Humans have a very limited perspective on reality. It helps some to look at life on Earth as a school. There is a time and a season for every purpose under the Heaven (Eccl. 3). Often times it is impossible to perceive what a particular season is purposed to accomplish until that season is finished, and it's only then that we can look back and realize the lessons we learned and how we never knew the lessons of that season were even needed. The reason we seldom know which lessons we need, as opposed to want, is because it's the human condition to feel prideful and enlightened when, really, we are not. This hubris is also what causes a person to believe they know what is best for another, a belief they use subsequently to micro-manage another's life, which is abuse. Hubris should be overcome.
Seeking to rush (control) someone through their personal process of spiritual maturity is not an act of protection. It is an act of misdirection. The focus is on quantity whereas it should be on quality. It is more important for a given individual to learn properly, and this takes time, than for the given individual to submit the assignment, having never really learned. I know many people who do not play the victim role but who are also the people who have bypassed important lessons, because they were in a hurry. Abuse illustrates my point. The vast majority of abusers are people who have been abused themselves. You speak about fate. This result is not fated. The mechanism by which it happens is when the victim rushes recovery, represses what remains, and yet their subconscious mind motivates them to cope by the exact means which they repressed.
Have you ever heard the adage, the long dark knight of the soul? There is a reason it is long. Soul growth is not something which can be, or should be, rushed. Since we are all in different seasons, you'll find what is mastered by one person, perhaps in early youth, may be a recurring theme that needs to be redressed for someone much older, a lesson that repeats itself over and again until it is consolidated. This process is illustrated biblically by the Israelites going around the same mountain, which they were doing because of idolatry. We all have mountains which we circle many times and, also, people in our lives who may or may not do the same. However, this experience is as much for our learning as it is for theirs. Their lesson may be to overcome but our lesson is certainly to grow in Patience and Humility. There is nothing wrong with offering wise counsel in humility, but you are not asking about that.
Other people's lives or lessons are not for us to hurry (control). We are all parts of life's rich tapestry; none of us are superior or more enlightened than the other. We are just called to Love one another. Love melts away all impatience with others. Even when we are short on Love, we are still to pursue it. x x x
