i feel lost and i'm anxious

[crow]

Trigger warning: Mental health and oversharing.
English is not my first language, sorry if I make any mistakes. I accept criticism.

I recently learned about the solar return stuff and read that having the sun in the 12th house can be bad? I don't really understand to be honest.

I have a feeling that this year is going to be tough. My mental health has always been bad but lately, it's becoming worse. Last night, I called the suicide hotline. No one answered lol, kinda thought that was a lil funny.

I’m rather worried about my future because of my grades. They weren't as bad as I expected, probably because my teachers are generous at giving grades, but I feel like I could've done better. All my friends got honours for this semester, and I got nothing.

When my mum asked for my card, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed. I knew that she expected more but she said that it didn't matter as long as I didn't get a line of 70 on my card. But deep down, I know she's disappointed.

I always feel like I should be doing more but I don't know. I can't even focus on one thing without getting distracted.

Other kids my age have already achieved so much and I feel like I’m falling behind. Time is moving so fast, and I feel like I’m stuck. I feel like a failure.

I frequently get thoughts like "should I just give up?" but then, I think about my mum and all of the things she has done for me. Even though we're not that close, I love her so much. I want to repay her. Give her all the things she wants, but I can't cause, unfortunately, I'm still a kid.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed by my schoolwork and deadlines, I'd start doing art or would start writing. I try perfecting my art and writing but I always end up feeling unsatisfied and I abandon the project. I'd eventually forget about time and all of my hours for the day is gone and I ignored my academic responsibilities and missed the deadline.

I have no idea why I'm like this. I want to seek help and go to a therapist, but I'm worried about money. I also don't want to tell my mother because she already has problems of her own and telling her that I want to go to a therapist would only add to her stress. I’d it if someone could explain why I'm like this.

I'm including natal chart, and SR just in case.

[Osamenor]

Originally Posted by crow

I recently learned about the solar return stuff and read that having the sun in the 12th house can be bad? I don't really understand to be honest.

The main meaning of Sun in the solar return twelfth house, or a very packed solar return twelfth--and you have both--is the end of an era. Something in your life is finishing up.

Sometimes a lot of solar return twelfth house placements go along with lots of placements in the first. In that case, you'd be in the thick of the end of one era and the beginning of another, and you'd know it. But you don't have that this year. What you have is pretty solidly twelfth house. So, this is a time to focus on finishing whatever it is that you're finishing. This is a turning point in your life, but you probably aren't yet seeing what it's turning to. You probably will be seeing it by your next solar return.

Other twelfth house meanings could apply--isolation, for example--but that's simply reflecting what you're already experiencing. It's not causing a problem that didn't already exist.

[leomoon]

Looking (quickly) at the natal chart first, I see that Saturn in your 11th house is square your Sun, and in the Solar Return, the Sun is as mentioned by O - in the 12th house this year, feeling isolated and alone.



What is good to realize too, is that transits therefore, Solar Returns as well as temporary as conditions. We eventually move on past such and feel better again.


Your grades are decent, I'd believe your mother's words as she phrased them. She's okay with them. Let it go., don't hold on to what you "feel" is the truth of her being, rather "hear her" as she says, "hey sweetie, that's fine, it's okay"...
In astro talk, the 11th house is a socializing house, and having your Saturn here, makes you "feel" restricted in this way via the 8th house Sun. Your Sun when you were born, is 0 Taurus, but in Sidereal is Aries - Aries likes to be the center of attention like Leos do. Perhaps being born with Sun on the cusp, is also something you'd need to come to grips with this way, - so I think this is temporary as for not "feeling" like socializing.




Its also okay for you to open up to your mom, tell her how you are feeling these days. It may help relieve a lot of this frustration you are experiencing.

[crow]

Originally Posted by Osamenor

The main meaning of Sun in the solar return twelfth house, or a very packed solar return twelfth--and you have both--is the end of an era. Something in your life is finishing up.

Sometimes a lot of solar return twelfth house placements go along with lots of placements in the first. In that case, you'd be in the thick of the end of one era and the beginning of another, and you'd know it. But you don't have that this year. What you have is pretty solidly twelfth house. So, this is a time to focus on finishing whatever it is that you're finishing. This is a turning point in your life, but you probably aren't yet seeing what it's turning to. You probably will be seeing it by your next solar return.

Other twelfth house meanings could apply--isolation, for example--but that's simply reflecting what you're already experiencing. It's not causing a problem that didn't already exist.

I see. I hope it's a good thing though. Thank you so much for replying! <3

[crow]

Originally Posted by leomoon

Looking (quickly) at the natal chart first, I see that Saturn in your 11th house is square your Sun, and in the Solar Return, the Sun is as mentioned by O - in the 12th house this year, feeling isolated and alone.



What is good to realize too, is that transits therefore, Solar Returns as well as temporary as conditions. We eventually move on past such and feel better again.


Your grades are decent, I'd believe your mother's words as she phrased them. She's okay with them. Let it go., don't hold on to what you "feel" is the truth of her being, rather "hear her" as she says, "hey sweetie, thats find, it's okay"...
In astro talk, the 11th house is a socializing house, and having your Saturn here, makes you "feel" restricted in this way via the 8th house Sun. Your Sun when you were born, is 0 Taurus, but in Sidereal is Aries - Aries likes to be the center of attention like Leos do. Perhaps being born with Sun on the cusp, is also something you'd need to come to grips with this way, - so I think this is temporary as for not "feeling" like socializing.




Its also okay for you to open up to your mom, tell her how you are feeling these days. It may help relieve a lot of this frustration you are experiencing.

Hi, reading this made me feel better. You have a way with words, thank you so much for replying. Quick question, how do I thank a post? I saw you thank @osamenor's post. I'd love to do the same with the both of you : D

edit: i figured it out! : DD