Yes death was always a topic of my life i've suffered from rolantic epilepsy when i was 8 and survived 3 major seizures which everyone thought i was going to die spend months in hospital. Than i survived and epilepsy ended but after depression hit i've become more suicidal than ever. And there is not a single day that i'm not thinking to kill myself.
But other than this when someone is dealing with death i change character and try to help that person as much as i can, to get over it and i've been told that i was helpfull which made me happy.
Finding support was the hardest because i had a pretty bad family life and selfish parents which is still acting like teenagers and a mom that blames me for every bad thing about her life and i was never enough for my dad. as years passed i became more lonely and i still find it hard to have a real friend or a boyfriend. They all leave me at some point.
i wish i had some signs in fire that maybe could make me better.
I am guessing you experienced a major transit or progression at that early age to coincide with the epilepsy developing. My own suicidal moods came when progressed Pluto squared the progressed Ascendant some years ago and it took many years to sort out. Pluto's influence is overwhelming so if we are not grounded it can seem like the person you know yourself to be is getting annihiliated. That is the other aspect you have that I have as well, the Sun-Pluto square. With that one in particular you feel you live next door to something that could go off any second, but you have to keep going anyway. I'll admit that is a very difficult aspect to overcome.
People who have a strong Pluto tend to be able to hold it together in extreme or drastic situations that would shock others - so this is an area where you are actually strong and is worth focusing on. (Think of surviving the early experiences in your life and what that takes.) It makes sense that you were helpful since you could relate to the other person's experience better than I'm guessing many other people around.
Your parents could be trying to push their own frustrations on you (that Sun-Saturn comes up again) so in general one of the directions to work on can be seeing that you are your own person with the freedom to make your own choices and that likewise you didn't make the choices that lead to their unhappiness. I have some good news about finding friends and partners, you'll do well with people whose planets aspect yours especially with some of the combos out there. So the more you try the more chances you get of meeting these people.
I would not worry about the fire element too much - it just means your way of getting motivated and getting things done is going to be pretty different from what seems like many other people. Look to the ones where you can relate and see how they can help you get better at doing things your way.
