What in my chart is ruining my rships?

na

Astronizing said:

i would like to preface this by saying that my chart is not ruining my relationships per se, however, there is something that is contributing to my relationships not working. i would like to know if anyone can see what it is and what i may do to work on it.

i worry too much over relationships. i cannot loosen up.

i find that if i get upset about something that my boyfriend did, i have a hard time letting it go. i explain my upset and it becomes a long-hour conversation (often turning into an argument) because i keep talking about it, regurgitating and overexplaining. as in, explaining my hurt and not understanding why he would do something like that even when he has has apologised!
in my experience, this has drawn people to the point of exasperation.

further, i often feel like i love/care more about the other person than the other way around, which creates this horrible sense of me being the only one who cares about the relationship, which adds to the worry and anxiety. and often i feel like partners don't care as much as i do so i expect to see more from them, more of them stepping up to the plate.

further, i am obsessed with security. i hate being a girlfriend and would rather be a spouse so i get very impatient as a girlfriend, i just want things to speed up and become a wife but this impulsivity affects me--the lack of certainty and security makes me uncomfortable and nervous so, sometimes i can get anxious and pushy. i want things to move faster!

i think the sun square mars is part of the equation but i still would like to know if anyone sees anything else.

this is very important because ive come to the realisation that these behaviours are repeating themselves in all my relationships and causes problems. ive been told im argumentative and demanding. please help. i do not want to end up alone.

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Yes, I can see what you describe in your chart. If you don't mind, would you give me your date of birth, time and city/coountry so I can pull up your chart on my computer? I can see it better then and comment further. I can't see the whole chart now as I reply the way it is posted.

You have your Moon in Taurus conjunct your ASC. That makes you a double Taurus. Taurus is all about financial security and the Moon of course is about emotional security. So I would expect you to be concerned with security. With your Moon there, you wear your heart on your sleeve - your feelings are very up front and in a vulnerable place.

Then you have a Scorpio 7th house with Pluto close to the cusp, opposing your Moon. Scorpio can be quite obsessive and fearful. Pluto can give your Moon much more of a feeling of "demanding". It's intense.

I'll be happy to comment further after I have your chart - and maybe give you some solutions or things to work on.

Astronizing said:

i would like to preface this by saying that my chart is not ruining my relationships per se, however, there is something that is contributing to my relationships not working. i would like to know if anyone can see what it is and what i may do to work on it.

i worry too much over relationships. i cannot loosen up.

i find that if i get upset about something that my boyfriend did, i have a hard time letting it go. i explain my upset and it becomes a long-hour conversation (often turning into an argument) because i keep talking about it, regurgitating and overexplaining. as in, explaining my hurt and not understanding why he would do something like that even when he has has apologised!
in my experience, this has drawn people to the point of exasperation.

further, i often feel like i love/care more about the other person than the other way around, which creates this horrible sense of me being the only one who cares about the relationship, which adds to the worry and anxiety. and often i feel like partners don't care as much as i do so i expect to see more from them, more of them stepping up to the plate.

further, i am obsessed with security. i hate being a girlfriend and would rather be a spouse so i get very impatient as a girlfriend, i just want things to speed up and become a wife but this impulsivity affects me--the lack of certainty and security makes me uncomfortable and nervous so, sometimes i can get anxious and pushy. i want things to move faster!

i think the sun square mars is part of the equation but i still would like to know if anyone sees anything else.

this is very important because ive come to the realisation that these behaviours are repeating themselves in all my relationships and causes problems. ive been told im argumentative and demanding. please help. i do not want to end up alone.

Click to expand...

Astronizing,

You are 34 this year. This is the time when people begin asking the important questions, and this question is indeed important. I see that you’ve posted many questions to the community as to what to do about this or that, but this question you’re asking is fundamental to who you are and the inner work you need to do that will set you up for a more satisfying future.

And for you, with Sun and Mercury in the 7th house – with Pluto closing in on the 7th and Saturn just leaving it – relationships are important to you.

Now, complicating this picture so far, you have your South Node of the Moon – your past life symbol or the wound you need to heal – in Libra, the sign of relationships. So, when you work on relationships, you are working on your “Big Wound”. Everyone has a wound, whether it is visible to others or not. So, you are in good company.

To further elaborate the sound, Chiron (the Wounded Healer) is in Gemini in the 2nd house. It’s saying there is a wound to your self-esteem, self-worth or self-concept – and it has to do with the way you perceive yourself and communicate yourself with others.

Along with this, Mercury being the ruler of Gemini – we find in Scorpio along with Sun, Pluto and Venus. Scorpio can be very fearful and obsessive too. Scorpio is very cautious with people and can have trust issues. On the other hand, Scorpio wants to take control and exert its power – probably out of fear. It’s one way to get rid of fear – to take control and exert one’s power. Scorpio is very intense.

As I said before, your Moon is on the ASC in Taurus, making you a double Taurus. Taurus is very concerned about security – especially financial security – but also security in terms of self-worth. The Moon is concerned with emotional security and happiness. The Moon on the ASC is like wearing your heart on your sleeve – it’s a very sensitive placement – making you far more sensitive about your security issues. This is quite extraordinary really. It makes you feel extremely vulnerable with the need to fix it – to feel comfortable.

You are a very social person. The bottom half of the chart is your private self and the upper part is your social self – so you can see how you are really OUT THERE instead of IN THERE. You will look out there for comfort.

Now, without reading every single planet in detail, let’s look at the bowl shape of your chart. I guess some would say it’s a locomotive and other’s would say it’s a bowl. Either way, Venus is the leader and the ruler of your ASC and the whole chart. All those planets in the upper chart are looking at empty space below – and the midpoint between your Venus and Moon is in Leo, 4th house. This is the focus of the bowl or locomotive. THIS is the part of yourself you need to focus on and develop.


The fourth house / IC, is your most private inner space. Leo is your self-identity, your ego, your creative self-expression, your playfulness and feelings of being special. When people hear the word ego, they sometimes think of selfishness, but that is not what is meant here. We all need an ego. We need to develop our personalities and sense of self and specialness. We need to have a self. The ego is who we think we are. Now yes, Leo can become selfish if it doesn’t learn to consider others, but in your case, I don’t think that’s a problem.

Now, you will need time to work on this, but you need to involve yourself in something creative or to do something that develops yourself – and preferably both. In this way, you can take your mind off of obsessing over what you need from a partner, and start meeting some of your needs yourself. You need to cultivate your own individuality and your independence. THEN, you will be a better partner. You will have more to give as a partner. This may be difficult to do to begin with, but once you get started, I think you will be fine.

Your Mars is in Aquarius in the 10th house. You need to develop your own unique style in whatever you do. You need to stand out as a real individual. There is definitely support for you to be more independent. I think you can draw upon a big imagination with Jupiter in Pisces and NN in 12th – you probably have great intuition and maybe even some artistic talent. I think you might be interested in psychology or metaphysics with all that Scorpio. I truly believe you have a creative spirit and you will find yourself doing something creative.

As far as your Moon goes, you may need to develop some protective strategies to feel less vulnerable. You want to feel protected – and – so, you need to be able to set good boundaries and protect yourself. There’s Pluto behind that Moon – which feels extremely intense and obsessive – so, you want to channel that into creative projects some – find a way to use your emotions in a creative venture. Venus is conjunct that Pluto – the ruler of your chart – so you are going to be intense. But, knowledge is power too – you can decide to channel it rather than letting it have power over you. You want to use it and not let it use you. So, you have that power that you can use for your own good purposes.

If you take the edge of neediness out of your relating, I think your relationships will be a lot better in the future. It’s just time to put some energy into yourself is all. Be the person you want in a partner and then you’ll attract the right partner. You need someone who will appreciate your intensity and whatever you choose to do with your creative, inventive self. On the other hand, if you process some of your emotions and feelings on your own – say with journaling – you might find that you can work some of it out for yourself. You can’t control people or people’s reactions to you – but you can understand them. You can work on understanding why they might say or do something from THEIR point of view instead of just feeling how hurt you are. You obsess about it because you don’t want it to happen again. But believe me, it will. People do what they do because they are being themselves – and they will unintentionally hurt you. We all have to accept this fact. So, you do need to let go of trying to make other people understand what you need from them. Just try to understand THEM and that will bring you much more peace.

Also, it’s common for Scorpio people to feel like they love their partners more than the partner loves them. It does happen to a lot of people regardless – but it doesn’t mean the relationship won’t work. Of course, it’s better if the love is more equal. I think it rarely is though. People love the way they love. Scorpio people BOND deeply. The trick is to understand that people do love differently . . . even if they are very committed.

That’s my two cents.

Astronizing said:

So many things to think about....
So many conflicting emotions going through me right now, from relieved to sadness.

Thank you, thank you.

Hope you do not mind some questions via PM.

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PM is fine. Go for it.

Relationships struggling is widespread. Times have changed slowly, and with the change in times, divorces are on the rise. More relationships "fail" than ever before. That must be considered in the evaluation.

You see marriage as a solution, but I don't. Marriage will not guarantee, or even incline, the relationship to work. Notice how epidemic divorces are.

The way to absorb and manage this is to ask yourself, why are you obsessing about relationships so much that you are trying to control the relationship? First, can you state your expectations in the beginning, or are you afraid doing so will scare the potential partner away? In this day and age, it may drive the partner away. Second, why do you need a partner? Is a partner just an accouterments that rounds out your wardrobe? Do you want children and a family? Better say so at the beginning. Sure, it will chase away many partners, but that is the point.

Sun-square-Mars (and Mercury-square-Mars) means that you are impatient, aggressive, and intimidating. Only a mate who wishes to be dominated will respond positively to that. Your reasons for your impatience are not worth it; they do not cement the relationship, and they do not bring harmony to the coupling. More people than ever before are questioning the worth and purpose of marriage. That may change in the future, but right now, it is hard to have the solid bond and emotional security that you want. If you manage to intimidate a mate into a marriage bond, you are in no way secure. It is a poor start, but it is mostly a sign of the times.

Your Dsc being at 12° is a degree of loss, so you will experience the loss of relationships, Dsc ruler Mars being square Sun is the reason why and Pluto is also square the sun/mars midpoint which puts more obsessive controlling energy in the Mars/Sun. And you've described this aspect perfectly yourself, so its this you need to work on.

i find that if i get upset about something that my boyfriend did, i have a hard time letting it go. i explain my upset and it becomes a long-hour conversation (often turning into an argument) because i keep talking about it, regurgitating and overexplaining. as in, explaining my hurt and not understanding why he would do something like that even when he has has apologised!
in my experience, this has drawn people to the point of exasperation.