Hi , i have a difficult chart, Child abuse in all aspects, i got away at 15, but the trauma continued throughout my whole life. It took until age 54 to figure out what i had done, i created the person i was told i never could be, but it was a mask. 27 yrs as an ER Nurse and i dissociate. My main abuser was my grandmother, she was a narcissist, she was evil, at started by age 4, i guess i created a safe place in my mind to escape to.I ran away at age 15 when the sexual abuse started by my grandfather. Even after getting away i attract the same type of people in my life. I am safe now for the first time and i am trying to rebuild my life, but i am so lost . wherein my chart can i find the remedy to heal? What should i have been? if i had not been abusedhttps://www.astro.com/tmpd/c8whfileBnw7zd-u1435043923/astro_2gw_tena_miller.67922.289505.png?310303
Trauma in the birth chart
- Thread starter temarie64
- Start date
What should i have been? if i had not been abused
Some may not agree with what I am going to say. But I will stand by it and it might be confusing or hard to figure....
In my opinion, this life, this incarnation, was about you being alone, abused and having to overcome. It wasn't a fluke it was what it was.
You 'should have been' exactly who you are. You made it. You are safe now. It was hard, so very hard.
Look at your Venus, out there alone, with that difficult square and no trines or sextile to comfort or support you.
The greatest support in your chart is your 'almost' Mystic Rectangle. It is missing one of the sextile because there Jupiter is too wide.
You have a vast inner knowledge of mysticism and cosmic understanding but may have gotten off track in the very distant past, Your current lifetime is allowing you to get back on track. You are home.
You have a Sun/Neptune conjunction in the 12th in Scorpio.That is how you heal. Faith/Spirit
You have spent so much of your energy healing others and caring for their needs--and now you can focus on yourself.
Jupiter is moving through your 1st house and you can begin rebuilding from the ground up. Jupiter in your first gives you renewed strength, optimism and faith.
Some may not agree with what I am going to say. But I will stand by it and it might be confusing or hard to figure....
In my opinion, this life, this incarnation, was about you being alone, abused and having to overcome. It wasn't a fluke it was what it was.
You 'should have been' exactly who you are. You made it. You are safe now. It was hard, so very hard.
Look at your Venus, out there alone, with that difficult square and no trines or sextile to comfort or support you.
The greatest support in your chart is your 'almost' Mystic Rectangle. It is missing one of the sextile because there Jupiter is too wide.
You have a vast inner knowledge of mysticism and cosmic understanding but may have gotten off track in the very distant past, Your current lifetime is allowing you to get back on track. You are home.
You have a Sun/Neptune conjunction in the 12th in Scorpio.That is how you heal. Faith/Spirit
You have spent so much of your energy healing others and caring for their needs--and now you can focus on yourself.
Jupiter is moving through your 1st house and you can begin rebuilding from the ground up. Jupiter in your first gives you renewed strength, optimism and faith.
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Neptune is shrouded in fog. We can't find Neptune's answers by looking straight at it.
Neptune is intuition, faith, spirituality, artistic aesthetics, music, symbolism, mysticism, meditation, prayer, divine consciousness.
It is transcendence and elevating beyond our basic senses to something more ethereal and sensitive.
Neptune can be our worst enemy because it can be trickery and fraud and deception. It can lead us to drinking and drugs and trying too black out in order to avoid the truth.
But she can also be our spiritual advisor, a transcendent force for spiritual awakening.
here is an interesting article about Sun conjunct Neptune:
I will post some here but it is longer if you click on the link there is more//
https://www.lookupthestars.com/post...contacts-you-can-t-heal-what-you-don-t-reveal
With Neptune in contact with the Sun, we have someone with a blurred self-concept, a difficulty knowing who the self is, difficulty evaluating, seeing, and therefore often loving - the self. The main energy here is - who am I? and often who am I if I'm not - insert cue depending on the Sun sign: In love, working, achieving, seen, validated.
As there is a tendency to not know the self, there are often difficulties having proper boundaries with others, which leads to enmeshment in relationships. Here we can have someone who loses themselves in their relationships, or have difficulties saying no, or even difficulties prioritizing their own needs; which can lead to self-abandonment / self-betrayal.
When we look at the source of why we have such struggles, Neptune - Sun often represents a parent (often the father); who wasn’t there or a who was physically present, but emotionally distant. This is a classic signature of the difficult aspects (square, opposition, conjunction, quincunx but also trine to some extent). One of the parent may have been someone deceiving, dishonest, and could have had issues with escapist behaviours.
Sometimes, the parent is there, and doesn't have any substance abuse, but is wildly stunted emotionally and doesn't have the capacity to make the child feel loved and seen.
By their absence and lack of relationship the parent makes the child unseen, unimportant, inexistent.
The consequence is this - The person is left without a key component of healthy ego construction, and grows up with a poor self-definition, which leads to classic consequences: Low self-esteem, seeking validation (the one which was never given or lost), low confidence, trouble seeing the self which can lead to unaccountability.
As there is a struggle to define the persona, sometimes what we see is someone who lets other people define the self, trying to understand who they are based on the feedback or comparison with other people. Here we have quite the shapeshifters, changing the self depending on the surroundings, depending on the entourage, on people’s expectations.
Neptune - Sun I have found, is someone with an incredible capacity to change and take accountability for themselves - especially so if there are more accountable energies in the chart but also when a difficult transit; for example of Saturn to the Sun, appears. Because there is a loose sense of self in the first place, the person is much more flexible, mutable, keen on changing and growing - elevating (Neptune) the self, to higher qualities.
Of course there is also a natural sense of empathy, and a capacity for kindness, forgiveness, and compassion - which are natural Neptunian qualities - but which often take a lot of time and pain to develop. Neptune represents losses, and often after several losses, tangible or more spiritual, the person reaches for these qualities.
Neptune - Sun is also capable of high ideals and, after the self is found, there can be a great capacity to be inspired and inspiring, as well as a strong inspiration to have an impact on the collective, not just the self. Neptune represents the collective, masses, and the person can feel compelled to leave an imprint on a collective.
