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  #1  
Unread 09-07-2021, 09:48 PM
LaboutinSocial LaboutinSocial is offline
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Unhappy Help someone who is +15 years obsessed.

Hello forum colleagues! My first post here, and my first time on the forum. I've never posted on any forum in my life, but now it feels like it's time!
I have a long story that I'm going to try to be as brief as possible so it doesn't get boring, and so you guys understand a little bit of what's going on with someone desperate. Let's go.

I met a man on the internet in mid-2006, we talked about everything, we had an unusual rapport, which I've never had with anyone of the opposite sex and I haven't had since.
In early 2007, this man decided to meet me (detail: we are not of the same nationality, race, or continent). He crossed the ocean to meet me and we spent 3 weeks together, it was amazing. He was kind of my first love, and so far the only one.



Unfortunately, a lot happened, he went back to his country, and we never saw each other again, nor did we talk. From time to time, I wrote some email, and currently whatsapp. He always responds with great affection, we always talk in the same way even if virtual, and of course with the difference of almost 16 years, even so almost nothing has changed in our conversations, I have always been very in love with him.
Last year, I decided to look up his name on the internet, and to my ''pleasant'' surprise, I found out from his father's obituary that he has a wife and three children. I realized that he got over it, and that his life went on, unlike me.
Now, 2021, I'm home because of the pandemic, I have no contact with anyone and it seems that the love I have for him is growing, bordering on obsession. Every day I think about him, dream about him, and I'm very sad because I realized that I was the one who always suffered from this platonic love. And that only I love him, only I didn't get over it.



I'm now 34 years old, and I haven't had a relationship since 2007, I've always been waiting for him. Never since have I had someone with whom I was so in tune and who was of the opposite sex (I have a lot of relationship difficulties in general), and in the opposite side, he was always the extrovert, laughing, friendly, totally different from me.
I just know that I'm so jealous of his wife, I've always wanted to marry him and have kids since the first time I saw him.



Could it be possible to see thru this map of the two of us, I'm the only one going through this +15-year pain of love?! Or does he feel something?! Or am I just obsessed with him?!
I want a light, I'm really desperate. I don't think I'll ever find someone like him, it hurts every day, and today it's not as much better as the others. I don't know what else to do. My friends said in the past, that time heals everything, but in my case time only made the situation even worse.



Is there any aspect that makes me suffer so much and not him? Please help me, I think about so much nonsense to try to forget this obsession, I can't take it anymore, it hurts.


Thank you in advance.
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  #2  
Unread 09-08-2021, 05:53 AM
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uranianplutonian uranianplutonian is offline
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Re: Help someone who is +15 years obsessed.

I'm no expert astrologer, but a few aspects that stand out to me are the following:
His Sun conjunct your Neptune (4 degree orb)
His Sun sextile your Pluto (1 degree orb)
His Venus bi-quintile your Chiron (1 degree orb)
Your Moon trine his Lilith (4 degree orb)
Your Ascendant bi-quintile his Lilith (0 degree orb)

In terms of a tendency to ~obsess, there's Venus quintile Neptune with a 1 degree orb in your chart. This could lend to a bit of illusion in love. Also, Neptune is in your first house conjunct your Ascendant (3 degree orb), which can make ~reality seem harsh and unappealing.

I'm sure it took a lot of courage to reach out on here to address this concern. This is a really good sign in my opinion. It means you're ready to address Neptune's influence on your life, and you're ready to move beyond the comfort of its dreamy realm. I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. Disillusionment can feel devastating. Yet, it's all a part of the beautiful process of transformation/metamorphosis. It is likely going to feel uncomfortable and painful to let him go - perhaps more so than most people with Neptune conjunct your Ascendant. But, you are clearly ready for this metamorphosis (hence posting on here), and once you do finally let him go, you will then create room in your heart for someone else that you'll be equally or more compatible with.
Trust the process. Take it one step at a time, and be gentle with yourself. **Don't judge yourself or your emotions. Allow yourself to feel them and process them.**

I hope this helps! You've got this!
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  #3  
Unread 09-08-2021, 07:06 PM
LaboutinSocial LaboutinSocial is offline
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Thank you so much Uranianplutonian, thank you for your wise words!
One of the hardest things for me is dealing with reality, i practically prefer to be cloistered in my world than to go outside and enjoy the outside world. I'm afraid of everything and everyone.
I hope I can overcome these difficulties, mainly overcoming this love of almost 16 years ago.
I am very happy for the attention, and wish you all the best.

Thank you so much!








Quote:
Originally Posted by uranianplutonian View Post
I'm no expert astrologer, but a few aspects that stand out to me are the following:
His Sun conjunct your Neptune (4 degree orb)
His Sun sextile your Pluto (1 degree orb)
His Venus bi-quintile your Chiron (1 degree orb)
Your Moon trine his Lilith (4 degree orb)
Your Ascendant bi-quintile his Lilith (0 degree orb)

In terms of a tendency to ~obsess, there's Venus quintile Neptune with a 1 degree orb in your chart. This could lend to a bit of illusion in love. Also, Neptune is in your first house conjunct your Ascendant (3 degree orb), which can make ~reality seem harsh and unappealing.

I'm sure it took a lot of courage to reach out on here to address this concern. This is a really good sign in my opinion. It means you're ready to address Neptune's influence on your life, and you're ready to move beyond the comfort of its dreamy realm. I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. Disillusionment can feel devastating. Yet, it's all a part of the beautiful process of transformation/metamorphosis. It is likely going to feel uncomfortable and painful to let him go - perhaps more so than most people with Neptune conjunct your Ascendant. But, you are clearly ready for this metamorphosis (hence posting on here), and once you do finally let him go, you will then create room in your heart for someone else that you'll be equally or more compatible with.
Trust the process. Take it one step at a time, and be gentle with yourself. **Don't judge yourself or your emotions. Allow yourself to feel them and process them.**

I hope this helps! You've got this!
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  #4  
Unread 09-11-2021, 08:38 PM
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uranianplutonian uranianplutonian is offline
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Re: Help someone who is +15 years obsessed.

De rien. I'm happy to hear that my insight has helped you!

It's understandable that you'd prefer to remain in your world - the realm you're most familiar with is one of a high frequency, whereas Earth's frequency is lower and constantly fluctuating. I'm sure you also pick up on other people's frequencies too, which can contribute to wanting to avoid the Earthly realm because wow some frequencies... feel scary indeed.
I've found it particularly helpful to get into nature and to spend time in nature by myself. It's very grounding and also inspiring to see how beautiful the Earth is - this can help in developing comfort in the Earthly realm. One step at a time though.

I'm sure that the man you posted about here will always have a special place in your heart, and that you'll always have a special love for him. But, with conscious effort and practice, it will be less painful and eventually not painful at all to move on from his memory.

All the best to you too, and take good care.
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  #5  
Unread 09-24-2021, 02:17 AM
thelivingsky thelivingsky is offline
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Re: Help someone who is +15 years obsessed.

Hello Laboutinsocial,

In the chart you posted Pluto and Lilith are is omitted and these two usually are big culprits in obsessive relationships especially if they also aspect each other's Moon. In fact I just posted on my blog about these very same synastry aspects and I am drafting a second post with yet another example of this.


I did a composite chart and a synastry chart. Sure enough in the synastry his Moon is conjunct your Pluto and Mercury. and your Black Moon Lilith is square his Moon. His Pluto also falls in the midpoint between your Sun and your Venus.

In the composite chart the Moon is square Pluto, so again a marker for obsession. But what I think maybe a big factor in why this relationship felt so good to you is that the composite Sun is conjunct both Mercury and Uranus and they sit exactly of the Ascendant. Big conjunction with the Sun in a composite always seem to create a strong feeling of easy rapport and attraction. Uranus always adds to the feeling of excitement but also usually indicates an unpredictable outcome.



Draw up the charts with Pluto and the BML and you'll see it.


And you are likely prone to this type of pattern since your Mercury and Pluto are so close in Scorpio.


Most of the really long lasting unions I have seen have a sun stellium or conjunction in their composite charts that is strengthened by a positive aspect to another planet.


Hope this is helpful,
Barb at thelivingsky.wordpress.com
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