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Unread 05-02-2021, 06:22 PM
crow crow is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 3
i feel lost and i'm anxious

Trigger warning: Mental health and oversharing.
English is not my first language, sorry if I make any mistakes. I accept criticism.

I recently learned about the solar return stuff and read that having the sun in the 12th house can be bad? I don't really understand to be honest.

I have a feeling that this year is going to be tough. My mental health has always been bad but lately, it's becoming worse. Last night, I called the suicide hotline. No one answered lol, kinda thought that was a lil funny.

I知 rather worried about my future because of my grades. They weren't as bad as I expected, probably because my teachers are generous at giving grades, but I feel like I could've done better. All my friends got honours for this semester, and I got nothing.

When my mum asked for my card, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed. I knew that she expected more but she said that it didn't matter as long as I didn't get a line of 70 on my card. But deep down, I know she's disappointed.

I always feel like I should be doing more but I don't know. I can't even focus on one thing without getting distracted.

Other kids my age have already achieved so much and I feel like I知 falling behind. Time is moving so fast, and I feel like I知 stuck. I feel like a failure.

I frequently get thoughts like "should I just give up?" but then, I think about my mum and all of the things she has done for me. Even though we're not that close, I love her so much. I want to repay her. Give her all the things she wants, but I can't cause, unfortunately, I'm still a kid.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed by my schoolwork and deadlines, I'd start doing art or would start writing. I try perfecting my art and writing but I always end up feeling unsatisfied and I abandon the project. I'd eventually forget about time and all of my hours for the day is gone and I ignored my academic responsibilities and missed the deadline.

I have no idea why I'm like this. I want to seek help and go to a therapist, but I'm worried about money. I also don't want to tell my mother because she already has problems of her own and telling her that I want to go to a therapist would only add to her stress. I壇 it if someone could explain why I'm like this.

I'm including natal chart, and SR just in case.
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