Mum and dad are the source of the person i became up until i left foster care at 18 years old.
In the time leading up to me going into foster care at age 12, i had been physically beaten, slammed on my head on the floor by my mother, was once starved for not cleaning and tidying the kitchen top to bottom by my father and so was my brother actually.
Got mentally abused by our father, whilst it is ok to tell your child off and end it there, you have had your say, my dad would belittle us, alienate us like we are hell on Earth, make us stand on our feet for hours as he talks us down.. tears in my eyes made no difference, the amazingly huge headache from it... being pushed so low.. feeling so bad.
Yet the only thing i wanted was to go out and play, be a bit loud.. i had too much energy was very physical and wanted to be a kid. So due to how backwards everything was i turned it into mischief in the home as did my brother, set fire to carpet, made guns out of anything we could find because we had a fascination with them for whatever reason.. playing with toys was very limiting because making noise would set my father off since he wanted to play his Playstation games or watch TV or watch a movie all the time, never worked, sat on his backside 24/7 whilst blaming the world around him, us and my mother.
Relationship between my mum and dad was really bad and rarely ever good, dad always wanted full control over her, made her a slave.
Yet for whatever reason i still loved them...
Fast forward to Army and my mum get's Cancer.. i break down because unconditional love.. i leave Army, i know sounds strange that i could love someone like her.. but here is the thing i know without my father she would have been a very different person, love the soul, not the what the person has become, the soul cannot change.
Father cannot stand up to me, he tried, backfired and i took down his collection of CD's with my fists, but i never stooped to his level, never laid a finger on him, i pushed him with intimidation and showing him what hurt he causes, not keeping promises to my mother etc. Father is very weak, he can only feed on what is beneath him physically and mentally, and at the time a child is, and sadly my mother.
Now my dad is very charming and socially able when people are new.. and shows off this completely different image of himself, i do this in a way which protects my ego underneath... but i'm not hiding anything abrupt or bad, it's just i fear rejection and being judged, so i little by little come out of my shell.
Heard my dad make up stories.. even ones about work that he has never done in his life.. i don't mention anything because this has no personal gains and just breaks the peace i want.
Dad get's mad my mother who is now disabled and has been for 7 years. She's loud sometimes and makes noise because she can no longer communicate verbally, so does her own thing.
Winds my dad up.. so i'm the sort of middle man who calms the situation and i would actually fight my dad when he was having a go, only verbally mind you.
Watch as his dumb emotional and illogical anger rises and i hit it with words, he uses evasive tit for tat and uses completely off topic stuff to throw at you that will never allow you to see who he is, except i see all of him and he knows that.
7 years but things are much more peaceful, i have gained from it all slowly, but it has somewhat held me back mind you. And now i'm focused on present and future, it's taking me a while but that's life.. can't rush things, Taurus Moon knows no different
