Sexual Addiction / Preoccupation

Alright, so ever since I was a kid, I have been very sexual. I was introduced to pornography by older kids in the neighborhood at age 6, and watched it regularly since then.

Through self reflection I have realized that my sexual desires have controlled me in a sense. My sexual desires are somewhat dark, but as soon as I am "finished" I usually feel guilty. But after I "recuperate" my lust and desire for more returns.

Its like I have two sides, a nice, gentle, compassionate, humanitarian side with strong ethics and morals. And then I have a lustful sadist side thats obsessed with dark sexual desires.

I think my Mars square Pluto is responsible for this obsessive dark sexual nature, but I really want to change. I have even considered having my "parts" surgically removed so I wouldn't have any sexual desire.

My question is, how does one overcome the dark nature of Pluto? And is there anything else in my chart that would explain my obsessive sexual desire? I really want to take control of my own inner demons so that I can stop obsessing about sex and lustful things.

Pluto is angular and on your north node. The north node is insatiable hunger for whatever it touches. In Scorpio, that means an insatiable hunger for Scorpionic things. Conjunct Pluto, insatiable hunger for Plutonian things. Sexuality, especially of the dark, amoral kind, is very Plutonian and certainly Scorpionic.

Mars being square your Pluto/north node conjunction may also play a part: you've got Mars energy feeding into it. Mars is the little sexuality planet: passion, drive, sexual chemistry. Pluto is the bigger, badder version.

Mars is at the north bendings: it squares the nodes from the place after the north node but before the south node, in zodiacal order. Planets at the north bendings are magnified just like planets conjunct the north node.

North node also represents the part of yourself that you need to integrate. A Taurus south node suggests a deep seated belief that you should play by the rules, remain gentle at all times... but those dark impulses are there, to work with. Venus, your south node ruler and the remaining sexuality planet, trines your north node and sextiles your south node, tightly. Gentle Venus may be the easier side of your sexuality for you to integrate, but she, too, is connected to your darker desires. Exploring both sides of that coin: your gentle side and your sadistic side--is necessary for your personal growth, and you can't have one without the other. You don't necessarily have to show both sides at the same time, but both need to be part of your life.

Have you actually done anything with these dark impulses of yours, or is it all just fantasy? As long as it's not literally maiming or killing people, dark sexual desires can have appropriate outlets. Whole communities have grown up around kink, and around specific kinds of kink. For everyone who fantasizes doing "reprehensible" things, there are people who want those things done to them. As long as it's consensual and with reasonable safety precautions, it can be done without harm.