Oops, I'm raising this thread from the dead. I'm happy to see here an emphasis on Aqua in Venus and all the myriad of ways it has shown up for people.
Ok so my story is---I generally hate my Aqua Venus. It has gotten me in so much heartache, especially in the relationship realm, and I'm learning now, in career. Before I even realized my temperament could be explained by this placement, I hated it. So when I realized my Aqua Venus was the culprit, per se, I intentionally and immediately began to demonize the placement. Which is a little self-hatred-y. I hated it so badly, I dabbled in Sidereal to see if it would move back into Capricorn (but is that really better? actually--nothing is "better" or "worse" in Astrology, I should stop that thinking), so that I could define a new reality for myself. But no. It just fell back into a lesser degree of Aqua. LOL. IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.
Here's the deal with me:
I am also an Aqua Sun. So my need to detach and remain independent is RAMPANT. But growing up, and even now, I placed such value in relationships, especially romantic ones. I have a romantic Taurus Moon in the 12th squaring my Aqua Venus in the 9th, and I suffer when it comes it getting my needs met. SUFFER.
In a relationship with a needy Cancer man, with Leo firing up his Venus, I was constantly made to feel cold, robotic, mean and disinterested. Even his friends tacked on by calling me weird. And I could understand that because that is really how I appear. But deep down, I'm extremely sensitive and emotional and caring, a true lover of people. Hello, Aquarius the humanitarian!
So I would find myself often asking "Why am I like this? Why can't I be a better girlfriend? Why is this so difficult? I thought I wanted romance and company, but now I really feel suffocated. Why can't I be more like my friend? She's an awesome girlfriend. Why can't I be more like my roommate? I hate this."
It played out like that for a year. And tbh, I thought there was something wrong with me. I even entered therapy, and dabbled with thoughts of being a sociopath. In retrospect, I think his moodiness and sensitivity was a real bad match with my detachment and intellectualism. The way romance has been sold to me, and even to society, is as this warm, all-encompassing thing. Never to leave his side, always to be warm and receptive, lovey-dovey. And in theory, that's so delicious. So my Taurus moon really globbed onto that. But as soon as I get close to someone in a *real* way, I FEEL CRAMPED. I feel like "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I don't even like cuddling or PDA. But I swear, I *deeply* love people. Just never in that affectionate way. It's not for me.
And that really upset my Cancer ex. I tried so hard to change, but Aqua Venus, Aqua Sun, freedom loving and detached, is bedrock to my soul. I couldn't change. So the relationship ended and I blamed myself, and carried around a lot of shame.
Even before I knew the language of astrology, my mom and brother told me "You will have to find someone who respects your independence." Welp, I guess so. I know it is possible, but it seems like Aqua Venus is an extra challenging placement, especially for women--who are "supposed" to be feminine, caring, and overtly nurturing at all times. Yuck.
That is why I see Aqua Venus as an impediment to love.
I fell into a community on Twitter that talks about astrology, and I see people bemoaning Cancer men as a whole as being moody and wack--at worst. A Cancer man also messed around with my mom. So I was able to find relief in that. That I wasn't a monster, and that perhaps Cancer men are difficult to reconcile with.
As far as Aqua in Venus for career? Well I am a singer/songwriter, very much in Venus's domain. I'm very hard on myself that at 26 I haven't hit it big. I find much jealousy and resentment when I see peers my age or younger really skyrocketing into success, meanwhile I'm here dampening my soul at a 9-5. I also have this narrative that women in the entertainment industry MUST succeed young or else they won't be as revered or respected. And then society as a whole has an obsession with prodigal musicians (re: Lorde). At my worst, this is how I think, even though I'm equal parts optimism and cynicism.
So I take my chart and my frustrations to an Astrologer who specializes in artist readings. He basically says that my Venus in Aqua in the 9th means my path to success will be wayward, unpredictable, and unconventional. It was an AHA moment as well as a "srsly? AGAIN with this Aqua in Venus BS? Always messing me up."
I have been studying other artists, looking at what they have done, and then doing ALL those things. I work very hard (Capricorn stellium and north node), I have a manager, video on MTV, write ups in respected publications, I perform everywhere, and I still feel so stunted and watch in awe as people with half the talent and half the work ethic zoom right on past.
Turns out my Aqua Venus is none too impressed with these conventional, tried and true was of achieving success in music, and that my success will lie in doing some out-of-the-ordinary thing and idk what that even is. *SCREAMS*
So, yes, this. This is why I bemoan that placement. I am learning to like it, maybe even love it, but it plays tug of war with so many other aspects of my personality and my chart, so it just rubs me the wrong way. I feel relief in knowing why I am this way, and in knowing what the secret to my success may be (in music and in love), but I'm honestly pissed that it's so much more difficult for me.
WHY CANT I JUST BE A LEO?!
Blame it on a woman?
