Beauty

About beauty in general (not specifically about your situation) - but women don’t need to be beautiful by men’s standards anymore. Having a thread about wanting to be beautiful to please a man is not necessary in this day and age, unless the woman is the dependent type.

Sure, women had to struggle more depending on what the law allowed them to do, but independent types of women have been existing throughout history, regardless of what the law allowed. Eg, Joan of Arc.

If you are the relationship type, then find a gentleman. Gentlemen are lovely. It’s got nothing to do with men being misogynistic. It’s about finding a person who isn’t selfish and wants to grow up, for either sex.

Let the controlling, boy husband end up with the goal-digging girl wife and let them use each other.

UKpoohbear, I take it you're not married with 3 children at home.

I was a single mother of two school-aged children for a while, between marriages. On top of an acrimonious divorce with all of its financial fall-out, being a single mom was about the most difficult thing I've ever done. Divorced women generally end up with a greatly reduced standard of living. These can add greatly to a woman's stress load.

waybread said:

UKpoohbear, I take it you're not married with 3 children at home.

I was a single mother of two school-aged children for a while, between marriages. On top of an acrimonious divorce with all of its financial fall-out, being a single mom was about the most difficult thing I've ever done. These can add greatly to a woman's stress load.

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I’m not married and I don’t have children. I’ve been in unhealthy relationships though and it’s a learning process with any friendship or relationship connection I make that I don’t lose my sense of self in the process. People take advantage of my weaknesses. I know the universal rule is that people have to come to realise what they are worth on their own, but what I am doing is basically spelling out the writing on the wall.

My sister was a single Mum at 17 and we came from a broken home. She went to university and then a few years later had a toxic relationship with the father of her next two kids. She’s now married and pregnant with a really nice man. She’s an inspiration to me and I am always on the side of the single mums because of her.

But Waybread, as much as what you are giving advice, I am too. We just have different methods. You did say very politely and subtlety that Abby’s husband could think about earning more money in order to allow Abby the benefits of being more glamorous, and I agree, but are you saying that Abby shouldn’t consider divorcing him if he refuses to change? And the D word shouldn’t be expressed to her husband to wake him up? Because I do.

It’s hard to see someone struggle. I think you have misinterpreted my advice because it has a different tone to yours and you also don’t know about my life experiences and what I am qualified to say. Although I do admit I am not married myself, but Waybread, you don’t need to be married to give advice, if you are married then you can relate more, that is all.

Basically, married or not, if an individual is acting selfish and refusing to grow as a person, then they shouldn’t be accommodated or allowed to do that. Of course, you give people the benefit of doubt and the opportunity to grow, but if the person is unwilling to change or look at themselves in the mirror, are you still going to say you should stay together because being single is hard? That’s wrong because the person who is placating the selfish individual is also digging themselves a bigger hole out of fear. It’s a life lesson. You grow and learn, or you don’t. And people who don’t want to grow up end up becoming toxic and I’ve had enough of those people because they literally cause so much damage to people.

Before the D word, why doesn’t her husband go to counselling and see how his own dysfunctional upbringing has led him to act this way and not see his own faults? Or do you stay with him because divorce is difficult. That’s so wrong.

Back to astrology

All,

Please get back to astrology. This is an astrological site for exploring how astrology affects people's lives. Put some astrology in your answers going forwards.

Back to astrology,

Tim

Hey ukpoohbear and waybread -

I'm grateful for both of your replies. You both give me something to think about.

Divorce would make my situation worse believe it or not. So strengthening my relationship is key. Lol I know most ppl want me to kick his *** in.

I agree I should do more prayer. It's worked for me in the past but for some reason I don't do it often. Probably cos my brain is in overload, further contributing to adrenal fatigue and then damaging my image and lowering my self esteem. If I'm gonna do this right I'll have to take time out for me. No other way to do it.

Any chance of seeing your husband's chart?

ElenaJ said:

Any chance of seeing your husband's chart?

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If you want to - 17th April 1979, Adelaide, South Australia, 8:30pm.

Here is your husband's chart.

Lol this morning was eventful. My husband woke me up in the morning (he's the first one up but this time was later than usual). Too late cos I'm supposed to drive him to work cos his car getting fixed. 5 mins later he screamed at me saying I don't support him. I said well why didn't you wake us up earlier (like he does every other day). He kept screaming that I don't support him. I said speak to me nicely or I won't be taking you to work. He screamed louder and started calling me names. I said I'm not going anywhere until he talks to me nicely. He cracked a fit. Thrust the keys on the floor, slammed his bag on the floor and stomped his feet repeatedly saying I'm a b**ch and I should help him. I'm like ummm, I'm driving you to work, did the same yesterday and went to your Easter when I was sick. How am I not supportive? All I asked was for him to talk to me nicely. He then apologised (but didn't mean it) and we got in the car. After half an hr he calmed down.

Wtf?!?! See what I'm dealing with? Nothing he says makes any sense.

Abby, it sounds like you handled your husband's meltdown very well. But as you know, this isn't good. Especially not good if his verbal abuse happened with your children at home.

Is marriage counseling an option for you two? Even if he won't go, maybe you can.

Natally your husband has a lot of squares in his chart, which generates a lot of background tension during the best of times.

Basically transiting Neptune is squaring your husband's AC/DC axis and natal Neptune. He may also be starting to feel transiting Pluto square sun. These transits would be hard on anyone's ego, as they tend to pull the rug out under our feet of who we understand ourselves to be.

If your husband is not a reflective, emotionally advanced kind of guy, he may be in the throes of a deeply upsetting identity crisis, with you as a nearest target for all kinds of fear about who he is deep-down and where he is going in life.

Trouble is, Neptune and Pluto are slow-moving planets, so it would be good to develop a joint strategy on how best to deal with them.

p.s. Do you know, is he treating you the way his parents operated? Does he have good role models?

Mars Aries opposite Pluto Libra, he has serious rage issues & you should demand that he seek anger management classes before it gets even worse. Wake up & protect yourself, go to a women's shelter if you have to because he's one step away from physical violence. This type of emotional violence is terrifying to the children too so don't think it doesn't affect them or you.
Seek help now before it gets worse & take good care of yourself & your children.

Abby83 said:

Lol this morning was eventful. My husband woke me up in the morning (he's the first one up but this time was later than usual). Too late cos I'm supposed to drive him to work cos his car getting fixed. 5 mins later he screamed at me saying I don't support him. I said well why didn't you wake us up earlier (like he does every other day). He kept screaming that I don't support him. I said speak to me nicely or I won't be taking you to work. He screamed louder and started calling me names. I said I'm not going anywhere until he talks to me nicely. He cracked a fit. Thrust the keys on the floor, slammed his bag on the floor and stomped his feet repeatedly saying I'm a b**ch and I should help him. I'm like ummm, I'm driving you to work, did the same yesterday and went to your Easter when I was sick. How am I not supportive? All I asked was for him to talk to me nicely. He then apologised (but didn't mean it) and we got in the car. After half an hr he calmed down.

Wtf?!?! See what I'm dealing with? Nothing he says makes any sense.

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blackbery said:

Mars Aries opposite Pluto Libra, he has serious rage issues & you should demand that he seek anger management classes before it gets even worse. Wake up & protect yourself, go to a women's shelter if you have to because he's one step away from physical violence. This type of emotional violence is terrifying to the children too so don't think it doesn't affect them or you.
Seek help now before it gets worse & take good care of yourself & your children.

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Thanks for pointing that out. I'm hoping it doesn't get to that stage.

waybread said:

Abby, it sounds like you handled your husband's meltdown very well. But as you know, this isn't good. Especially not good if his verbal abuse happened with your children at home.

Is marriage counseling an option for you two? Even if he won't go, maybe you can.

Natally your husband has a lot of squares in his chart, which generates a lot of background tension during the best of times.

Basically transiting Neptune is squaring your husband's AC/DC axis and natal Neptune. He may also be starting to feel transiting Pluto square sun. These transits would be hard on anyone's ego, as they tend to pull the rug out under our feet of who we understand ourselves to be.

If your husband is not a reflective, emotionally advanced kind of guy, he may be in the throes of a deeply upsetting identity crisis, with you as a nearest target for all kinds of fear about who he is deep-down and where he is going in life.

Trouble is, Neptune and Pluto are slow-moving planets, so it would be good to develop a joint strategy on how best to deal with them.

p.s. Do you know, is he treating you the way his parents operated? Does he have good role models?

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I was the first one to experience Pluto square sun in 2017. That's when he was the worst and Uranus opposed it as well.

My husband had already had Uranus conjunct his sun which is when he lashed out at me. When Pluto squares his sun god knows what will happen cos it will square my Pluto too. And those transits last a year.

We tried counseling. Counsellor said no point in doing any more sessions cos husband is brushing it over his head and avoiding to address the root of the matter (just like his mum).

He told me his parents fought over money all the time. Yet when I see his parents the father is always working and the mother takes his credit card and buys whatever she wants.

Yesterday after I dropped kids off at school and drove him half hr to his work, i bought some groceries, came home. Did house chores. Did 40 mins yoga. Lunch. Cooked dinner. Picked up kids. Fed them. Picked up husband. Went to beach. I felt great. I was smiling and giggling with the kids and this seemed to aggravate my husband. He said you do nothing all day. He seems to be too concerned with who's working harder - me or him. I'm trying to get him to have fun but he doesn't want to. Then he says I don't support him. So from now on when he gets angry I'm gonna continue to sit here and smile and he can cry like a baby and break something until he calms down. It's not my issue.

Mars is quincunxing the Saturn, Pluto and SN conjunction today. Mars and Mercury sextiling.

So if he’s the type to brush things over his head or under the carpet, he’s going to lash out if he has any internal stress, until he faces his own shadow head on.

Here is the composite chart between you and your husband. Basically, it confirms what we have all been writing about.
Sun conjunct Nessus is squaring Pluto, showing the power issues going on in the relationship.
Nessus represents someone taking what they want from another person with no thought or feeling for the other person's welfare. It basically symbolises abuse.
The composite sun in 9th points to religious views, foreign matters, philosophy. (shades here maybe of my comments about cultural clashes?).
Composite Pluto on the cusp of the 12th house shows struggles over power and control in a subconscious way, one person makes all of the sacrifices and the other person takes everything selfishly.
With the sun square Pluto, the struggle over power and control is a constant theme, there is a lot of strife and games, each of you tries to manipulate the other, and ends up bringing out the darkest side of each other.
Both of these planets are in easy aspect with Uranus: Sun in a wide trine and Pluto in a semi-sextile, which would indicate that allowing each other freedom and independence can ease the situation.
Pluto is also sextile the moon/neptune conjunction in the ascendent, so the Pluto energy can handle the emotional roots of the relationship without being too overwhelming. Pluto also trines composite mars so you two do focus on common goals, but sometimes it's just too much energy and you take it personally, letting it out verbally.
These Pluto configurations recall your natal sun/Pluto that is playing out here.
Moon in the ascendent of the composite shows how important emotions are in this relationship, you both rely on instinct rather than logic, and with Neptune conjunct moon this is even more so the case. The Neptune conjunction gives a very spiritual tie, and a soul connection that binds you together, and subconsciously you really understand each other. The problem here is that you also tend to use only this type of interaction between you, making it very personal and subjective.
The moon/Neptune conjunction opposes mars, in the composite 7th, firing up that emotional energy, leading to constant arguments and conflicts in the relationship, with resulting bruised feelings.
Mars being in the 7th actually helps to strengthen the marriage tie, and you do put a lot of energy into the relationship.
With Neptune opposing mars, the relationship can actually be draining on one or both of you, like it’s sucking the life out of you at times, it's the martyr aspect, and one of you tends to sacrifice yourself, while the other takes advantage. You each need to maintain your own identity here.
I also entered the asteroid Pholus in the chart, and it is exactly opposite Saturn, who rules the 2nd in the composite chart. The 2nd house represents not only wealth (here is your battleground!) but also self worth. Pholus represents the small cause yielding a large effect; “taking the lid off” a situation with explosive results; and a catalyst or reagent spurring change or transformation. Symbolically it is also "shooting yourself in your own foot"!
So you both have a lot to learn in this marriage, you are literally digging into yourselves, emotionally, and facing up to how you view yourself, how you value yourself, what is your spiritual worth. Saturn also rules the 4th, so this also takes place in the domestic arena, and with Pholus in the 5th, this energy also involves the children of the marriage.
There is a whole world contained in a chart, with many layers and considerations, and we can go on and on examining it, but these few comments will hopefully help you form a concrete view of your marriage.
One last word. A marriage is a karmic tie. It is different from living together. It is a commitment made between two persons that has a spiritual significance.
That is the reason why only the two persons involved can evaluate, repair, maintain or dissolve the tie. We who are looking in the window from the outside, through the chart and through your comments, are not in a position to really know what point you are each at in terms of your inner spiritual development and karma. We can only point out to you what mechanisms are being played out, with the hope that you can understand them more clearly, and then decide for yourself what action, if any, to take.
Yours is a complex relationship with karmic overtones, weigh things carefully, meditate while you are in the spa, you have the strength within you to find the right path.

Well elenaJ that's fascinating and accurate. I'm happy you give me a positive alternative to all the craziness in the chart. You say having the both of us being independent will help. This coincides with what my tarot advices. But I just struggle with it so much. I struggle standing my ground and being independent cos my husband gets possessive and clingy. But I'll do my best. Thanks heaps for all your support 😊.

Abby83 said:

I'm curious. When it come to beautifying oneself, which is more effective to look at - Venus, part of beauty, or both? I've personally found them both to be effective. Thanks

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Beauty is a combo of AC and Venus.

But really it’s all relative. It’s true that men prefer long hair, hourglass figures, etc — but not all do. Really, they just want a woman who’s good to them. The most beautiful thing you can do is smile — no need for gobs of makeup; Sephora can’t fix bitchy!

about beauty

I have a guess that beauty might be the depuration of a dream, and that Goddess Juno might be the ruler of it.

There might be, however, many different things that we call "beautiful", even when it's not exactly the case; attractive, sweet, sublime, etc.


"Beauty is the duel between God and Devil, and the battlefield is the heart of human..." - mr dostô.