I have never had a proper boyfriend and all my friends are married...

brooke24

Well-known member
Hi :)

I have never had a serious relationship and i just turned 25. I want to be married and have a baby in the next 5 years as all my friends are married, plus all the people in my school grade are practically all married!!
I am so unhappy about this and wonder if it may ever change?
 

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bittermoon

Well-known member
Being married and having a baby because all your friends and peers are doing so is probably the worst reason to get hitched and procreate. But that aside, looking at your natal chart to see what kind of person you'd attract and be attracted to, I see Virgo on your 7th house cusp, so you're looking for someone with the traits of Virgo, Pisces (Mercury) and Aries (Sun). Though not in your 5th and 7th houses, there's also a Venus-Moon opposition to be aware of. There's lots of info on this opposition on the net.
 

SagiCap

Well-known member
Being married and having a baby because all your friends and peers are doing so is probably the worst reason to get hitched and procreate. But that aside, looking at your natal chart to see what kind of person you'd attract and be attracted to, I see Virgo on your 7th house cusp, so you're looking for someone with the traits of Virgo, Pisces (Mercury) and Aries (Sun). Though not in your 5th and 7th houses, there's also a Venus-Moon opposition to be aware of. There's lots of info on this opposition on the net.

+100-------% agreed!

Sometimes we can idealize something we've never had because of our idealizations when the truth is being married to the wrong person for that status can be 100 times worse. Many people in the wrong relationship are miserable. Don't attach to how others perceive you. There's no love like self love.
 

bittermoon

Well-known member
Great addition, SagiCap. Unfortunately (or is it fortunately?) I had to experience it to truly understand it. Desperation is not attractive, neither is clinginess. And yes, perhaps it does sound cliche, but there is indeed no love like self love.
 

fushiafairy

Well-known member
Along with Bittermoon suggestions of virgo(7th house cusp), pisces(7th house cusp ruler mercury's placement), and aries(sun-what you look for in men), I would also add your mars placement(also what you look for in men) of Sagitarrius. Alot of different energy I know, but these can help you figure out what you need. Not sure where you are, but there are so many ways to meet people these days.
On a pratical non astrology note, I know you must be lonely and I am sorry. Sadly, a lot of those marriages you speak of will not last or will last for the children. Why? People change ALOT in their 20s. I was 27 when I really knew what I wanted and needed in a partner, unfortunately I was already married. It did not last.
Good luck.
 

rahu

Banned
your chart does pose a quandry.
with venus opposed the moon and trine to mars,i would thnk that you attract many men as this gives a loving nature and often a attractive physical presence. your feeling for a child and family are not misplaced.
so though you attract guys, you don't form a permanent relationship.

the obvious answer is the chiron/saturn opposition.
this shows a very constrictive and cold father figure. i think that the interaction with your father growing up have given you an unconscious adversion to bonding with men.

as i said you are attractive yet nothing sets,hence it is likely that you are subject to unconscous fears that affect your relations with men.
with jupiter square the saturn/chiron opposition,these unconscious fear would directly impact you ability form an exclusive relationship.

the saturn/chiron opposition implies low self esteem .so you might unconsciously not feel deserving of a husband.

have you ever had issues such as anorexia,bulimia or cutting???

i would suggest counseling to consider your self esteem issues.

you arr e very loving and nurturing soul, but your unconsious issues are sabatoging your relationships.

rahu
 

brooke24

Well-known member
Hey everyone

Thanks for your encouraging advice! I am not desperate ...YET! I also know it is the worse thing you can do. I just think many people do not know why I have not got a boyfriend?..its always the topic of the night whenever i meet a guy...(why??? how it that???) or amongst my friends. And its getting to be a real bone of contention now. I am sick of being asked.

I have felt so embarrassed to even say it on a forum! Thanks rahu for what you wrote. The Saturn/chiron opposition must cause restriction. I do not have a very COLD father, yet an aloof one i must say. He just does not know how to nurture anyone but himself is all, yet he is still loving to me, but the bottom line is his greatest love is to himself.

I do feel I deserve a husband. Yet I do not want all the disappointments i have seen around me. My mum has had my dad treat her badly, as well as all her other partners (abuse etc) My brothers have treated her bad, and are a constant disappointment to mum and I. Dad is very taxing for me to deal with...he does not care about anything that does not affect HIM. All this adds up to the subconcious fear i guess...all the male role models have not been at all positive. I get on so well with men and have had many pursue me over the years, its just that i seem to shut down and even ignore their calls...even though i really don't want to !

It is sad at the moment. I do have fragile self esteem and had a mild form of OCD years ago but no cutting or anything. I am seeing a counseller/healer...she said she will try to help me overcome my fears. At the very least i am consciously aware of this fear...and i DO believe in the power of the mind...you can change anything in your head if you work really, really hard at it. EVERYDAY..
 

rahu

Banned
hi brooke.

your OCD is likely symbolized but the mercury square to uranus.
i overlooked this aspec as the satrun/chion dynamic applied directly to relationships.

the uranus/mercury square shows you are extremely intelligent but without patience ,it can show abrupt changes and problems with temper,though with the neptune/satrun midpoint conjunct uranus,temper is probably not a issue.
this aspect also brings strong psychic/astral energies,but if one does not understand these energies ,them this square can show chaotic mental states.this aspect tends to give you vivid,astral dreams that may be prophectic but with the neptune.saturn midpoint conjunct uranus,you often have "scary" dreams.with the mercury/uranus midpont square to pluto,it all becomes more complicated ,as you may repress and not remember any of these phenomema.the pluto square also likely shows that you have repressed memories.

i still find your father's influence problematic.more so sinse you likely have
repressed memories.

the problem is that if the relationship with your father is a factor in your issues with men,because this is what is ,then these issues will not change,no matter how positive your attitude,if there is no change in the relationship with him
rahu
 

brooke24

Well-known member
Its fascinating what you said about the dreams ....i don't usually remember my dreams, and if i ever have they are scary ones! Maybe you are correct about the repressed memories. Yet if they are repressed, maybe there is a reason why it cannot be consciously recalled?

I certainly agree with the father issue. I don't have a bad temper, but anger flares up in me more easily when around him in particular. He is not the father i wanted at all, but you can never change these things. My brother and I wrote him a long winded email last year and told him what we really thought of him, and that he'd have to change in order to stay in contact with us.

After not seeing or speaking for nine months, we all avoided talking about it, just got swept under the rug. He is a narcissist...you CANNOT reason with them in order to get them to see your point of view, they never do! The bottom line my couseller told my family and I is that we should not have sent that email demanding change in HIM..she said it was totally futile...'i cannot expect change in HIM, i must change on my own' etc. I was shocked, as i had never thought of it that way. He is 'sick' in the head as they say, and i cannot be expected to ever try to change that. He is what he is. Yet i have told him about his narcissism and to back off on talking about himself 24/7.

I am not going to let a disappointing father ruin my happiness with a future man. He is not going to win!
 

rahu

Banned
i think your email was absolutely the correct thing to do and you need to find a therapist who is versed in the psychological symtoms and fixations of an abused personality structure.
abuse does not have to be physical .whether,psychological,physical or sexual,the personality structure of the child is folded against itself.low self esteem becomes one of the personality dymanics the child must integrate until the strength and perspective develope to allow the survivor to fight back and regain their personality coherence minus the self defeating lack of esteem for themselves.
your father is an abuser and to continue to be under his ambience,you had to confront him,this is part of your healing ,it is not intended to have an affect on him.it is the first step of healing yourself.
change therapist and look for a support group for abused personalites/low self esteem. to gain any lasting relief from the psychological fetters your father has on you,you must pull away.as you mentioned it has all been swept under the rug,then obviously the family unit IS enabling him.
if you want a relationship ,marriage etc. you must break with your father.
it is your future at stake.continuing the status quo only ensures he will remain the main man in your life.

rahu
 
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brooke24

Well-known member
I agree. I was shocked at having been scolded for sending the email, but frankly i was at my wits ends with him. This counselor is very qualified in terms of degrees etc, but she is also a healer ..can read your sharkas, interpret energies etc. We went to a conventional clinical psychologist beforehand and she was totally useless! Doing everything that it says in a textbook i don't think works.

Are you meaning i need to sever ties with my dad in order to have a good, or even a relationship with a man? Are you saying you think his influence is blocking or will block my progress with men? I don't know what to do. He won't change or even get it at all. If i block him out again i think its going to cause all sorts of strife with the family, and I'll be the cause! Is there anything else i can do? :(
 

rahu

Banned
you need to find a counselor versed in survivor personality structures.

all you questions are those a survivor has to confront.

yes,your problems with men is directly related to your lack of self esteemn that your father has and still does engender.

the reason repressed memories are repressed is that these memories are emotionally incapacitating.your subconscious does not want acccess the pain,especially as the abuser is still unrepenant and in your environment.the psyche of a child is ultra sensitive and severe abuse will make them block the pain.but the negative affect of the pain does not cease constricting your options in life when repressed.
that is why you need to find a therapist and a support group.

and yes ,your issues with men will not go away with cleansing your "chakra" because your issues with men is not the problem.it is with your father's affect on you.

to start look into a 12 step group that focuses emotional blocks such as Emotions Anonymous E.A. you could find a couselor cogent on these dynamics through these channels.

this approach is based on talking about your feelings and contradictions.

this is not a cakewalk emotionally and if you don't
go forward,these issues will become more debilitating as you reach your late 20's early 30's.



rahu
 
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brooke24

Well-known member
You know so much about all these issues. Where did you acquire that knowledge? I am going to ask tell my counselor about what you said - the support group, and perhaps even ask her if she is experienced in the area of survivor personality structures.

Yet you see my dad never directly abused me nor did he pick on me...he abused everyone else in the family though. My elder brother was his prime target. He could never really pick on me as i never caused much trouble...i was well behaved. The problem was that i was cast in the role of the peacemaker of the family, even as a 13 year old everyone seemed to look to me create diplomacy. My best friend has pointed out to me my mother who although extremely loving, put all her emotional burdens on me at a very young age..even now she expects me to say the right thing on all occasions and have the maturity of a 40 year old! As a young teen i used to 'counsel' dad about his issues...he was the child, me the adult! It is still the same...he is too laid back and lazy for my nature, and it drives me insane!

I think all of this caused problems in developing Independence from parental figures. Most teens want to pull away from their parents, i went the opposite way. Mum thinks the support group sounds good. I mostly had this role as even under extreme stress i always keep my rationality, without ever displaying overt emotion or stress..yet maybe this is repressing as well.

I still am confused. Is it advisable to go to this support group to get help, yet still keep contact with him? Or eventually faze him out? Wouldn't it be unadviable to be without a father figure, even if he does annoy the hell out of me at times?
 

rahu

Banned
hi brooke
i can't a go into your dynamics furtur,but will add that your description of your role inthe family,specificly your parents,is a classic example of the interactions of a abuser/survivor family unit
rahu
 
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