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Unread 11-18-2019, 02:23 PM
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Unhappy "Bad" Parent-Child Composite?!

I'm debating whether I should even bother to post this thread, but a few years ago I became a parent for the first time (my daughter is 2), and I was looking at our parent-child relationship composite. I hope this is the right place to post this thread(?) I know she's very young and I have a tendency to worry about things (especially things I can't control). I've been struggling with grief and trauma for years and I've found that, despite the work I've been doing in therapy, one particular loss (sudden death of a close family member) is still been causing me a lot of grief and fear.

My natal:

There are some positives that jumped out at me (in our composite): Venus conjunct the composite AC opposite Jupiter conjunct the composite DC, for example. Moon is sextile Saturn (another good aspect for a child-parent relationship composite), and some positive Sun aspects, to start. Things that worry me: several Neptune squares and Mars square Pluto (as well as Chiron conjunct the AC).

Composite with my daughter:

I've also been told that Saturn square Uranus in a parent-child composite means the parents' marriage is broken(!). This aspect is present in the composite between my husband and my daughter, as well. This worries me a lot- my husband and I have been together for a long time and have done a lot of work together to strengthen our relationship and overcome past issues. I feel like we have a good relationship, so I hate it when astrology confirms my fears or makes them worse. (Honestly, I've been thinking of just avoiding astrology altogether lately; I'm frequently fearful and still processing trauma, so maybe I'm better off just not bothering. :P).

Composite with my husband:

Anyway, I've posted my composite with my daughter and my composite with my husband (as well as my natal chart). Maybe someone could take a look and provide a more realistic/objective perspective? I don't trust my own interpretation and maybe someone sees something that I don't.


Last edited by normak; 11-18-2019 at 02:25 PM. Reason: images not showing up
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Unread 11-18-2019, 03:20 PM
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Re: "Bad" Parent-Child Composite?!

I just realized I ought to have posted this in Relational Astrology (sorry!). I hope some kind soul can give me some perspective on this (aside from, I shouldn't be looking/trying to analyze my young daughter's chart; believe me- I wish I hadn't looked either, for many reasons).
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Unread 11-18-2019, 03:31 PM
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I have Chiron at composite Desc with one of my kids (outside a vivid kite), within minutes. Asc planets you see, Desc planets you do (ugh). Either way you work through them by as the parent continuing to work on your own stuff with a lot of support. Sorry the early years have been so hard for you. I hope you continue the healing process.
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Unread 11-18-2019, 04:46 PM
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Re: "Bad" Parent-Child Composite?!

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Originally Posted by passiflora View Post
I have Chiron at composite Desc with one of my kids (outside a vivid kite), within minutes. Asc planets you see, Desc planets you do (ugh). Either way you work through them by as the parent continuing to work on your own stuff with a lot of support. Sorry the early years have been so hard for you. I hope you continue the healing process.
Thank you so much for your response. These years have been hard, but also wonderful. I feel so much love for my daughter- more than I ever thought possible. I just struggle so much with anxiety/fear; I've been working with a therapist for years on PTSD and difficult childhood stuff, but she recently retired and I've had to start over with someone new, and a lot of the old stuff that I thought I had processed has been coming up again as a result. Unfortunately, anything like astrology (predictive) tends to be a bad thing for me while I'm in this state of mind; I fixate on the worst possible outcomes and feel like I'm happy but always waiting for that other shoe to drop. I suffered a lot of losses up until about 2013, and then it was like I had been in combat and was trying to adjust to *not* having to be afraid all the time. I've been afraid to really let myself be happy, because another loss would be so devastating for me after everything I already went through. Going through my old posts on this forum- I always tend to post something out of fear. It ranges from "oh no! my relationship is doomed because we have composite Moon square Uranus! to "my child has Saturn Rx conjunct the MC; I guess that means either me and my husband will split up or he'll be absent in some way. She also has Moon square Uranus as her only aspect to the Moon, so I guess I'll be an unstable mother figure for her." Etc. I'm so sick of my own thinking but I have this intense need to feel like astrology isn't set in stone; like things aren't fated to go wrong and I do deserve to be happy. I also really don't want to mess up as a parent; I'm trying so hard to give her a better childhood than I had. Anyway, tl;dr- I'm continuing to work on this stuff and I appreciate your comment.

Last edited by normak; 11-18-2019 at 04:47 PM. Reason: wording?
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Unread 11-18-2019, 06:35 PM
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I understand and am sympathetic to the issues. Have done the same with synastry.

One thing that may be helpful to you, as it is to me: If you are going to look at star charts, then just as you rightly insist that certain things are not set in stone - insist that you donít catastrophize either. Try to hold the dynamic in your hand as lightly as possible, like a butterfly. Think of how you would address the dynamic if it showed up in the least serious way. We know that astrology is a series of artistic signs that can manifest literally or metaphorically, lightly or heavily, etc. Work with your own charts the way youíd work with anyone elseís.
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Unread 11-18-2019, 07:00 PM
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Re: "Bad" Parent-Child Composite?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by passiflora View Post
I understand and am sympathetic to the issues. Have done the same with synastry.

One thing that may be helpful to you, as it is to me: If you are going to look at star charts, then just as you rightly insist that certain things are not set in stone - insist that you donít catastrophize either. Try to hold the dynamic in your hand as lightly as possible, like a butterfly. Think of how you would address the dynamic if it showed up in the least serious way. We know that astrology is a series of artistic signs that can manifest literally or metaphorically, lightly or heavily, etc. Work with your own charts the way youíd work with anyone elseís.
This is so helpful- this is exactly what I've been struggling with when I read my own chart(s). If I can slow down my thinking and consciously remind myself not to catastrophize (to start), maybe I can eventually be free of this undermining anxiety. I used to do readings for people all the time, and I would never be so harsh or black and white with them as I am with my own chart. I know I tend to be obsessive and I fixate on things I can't control. I've had my worst fears come true because I've "seen" things happen beforehand, but now I can't "see" clearly because I can't tell whether the things I'm seeing are just things I'm worried about because I'm afraid, or if they're things that will actually come true. I can't tell the difference between a gut feeling/true intuition and fear. Not to get off on a tangent or anything! Thank you so much for this.
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Unread 11-18-2019, 09:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by normak View Post
This is so helpful- this is exactly what I've been struggling with when I read my own chart(s). If I can slow down my thinking and consciously remind myself not to catastrophize (to start), maybe I can eventually be free of this undermining anxiety. I used to do readings for people all the time, and I would never be so harsh or black and white with them as I am with my own chart. I know I tend to be obsessive and I fixate on things I can't control. I've had my worst fears come true because I've "seen" things happen beforehand, but now I can't "see" clearly because I can't tell whether the things I'm seeing are just things I'm worried about because I'm afraid, or if they're things that will actually come true. I can't tell the difference between a gut feeling/true intuition and fear. Not to get off on a tangent or anything! Thank you so much for this.
Iím so glad it was helpful.

Yes parenting can stimulate seemingly resolved trauma because the issues are constellated more subtly and overlapping than they were when you didnít have a helpless dependent. Thereís a fine line between responsibility, even karmic responsibility, and control ó and so many important dimensions of raising a child are simultaneously our responsibility and out of our control. Breathing or yoga could help build stamina for staying calm in that emergent space. You might also look into nutrients - if your gut needs a little extra support
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