Never having kids? Horrible mother?

A

angelic

Active member
My 5th house is so messed up with Saturn, True Lilith, Black Moon Lilith and Ceres in there (not pictured). Then My Moon in the 12th house opposing BML. I'm so worried.. Funny thing is, I'm a Kindergarten teacher who works with kids all day and I want nothing more than to have my own, but I don't think I will be able to. Or if I am able to, I feel like I may be one of those mothers who becomes overwhelmed with being a mother - much like my own mom.

I could tell you right now my Mom abandoned me after my father died when I was 2. She left me with his family and proceeded to have more children with other men and never talk to me. I always saw her as a horrible human. That could also be represented by the Moon opp BML no? A stolen childhood, being abandoned by Mom.

Am I looking too much into it and being paranoid or is what I am saying making sense? I am wondering if I should go get tested for fertility or go see if my body can handle childbirth.
 

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Amonuet

Amonuet

Member
Hello,

I sympathize and resonate a lot with your fears. I am a single parent and never actually wanted to be a mother. In the end, I was blessed with the most angelic, sweet, genius and genius boy.

From the moment he opened his eyes and tried to lift his head to glance around the room (something he should not of been able to do, at 36 weeks old and 5'11 lbs) I knew I had just given birth to a very, very old soul. I was told by a First Nations elder once that "our children's spirits choose the soul of their parent, long before they are sent down by the Creator."

I was also that every child has a gift, and that these gifts are to be opened and nurtured by the entire community, not just one or two parents. When those gifts are received, the village (community) shares and evolves in the gift, regardless of the individuals progression (or transgression) as time goes on. Even though you yourself do not have children (yet), as a teacher, your role is so much more crucial and important! You have the ability to open up not just one child - but many! How lucky you are!

I am sorry to hear about your hard upbringing. My mother abandoned me many times over my life, and left me with very unsafe people (addicts, rapists, some who had even killed people) but I learned over the years that this was just due to her upbringing and her alcoholism (which is a disease, not a choice). My family is First Nations, so we have dealt with all the stereotypical hardships I am sure you have heard of.

But I can do nothing to change any of that. All I can do is accept recognize how each trauma for what it is, and how it has shaped me in into the person (and mother) that I am today. I know the bitterness and resentment you feel towards your mom all to well...but try and open up your heart and channel those feelings into something new. Did you ever discover or learn to understand what made her have to leave you? I am sure deep down, she always loved you, even if she didn't know how to at the time. :love: <3

As for your natal chart, I actually do not see any cause of concern in regards to you having children. I think you will be a fantastic parent if Creator choses to bless you. Your 5th and 12th house do not actually affect your ability to be a mother or caregiver as much as you may think. For those interpretations, you need to look into the 4th house (Cancer, the home and family) and I don't actually see much in there at all.

I am not an expert in reading charts in anyway, I am just a beginner. But I can tell right of the bat: all those negative aspects you are concerned about actually have very little to do with your parenting future. Your 5th house is ruled by Leo, and that is everything to do with your expression and how the sun is shining the light on your place in world (perhaps how other peers or teachers may see you?) and your 12th house is ruled by Neptune (all of those deep subconscious fears you mentioned.) For those two aspects to also oppose one another, no wonder you are a feeling uneasy.

If you need to go just to put your mind at ease, don't hesitate to schedule an appointment with a good gyno and check in on your fertility. Each WOMBan needs to be mindful of her temple, but every woman can handle child birth. I truly believe this, and I mean EVERY woman (although that doesn't necessarily mean that they should.) Infertility is not a biological thing to me, I feel it is only Creator's way with telling us when is the right time, and when is not. I have known women with tied tubes that somehow ended up pregnant! :lol:

Anyways I hope I didn't ramble too much and provided some sort of helpful insight. Best of luck angelic!
 
K

kahtiel

Well-known member
First, you should talk to an ob-gyn/reproductive endocrinologist if you have reasons to be concerned that there's an issue. Anxiety and stress itself could cause your hormones to be imbalanced. Even some cheap ovulation tests could put your mind at ease. Second, remember that you are not your mother. We all have free will and our own personalities.

Third, I'm a beginner so take what I say with a grain of salt. Keep in mind that if you plan on having kids naturally with a partner (no IVF), his chart would have to indicate fertility as well. When it comes to kids, Saturn could mean a delay in having children (older mother), one child, longer labor, or a child that is a Capricorn or has those traits. Saturn can show where you worry, which in this case it's focused on the 5th house specifically children. Since the 5th house also deals with romance, it could indicate the type of people you are interested in with more Saturnian traits. Additionally, it's also the house of pleasure so you might forgo things that you would enjoy or the things you enjoy may be more serious (e.g., something like chess). Ceres can show how we nurture and how we receive nurturing, the 5th house is usually a good position for it. I also believe Ceres tends to indicate pregnancy, so if it's conjunct Saturn it might again indicate a delay.

The 4th house would indicate what your home life was like when you were growing up. It's here that you have Uranus and Neptune. Uranus with the erratic home life. In this thread (http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25367) under the 4th house, it mentions that Neptune in the 4th could indicate secrets or unknown/missing parents. The same thread also notes that Uranus is disruptive in the 4th house. Also, note what this site (http://freespiritedmind.com/natal-moon-in-the-12th-house/) says about the moon in the 12th house.

Again, I'm new at this and hopefully, some of the more experienced ones share their answers, especially when it comes to aspects.
 
K

kshantaram

Premium Member
mars own aries 7th, growth-riches through technology, merit, operations management,
7th house for marriage too, better at 28+.
pisces 7th inimical for virgo asc, stress-delay in marriage-relationship

sat debilated aspect aries 7th affecting relationship, abdominal health

lords 1/7 venus-mars over aries-gemini 3/11 merely dutiful relationship in marriage, lords mars-mer unfriendly

sat own acq 5th good for tech-scientific aptitude, reform, innovation, public admin, advisory position,

5th for romance and children - sat own acq, could have atleast one boy;
sat retrograde hence delayed further;

ketu separative node sooner moves to sat-acq 5th coming 1.5yr,
prone to pain-injury-surgery, detachment from position-children-abortion etc


sat now transit sag 3rd good for change/initiative, aspects own acq 5th
good for education-position but not good for health of children, to care.


jup transit libra 2nd from moon, trine sat 5th, trine sun-mer-venus gemini 9th and aspect mars aries 7th
may promote marriage/relationship.
inimical jup and lord 6th for health transit asc - health may need care, natal jup virgo 12th for health-foreign lands.


9th for luck-higher education-travels-father-children, sun-venus analytical gemini 9th,
literary-oratory-artistic-graphical aptitudes-information management/MIS, tourism management etc
gemini 9th settling at 32+.

mer own gemini 9th, could be positive for children, atleast one child;


jup significator for children, over neutral mercurial virgo -
moon/jup virgo critical thinking, perfectionist, involved with health care/medicine, advisory role,
jup aspect own pisces 6th for employment matters - protective;
pisces 6th inclined to advisory-ethical roles;

mars debilated aspect over cancer 10th impacting career,
lord moon over 12th virgo for foreign lands, losses/challenges,
ketu cancer 10th hyper-sensitive/intuitive, changing careers/jobs.

rahu cap 4th, tending to foreign lands, ambitious, practical;
mars aspect scorpio 2nd protective of finances,
but not good for health of family members


hope inputs enable reflect further on the chart, pick as sounds ok on the ground-plans etc,
could share pointwise feedbacks, true-untrue, meaningful-insightful, useful, etc

wishing well,

kshantaram
 
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H

hmfs

Member
angelic said:
My 5th house is so messed up with Saturn, True Lilith, Black Moon Lilith and Ceres in there (not pictured). Then My Moon in the 12th house opposing BML. I'm so worried.. Funny thing is, I'm a Kindergarten teacher who works with kids all day and I want nothing more than to have my own, but I don't think I will be able to. Or if I am able to, I feel like I may be one of those mothers who becomes overwhelmed with being a mother - much like my own mom.

I could tell you right now my Mom abandoned me after my father died when I was 2. She left me with his family and proceeded to have more children with other men and never talk to me. I always saw her as a horrible human. That could also be represented by the Moon opp BML no? A stolen childhood, being abandoned by Mom.

Am I looking too much into it and being paranoid or is what I am saying making sense? I am wondering if I should go get tested for fertility or go see if my body can handle childbirth.
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Your marriage luck is not good, but your kid luck is better.
 
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