also died a few years ago... I wonder what that means.

Anyway, I hope this is sorta helpful. I'm not a professional astrologer and I'm not even a great novice, but you deserve whatever we have to offer here, imo. I hope you are able to push through all the hardships... heal, grow, and be happy. -hug- And remember, whatever doesn't kill us, makes us stranger.

Last edited by Flapjacks; 05-08-2014 at 10:31 PM.
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  #11  
Unread 05-08-2014, 08:29 PM
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

Aspects are just crucial in astrology!! Sadly so many learners stop at the "planets in signs" and "planets in houses" level. Aspects help you to put the chart together. Think of them like degrees of separation between planets. There are five major aspects, and an indefinite number of minor aspects. Sometimes they connect to form patterns in the chart, such as the T-square. Basically sextiles (60 degrees) and trines (120 degrees) are experienced as harmonious. Squares (90) and oppositions (180) are experienced as stressful. With conjunctions (0 degrees of separation) the nature of the relationship depends upon the planets involved. The aspects don't have to be exact, and are allowed with an orb of varying width depending upon the planets and aspects involved.

Flapjacks wrote:

Quote:
Saturn can be considered the strict disciplinarian because it's the "you're not allowed" planet in it's more difficult manifestation. Opposing moon, that can be "you're not allowed to have those feelings". But ultimately, it shows your strength, and those feelings need to be "allowed" in the sense that you accept yourself and your situation, but draw on your strength to pull yourself up.
I'd not heard Saturn explained this way, but I really like it. Then it's up to the other planet to say, "Yes I am allowed, but I am ready to be guided by your sense of self-discipline."
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My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world. Jack Layton, "Letter to Canadians"

I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

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  #12  
Unread 05-08-2014, 09:22 PM
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

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I'd not heard Saturn explained this way, but I really like it. Then it's up to the other planet to say, "Yes I am allowed, but I am ready to be guided by your sense of self-discipline."
Exactly what I meant. But you said it better! Maybe it's not what most people would think of it like, but this is my personal view.

Also, InspiredLunacy, if you want to learn more about how to read your chart, there are a lot of fantastic resources sprinkled through this forum as stickies. There is a Recommendations section that can show you good books on the subject, as well. I also particularly enjoy the articles on Astrodienst, where you make your chart.

Dana Gerhardt has some really nice, in depth ones about the signs, planets and house meanings. If you're curious about what each sign/planet/house that we've mentioned means in a broader sense I encourage you to check out her articles. You should be able to understand what they mean in your own chart because we can only guess at a myriad of associations possible without really knowing you (for instance, 5th house ruling creativity but also ruling sports).

http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_info_e.htm

This article in particular might be helpful to you: http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_dg_sat_jup_e.htm It's about Saturn vs. Jupiter. Since Saturn is oppose your Moon, and Jupiter conjunct your Sun, and Saturn in the sign of Jupiter (Sagittarius), understanding how these two planets cooperate might give you some insights. Using your optimism, zest for life, hope for the future and faith in yourself may be the best way to handle the difficulties Saturn presents to you.

EDIT: Oh my gosh, I'm sorry to miss this... you said you were interested in social work. 5th house also rules children, and Jupiter being about justice and law, in 2nd house of values and possessions, social work to help disadvantaged children is another possible manifestation of your Sun. Moon in Gemini in the 5th may also mean you relate to children very well, can really understand their perspective and needs, as well as being a good writer (perhaps even for children's fiction). 11th house, where your Saturn is and your Chart ruler Uranus is located, is the house of social organizations, as well. You could work with children that are in some kind of social safety system, such as foster care, or children that seem to have "lost hope" (11th being the house of dreams and wishes).

Last edited by Flapjacks; 05-08-2014 at 10:33 PM.
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Unread 05-09-2014, 06:34 AM
InspiredLunacy InspiredLunacy is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

I'm really sorry for not being able to respond sooner to these posts! Not going to lie, reading what you both (waybread and Flapjacks) wrote had me teary - especially what you were saying, Flapjacks. I guess it just struck a chord...I came here looking for a silver lining in the onslaught of clouds I've faced recently and here you are! I think I need a little more time to process all of that (finals week is here and I'm all over the place...), but I really can't even express how meaningful your interpretations were to me. I've really felt a bit lost and scared of the direction I've been headed in, but knowing that there are these parts of me that exist in order for me to find my true purpose help me to both heal and deal with the pain and shed light on that darkness I've been scared of heading toward again.

I promise to respond a little more thoroughly soon (I hope you guys don't mind if I do!), I just got caught up with schoolwork. To be honest, I haven't been able to concentrate on it much because of the hopelessness I was feeling - you've really no idea how much better I've been feeling since I've read your responses! You guys are awesome! *hugs*
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Unread 05-10-2014, 08:58 AM
InspiredLunacy InspiredLunacy is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

Thank you again for that Astro article on Saturn and Jupiter, Flapjacks. I never really considered Jupiter before, and I regret that because I realize that the spark of joy and optimism it provides gets me through the melancholic fog that Saturn has over my emotions sometimes. But I also appreciate that the article shows both planets as "teachers", and the importance of being mindful of the balance between optimism and caution. There's so much more I like about that piece, I can see why you would recommend Dana Gerhardt to a newbie like me. And yes, I definitely agree that I should know how to do this myself since only I know me better than anyone else.

I know I said it before, but I really can't express my gratitude enough for you taking the time to look at my chart and explain those things to me. I didn't say it before, but I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your friend's father. My relationship with my father wasn't the greatest while I was growing up, and I wasn't too close with my half-siblings prior to him getting sick (that was mostly because they're both 20 years older than I am with families of their own), but the time just before he was ill was a time of great healing and reconciliation for all of us. My relationship with my mom was similarly difficult, and there were many times when I was growing up (and sometimes even now), that I felt that I had to be the "mother"...if that makes sense? She also had a tendency to hurt me with things I shared with her in confidence - or hurt me physically when I was little. *sigh* I resented her very much for obvious reasons...I have forgiven her, but since we still live together, it's still a challenge. She's my best friend and I love her dearly, but man - it really takes a lot to keep it together some days.

Quote:
Music likely has a strong effect on you especially.
Yes. Very much yes. Lyrics, especially. I do love writing and it was always a dream of mine to pursue it as a career when I was younger. I don't think I'm very good at it, but that doesn't stop me.
I have written some fantasy/science fiction, actually! I've watched more movies and read more books than I've written, though.

Quote:
Mercury is also really important in all this because it's part of a t-square with your Moon and Uranus/Saturn opposition in the 5th/11th houses. You may resolve a lot of your feelings through some kind of art... writing, poetry, painting, playing an instrument, some kind of creative outlet. Perhaps a physical activity, acting/theater, games or competitions... these activities can be very therapeutic or a strong focus in some way where you can excel and build self-esteem.
I think this is what my summer break is going to be about...
I've felt very blocked over the past few years, with so many ideas floating around in my head, but no energy/time to get them out. Now I can sort of feel myself coming back into my own, to that place where I can.

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Your values and ideals, your empathy and your ability to love deeply can define you (trine to Pluto), and this may be how you try to assert yourself, through love relationships... but this isn't your full potential and causes disillusionment (Sun square Neptune). Mars is on your IC in Taurus (and so ruled by Venus) and square your Venus. Mars is important (on an angle) but overpowered, and this causes tension. You may tend toward inaction in asserting yourself, or trying to "sacrifice" your desires, but instead you end up asserting yourself subversive ways without conscious consideration, or opening yourself up to abusive behavior from men, as you've mentioned.
That last part left me pretty speechless. It's really one of those things I'm only seeing now that I'm a little older. In the past, all I did was focus on relationships to the point where all of my ambitions and dreams amounted to nothing. I have more of a sense of who I am and my own value, which I never did before. And while writing allows me a kind of release that is necessary for me emotionally, my goal to become a social worker is really something that has given my life more meaning. I didn't think of it as an option for me career-wise when I was younger because I was so wrapped up in my own issues with depression/anxiety/isolation that I couldn't even vision myself doing it. In fact, it wasn't until one of my best friends went through her own awful experience - I forgot about my own pain and focused on getting her help, finding resources and assisting her with signing up for Medicaid and food stamps - and an actual social worker who was working on her case asked me if I was one, too. I kinda laughed and told her I wasn't and she said that I should seriously consider it because what I was doing was exactly what they do. It was an epiphany. So, here I am working toward it.

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Oh my gosh, I'm sorry to miss this... you said you were interested in social work. 5th house also rules children, and Jupiter being about justice and law, in 2nd house of values and possessions, social work to help disadvantaged children is another possible manifestation of your Sun. Moon in Gemini in the 5th may also mean you relate to children very well, can really understand their perspective and needs, as well as being a good writer (perhaps even for children's fiction). 11th house, where your Saturn is and your Chart ruler Uranus is located, is the house of social organizations, as well. You could work with children that are in some kind of social safety system, such as foster care, or children that seem to have "lost hope" (11th being the house of dreams and wishes).
This was the part of your response that choked me up a bit, even now. I actually had been considering pursuing a dual MSW/JD in order to be a child advocate in the future. I'm so far away from that point though that it seems like a pipe dream - but I know it's something worth holding on to. I just think about the experiences I had as a child and those of my friends growing up, how those things still effect me, and it all pushes me to keep going.
As for relating to children very well, yup.
The subject of children has been kind of painful for me, though, especially over the past few years. I read something on my Lilith in Cancer and I bawled over it because of the accuracy. I'll have to learn more about it, but reading just that one description was enough to scare me for a while.
I've said since I was a teenager that I don't know my children or who they are yet, but I love them. I'm not sure if I'll ever have children now, but I think I'll always keep the sentiment alive.

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And remember, whatever doesn't kill us, makes us stranger.

(You're seriously awesome. Just saying.)
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  #15  
Unread 05-12-2014, 08:08 AM
kshantaram kshantaram is offline
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Location: india
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

acq asc airy, uncertain, mystic, reformist, innovative. asc lord saturn over sag 11th for gains-friendships, gains from old people/old friends, law and justice, etc. saturn retro delaying results.

saturn retro towards scorpio 10th, occult and research aptitude.

mars aspects own scorpio 10th protective of career, research-investigative work, forensic work, etc sat aspects own acq asc protective.


moon gemini, analytical-curious, but confused amidst lots of information. good at information processing rather. not for decision making. moon lord 6th negating into 5th negating employment prospects, while could be good for recovery from health issues probably.

moon-saturn opposition tending to emotional stress.

mars-retro sat scorpio opp struggle home-career matters.


mer pisces debilated, debilation cancelled by elevated venus pisces, slower pace of growth in life. mer-venus lords 8th over the first house tending to health issues perhaps. debilated mercury emotional and confused. while elevated venus selfless in attitude.

mer-venus literary-oratory skills, artistic aptitudes. aptitude for astrology. research aptitude as lords virgo-libra 8th.


sun-jup-rahu aries 2nd, sun elevated, good for finances, impressive inspirational speech but impulsive, aptitude for foreign language perhaps. rahu 2nd earnings through foreign sources. rahu tends to rise and fall.

separative node ketu over inimical libra/for fixed acq asc, prone to pain/injury abdominal/urological/kidneys etc. rahu/ketu 2/8 axis from asc tending to sudden issues in life.

rahu now transits libra 8th over natal ketu, and separative ketu transits sun-jup-rahu impulsive aries 2nd, reverse overlapping transit, tending to life style reversal, to watch and care for impacting family-finances. prone to injury/surgery of head-throat etc


sun lord 7th over the 2nd, spouse financially supportive. acq asc with enemy sign leo opp tends to conflict in relationship-marriage generically.
lords 1/7 sat-sun over friendly sag-aries in trine suggestive of ease in relationship-marriage. but saturn retro scorpio 6/8 from aries tends to sweet conflicts. jup aries trines leo 7th and protective of marriage.

mars 9th lord settling life at 28+ as thumb rule; while sat lord 9th from moon settling 36+, sat retro reviewing-delaying, retro towards enemy sign scorpio 10th impacting career, mars-sat opp.

hope jup transit leo 7th trine natal jup-sun-rahu aries 2nd and trine saturn sag 11th brightens life promoting career-relationship-family-finances-gains-friendships to watch for!

while saturn next moves to sag 11th heading towards natal saturn calling for long-term decisions of life impacting next 30yrs. saturn transit 7th from moon under an element of stress same time.


chart with literary-oratory skills, impressive speech, love of law and justice, analytical aptitude, etc while moon gemini could be confused, and mer pisces emotional. debilation of mer cancelled tending to slower pace of growth. mars lord 9th settling life at 28+,

while need to now watch the overlapping reverse transits of rahu-ketu the nodes over libra-aries 2/8 axis. hope jupiter transit leo takes care. keep expectations moderate jup transit 3rd from moon not as effective. while saturn heading towards natal saturn some two years from now calls for long-term decisions of life.

hope generic observations/inputs enable reflect upon, find relevant and useful enough. could share feedbacks in agreement/disagreements.

wishing well,


kshantaram
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  #16  
Unread 05-12-2014, 08:54 PM
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Flapjacks Flapjacks is offline
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Re: Am I going to be okay...?

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Originally Posted by InspiredLunacy View Post

I know I said it before, but I really can't express my gratitude enough for you taking the time to look at my chart and explain those things to me.
I'm really, super happy I could be helpful for you! Thank you for letting me know... I always wonder and sort of agonize over things like that! As a novice, reading charts helps me learn more and getting feedback also helps the learning process, so thanks to you as well. I'm really happy you have found something to work towards and inspire you, too!

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Originally Posted by InspiredLunacy View Post

I didn't say it before, but I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your friend's father. My relationship with my father wasn't the greatest while I was growing up, and I wasn't too close with my half-siblings prior to him getting sick (that was mostly because they're both 20 years older than I am with families of their own), but the time just before he was ill was a time of great healing and reconciliation for all of us. My relationship with my mom was similarly difficult, and there were many times when I was growing up (and sometimes even now), that I felt that I had to be the "mother"...if that makes sense? She also had a tendency to hurt me with things I shared with her in confidence - or hurt me physically when I was little. *sigh* I resented her very much for obvious reasons...I have forgiven her, but since we still live together, it's still a challenge. She's my best friend and I love her dearly, but man - it really takes a lot to keep it together some days.
That sound really rough - family can be a curse and a blessing that is for sure. It's great that you reconciled with your father and became closer to your family because of it at least. Your situation sounds very similar to my friend - except her father's death was sudden (also medical) and she never got to reconcile with him. Her half-sibling also recently passed away, also suddenly, and the whole ordeal has been gut-wrenching. She's one of the strongest people I've ever met. Since your charts are so similar, perhaps I'm interpreting that kind of strength through hardship in you as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by InspiredLunacy View Post

Yes. Very much yes. Lyrics, especially. I do love writing and it was always a dream of mine to pursue it as a career when I was younger. I don't think I'm very good at it, but that doesn't stop me.
I have written some fantasy/science fiction, actually! I've watched more movies and read more books than I've written, though.
Ooh, I enjoy reading both genres, if you are ever interested in sharing, or get something published.

Quote:
Originally Posted by InspiredLunacy View Post
In fact, it wasn't until one of my best friends went through her own awful experience - I forgot about my own pain and focused on getting her help, finding resources and assisting her with signing up for Medicaid and food stamps - and an actual social worker who was working on her case asked me if I was one, too. I kinda laughed and told her I wasn't and she said that I should seriously consider it because what I was doing was exactly what they do. It was an epiphany. So, here I am working toward it.
Wow, that's a pretty big epiphany and compliment from the social worker. I've also had a lot of bad experiences and difficulties is childhood and considered social work or becoming a psychologist because of it. I understand those feelings of wanting to guide others better than you yourself may have been guided. But ultimately I'm too afraid of work like that, so I've kind of avoided it. Having a strong set of shoulders for others to lean on is tough business, and I'm not so tough!

Quote:
Originally Posted by InspiredLunacy View Post
I've said since I was a teenager that I don't know my children or who they are yet, but I love them. I'm not sure if I'll ever have children now, but I think I'll always keep the sentiment alive.
I saw this poem from Mother's Day, written about not being able to have children, but what you say reminded me of it. It's a beautiful thought none-the-less:

Make No Mistake
By Emily Harris Adams

No, I havenít yet borne a child.
but make no mistake,
I have children.

I often picture them,
waiting at the gates
between here and heaven.
They cluster together,
their wispy spirit-bodies
barely distinguishable from
the glory behind them.

No, I havenít yet borne a child.

But I have held their images in my mind
during every doctor visit,
and tried to superimpose their faces
over the face of the crestfallen physician
as he walks into the room
with more disappointment.

I have children.

Iíve never met them,
but I daily plan for the needs
they will have when they come:
saving for each of their college tuitions,
and looking for homes in nice neighborhoods.

Make no mistake.

Iíve loved them through every hardship and trial
with no conditions.
not even the condition
of their presence on this earth.

No, Iíve never yet borne a child.
but make no mistake,
Iíve been a mother for years.



Quote:
Originally Posted by InspiredLunacy View Post

(You're seriously awesome. Just saying.)


Also, you're getting other responses on your chart (awesome) and should stay on topic, but if you want to talk about anything, you can always PM me, too!
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