hermetic
Well-known member
I would really like to hear opinions on this subject or experiences of someone with this same position
Well, this has been bothering me for a long while now, almost my whole life, and only when i became familiar with astrology i begin to find explanations. I will try to make it short.
I never had luck with friendships. I have always had close bonds, even lasting ones that ended up bad and left me very hurt. After each of this parting occured I developed some 'illness' which to me only says to which extent i suffered. I had 4 best friends during my life and none of those i have any kind of contact now.
Age 8-9, previous best friend during entire childhood chose another group of girls to hang around. I remember even from that little age how hurt I felt. there was no faults from my side, no reason to this, she just left and it took some 15 years later we can chat normaly when me meet on street.
Second best friend around age of 16 was also really hurtful experience, also no particular reasons for parting, except the feeling of her not being loyal to me and not appreciating me enough. i stopped returning her calls. after this came complete disaster. I had no friends until age 21, during which time i suffered periods of heavy migraines, serious hormonal imbalances, even hospitalization several times.
Third best friend i met at college, we were really close for few years then i also felt abandoned by her and even manipulated, to the point i hated her, and this parting was also very paiful. another period followed of heavy depression and isolation.
last year i reconnected with one 'friend' from highschool and we became very close, this past year was really good for me, but in the last 1-2 months things are really falling apart. Again I feel like being taken for granted, not valued enough.
to me friendships may be highly idealized(Venus ruler of 11th house squared by Neptune) but I honestly do not see anything wrong expecting loyalty and being valued by someone who calls themself a friend. It is not like I misjudged these girls - they are all very quality persons with certain flaws, like every human being. But I think I am a very good friend - I am usually depreciating of myself, but here I can say I indeed am very loyal, and caring and there at every time. i really pay attention to other and give myself 100%. and then i feel used when other doesn't reciprocate.
astrologically speaking - I do not think this Venus Neptune square is much to blame, it makes me strive to better things, and once I feel my needs are not met I get out completely. Like to one point, all is ok. but if something happens that breaks the deal I simply do not feel bothering anymore, I suddenly know it is over, and this is where my Aqua Moon sets in - I detach myself. Plus, I do not feel I owe any explanations, if you've been my friend, then you know me, you surely know what hurt me, I do not wish to explain because I think there is no need to, and why should I tell anyone they dissapointed me. classic detachment except i get constant headaches to remind me not all is ok.
I see how Neptune Venus aspect brings dissilusionments, but I would like to focus more on Chiron.
It is in Taurus thus the reason this theme of being 'valued my other' is constantly showing up. And first 3 of those friends were Taurean!
But reading about Chiron and it's influence in charts made me ask - will this be a constant pain during my life? and is there only left to be philosophical about it?
I know people who have friends from very long time. I have no friends that stay for long. I do not consider 3 or 5 years long in terms of friendship.
What can I do? WHat can I change?
Chiron is out of sign opposition to Uranus, this might make sudden ends of friendships, and is also the end of yod formation between Neptune and Pluto, quincunx to each. I tried to put this together but I am really not good at understanding yods.
My chart is in the sig
I hope this was not too long
Well, this has been bothering me for a long while now, almost my whole life, and only when i became familiar with astrology i begin to find explanations. I will try to make it short.
I never had luck with friendships. I have always had close bonds, even lasting ones that ended up bad and left me very hurt. After each of this parting occured I developed some 'illness' which to me only says to which extent i suffered. I had 4 best friends during my life and none of those i have any kind of contact now.
Age 8-9, previous best friend during entire childhood chose another group of girls to hang around. I remember even from that little age how hurt I felt. there was no faults from my side, no reason to this, she just left and it took some 15 years later we can chat normaly when me meet on street.
Second best friend around age of 16 was also really hurtful experience, also no particular reasons for parting, except the feeling of her not being loyal to me and not appreciating me enough. i stopped returning her calls. after this came complete disaster. I had no friends until age 21, during which time i suffered periods of heavy migraines, serious hormonal imbalances, even hospitalization several times.
Third best friend i met at college, we were really close for few years then i also felt abandoned by her and even manipulated, to the point i hated her, and this parting was also very paiful. another period followed of heavy depression and isolation.
last year i reconnected with one 'friend' from highschool and we became very close, this past year was really good for me, but in the last 1-2 months things are really falling apart. Again I feel like being taken for granted, not valued enough.
to me friendships may be highly idealized(Venus ruler of 11th house squared by Neptune) but I honestly do not see anything wrong expecting loyalty and being valued by someone who calls themself a friend. It is not like I misjudged these girls - they are all very quality persons with certain flaws, like every human being. But I think I am a very good friend - I am usually depreciating of myself, but here I can say I indeed am very loyal, and caring and there at every time. i really pay attention to other and give myself 100%. and then i feel used when other doesn't reciprocate.
astrologically speaking - I do not think this Venus Neptune square is much to blame, it makes me strive to better things, and once I feel my needs are not met I get out completely. Like to one point, all is ok. but if something happens that breaks the deal I simply do not feel bothering anymore, I suddenly know it is over, and this is where my Aqua Moon sets in - I detach myself. Plus, I do not feel I owe any explanations, if you've been my friend, then you know me, you surely know what hurt me, I do not wish to explain because I think there is no need to, and why should I tell anyone they dissapointed me. classic detachment except i get constant headaches to remind me not all is ok.
I see how Neptune Venus aspect brings dissilusionments, but I would like to focus more on Chiron.
It is in Taurus thus the reason this theme of being 'valued my other' is constantly showing up. And first 3 of those friends were Taurean!
But reading about Chiron and it's influence in charts made me ask - will this be a constant pain during my life? and is there only left to be philosophical about it?
I know people who have friends from very long time. I have no friends that stay for long. I do not consider 3 or 5 years long in terms of friendship.
What can I do? WHat can I change?
Chiron is out of sign opposition to Uranus, this might make sudden ends of friendships, and is also the end of yod formation between Neptune and Pluto, quincunx to each. I tried to put this together but I am really not good at understanding yods.
My chart is in the sig
I hope this was not too long
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