Big problem with gossip

Hello,

Since March I have problems with a good friend, or more exactly with his new girl friend, what is quite the same, because he is in love with her. Aditionally she causes many troubles with my other friends. She is gossiping about me and it seems, she tries to destroy both: my friendship with him and my other social contacts.

Maybe it doesn't look like a big problem, but I'm a rather conservative 44 yrs old woman, self-employed, without a family and have a diagnosed sewere social anexity disorder. I don't have many friends, it is not easy for me to find new ones and I also need both: a somewhat serious public image and some help from friends to be able to do my job. I'm unable to leave my home alone and feel extremly uncomfortable among strangers and in groups, so I can barely defend myself.

My friend (her boy friend) says, that I'm obsessive about her and he is right, but her gossiping is so extreme and insulting, that I rarely manage to calm down. I talked with her several times, but she denies to have a problem with me at all. He caught her once insulting me behind my back, they had a dispute and she apologized by me, but it didn't help. The problem got even worse since then. He expects me to forgive her and to get with her along, but she continues with insults and gossip like before. If I end the friendship with him, it won't solve the problem either, he introduced her to almost everyone, I know. I'm trying to avoid her, but I feel like she is stalking me, because she is almost always there, when I leave the house.

She is a very social, 25 yrs old girl and has many friends + I've never had any sexual/romantic relationship with him, even not any harmless flirt just for fun, so I don't understand what is happening. And whatever is the reason, it a nightmare.
I suppose, even if she would stop now, I couldn't force myself to trust her. I'm so hurt and exhausted, that I feel real repulsion and sometimes even hate.

As I see it, I have some hard transits and maybe anyone could give me an astrological advice, when my problems will end and how to deal with them. I'd be grateful.

I attached her birth chart and synastry with her, too, but I don't know her birth time.

She may be just a jealous, egoistic and insecure bimbo. I will say you must ignore her.

It is difficult too verify completely why is she like this without knowing her birth hour.
I can see why she is more outgoing than you: Venus in Gemini, Moon in Leo, and Mars in Aries she has more action impulse.

She has several problems in her configurations.
Moon square Pluto -> She is jealous and insecure. But with much fire and air in her chart she must try to keep it in secret acting bitchy and being a backstabber.
Mars square to Uranus -> Makes her very agressive when she gets mad.
Mars bad aspect to Saturn -> She is cruel when she gets mad. This is an aspect of much cruelty.
Mars bad aspect to Neptune -> Sometimes she attacks people (she fears to approach face by face) being passive agressive.

The moon in leo squaring Pluto: She is an attention seeker, the only thing she wants is attention. Don't even give it to her.

Her Mars also square her Mercury, and Mercury has the same squares her Mars has. Adding her Mercury is in Cancer a sign which makes mercury being more emotional so: She is nuts! Im not kidding.
I hope your male friend have enough patience with this woman, is not, then this will not work.

She doesn't has real social skills.



Watching your chart, and perhaps your Social Anxiety you are much more intelligent and in touch with your emotions, than her. So understand she has issues and ignore her. I bet a woman 19 years less than you doesn't have her mental power greater than yours.... She looks she has more psychological issues, different than the one you have, but she does! Come on, ignore her.


No one will have power over you, if you don't give it to them. You are giving her power getting mad and perturbed by her behavior.

Many thanks for your answer

virgo18 said:

The moon in leo squaring Pluto: She is an attention seeker, the only thing she wants is attention. Don't even give it to her.

Click to expand...

My Moon is in Leo, too, but has different aspects: conjunct IC, conjunct Jupiter (Virgo) out-of-sign, sextile Mercury, trine Saturn, square Neptune.

It has nothing to do with my question about gossip, but why do I have social anxiety and seek security, stability and privacy having the same Moon sign as her? Which of my Moon aspects causes that?

virgo18 said:

I bet a woman 19 years less than you doesn't have her mental power greater than yours.... She looks she has more psychological issues, different than the one you have, but she does! Come on, ignore her.

Click to expand...

Her power is basically my friend (her boy friend), because he is fiercely defending her. He is friend with all my other friends and is more close to them than me (he doesn't have social anxiety). Without him I'd never have anything to do with her. He and me have a co-dependent relationship in some way, because we work together. In order to fight her I'd have to turn against him and we both would loose a lot, if we would become enemies. And as I said, even if I'd break with him, it won't solve the problem, she knows all my other friends already and the longer she is his girl friend the more close she becomes to them, too. I can't spend as much time with them as she and there are also many things, I can't do at all because of social anexiety, so she has a clear advantage. That makes the situation so complicated.

Maybe the situation is changing now. He and me had a serious dispute about her and possible, that it is the end of our friendship. But whatever happens, it will not remove her from my life. It is definitely a long-term problem

Gorgina said:

Many thanks for your answer



My Moon is in Leo, too, but has different aspects: conjunct IC, conjunct Jupiter (Virgo) out-of-sign, sextile Mercury, trine Saturn, square Neptune.

It has nothing to do with my question about gossip, but why do I have social anxiety and seek security, stability and privacy having the same Moon sign as her? Which of my Moon aspects causes that?



Her power is basically my friend (her boy friend), because he is fiercely defending her. He is friend with all my other friends and is more close to them than me (he doesn't have social anxiety). Without him I'd never have anything to do with her. He and me have a co-dependent relationship in some way, because we work together. In order to fight her I'd have to turn against him and we both would loose a lot, if we would become enemies. And as I said, even if I'd break with him, it won't solve the problem, she knows all my other friends already and the longer she is his girl friend the more close she becomes to them, too. I can't spend as much with them as she and there also many things, I can't do at all because of social anexiety, so she has a clear advantage. That makes the situation so complicated.

Maybe the situation is changing now. He and me had a serious dispute about her and possible, that it is the end of our friendship. But whatever happens, it will not remove her from my life. It is definitely a long-term problem

Click to expand...

I don't think so. That girl is ****.... so the day when she makes a bad play to her boyfriend (your friend)... He will come and search for you again.
If that relationship end that girl will never be anything in his life again, while you can be his friend again.

Good friendships are more serious and long-termed than romantic relationships.

I think if you can stop focusing on what you see as your mental condition, and realize that this lady has a problem into which you happened to appear, you can get through this problem a bit easier. Please trust the other people in your life who have known you for a long time eventually to see through this gossip.

She has a problem with seeing people as enemies and communicating with and about them on that level.

I think this lady's Mercury conjunct Chiron opposite Uranus conjunct Neptune pretty sell sums up her problem. She understands communication through the lens of hurting others or being hurt by them. She finds people who are unusual in some way or perhaps ill/victimized in some way to be particularly threatening to her.

With her Mercury-Chiron conjuncting your ascendant, she feels particularly threatened by you.

Her Mercury also squares a very strong Mars in its own sign of Aries in the 7th house conjunct the descendant. It squares her Saturn-Uranus. This combination can not only suggest some active cruelty, but it converts the "house of marriage" into "the house of open enemies."

I don't think you can change her. You can quietly let your friends and co-workers know that you understand she has been gossiping about you; and that you would appreciate it if they would confirm any rumours with you personally before accepting them. This is especially important if any of them might reach the ears of your supervisor at work.

During the past few years transiting Pluto has been opposing your sun-Venus in Cancer from your 7th house. So it is not surprising that you feel attacked by an "open enemy" at this time.

Just remember that with your moon in Leo, you have the capacity to be generous and playful around other people. Anything you can convert into humour at this point should be beneficial. People will appreciate you for rising above the level of petty bickering. With your sun-Venus in Cancer, you probably are understood as a warm-hearted person, no matter how shy you might feel.

This lady has Venus in Gemini making no major aspects. She may tire quickly of your male friend; but a lot would depend on their synastry.

virgo18 said:

Good friendships are more serious and long-termed than romantic relationships.

Click to expand...

My friend is/was? back already and he still wants/wanted? to be my friend. It made me feel good and everything seemed normal like nothing happened, but then she appeared and the drama started again. Hopefully you're right and we can restore our friendship one day. At the moment there is too much stress.

waybread said:

I think this lady's Mercury conjunct Chiron opposite Uranus conjunct Neptune pretty sell sums up her problem. She understands communication through the lens of hurting others or being hurt by them. She finds people who are unusual in some way or perhaps ill/victimized in some way to be particularly threatening to her.

With her Mercury-Chiron conjuncting your ascendant, she feels particularly threatened by you.

Click to expand...

I didn't expect that. So it seems, my social anxiety is the reason, why she attacks me and she is just looking for a victim for her verbal aggressions. I don't know, how to deal with it, but maybe I should stop to try to find out, what I've done wrong.

virgo18 said:

During the past few years transiting Pluto has been opposing your sun-Venus in Cancer from your 7th house. So it is not surprising that you feel attacked by an "open enemy" at this time.

Click to expand...

I know, Pluto is the slowest planet and it will take years till it moves to the next house. Does it mean my problems with her will last that long?

waybread said:

This lady has Venus in Gemini making no major aspects. She may tire quickly of your male friend; but a lot would depend on their synastry.

Click to expand...

Their synastry shows some problems:
1. Her Venus conjunct his Moon AND opposite his Uranus.

2. Her Mercury/Chiron conjunct his Sun/Mercury/Venus OPPOSITE her Saturn/Uranus/Neptune conjunct his Jupiter AND all the multiple oppositions square her Mars.

3. Her Pluto conjunct his Mars/Saturn (Scorpio) AND square her Moon (Leo).

The synastry doesn't look good with the many Mars squares, but their relationship seems stable and instead I as his friend have stress with her. It sounds weird, but is it possible, that her behavior has not much to do with me as a person, but she projects all the aggression, she feels in the relationship, on me? Like I'm a scapegoat or something?

Gorgina, as I tried to express above, yes, I think this woman does look for a scapegoat, in the sense of someone to target, via her Mercury-Chiron opposition to Uranus-Neptune. Oppositions are difficult for people to deal with. Oftentimes they will identify with one planet but not the other. The more "personal" a planet is, the more likely it is that this will be the planet with which the person will identify. Usually, then, the opposite planet, notably an outer planet, becomes the "not me" planet, whose negative qualities (never the positive ones, it seems!) get "pasted" onto someone else who seems to exemplify them in the person's mind. This woman's moon is also a bit stressed by that Saturn-IC-Uranus-Neptune cluster.

This doesn't mean that her target will have their sun in Sagittarius or Capricorn (the afflicted planets' signs) merely that such a person will seem to manifest those planets and signs' negative qualities in some way. In your case, your Pluto-Uranus hit her ascendant, so she could easily take aim at you as someone who has to be controlled or stopped.

Are you familiar with the writings of Carl Jung? His understanding of "shadow material" and psychological projection seems relevant here.

You know in your heart you've done nothing wrong. Watch your back, but by all means stop feeling guilty about anything.

Have you got your male friend's birth data? It would be interesting to compare his chart with this woman's. Also, sometimes the two charts do not look so compatible, but a composite chart will show a different story.

If you wish to keep your male friend's friendship, I wouldn't put him in the middle of a stressful, argumentative triangle in which you criticize his girlfriend. That can start to put you in the wrong. You want to keep the moral high ground here.

Good luck, Gorgina!

Hello
I feel the need to comment on this, because your friends girlfriend kind of reminds me of myself. I just want to say don't let this girl give mars in Aries girls a bad name for you. I am a fellow mars in Aries girl, and I in fact have hurt people in the same way she has hurt you. She has a Venus in Gemini I have both mercury and the sun in gemini, I will admit myself Aries Gemini mixtures can make a girl into a *****. I am very protective of my bf (Venus in Taurus) and there was one sweet girl (his female friend), that I got jealous of and hurt. Reflecting back on it I felt horrible and I actually apologized to her. Maybe it's my sag ascendent and aqua moon that makes me more humanitarian and sensitive to others feelings. Maybe it also helps me admit when I am in the wrong. Unfortunately for you this girl has mercury and the sun in cancer in which cancers I noticed tend to put up a fierce barrier of what I believe is protection of their own egos and sensitive sides, they are also less likely to admit they are in the wrong because they are so caught up in their own emotions. I actually am friends with this girl now years later and I have come to find that she's a real sweetheart and I still feel afful that I had treated her that way. But I have an aqua moon and I think Gemini suns are more accepting and forgiving than cancer suns. You never know maybe when her Aries fire burns out and her Leo moon with the small amount of dignity is in it might come to the right terms and see how she's hurting you and apollogize. But that will be mighty hard with more water than air in her chart she will regard HER emotions first.

Waybread, thank you very much, you made me feel a lot better

I'm still new to astrology, but I think, you're probably right about oppositions and projections. I don't have any oppositions myself, but my friend has a stellium in Cancer opposite Jupiter in Capricorn (as you can see). He is often complaining about others beeing greedy and demanding too much money, but he is also pretty good at making money himself (I can't call him greedy, tho, it is not that extreme). It is quite funny for me to watch him making money and complaining, that others do the same. LOL

waybread said:

Have you got your male friend's birth data? It would be interesting to compare his chart with this woman's. Also, sometimes the two charts do not look so compatible, but a composite chart will show a different story.

Click to expand...

I attached their synastry, their composite and 3-persons-composite (Me, He and She).

Gorgina, their composite chart has some good qualities to it, namely the sun conjunct moon and the Jupiter trine. This would appear to be a work relationship, or one in which the careers are very important to the couple. The oppositions, notably from Mars and Uranus, may cause arguments, however. I would suggest you just protect yourself, if need be, if this woman's gossip is likely to affect you at work, and then just wait and see what happens.

So she doesn't like you, for whatever reason. Though she doesn't seem to get to know you well enough to really not dislike you. Her reasoning is because her boyfriend is closer to you than he is to her. She is temporary. Best thing to do is let be and trust that you friend will see the light. Don't even mention her, don't even bother with her. Truly, if your friends are your friends then they will see right through her. Just let 'be'...her insecurity is the reason why she treats you in such a manner. Let this be YOUR strength.