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  #1  
Unread 09-18-2020, 10:05 AM
Lostand Lostand is offline
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Last edited by Lostand; 10-08-2020 at 12:54 AM. Reason: .
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  #2  
Unread 09-18-2020, 05:05 PM
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Cary2 Cary2 is offline
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Re: Feeling lost, where is it in my chart and what to do about it?

Your description of your state of consciousness was clear and concise, and I feel I understand your question posed to astrology. There is a lot to cover, but I will start with a complicated T-square situation.

There is a Mars/Jupiter/Saturn T-square. This makes the Mars/Saturn opposition more critical as if it were closer in orb. Jupiter belongs to a stellium that includes MC. It is the stellium that is point-focus of the T-square, so we must also consider Mars/MC/Saturn, Mars/Venus/Saturn, Mars/Pluto/Saturn. Since MC is one of the four significators of the chart, it is quite important and calls even more attention to the situation.

This indicates that you are a stop-go person. You may exhibit great bursts of energy, but you also withdraw. As I look around the chart, I see even more into this situation. You are bitter and cynical and world-weary. You may even joke harshly about it.

This may be the aftermath of a significant death that impacted you. There may be separations involved, such as a broken engagement. You consider your death and the death of others.

At the midpoint of Sun/Saturn is both the Ascendant (another significator) and Mercury. It is a desire to separate. You may roam because of it. It is very pessimistic. This is your logical image that others see and comment on. You are cynical. You may have wisdom, but you are also melancholy and possibly puritanical. You find it difficult to be genteel, so you avoid others because you may offend and make matters worse, but you feel captive of circumstances. This may not be depression, in your mind, but it is quite close. Depression is not necessarily suicidal, so that is not a real consideration in a diagnosis or analysis.

This is expanded by the close Saturn/Node trine. This shows you are cautious about joining groups, and you may actually avoid them, but you are likely to form a group of your own with you in charge. You are a good organizer, and you find fulfillment as a teacher, boss, captain, or manager. You will cut fools down to size fast, and you may be hated by a number of people who have felt that sting. I think you are conservative deep down, and the atmosphere is very antagonistic today against conservatives and conservative thought. The progressives today are not very tolerant of a different point of view, so it is crazy-making for many. Many liberals have joined the conservatives against the progressive surge.

Astrology is not as reliable at revealing intelligence as it should be, but your chart is overwhelming in that department, so I will take the plunge. Mercury in exaltation on the Ascendant is quintile to Jupiter in Sagittarius (rulership) and Jupiter also conjunct Venus. With Sun conjunct Uranus, you are probably a genius.

I'm not suggesting that genius contributes to sanity troubles, but there is a Uranus-Neptune conjunction to your Sun. The perplexity of existence is troubling you considerably, and it stirs the unconscious to chaos. You may be a chaotic personality. You are also highly imaginative and creative with a fine sense of aesthetics.

You may be shocked to discover your potential for popularity and warmth. Moon is sextile the Venus/Jupiter conjunction. Happiness is not so elusive for you as your pessimistic mind may imagine.

Your entire post to the board succinctly describes depression even though you explicitly ruled out depression. I think you are inclined to depression, and I blame depression most of all for your complaints.

Solar arc Neptune has been crossing your natal Ascendant for months, and that will push you to feel lost. There may be a kind of breakdown or temporary insanity with that connection to your particular natal chart.

Last edited by Cary2; 09-18-2020 at 11:57 PM. Reason: grammar
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  #3  
Unread 09-18-2020, 06:43 PM
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Harmelia Harmelia is offline
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Re: Feeling lost, where is it in my chart and what to do about it?

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Originally Posted by Lostand View Post
I feel lost in every aspect of life. So, I'll try to keep it simple, I'm against marriage for myself because I hate the idea of sharing a life with one person forever and having to deal with compromising and all that. I also can't imagine bringing a life into a world I'm not happy with and on top of that, having to co-parent this child with someone else. I used to dream about adopting a child and raising them on my own, but as I grew older, I realize I liked the idea more than the reality. I think kids are cute but I feel drained by spending 15 minutes with a child who is in a perfectly good mood, so I can't imagine being able to deal with one for the rest of my life.

I have zero close friends, I know I can make and keep friends, but I lose interest or never feel satisfied enough to allow for a deeper connection or to maintain the relationship. I always feel like I have to act like someone I'm not most of the time. If I do let "me" out, it's always too intense, too serious (I do tend to take myself seriously and most things in a very serious manner), and mostly too boring. People also think I'm logical which, I guess I am on the outside, but I don't feel that way on the inside. I hate communities or social groups, I never fit in and they're always a bit too... fake..? Forgive me, I really don't know how else to explain it.

I did well in school, mostly due to luck and last minute studying. But horrible when looking for a job, no idea what I want, no idea where to start. I would always back out when I pass interviews. So I went back to grad school and a few weeks in I feel so much pressure over little things. I know the work is not actually hard at this point, but I can't focus on meeting deadlines or putting in the work. I'm starting to second guess my decision, because although I am interested in my field of study, I'm not THAT interested. I lack the passion others have for it.

That brings me to another point. I have no passion in anything, at least not enough to dedicate time and energy to it despite the chance I might fail. The only thing I've consistently felt passionate about was the idea of falling in love. But the reality of people and relationships has hit me time and time again. Now the idea only manages to make me feel calm before going to sleep although I know it will never be reality.

I've had many interests but they're all short lived. I can't develop them any further than the basic. I don't want recognition from people, because all it does is make me feel like they don't see me, the real me. The me I can't even seem to grasp.

I wish I could lose myself in something or someone, to be able to experience something fully and deeply. Hell, I even have cried before while eating meals, because I hate the process and never seemed to be able to actually enjoy eating food. I'm jealous of people who can enjoy simple activities. I can't, ever! I can't even enjoy more risky experiences, because while I want to try them, my anxiety and fear stop me.

I'm either constantly frustrated about simple things, or anxious. I have been depressed twice in my life due to horrible external circumstances. I managed to come out of it, and what I feel now does not feel like depression at all. Despite the horrible things that happened to me, I have never in my life thought about suicide. For a long time I ignored my depression, believing I really wasn't depressed because I still wanted to live and would never harm myself or end my life. So, I guess I do want to live, really live, but I have no idea how.

I think I should stop here. Sorry if this is all over the place and seems a bit immature or like something everyone deals with. But I really want to know what's causing these things in my chart. And would really appreciate advice on what to do about it.

<div> Lostland,
I replied to your post but it was lost because somehow I took too long and the message said I needed to sign in again and the post wasn’t successful. So now I’m going to try to summarize what I wrote. I lost my post to lostland! Haha! A little humor doesn’t hurt.

Okay. Without explaining this in detail astrologically, this is what I get from your chart.

In your past life, you were born into a wealthy family with social position. You were expected to play a role that did not fit you at all. You were unable to be yourself and you were pretty miserable doing what wasn’t in your nature to do. Hence, the lost feeling.

This is why you’re a double Aquarius in this life. Aquarius is the “I’ve got to be me” sign. Your Sun is conjunct Uranus, the “I’ve got to be me” planet. Both are in the 12th house of letting go of the world. It’s the house of mystics, monasteries, and prisons – solitary life – life lived in another world, so to speak. I think you have that placement because you need to let go of that experience of feeling you can’t be yourself. It’s true that you were unable to develop your true nature last time, but now you have the chance to do so. But it won’t happen overnight. You will need to be patient.

Your Libra Moon is in the 8th – another spiritual, inward house. Here, you explore your deep unconscious nature – but this happens more successfully when you relate to people. You learn more about yourself when relating. Mars in the 7th house – also – makes you want to get out there and relate to people.

The Virgo Mars basically says that you like to analyze things – look at the details – make discernments and discriminations – especially when it comes to people but it can be subject matters too. Chiron in Virgo suggests that you take the Virgo thing a little too far. Virgo can be perfectionistic to a point that no one can live up to the standard – not even you. Virgo can be self-doubting and criticizing – so you are defeated before you start. Since your Libra Moon will want to compare itself with others to learn about itself, you’ll have to be careful not to do this in order to make yourself feel “less than”.

Your Saturn is in Pisces too – another unworldly symbol – Pisces is the natural ruler of the 12th. This is a lot of “letting go of” energy to have in one chart. You may very well need to accept that you need to shake off that whole feeling that you have to be who you are not. In Pisces and the 12th house, you can get inspired – you can use your great imagination – you can get creative and try on a bunch of different identities. You can play with self-identity.

Aquarius has great intuition, is inventive, thinks out of the box – desires to be unique and distinguished. And yes, genius is possible. Your Mercury is in Aquarius too right on the ASC. I bet other people think you’re pretty darn smart. Of course, how one feels about oneself does not always coincide with smarts, skill, talent or accomplishment.

I think your way out of this stuck place is to make your process of self-discovery the goal – not a career path or job or other more outward goals. I think you should choose to do things that you’re interested in for sure – but so what if your interest wanes sometimes? Even if we are passionate about our work, most of us don’t like everything about our jobs but we do it anyway. We like to eat the great meal but then we have to do dishes and take out the trash. That’s life. Be nice to yourself. If you need to, set small goals that provide sure successes and build from there. Set realistic goals if you're going to set them. Stick with it even if you don't feel passionate about it. Just do it.

Truth be told, most of us spend our entire lives discovering who we are. I’m not making light of your situation. You feel this quite keenly. My point is, you aren’t really alone in this. When relating to others, perhaps ask what you learned about yourself from the interaction. Look at each moment as an opportunity to learn who you are. It doesn’t matter if you like or dislike something, only that this is you liking it or disliking it. Nothing in life is perfect. We have to accept that it isn’t simple or easy.

I think you’re going to have to trust that you will recognize yourself as you go along – as you develop – as you engage with others and move along a career path. YOU are the one watching yourself feeling lost. This is YOU. You are here. YOU know how you feel right now. And it’s okay. It’s really okay. It's real. So just be YOU watching yourself engage now and keep learning more . . .

Last edited by Harmelia; 09-18-2020 at 06:51 PM.
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  #4  
Unread 09-19-2020, 05:15 AM
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waybread waybread is offline
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Re: Feeling lost, where is it in my chart and what to do about it?

Lostand, with the sun in your 12th house and your moon in the 8th, basically you value your privacy.

Uranus looks to be conjunct your sun. You value your independence and freedom.

People with Mars retrograde are often very hard on themselves. Mars rules one's innate aggression, and with Mars retrograde, all of that aggression is turned inward. This is exacerbated by the square from Pluto.

I hope you have some kind of strenuous athletic outlet for Mars-square Pluto. Otherwise you can be super tough on yourself-- and even cruel towards other people.

You're smart enough to change if you want to. The question is, Do you?

If not, it's OK to stop beating yourself up about your loner proclivities.
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