Hi Abby, thanks for your feedback (she hums a few bars of "Getting to know You....")
It sounds as though you have had some genuinely rotten experiences, and understandably reacted defensively to them. I would, too, in your shoes.
Incidentally, I have had other bullying experiences-- notably when I was a 20-something and had a Good Ol' Boy supervisor in a summer job I badly wanted to convert to full-time; when I had a colleague in my first academic job who found me threatening and also tried to destroy my career; when I ran into a "gang of four" in my department during my next appointment, plus an associate dean who respected neither me nor my entire discipline. The jealous colleague who set up a gossip campaign amongst the grad students (very unprofessional) against me. Oh, and did I mention the Mean Girls at summer camp?
Fortunately these episodes have been interspersed with contacts with many, many good and decent people. Moreover, I really had to recognize, with my cold-shouldering co-workers at my last job, that they were not entirely bad people. Some of them had lots of friends-- more than I did. Some of them got service awards from their professional societies. Some of them were loved by their students.
I see them more, from my retirement distance, as products of their culture-- to which I was an outsider.
So I think that most people are merely and deeply human. We are all flawed human beings. Parts of most people are admirable while some parts are not admirable. On the tails of the statistical distribution are the few people who are truly up to no good, and the few genuinely good and kind people without a bad word to say to or about anyone.
Like yourself, I saw co-workers in higher positions where they seemed to perform badly. Once I climbed the ladder, I saw myself making my own mistakes-- notably when the office scuttlebut got back to me.
So maybe respect for other people comes from recognizing our common and deeply flawed humanity. We are not perfect people, so we have to cut some slack for other imperfect people.
Somehow we all have to muddle through and get along. If we cannot embrace our common humanity, warts and all, the outcome of our personal interactions is negative and predictable.
One thing I would recommend, as you delve more deeply into astrology, that you use it as kind of a work-book for designing the type of life and personality you want-- not the one you think you're stuck with. Each horoscope offers us specific assets, challenges, and above all-- opportunities. A horoscope shows only a potential.
I highly recommend Steven Forrest,
The Inner Sky. You can find it on-line if not at your nearest New Age book store. Also, one Australian astrologer whom I greatly admire is Alice Portman,
www.aliceportman.com . You can reach her on-line for a consultation, and she will be more familiar with your social context than most of us would be.
Basically, with your sun-Mercury-Pluto in Libra, you could start with thinking about Libran qualities: not as qualities you necessarily already possess (as we are all socialized by parents and society to some degree,) but as your evolutionary goal. You've mentioned balance, but a big one is relatedness. Venus-ruled Libra is a social sign. But it relates in a very
quid pro quo sort of way. The other person always deserves the respect you want for yourself. Justice-- not only for yourself but for others.
In terms of balance, this is something Libra seeks as a goal, although it may not find it at any given time. Serenity. Have you tried yoga or a meditation technique to calm yourself? Your ultra-strong philosophical Jupiter should be an asset here.
Then let's bring in the other players. A sun-Pluto conjunction is wide , yet you may feel it. This can be the energy of "dominate or be dominated." It can give your identity a lot of strength but is not too helpful in forging friendships based on reciprocity. Your progressed sun would have hit your natal Pluto around the age of 11 or 12, and would have been in-orb for several years before and after. Is this when your difficulties began? Some hardships are suggested when your progressed sun hit Saturn, around the age of 17.
At a young age, we are pretty defenseless because we have not yet had sufficient life experience to cope well with the hard outer planets, especially if family support is lacking.
With your strong moon-Jupiter in Sagittarius, can you develop an optimistic life philosophy or even a compatible religious faith? You don't seem to trust the universe to support you, yet this is Jupiter's message and potential.
And so on around your horoscope.