Dark Night of the Soul+ Life

Please delete.

Do you want to post your natal chart only? Preferably with only the default aspect lines, not the ones added in that make the chart too hard to read?

One step at a time.

Adding transits might be helpful. I suspect Pluto problems, but I couldn't say whether these are natal or transitory.

Maybe it would be a good idea to gain some clarity about yourself, for yourself, without involving another person at this point.

waybread said:

Do you want to post your natal chart only? Preferably with only the default aspect lines, not the ones added in that make the chart too hard to read?

One step at a time.

Adding transits might be helpful. I suspect Pluto problems, but I couldn't say whether these are natal or transitory.

Maybe it would be a good idea to gain some clarity about yourself, for yourself, without involving another person at this point.

Click to expand...

Hello, thank you for your reply. I just updated my post with a link to my natal chart in the beginning of the post, but also Here

Currently, I am trying to find myself but I think it's important that I examine the problems in my life and the things that keep reoccurring. If I knew what i did wrong, I can change myself so that I cannot do it again. See, the old me did something that puts me into the same problems, but the more i deconstruct myself and change what's wrong, things in my life change for better.

For example, I'm not usually friendly because of my anxiety, and it causes bad impressions upon me. Like really bad. People would gossip or hate me because I only show them a neutral face that looks angry. I have trouble showing them the more nicer aspects of me.

But I experimented for a while and forced myself to be more friendly and open to strangers and a lot of positive and good people came my way. But I wasn't ready to be friendly so I couldn't keep it up. I still need to work on the very first level of my deconstructing and reconstructing.

Currently, I am on and off with my friendliness. I have a lot of air signs so it's helping me to change.

When you say Pluto is involved, I agree. The majority of my life, I've been changing so much that some people can't stay in my life. I've been on such a transformative journey, but in order to reach my higher self, I need to let go of what i've been doing wrong that keeps bringing wrong into my life.

I also want to add that my relationship with my father has changed dramatically. He is so stubborn and we had fought a few times. I'm the only one in the family that ever stood up to him. But a majority of the time I kept my mouth shut. But each time i did, the more i gave in to his control. A part of how I lost my individuality for ahwile and questioned myself...

He was usually "my way or the highway," i don't need to explain myself or give a reason. But after the biggest fight we ever had in 2015, that totally shattered us, now, he asks me for my opinion on decisions, he's more gentler in his actions, and you can sense he actually seems to be trying to be a better person. I've never seen my father like this before. It's a complete change.

I have Pluto conjunct Midheaven.

Sun opposite Pluto often indicates a dysfunctional relationship with the father. So it's good that you are now building a relationship of respect with him.

Just reading your posts makes me feel exhausted! Do you live with a lot of inner tension that gives you no rest? Have you tried meditation, and just letting go of all of the inner conversation that keeps you so worried?

waybread said:

Sun opposite Pluto often indicates a dysfunctional relationship with the father. So it's good that you are now building a relationship of respect with him.

Just reading your posts makes me feel exhausted! Do you live with a lot of inner tension that gives you no rest? Have you tried meditation, and just letting go of all of the inner conversation that keeps you so worried?

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haha in honesty, reading and typing gets me tired too, even writing this I feel kinda tired...

But I'm so glad you replied, you reminded me that I haven't meditated in almost a month. I just meditated for 10 minutes and feel a little better.

You have also given me the reconfirmation that I do have an inner tension that doesn't give me rest. I realized I have been fooling myself into thinking I can take care of this. I'm wrong. All this time I've thought I was properly deconstructing, but I'm still holding back parts, I'm still unable to let go what is necessary. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

I'm going to see a therapist that I haven't seen since the beginning of the year and finally let things out. I think I'm ready for that.... then again, I feel unready about everything... I am a big mess and definitely need help...

Thank you friend for reminding me what's important right now.
I'm scared of going back to therapy, but maybe it'll be ok...

HA! Sun in 3rd house, Pluto in 9. I'm still learning but as I was reading your post I was thinking Pluto in the 3rd..Pluto in the 3rd..lol
SN in 3rd..NN in 9th! Moon in Gem....and Chiron in the 7th..and Saturn in the first house...

You really remind me of myself..except I'm not concerned with relationships, and don't have Saturn in the 1st lol Your enthusiasm/critique of your personal life is what I give to my creative works. I have Chiron in the 11th...acceptance is big for me. And Vertex in the 5th..creating is big for me. But I identify with you because of Pluto in the 3rd, and the 12th house Part of Fortune.

"The 12th house part of fortune indicates that a person will receive their happiness and joy through attunement with their innerself"
12th house POF demands alone time.
"Understanding life experiences in the outer world will ultimately lead to a realization of of the divine beauty in all things"
- Martin Schulman
Observation, compassion, neutrality is the way of the 12th house POF.

The invisible force you feel is God talking to you. 12th house POF are known to have an "angel in their back pocket". I don't know how much I believe it, but whenever I'm down about life I always say to myself (aloud) "if you had it all you'd be perfect" as a way to remind me of my many blessings

InfoOverload2 said:

HA! Sun in 3rd house, Pluto in 9. I'm still learning but as I was reading your post I was thinking Pluto in the 3rd..Pluto in the 3rd..lol
SN in 3rd..NN in 9th! Moon in Gem....and Chiron in the 7th..and Saturn in the first house...

You really remind me of myself..except I'm not concerned with relationships, and don't have Saturn in the 1st lol Your enthusiasm/critique of your personal life is what I give to my creative works. I have Chiron in the 11th...acceptance is big for me. And Vertex in the 5th..creating is big for me. But I identify with you because of Pluto in the 3rd, and the 12th house Part of Fortune.

"The 12th house part of fortune indicates that a person will receive their happiness and joy through attunement with their innerself"
12th house POF demands alone time.
"Understanding life experiences in the outer world will ultimately lead to a realization of of the divine beauty in all things"
- Martin Schulman
Observation, compassion, neutrality is the way of the 12th house POF.

The invisible force you feel is God talking to you. 12th house POF are known to have an "angel in their back pocket". I don't know how much I believe it, but whenever I'm down about life I always say to myself (aloud) "if you had it all you'd be perfect" as a way to remind me of my many blessings

Click to expand...

haha yeah my pluto is actually 9th house not 3rd.
But you made a pretty good guess xD

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I know it was long but thank you for your reply. I hope this gave some acceptance to your 11th house chiron xP

I've heard about the 12th house POF meaning you got an angel watching over you, and in a way, I could feel that. It's kinda hard to describe, but things happen and I have to say it's from a higher power.
When I was first introduced to God as a child, I knew my belief in Him had to be important in my life. And it did. I think I could've taken my life years ago if I didn't think God existed.

I should remind myself that I am blessed too. Sometimes i forget that i have many things to be grateful about.

I do find happiness from being more understanding and compassionate. I thought it was because of my NN in 9th house though, since it meant envolving away from materialistic Taurus into the deep side of Scorpio.