Astrologers' Community  

Go Back   Astrologers' Community > Anything Else... > Chat > Humor

Humor Need a laugh? You'll be sure to find one here!


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 04-09-2020, 07:57 PM
Chrysalis's Avatar
Chrysalis Chrysalis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Do not disturb
Posts: 7,060
Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Dating ad:
A single man with toilet paper would like to meet a single woman with hand sanitizer for some good clean fun.


Hospital joke:
There's a guy in the hospital with coronavirus and he's waking up from a deep sleep in his "corona coma" and he sees this nurse approaching him with a washing kit and shes going to start washing him, he starts mumbling in his sleep, saying "nurse, nurse are my testicles black?" The nurse looks at him and thinks 'no-no he's drooling he's not fully awake yet' so she just ignores him.
So she then starts to wash him from his shoulders down, and he says once again "Nurse are my testicles black?" and the nurse says "Sir I'm a junior nurse I'm afraid i can't help you with this, i cant check. So the guy looks at her and a little louder goes "NURSE ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?" he is wearing a ventilator so it is coming through a bit muffled, but she can still hear him, so she looks around and she thinks well there's no one looking, so alright, she pulls the covers back and bends down and has a good look, and then she comes back up and says to the guy "Sir i can assure you, your testicles are fine".
The guy then sits up in bed, rolls his eyes up in his head, leans forward, pulls the ventilator mask off of his face and says "NURSE ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?".

__________________
Y@ur 3ner9y intr@duc3s 7ou B3fore y@u even sp3@k

Last edited by Chrysalis; 04-29-2020 at 09:53 AM.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Chrysalis For This Useful Post:
multiple (04-30-2020)
  #2  
Unread 04-09-2020, 08:09 PM
Chrysalis's Avatar
Chrysalis Chrysalis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Do not disturb
Posts: 7,060
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

I was advised to wear gloves and a mask when I went to the supermarket, all was okay until I reached the supermarket and everyone had clothes on.
__________________
Y@ur 3ner9y intr@duc3s 7ou B3fore y@u even sp3@k
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Chrysalis For This Useful Post:
david starling (04-13-2020)
  #3  
Unread 04-12-2020, 04:26 PM
Ukpoohbear's Avatar
Ukpoohbear Ukpoohbear is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,976
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Maybe if I develop feelings for Covid-19 it will leave.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Ukpoohbear For This Useful Post:
multiple (04-30-2020)
  #4  
Unread 04-12-2020, 04:26 PM
Ukpoohbear's Avatar
Ukpoohbear Ukpoohbear is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,976
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

I heard there’s a bug going round just now
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Unread 04-13-2020, 12:34 AM
CapAquaPis's Avatar
CapAquaPis CapAquaPis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: ...in the sidereal astrological system.
Posts: 2,747
Thumbs up Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Light humor in a dark time: Imagine a grocery store where I work and then, a gigantic coronavirus punk enters and tells me "Hey, I'm covid-19 also known as SARS 2. They feared me in Wuhan, Bergamo, New Rochelle, everywhere. Now I want you to fear me." My reply: "Oh no, you can't enter this store, we humans know how to deal with disease pandemics before, so don't push your luck". The virus replies "I can make people very sick and I could hurt anyone badly, it's a chance of getting it or getting very sick". I show him putting on my mask and gloves, my coworkers social distance 6 feet from each other, also they get out the disinfectant spray bottles, hand sanitizers and bars of soap, and even a box of hydroxylchloroquine. I said "Fight me, you little bug". The workers magically zap out the virus spreading 1000s of itself particles, then he replies "What the? It's not working". And then a doctor comes in the store with a hard sought vaccine and zaps it into our bodies, and the virus collapses on the floor to be parts of itself. We celebrate! And then I noticed a "second wave", but I stepped on it with my shoe. I said "Grocery stores will not close up when we need them the most, we're prepared, we're strong, we're ready, my customers will not avoid coming here and our town, state, country, world, humanity are in this together to prevent sickness and defeat you virus punk". I see customers, including the old and vulnerable cheer in victory, and everyone goes back to business as usual.
__________________
or , I have the same ruling planets: Uranus and Saturn. I see the Cancer rising. Aries in the MC and Venus was her name!

Last edited by CapAquaPis; 04-13-2020 at 02:06 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Unread 04-13-2020, 03:44 AM
david starling david starling is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Yes
Posts: 24,490
Smile Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Since this virus can live on the floor, it's time everyone starts walking on stilts coated with an anti-virus spray so the virus can't climb up your leg!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to david starling For This Useful Post:
multiple (04-30-2020)
  #7  
Unread 04-13-2020, 02:08 PM
CapAquaPis's Avatar
CapAquaPis CapAquaPis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: ...in the sidereal astrological system.
Posts: 2,747
Talking Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Can I wear a mask in a bank now? In the good ol' days, it means you were a bank robber! Spring 2020: I can get away with anything!
__________________
or , I have the same ruling planets: Uranus and Saturn. I see the Cancer rising. Aries in the MC and Venus was her name!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Unread 04-13-2020, 02:24 PM
Ukpoohbear's Avatar
Ukpoohbear Ukpoohbear is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,976
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Lockdown, social-distancing and the 2-metre rule: introverts rule the world.

Ironically, my social anxiety decreases as extroverts’ anxiety increases
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Ukpoohbear For This Useful Post:
multiple (04-30-2020)
  #9  
Unread 04-13-2020, 04:52 PM
Ukpoohbear's Avatar
Ukpoohbear Ukpoohbear is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,976
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

The government says that the best length of time to wash your hands is to sing “Happy Birthday” from beginning to end twice. Or if you sing it at the speed Marilyn Monroe did, once should be more than enough.

__________________
There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious" - Carl Jung
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Unread 04-13-2020, 07:40 PM
david starling david starling is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Yes
Posts: 24,490
Smile Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Fortunately, the Corona virus was "made in China". That means it won't last very long.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to david starling For This Useful Post:
multiple (04-30-2020), Ukpoohbear (05-16-2020)
  #11  
Unread 04-13-2020, 08:44 PM
Ukpoohbear's Avatar
Ukpoohbear Ukpoohbear is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,976
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Well I guess China is known for their mass production.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Unread 04-13-2020, 11:29 PM
david starling david starling is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Yes
Posts: 24,490
Smile Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ukpoohbear View Post
Well I guess China is known for their mass production.
So is the Vatican!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to david starling For This Useful Post:
Ukpoohbear (05-16-2020)
  #13  
Unread 04-14-2020, 03:56 AM
CapAquaPis's Avatar
CapAquaPis CapAquaPis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: ...in the sidereal astrological system.
Posts: 2,747
Talking Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

I call the Chinese Communist Party, the World Health Org and President Trump: the 3 stooges.
__________________
or , I have the same ruling planets: Uranus and Saturn. I see the Cancer rising. Aries in the MC and Venus was her name!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to CapAquaPis For This Useful Post:
david starling (04-14-2020)
  #14  
Unread 04-14-2020, 09:12 AM
Ukpoohbear's Avatar
Ukpoohbear Ukpoohbear is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,976
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

WHO let the bats out.

(A play on the song lyrics who let the dogs out)

Baha man - who let the dogs out
- https://youtu.be/Qkuu0Lwb5EM
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Unread 04-20-2020, 01:17 AM
CapAquaPis's Avatar
CapAquaPis CapAquaPis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: ...in the sidereal astrological system.
Posts: 2,747
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

If you come back to your house, wash your hands
If you make something to eat, wash your hands
If you don't wanna get sick or make other people sick
If you're not sure to be safe, wash your hands.
__________________
or , I have the same ruling planets: Uranus and Saturn. I see the Cancer rising. Aries in the MC and Venus was her name!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Unread 04-20-2020, 02:56 AM
david starling david starling is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Yes
Posts: 24,490
Smile Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by CapAquaPis View Post
If you come back to your house, wash your hands
If you make something to eat, wash your hands
If you don't wanna get sick or make other people sick
If you're not sure to be safe, wash your hands.
To the tune of Barney, "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands"!

Barney for President! Go purple!
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Unread 04-20-2020, 07:43 PM
wan wan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,242
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ukpoohbear View Post
Maybe if I develop feelings for Covid-19 it will leave.
I lolled at this.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Unread 04-20-2020, 07:55 PM
Ukpoohbear's Avatar
Ukpoohbear Ukpoohbear is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,976
Quote:
Originally Posted by wan View Post
I lolled at this.
Same, it’s hilarious.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Unread 04-29-2020, 09:50 AM
Bina's Avatar
Bina Bina is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,231
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Attached Images
File Type: jpg **corona.jpg (69.0 KB, 8 views)
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Unread 04-29-2020, 09:51 AM
Bina's Avatar
Bina Bina is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,231
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Dear God, can you please uninstall and reinstall 2020, it has got a virus.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Bina For This Useful Post:
david starling (04-29-2020), Ukpoohbear (06-04-2020)
  #21  
Unread 04-29-2020, 10:18 AM
david starling david starling is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Yes
Posts: 24,490
Smile Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

The Devil hacked 2020!
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Unread 04-30-2020, 09:04 PM
multiple's Avatar
multiple multiple is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: terra
Posts: 384
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

honest government ad series

capitalism vs covid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWl7kQZHZE0

__________________
♊♋♌♍
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to multiple For This Useful Post:
david starling (05-01-2020)
  #23  
Unread 05-04-2020, 06:08 PM
CapAquaPis's Avatar
CapAquaPis CapAquaPis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: ...in the sidereal astrological system.
Posts: 2,747
Talking Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

I remember this from FB as of late:

This is Dick...
He doesn't like his state's stay at home order...
He wants to go to a bar with his friends again...
So he organized his friends to march in front of the capital...
Some of them have semi-automatic weapons...
And others have Confederate Flags and Neo-Nazi banners...
They want to have their liberties back...
Afterward, they assumed they will change the state's mind...
Dick feels fine and then he visited his elderly and vulnerable parents...
Then one day, he feels ill and ended up in the hospital...
Four weeks later, he remains there with a ventilator...
He is fortunate to recover, but his parents might not...
He's definitely not having his liberties...
And he realized he was wrong all along...
He should have stayed home until his state said it's OK to get out...
He swore he was healthy and so was all his friends...
And finally, he left the hospital with some lung damage for life...
The moral of this story: DONT BE A DICK!
- It had a logo of Michigan's statewide stay at home order.
__________________
or , I have the same ruling planets: Uranus and Saturn. I see the Cancer rising. Aries in the MC and Venus was her name!

Last edited by CapAquaPis; 05-04-2020 at 06:10 PM.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to CapAquaPis For This Useful Post:
multiple (05-05-2020)
  #24  
Unread 05-16-2020, 08:16 AM
Ukpoohbear's Avatar
Ukpoohbear Ukpoohbear is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,976
Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

What’s the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?

The pessimist says: ‘It can’t get any worse than this.’

The optimist says: ‘Oh yes it can.’
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Unread 05-17-2020, 07:29 AM
CapAquaPis's Avatar
CapAquaPis CapAquaPis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: ...in the sidereal astrological system.
Posts: 2,747
Talking Re: Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

If you infect me with Covid-19, can I have your antibodies? Deal? DEAL!

(scientists are experimenting with this immunity regiment to potentially save lives).
__________________
or , I have the same ruling planets: Uranus and Saturn. I see the Cancer rising. Aries in the MC and Venus was her name!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to CapAquaPis For This Useful Post:
ToltecLearn (05-28-2020)
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT. The time now is 09:15 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2005-2018, AstrologyWeekly.com. Boards' structure and all posts are property of AstrologyWeekly.com and their respective creators. No part of the messages sent on these boards may be copied without their owners' explicit consent.