me and best friend, destroying each other.

I'm an Aries girl who met her best friend, who's a Scorpio, on the internet a few years back. She lives in Lithuania, while I live in the Netherlands, but we've met a few times and it was lots of fun. We've grown really close to each other, and she always says that I'm the only person she can really open up to and chat so freely with. The only problem is that we have a lot of fights. About two years back, she decided she didn't want to speak to me because she got tired of the fights, even though she admits she's the one provoking them most. About two months after she admitted that she couldn't stop thinking about me and that she was really sorry, promising to never do it again. Of course, I forgave her, since i wasn't able to let go of her either. We kept growing closer and closer, but suddenly a few months back she became more distant. We spoke each other less and she started provoking fights again, getting angry about the smallest things. Then she told me she didn't want to speak to me yet again.

I really wonder why I'm not able to let go of her. I do concider her my best friend and I don't want to let go of her. And I know that she conciders me her best friend, so why does she decide to let go of me? I'm not really able to understand the Scorpio's mind, which is why I wanted to ask if you guys could maybe give some advice.

Is there something in our chart that causes us to be so attached to each other but at the same time causes us to not be able to deal with each other? Sometimes I feel it's better to let go, but letting go would really hurt and I feel like I can tell her everything. Sometimes I also think I care more than she does.

I'd be really grateful if someone could help me out and give me more information.
 

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waybread

Well-known member
I realize that we've entered a new world of IT, but I think part of the problem is expecting an Internet friend to be a "best friend."

In the olden days, when people exchanged letters, students wrote to "pen pals". Often they had great conversations in print, but this isn't the same as having a close friend where you live. It's different if you've made a friend where you live, she moves away, and you keep in touch; because you've had that real (not virtual) personal contact.

People can present themselves anyway they choose on the Internet. They can lie about being wonderful. They can get pretty nasty, as well, because there are so few consequences for rude behaviour. We have no idea who is out there. There are huge scams with fake romances, where women "fall in love with" men they've never met who are actually criminals out to get their money, posting fake pictures of themselves.

Would you otherwise be very lonely if you had to rely for friendships on the people who surround you? Your horoscope strikes me as belonging to a very private person, so it may be difficult for you to be outgoing in a true social situation. Paradoxially, I think you do like the idea of travel and meeting people in foreign countries. But sometimes the ideal is better than the reality.

Is this a correct birth time for your Internet friend? Regardless, she has five planets in Scorpio! So you might read up on this sun-sign to get a sense of her personality. Scorpios can be extremely loyal, but it is not clear that she views you as much more than an Internet pen pal. With Mars squaring several of her Scorpio planets, your Lithuanian friend seems to be a fairly aggressive person, with the potential to change suddenly into a bad temper.

See if you can detach emotionally from this "friendship." It doesn't mean you have to let go of it, just don't expect anything from it. If it is hard for you to make friends at your school, see if joining a few clubs or picking up some volunteer work gives you a sense of face-to-face human relationships.

With Leo rising and your beautiful moon-Jupiter in Sagittarius, you have the capacity to be warm and friendly with people.
 
I realize that we've entered a new world of IT, but I think part of the problem is expecting an Internet friend to be a "best friend."

In the olden days, when people exchanged letters, students wrote to "pen pals". Often they had great conversations in print, but this isn't the same as having a close friend where you live. It's different if you've made a friend where you live, she moves away, and you keep in touch; because you've had that real (not virtual) personal contact.

People can present themselves anyway they choose on the Internet. They can lie about being wonderful. They can get pretty nasty, as well, because there are so few consequences for rude behaviour. We have no idea who is out there. There are huge scams with fake romances, where women "fall in love with" men they've never met who are actually criminals out to get their money, posting fake pictures of themselves.

Would you otherwise be very lonely if you had to rely for friendships on the people who surround you? Your horoscope strikes me as belonging to a very private person, so it may be difficult for you to be outgoing in a true social situation. Paradoxially, I think you do like the idea of travel and meeting people in foreign countries. But sometimes the ideal is better than the reality.

Is this a correct birth time for your Internet friend? Regardless, she has five planets in Scorpio! So you might read up on this sun-sign to get a sense of her personality. Scorpios can be extremely loyal, but it is not clear that she views you as much more than an Internet pen pal. With Mars squaring several of her Scorpio planets, your Lithuanian friend seems to be a fairly aggressive person, with the potential to change suddenly into a bad temper.

See if you can detach emotionally from this "friendship." It doesn't mean you have to let go of it, just don't expect anything from it. If it is hard for you to make friends at your school, see if joining a few clubs or picking up some volunteer work gives you a sense of face-to-face human relationships.

With Leo rising and your beautiful moon-Jupiter in Sagittarius, you have the capacity to be warm and friendly with people.

First of all, thank you very much for the time you've invested in answering my question.

I do realise that having a friend over the internet is different than having a best friend whom you can talk to and see every day. I am indeed a very private person, who tends to take a lot of time to open up to people. I also have problems with being outgoing when together with people I do not or hardly know, which to me is often a problem since i'd like to be more outgoing and don't want people to see me as 'boring'. Even though my friends always say that I'm way more fun when people get to know me, haha.

But with her somehow I'm able to share my thoughts and I feel more comfortable being who I am. Not only when typing them, but also when talking to her while being with her in 'real life'. I probably should have mentioned that the periods we've met the last year have been rather long (at least in my opinion, since long social events tend to wear me out a little). The first time it was for 2 weeks and the second time for a month. I know this is nothing in comparison to having a friend who lives close by, but we do have experience in 'personal contact'. Though, the talking and communicating part was a tad difficult due to the language barrier at first. Which also caused me to be a bit reserved and didn't really know how to act. But I guess that's always the case when first meeting someone.

The birthtime of my friend is correct. Is there any way I will be able to see if a Scorpio sees you as more than just a person in their life? From the things she told me (assuming she isn't lying about the positive things, since she never fails to tell me the things that annoy her about me etc.) she feels the same way about me when it comes to opening up. She says she can tell me things that she can't tell any of her friends in real life. Quoting 'I haven't even had a friend to who I could open up so much and even if you don't think so but still I truly love you'. Saying that I'm somehow different from anyone she's ever met? Also, she stated that she tends to do things in real life quickly (e.g. homework, family stuff etc.) to get it done sooner to talk to me.

And the first time she decided to not talk to me anymore she said stuff like 'i am always thinking about you and i can't stop it, always hoping that you're doing good and i see that you are, i'm very glad, and hurt at the same time.' and ' there is not a single person who i could chat so freely and honestly in the whole world... and i let that person go.. ' From what I've gathered is that Scorpio's are quite secretive themselves and probably not persons who'd fake such words. I might be wrong, but I tend to trust in ones words even though they are written and not spoken.

I'm really bad in detaching myself from people emotionally. Either I don't care about a person at all, or I care way too much. It's not that I'm unable to get through with my life. Even though I don't have any friendships in real life as I have with her (e.g. my friendships tend to stay a bit shallow because I don't feel like I can open up to people and be who I am since I'm afraid of disappointing them) I am fine with not having another person like her somehow. Yet I can't let go of her and think about her way too much. Is that normal for me to do? I do realise it's not a good habit to get attached to someone this much, but I can't seem to help myself.
 
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waybread

Well-known member
Ace, I would suggest that you not make up your mind firmly about what kind of person you are, and what is socially possible or not possible for you. Human beings are always a work-in-progress.

Part of the package of having a best friend, or falling in love, is the risk of having our hearts broken. But being open to taking this risk-- and perhaps losing someone we deeply care about-- is part of what it means to be human.

Sometimes a person we love detaches from us. There is nothing we can do about it, and after feeling terrible about the split for a period of time, we learn that life goes on. Ideally we develop new friends and interests.

Both of you show signs of craving intense relationships (your Venus is square Pluto, her stellium of Scorpio planets involves Venus and Pluto.)

Venus is the relationship planet, who also symbolizes young women (as opposed to the moon, which symbolizes mature women.) Yours is in the 7th house, which rules long-term one-on-one partnerships of various sorts, ranging from marriage to living-together gay couples to best friends to business partners. Your Venus is in the sign of Aquarius. Aquarius and its ruler Uranus rule things electronic and futuristic.

So if we think about it, you are exactly the kind of person whom we might expect to develop a best-friendship with a young woman via the Internet!

There is also a branch of astrology called synastry, which deals with chart comparisons. Mercury is your thinking, communicating planet. It is interesting that you and your friend do have close and positive links between her Venus and your Mercury; and your Mercury and her Venus. I don't doubt that you have had many enjoyable conversations!

However, the moon is your basic emotional state; and the sun indicates your basic sense of self. If we look at these, they are not interacting so closely.

Scorpio is the most unusual sign, in my opinion. Sun-Scorpios like to be "the observer who is not observed." They also tend to be private people, therefore. It may be that, for different astrological reasons, you are both private people who find it emotionally safer to develop an intense correspondence with an Internet friend, who is nevertheless so far away that there is no risk of the usual issues of school friends who talk about you behind your back, or repeat something said in confidence to another friend.

So of course you two can open up to each other, because the risks are much less.

Scorpios also do not have a clear sense of their personal boundaries (true in a different way for the other watery sun-signs.) They seem to find out who they are by pushing the boundaries with other people. So they can become rude or domineering, because they find out the limits of acceptable behaviour only by the other person saying, "Enough! No further!"

It may be that when your friend becomes critical, she is essentially seeing how far she can go. However, Mars indicates our natural aggressive, assertive nature. Mars rules anger. Your friend has Mars in a very challenging relationship to several of her Scorpio planets. It is though she feels a lot of internal pressure that she needs to express in some way.

If your friend is a loner in her community, it may be that she speaks critically or rudely to people she knows on a daily basis, so that they leave her alone. You've always been there for her. Loyalty is admirable. But letting someone say nasty things to you simply because she has not worked out her own inner conflicts and wants to express them is problematic for your morale.

Is this friendship at the point where it is harmful to your self-esteem?

Never forget that Aries is the woman warrior! When I read a chart for a sun-Aries who feels terrible about her situation, I think that this person is out-of-touch with her true inner needs and nature. I would strongly recommend that you think about a (semi-) extreme sport. In the Netherlands, can you take up ocean sailing, or kayaking along the canals? Run a marathon? Maybe take a trip to the mountains and learn how to rock-climb?

You have an inner Mars to be let out! Also your Sagittarius moon-Jupiter need to experience some wide, open horizons.

Your Mars is retrograde in the 12th house, making it hard for you to have a direct expression of the planet that also rules soldiers and athletes. You may turn your natural anger inwards on yourself. This is only natural with this placement, but if it doesn't support you, look for a more constructive outward expression of Mars.

An introductory astrology book I highly recommend is Steven Forrest, The Inner Sky. It may be available in Dutch, but your English is excellent. You can probably locate it through an on-line book-seller like amazon.com or hopefully at your nearest New Age book store.
 
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