Why can't I connect with other females?

6thStellium

Active member
Why do I have difficulty with connecting with other females? I'm a female myself. I've struggled with this my whole life. There's been jealousy issues, false rumors about me, being left out on purpose, bullying, one-upping, revealing of my personal secrets, being used. After a while I cut people off from my life. As I'm getting older, I have no tolerance for this anymore, so by now, I have pretty much ended most of my friendships. I have maybe one "friend" but I don't trust her either, because I notice that she tries to put me down sometimes, but I don't allow it. We stop talking for a couple of months sometimes when she gets out of hand. I now try to keep people as distant acquaintances because I don't trust anyone anymore. So much betrayal. I don't let anyone in anymore. It gets very lonely. I notice my 11th House is empty, as well as my 5th House, so I'm unsure if this could be why I can't connect with friendships. Am I destined to be alone? If so, what can one do to not be so lonely?
 

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IleneK

Premium Member
Hi, and I am sorry that you are experiencing such difficulty.

Just looking at your dominant [angular, in is dignity, ruling the asc] Mars, which is your masculine energy:
it both squares your feminine relational planet, Venus,
and
it also rejects Venus by reception [Mars does not like Venus because Venus is clothed in the the sign of Mars' fall, Cancer].
This is kind of an adverse double whammy from Mars not getting on with Venus [matured, feminine relationship].​

All of this makes me think that it might be you who doesn't really get on well with women, that you may be seeing them through a somewhat distorted, Arian lens. Mars in Aries is notorious for having a short fuse when things do not go one's way; even the smallest things. That is not particularly helpful in trying to form warm, committed relationships with fallible, frail, error-making humans of any kind, male or female.

Another matter for consideration is the trine between Sun and Saturn. While the trine is a favorable energy flow between them, the reception between them [that is Saturn's rejection of your mighty dignified Sun in Leo] points to adverse self worth concerns. And often one's inability to recognize and claim one's inherent goodness and value can get in the way of any relationship, as well.

Of course in the end, it is for you to figure out how to remedy this matter, if in fact you really do want to have wholehearted and warmhearted relationships with women. If you do, [because they can be really wonderful; perhaps at times the best there is :smile:], then you may need to put yourself into different circles of women and see if you don't find more wholesome candidates for friendship? And you also may want to take a clear-eyed and compassionate look at yourself, your judgments and responses to others' failure and foibles, to see what you can loosen up and make more flexible, kind and compassionate both toward others as well as yourself?

So that you may be assured that you are bringing your most wholesome self to the opportunity for friendship as well.

I am truly wishing you the very best.
 

Melinn

Well-known member
Yes I too believe Its your Mars in 1th house, maybe that energy feels too competitive for some females?


But your Mars is not too bad, it could be worse, like if it would be Opposite Uranus or Saturn, now thats a harsh energy! (I have it, and Mars is in my 10th squaring my asc lol)


Although I have no problems with females nor males. Probably bc I have Mars conj Moon dunno.


However just think about this: Your Pluto is in your 7th, the house of open enemies, also pluto is in contact with your Venus. Which is very nice in cancer, but she is "hidden" in your 4th house And she is smashed by Mars and Plutos energies, so her energies is not coming out that well, I think.




Also, think about 7th house being the house of projections. The weird thing is, you are by the 7th house projection something you selfe posess. You are projecting Pluto energies on females, and feel like they are "repulsive" or I mean, their energy is repulsive to you, BUT its your own inner pluutos energy that you project on them! So its not them, its you!


Its like, They are mirrors, and you shine your Pluto energy on the mirror, and it bounces back at you and make you feel like it is coming from them.




Please note that I don't mean you are repulsive etc by any means, I mean the pluto energy can feel repulsive among other things. I have pluto in my 3rd house and I "feel" repulsive when I communicate my opinions etc.


I'm in nooo way an astrologer, just my 2 cents!
 

6thStellium

Active member
Hi, and I am sorry that you are experiencing such difficulty.

Just looking at your dominant [angular, in is dignity, ruling the asc] Mars, which is your masculine energy:
it both squares your feminine relational planet, Venus,
and
it also rejects Venus by reception [Mars does not like Venus because Venus is clothed in the the sign of Mars' fall, Cancer].
This is kind of an adverse double whammy from Mars not getting on with Venus [matured, feminine relationship].​

All of this makes me think that it might be you who doesn't really get on well with women, that you may be seeing them through a somewhat distorted, Arian lens. Mars in Aries is notorious for having a short fuse when things do not go one's way; even the smallest things. That is not particularly helpful in trying to form warm, committed relationships with fallible, frail, error-making humans of any kind, male or female.

Another matter for consideration is the trine between Sun and Saturn. While the trine is a favorable energy flow between them, the reception between them [that is Saturn's rejection of your mighty dignified Sun in Leo] points to adverse self worth concerns. And often one's inability to recognize and claim one's inherent goodness and value can get in the way of any relationship, as well.

Of course in the end, it is for you to figure out how to remedy this matter, if in fact you really do want to have wholehearted and warmhearted relationships with women. If you do, [because they can be really wonderful; perhaps at times the best there is :smile:], then you may need to put yourself into different circles of women and see if you don't find more wholesome candidates for friendship? And you also may want to take a clear-eyed and compassionate look at yourself, your judgments and responses to others' failure and foibles, to see what you can loosen up and make more flexible, kind and compassionate both toward others as well as yourself?

So that you may be assured that you are bringing your most wholesome self to the opportunity for friendship as well.

I am truly wishing you the very best.

Hi IleneK, thank you for replying and taking a look at my chart. Is 'dominant angular' the 1st House? I know my Mars square Venus doesn't sound too good. I just figured this placement involved family issues, rather than friendships, but I'm a newbie at this. I guess the saying "Women are from Venus, men are from Mars" does not apply to me lol. I feel as though I'm too feminine for Mars, but too masculine for Venus. Appearance wise, I'm very feminine. I love having my hair, nails, makeup done. In romantic relationships, I'm also very feminine and fall in (the giver) role, which I love to do, Venus in Cancer. This is tricky because I am only able to express my warmth and femininity if I REALLY trust someone. Due to much betrayal, I hold back. I can't keep getting abused, taken for granted, and used. I've been told "You just have to be careful with who you let in." Which is frustrating, because I'm beyond careful! lol. I don't trust easily, so I take my time opening up, but once I feel that I can trust someone, I decide to let them in, and that is when I get backstabed in different ways, as I mentioned above. So you are right about my view of the feminine. But I have a lifetime of reasons and experiences as to why I have this perspective. I don't go around treating friends the way they have treated me.

And I understand why astrology views me as the problem. I've been told that it's because I have a lot of fire in my chart. You all are right when you say I have a short fuse, I'm not denying that. However, what many seem to not realize is that my anger and short fuse is mostly expressed inwardly. I don't go off on others, or explode on them. It actually takes me a lot to get to the point of exploding. Why? I learned it's because of Neptune squaring my Mars, causing me to repress my anger. So how do I express anger? Well, I've come to realize it's in two different ways usually: Being passive aggressive, or by using my Virgo energies: thoroughly explaining how I feel, while analyzing emotions, when communicating with someone about how they've hurt me. I find that when I explain how I feel, others either ignore me, or they deny everything. When astrology says that I am the problem, that I am the reason for not being able to connect with others, then are they saying that it is my fault that I have been bullied and betrayed? I was bullied from elementary until high school. I had to go through therapy for years. How is that my fault? I also don't ask others to try to bring me down, or to say false rumors about me, or to only call me when they are going through something, and they need advice or a favor. Aside from that, I have been left out as well as have plans cancelled on me often. I don't do that to others.

I didn't know Saturn/Sun trine could cause self-worth problems. I'll have to look into that. Thank you for pointing that out.
 

6thStellium

Active member
Pluto in the 7th house.

I don't know how to avoid the Pluto energies in my 7th House of relationships. I know we each are given different placements which come with challenges, individual per person. But being human, we need relationships. And being hurt here, for the rest of my life makes me feel like, why even live as a human being when I'm being forced to separate from humanity? I'm not talking about suicide, so please don't be alarmed by my question. I'm talking about living the human experience here on Earth, is to be in relationships, have relationships, it's a need. The way I see it: stay in relationships and continue to be betrayed and abused, or continue to live a lonely life because I will remove toxic people from my life. No one should have to put up with living that way. I know of many people who stay in toxic friendships/relationships. That's not me.
 

Melinn

Well-known member
I may have been using a too harsh of a keyword. Afterall Pluto is so so complex and have so many layers and nuances. ts also about healing, letting go of toxic things like toxic relationships. Tranformation through in your case relationships etc.


And the concept of 7th house and projections is just one aspect of the 7th house. There is many other aspects and well I'm not an astrologer so I can't be more precise sorry.


But as said its not only about you projecting something within. Its also about you attracting plutonic people, plutonic relationships, plutonic circumstances into your life etc. So you can learn whatever the lesson is here I don't know what it can be, but my best advice is getting in contact with a good astrologer about this.


Also I don't know if you are religious or not, but for some people the relationship to the creator, God is the most important one. To be able to connect with god etc. 7th house can in a way be seen as the relationship with god.

Human beings are just, humans. You can never be satisfied in your life by material things yes, but some believe, you can be satisfied by the love and being loved by a man/woman etc. That you will be "complete" by an other human being. Its not how it works, our souls will never be satisfied by worldly "love" by a human, but yes thats just my view.
 
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IleneK

Premium Member
Hi IleneK, thank you for replying and taking a look at my chart. Is 'dominant angular' the 1st House? I know my Mars square Venus doesn't sound too good. I just figured this placement involved family issues, rather than friendships, but I'm a newbie at this. I guess the saying "Women are from Venus, men are from Mars" does not apply to me lol. I feel as though I'm too feminine for Mars, but too masculine for Venus. Appearance wise, I'm very feminine. I love having my hair, nails, makeup done. In romantic relationships, I'm also very feminine and fall in (the giver) role, which I love to do, Venus in Cancer. This is tricky because I am only able to express my warmth and femininity if I REALLY trust someone. Due to much betrayal, I hold back. I can't keep getting abused, taken for granted, and used. I've been told "You just have to be careful with who you let in." Which is frustrating, because I'm beyond careful! lol. I don't trust easily, so I take my time opening up, but once I feel that I can trust someone, I decide to let them in, and that is when I get backstabed in different ways, as I mentioned above. So you are right about my view of the feminine. But I have a lifetime of reasons and experiences as to why I have this perspective. I don't go around treating friends the way they have treated me.

And I understand why astrology views me as the problem. I've been told that it's because I have a lot of fire in my chart. You all are right when you say I have a short fuse, I'm not denying that. However, what many seem to not realize is that my anger and short fuse is mostly expressed inwardly. I don't go off on others, or explode on them. It actually takes me a lot to get to the point of exploding. Why? I learned it's because of Neptune squaring my Mars, causing me to repress my anger. So how do I express anger? Well, I've come to realize it's in two different ways usually: Being passive aggressive, or by using my Virgo energies: thoroughly explaining how I feel, while analyzing emotions, when communicating with someone about how they've hurt me. I find that when I explain how I feel, others either ignore me, or they deny everything. When astrology says that I am the problem, that I am the reason for not being able to connect with others, then are they saying that it is my fault that I have been bullied and betrayed? I was bullied from elementary until high school. I had to go through therapy for years. How is that my fault? I also don't ask others to try to bring me down, or to say false rumors about me, or to only call me when they are going through something, and they need advice or a favor. Aside from that, I have been left out as well as have plans cancelled on me often. I don't do that to others.

I didn't know Saturn/Sun trine could cause self-worth problems. I'll have to look into that. Thank you for pointing that out.


I have to tell you that quite honestly I don't see that there is anything particularly wrong with you in this matter. It is more that there is a problem with all parties involved and that would necessarily include you. In your opening post, you mostly describe what you see out there without much reference to what your part might be in the matter. And that is probably the most important thing, because largely you can only change one thing in this matter: and that is you.
So I wanted to direct your attention back to you as well. It is more fruitful, I think, to examine everyone involved. And to look at you we need to consider that a contributor to this matter may be Mars in Aries, ruler of your Ascendant/1st house lens through which you view the world and through which the world sees you.

The Mars Venus square is of interest. Some folks have no aspect between Mars and Venus. So having the relationship between them, by aspect and for you by reception as well, means at least that there will be action in the arena of close relationship, male or female. With the square and challenging reception, it will just take a bit more skill on your part to bring the Mars Venus archetype energies favorably into play when you engage others. And that is something that can be acquired through practice and experience, so please do not be too discouraged. We all have to feel our ways through the challenges and obstacles that life gives us and that our charts reflect.

You mention the lack of trust a good deal, which is a painful state, and for which I am sorry you experience so frequently. I appreciate the problem and think that it, too, may be related to Saturn issues, be they Sun Saturn or Moon Saturn. Saturn is the body through which we create foundations and build secure structures. When Saturn cannot operate comfortably, it can make us less able to trust ourselves and thus to trust life. So it will be good for you to look a bit more into Saturn as you suggest you might do. Jungian archetypal astrologer, Liz Greene, has a wonderful and very helpful volume that that she has written, entitled, Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil.

In each moment, there are an infinite number of contingencies that may arise in our lives. There is always the possibility of something new.

I am truly wishing you the very best, 6thS.

PS I characterize Mars as dominant because it is in your 1st which is an angular so strong house. It rules your Ascendant and all that that implies. And it is in its dignity, in Aries, so strong. All this in your 1st house makes Mars seems like a dominant planet in your chart.
 
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