Can you spy the friend zone in this synastry/composite?

zipadee

Well-known member
Hey guys :bandit: I've been a bit depressed about this so was hoping you could help me out.

I must admit, I have a knack for either friend-zoning guys myself or being friend-zoned by my close guy friends while they pine after some other (not as close) girl friend of mine who subsequently cruelly (in an out of character sorta way) turns down the guy I really, really like. I end up being the mutual friend betwixt the two and have to listen to the painful experiences of the guy I like and the complete lack of interest from the girl friend of mine. Keep in mind I've never actually disclosed my feelings to these guys, but anyways, it's a recurring issue. Is that moon (ruler of the 11th conjunct descendant) of mine the reason I look for relationships in friends?

Will this keep happening??

So I've known this guy for years, he's one of (if not) the most truly genuinely nicest guys I've ever had the courtesy of befriending, and I'd just like to know if you can tell me why I've been friend-zoned, at least to my current understanding and grasp of the situation. Birthtime and everything is accurate.

Even if you don't have time to analyze it, just some pointers on how to spot one-sided feelings in a chart(s) would be very appreciated.

I've heard that the composite sun in the 11th will lead to one person wanting more than friendship from the other but it not necessarily being reciprocated.

Would really appreciate any help, advice you can offer.
Thank you so much!
 

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JUPITERASC

Well-known member
Hey guys :bandit: I've been a bit depressed about this so was hoping you could help me out.

I must admit, I have a knack for either friend-zoning guys myself or being friend-zoned by my close guy friends while they pine after some other (not as close) girl friend of mine who subsequently cruelly (in an out of character sorta way) turns down the guy I really, really like. I end up being the mutual friend betwixt the two and have to listen to the painful experiences of the guy I like and the complete lack of interest from the girl friend of mine. Keep in mind I've never actually disclosed my feelings to these guys, but anyways, it's a recurring issue. Is that moon (ruler of the 11th conjunct descendant) of mine the reason I look for relationships in friends?

Will this keep happening??

So I've known this guy for years, he's one of (if not) the most truly genuinely nicest guys I've ever had the courtesy of befriending, and I'd just like to know if you can tell me why I've been friend-zoned, at least to my current understanding and grasp of the situation. Birthtime and everything is accurate.

Even if you don't have time to analyze it, just some pointers on how to spot one-sided feelings in a chart(s) would be very appreciated.

I've heard that the composite sun in the 11th will lead to one person wanting more than friendship from the other but it not necessarily being reciprocated.

Would really appreciate any help, advice you can offer.
Thank you so much!
ASTROSEEK is a great website with
an online SYNASTRY chart calculator :smile:
at https://horoscopes.astro-seek.com/synastry-chart-online-calculator
 

rahu

Banned
mercury sextile to venus and forming a finger of god t the moon is likely why you are comfortable wit each other and can talk easily. this gives warms feeling toward each other.

venus is square to Uranus which usually shows some initial attraction but with Chiron conjunct to Venus I think that you are very good at analyzing emotional interactions so this might be why it is a friendship rather than more. uranus/chiron/venus is a bit scratchy but since you are not pushing emotional intentions then the intellectual insights you give him keep you with a common understanding.
rahu
 

Baat

Well-known member
Hi zipadee, just wanted to point out that this young man has a t-square between Venus and the moon, with Uranus at the apex. He is young so probably doesn't even realize it yet, but he is unlikely to feel satisfied in a traditional relationship. He probably flips back and forth in his mind between desiring intimacy and feeling he doesn't really need anyone else. Has he ever had a long term girlfriend?

I notice your Venus in the third house in a sextile with mercury, this seems like one indicator that having a mental rapport with someone, and the simple act of communicating, is connected to the way you experience romantic love. This might partially explain your tendency to fall for your friends?

I don't see anything too glaring in your synastry, as I'm sure you've noticed your charts are quite similar. I know someone whose chart is very similar to mine (we were born 1 day apart) and my feelings towards him kinda flip back and forth between totally platonic and sexual attraction. It seems like satisfying relationships are based on a lot of dynamic interplay, even a few challenging aspects. Hard to imagine the long haul with someone where all of your aspects are just conjunctions!

Anyway, I wouldn't take it personally. He probably just doesn't want a serious, stable, intimate relationship with anyone. He'd be happier in something non-traditional, maybe an open relationship, or just one where he gets a very high degree of freedom.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Zipadee, I think your composite chart tells the story. The sun (identity of the relationship) is in the 11th house of friends. Your synastry actually looks pretty good. If you really like this guy, hang in there as his good friend.

I've been in two long-term marriages and both times my husband was/is my best friend-- in addition to the love & romance. No honeymoon lasts forever and when it's over, it is so helpful to genuinely like one another and to feel comfortable around each other.

I personally don't find the hard aspects to be all that helpful. Sometimes people like some excitement and challenge as a relationship heats up, but over the long haul, the stressors can get tiring, or, well-- stressful.

It looks like your Scorpio Venus and Mars (the sexy-romantic planets) are intercepted. (The cusps are close to the sign boundaries.) If so, planets in intercepted signs sometimes do have difficulty in gaining the traction we would otherwise expect of them.

This isn't a fatal problem-- just that Venus and Mars are kind of boxed-in. However, interceptions are oftentimes an artifact of the house system chosen.
 

zipadee

Well-known member
hi rahu,
Thank you so much for your reply, you pretty much described how we are perfectly, we get along really easily, like we just get each other, we never feel embarrassed about anything when we're together, it's just a very comfortable relationship, with no judgement or fights.

So yea I think when we first met, like 4 years ago, there was probably initial attraction, but nothing ever came of it, with Venus conjunct Chiron, I think you're right we do spend a lot of time talking about relationships and also the awkwardness behind them really, like both of us fully admit we're quite insecure when it comes to relationships. Thank you so much for your insight, I really appreciate it.
 

zipadee

Well-known member
hi Baat,
Thank you so much for your reply! You're totally right to say that he has a strange approach/definition of relationships. He has never had a long term relationship, never even a girlfriend I don't think. He's such a genuine, good soul, also very attractive guy in general so girls have been interested but ive noticed it never works out partially because the girls he chooses seem to be a tad more Uranian in a sense? Unpredictable, unconstrained by societal norms, free-spirit types, also with more sexual experience (scorpio influence?) But he truly has expressed how much he wants a girlfriend before, never really saying man id love a girlfriend but more so how much he pines after the specific girl he has in mind at the time. One thing is for sure about him, he sorely underestimates his value and how great he is as a person, so in the dating world, he always thinks regular girls are out of his league, when they clearly aren't. Maybe once he does get a girlfriend he'll realize the traditional relationship lifestyle doesn't suit him? He definitely isn't one to stick to traditional, if he got in a relationship he might be so happy about being with the person that the both of them might forget all the official titles and stuff.
 

zipadee

Well-known member
Zipadee, I think your composite chart tells the story. The sun (identity of the relationship) is in the 11th house of friends. Your synastry actually looks pretty good. If you really like this guy, hang in there as his good friend.

I've been in two long-term marriages and both times my husband was/is my best friend-- in addition to the love & romance. No honeymoon lasts forever and when it's over, it is so helpful to genuinely like one another and to feel comfortable around each other.

I personally don't find the hard aspects to be all that helpful. Sometimes people like some excitement and challenge as a relationship heats up, but over the long haul, the stressors can get tiring, or, well-- stressful.

It looks like your Scorpio Venus and Mars (the sexy-romantic planets) are intercepted. (The cusps are close to the sign boundaries.) If so, planets in intercepted signs sometimes do have difficulty in gaining the traction we would otherwise expect of them.

This isn't a fatal problem-- just that Venus and Mars are kind of boxed-in. However, interceptions are oftentimes an artifact of the house system chosen.

Hi waybread
Thank you so so much for your reply!! Yea, I do genuinely really like this guy. I have tended towards short-lived crushes before, but I've liked him since I first met him and it's been years, he is still as great of a guy (if not better) than the guy I first met. So I appreciate your advice, I'm just gonna stick by as his good friend unless something else happens, either way I'd consider myself lucky.

I know our synastry isn't exactly riveting stuff haha but yea I appreciate your comment that hard aspects aren't necessarily required to make or break the relationship.

I did learn about intercepted houses awhile ago but what I read said that the main way to work on the issues with planets stuck in intercepted houses is to use the ruling planet, it also said if the ruling planets are stuck in the house itself, it's like having keys locked in your car. Since Venus and Mars are in there, would you say I should focus on Pluto? Sorry for asking more questions, I already really appreciate your response, I just don't completely understand what intercepted houses can mean for the houses/ planets involved.
Thank you again!! I really appreciated your response :)
 

waybread

Well-known member
You might try some different house systems. Astrodienst gives you many options besides their default house system, Placidus. See if the interception is an artifact of Placidus, or if it shows up in the other major quadrant house systems, as well.

Planets in intercepted houses do work, just not as vigorously as we would otherwise expect. I don't think any special effort is needed to "solve" them.
 

Baat

Well-known member
I personally don't find the hard aspects to be all that helpful. Sometimes people like some excitement and challenge as a relationship heats up, but over the long haul, the stressors can get tiring, or, well-- stressful.

Just wanted to say for clarity that I was looking at the synastry between their birth charts, not the composite. They were born a few days apart so they have a lot of conjunctions--in fact all of their planets are conjunct except their moons. I'm relatively new to astrology but I believe conjunctions are seen as a slightly challenging aspect, as that point in the chart is then "over-emphasized." To say it another way, it's not a flowing aspect the way a sextile or trine is.
 
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zipadee

Well-known member
You might try some different house systems. Astrodienst gives you many options besides their default house system, Placidus. See if the interception is an artifact of Placidus, or if it shows up in the other major quadrant house systems, as well.

Planets in intercepted houses do work, just not as vigorously as we would otherwise expect. I don't think any special effort is needed to "solve" them.

Thanks waybread, this is really helpful, I'll check it among the other house systems, I had no idea it could just because of one house system's influence, thank you so much!
Alright cool, that doesn't sound as bleak or involved as I thought it might be, that's great
 
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