Infidelity and Venus/Neptune Aspects

FleetingDasein

Well-known member

I'm sure this has been discussed plenty of times, but I'm looking for a fresh perspective.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Venus/Neptune aspects, and the propensity of a native with this placement to be deceitful, at best, and unfaithful, at the very worst.

I've always felt this aspect rather strongly. I'm a Pisces rising, so Neptune rules my chart. My Venus is in domicile: in Libra in my 7th house.

My Venus in Libra in the 7th has made me very dependent on relationships. Venus Square Neptune makes me feel as if every relationship is fated. When I love someone, I give myself completely, body and soul, and yet, I've been somewhat deceitful in relationships in the past. I'm not only talking about cheating, but also things like withholding information, lying about past relationships, misrepresenting yourself, etc. I'm not proud of it, but behavior like this is quite common in people with this aspect.

I've definitely gotten better at dealing with this aspect, but it is an ongoing struggle. I still feel there is a need, a longing, even in a committed relationship, for something else. Neptune 's favorite saying seems to be: The grass is always greener on the other side. The negative Venus/Neptune aspects cloud reason, and it takes a great deal of self-control not to act on those impulses. So my question is: Is this aspect always accompanied by a pathological need for multiple partners? Is there an upside to this aspect?

Have any of you ever dated someone with this placement, and if so, how did they behave? Would you avoid dating someone with this aspect? I was in a relationship with someone with this aspect a few years ago, and they ended up cheating on me, so I broke it off. Go figure!

Do any of you have this placement, and if so, are you prone to infidelity and self-deception? How do you deal with the disruptive impulses?

/FD
 
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waybread

Well-known member
Interesting, FD--I've not thought of this before, but it bears watching. Does your Neptune aspect anything else?

One configuration I've seen that suggests multiple simultaneous relationships is Venus sextile or trine Mars (or possibly squared,) with Jupiter in the mix. The Venus/Mars give a libido. Jupiter says, if one relationship is good, several are better.

Neptune deals with the world of illusions and disillusionment. Your best aid will be whatever gives you a good reality-check. Probably Saturn.
 

FleetingDasein

Well-known member
Thank you for your reply, waybread. My Neptune trines Jupiter, squares my Asc, and conjuncts my midheaven. There are no aspects between my Venus and Mars. I'm guessing it's Jupiter getting in the mix, somehow. My chart is in the "Read My Chart" thread if you want to take a look. My venus is very badly aspected, so that might be why I am experiencing this aspect this way.

I guess the aspect has to do more with self-deception in love, than deceiving other people. I also find that there is a lot of fantasizing going on with this aspect: waiting for your knight in shining armor, and being open to the possibility of throwing everything away to go live some kind of far-fetched adventure. There is a lot of escapism, too.

Then there's the constant idealizing. Nobody ever lives up to your unrealistic expectations, so you are constantly seeking out the person who does. Then there's the danger of putting the people you love in a pedestal, only to be disappointed when you finally see them for what they are, and realizing nobody can live up to your high standards.

I think the infidelity comes from wanting to live that romantic fantasy. Then again it depends on the signs involved, etc. It's all very fascinating.
 

waybread

Well-known member
How great that you are developing some awareness of this situation!

As you know, nobody out there will ever "fit our pictures" and it is kind of unfair to another person to expect him to meet our needs. Heck, the guys are looking for Dream Girl out there to fit their pictures and meet their needs.

If we're lucky, we find someone who loves us as we actually are, bad habits and all. And that is a great gift to give to somebody else.
 

leslieleo

Well-known member
I have Venus opposing Neptune, and I have had similar problems. From a young age, I was so wrapped up in finding "the one". There were several relationships where I was so sure I had found my soulmate, only to find myself cheated on and heartbroken. I was "in love" with who I thought they were rather than who they were in reality.

I don't think challenging aspects necessarily mean that the individual will be deceptive to their partner, but for me I was deceptive to myself. I blindly trusted in ex boyfriends who didn't treat me well. All the signs were there that they were no good but I didn't listen.

Today, being aware of this problem, I've managed to break away from these unhealthy habits. I've met someone wonderful and honest who's really earned my trust, rather than me trusting him blindly. :smile:
 

NeptunianLibran

New member
FleetingDasein, I'm a Libra with Venus squared Neptune and I very much live this square. I've read that Venus/Neptune aspects are like being attracted to a shadow, or sometimes even having confusion in what gender you're attracted to. When I was younger, I cheated on this guy I was going out with; I cheated on him with a girl. Score 1 for me.

But to answer your question, I don't think this aspect is accompanied by a pathological need for multiple partners; moreso a desire for something that you are unaware of. You could have 5 partners, but none of them will be what you want, and you don't know why. So you'll get a 6th, and that person won't be what you want either. You're just idealistic and trying to find something that isn't there.

With this aspect, the grass is totally always greener on the other side. When I'm not in a relationship, I wish I was. And when I am in a relationship, I wish I wasn't. Venus doesn't like commitment and Neptune loves glamour, thus the infidelity. If I'm in a relationship and something shiny and pretty goes walking by, the grass I'm standing in just got 5 shades duller.

But not only does this aspect imply that you may be decieved, but also that you may be the deciever. Or both. And you may or may not even be aware that you're decieving. I have a book that says of this aspect, "Marital happiness can be endangered by a lack of honesty and directness" and also, "These people are likely to bestow their affections unwisely."

I've also read that this square could indicate someone not being very affectionate, or not being clear with their affections. This is me. I am not affectionate at all and most relationships dissolve because of this. Either way, this aspect to me indicates some sort of honesty or deception problem, on either end. Either you're lying to yourself, or you're lying to someone else, or someone is lying to you. Or maybe you're not clear with your affections, so the other person cheats on you, or vice versa. Maybe you attract non-affectionate people, so you go elsewhere.

Venus is also a planet of feeling secure, and Neptune is a planet of decieving. So I think for Venus/Neptune squares, it's also a problem of trusting someone and feeling secure enough to open up or be honest. Or it't a matter of not feeling secure, so you decieve. It's hard to be faithful if you're not willing to trust the person you're with.
This is gonna sound weird, but this aspect reminds me of dog training. Cause dogs know when their owner doesn't trust them and dogs know when their owner is nervous or thinks that the dog is gonna bite. So if you don't trust the dog, the dog won't trust you. And the way to help that is to gain the dog's trust by trusting the dog. And it's like human relationships because people will reciprocate whatever they feel the other person is projecting. If you're being dishonest with them, they'll do it back.

But also, you could be attracting the wrong people. Venus can not only represent what you are attracted to, but also what you attract. Maybe you attract decietful people, or drug-addicted people (Neptune). Or maybe love is your drug. "Just 1 more, just 1 more. This is the last time. Okay, now this is the last time."

And I'm pretty sure I was cheated on once. But I think I'm more the other side of the Venus/Neptune square. I am attracted to the ideal and what few relationships I've had were problematic. And they end mysteriously. That's another thing with this Venus/Neptune aspect that I think. All the relationships I've had didn't abrubtly and clearly end, they just kind of faded and strangely ended.

But I've actually only cheated once, maybe twice. I can't remember, it was when I was like 16. I'm 25 now and I haven't cheated on someone since I was in highschool. Whoever I didn't have, I wanted. And whoever I had, I didn't want. The same 'ol grass is always greener philosophy. I'm still like that now, but I wouldn't cheat. I'd want someone to be honest with me, so if I was in a relationship and came across something pretty that I wanted, I'd just be considerate enough to break off the relationship and pursue what I wanted.

Venus and Neptune would be great for eachother. Venus is non-commital, and Neptune is an escapist. They both like music and art. They're both peaceful. They're perfect for eachother, but when they form a square, it's confusing. But if they were a couple, they'd argue about decor. Venus would want tasteful and attractive classical art pieces, but Neptune would want lava lamps and psychedelic Grateful Dead posters everywhere.

Neptune wants the best, but Venus doesn't want to commit. Neptune wants to retreat, but Venus wants to be affectionate. Maybe it isn't such a good match after all.

But I think the upside of a Venus/Neptune aspect would be artistic appreciation or talent, or being attracted to artistic people. My brother also has his Venus square Neptune and he is very artistic and creative. And not just with creating, but with appreciating. He deeply loves art and appreciates other people's artistic talents. My brother is also attracted to and attracts the artsy girls. Also, my brother and myself are obsessed with music. Venus and Neptune are both musical and artistic planets, so although they form a square and create some challenges with eachother in relationships, the one thing they can agree on is music.

Also, another upside with this square could be being idealistic about love and relationships. It may be more of a curse than a blessing, but I totally think that I'll find my someone out there somewhere....maybe? Probably not. The only way I'd ever feel secure and confident enough with a relationship is if I met every single person on the planet Earth. Cause I honestly find it difficult to settle down when I know that there are people out there in other states and countries that I have never met.

Although it may be an exhausting aspect to have, it's still good because Neptune won't let you give up on the quest for the ideal. Since when is wanting the best a bad thing? I'd rather have nothing than something I don't want. What am I gonna do, settle for something I don't want and be unhappy? I wouldn't want someone to settle for me if they wanted someone different. And relationships are difficult no matter where your Venus or Neptune is, but this aspect sure doesn't help.

I'm sorry, I sure did write a lot. I have Neptune in my 3rd house and I have difficulty controlling my brain. Maybe Neptune heard I was talking about him and decided to contribute to my obscure rambling about a Venus/Neptune square.
 

Horus

Well-known member
With this aspect, the grass is totally always greener on the other side. When I'm not in a relationship, I wish I was. And when I am in a relationship, I wish I wasn't. Venus doesn't like commitment and Neptune loves glamour, thus the infidelity.

What signs these planets are in matters here. Venus in Sagittarius or Gemini may not like commitment but Venus in Capricorn usually does. A Venus trine Saturn will too. Same goes for Venus in Scorpio which I have conjunct Neptune and I have never cheated or even considered it, and never shall. This aspect does make me artistically creative though, because Neptune has to do with dreams and fantasy.

I think a mutable Mercury or Moon in hard aspect to Neptune is more likely to deceive.
 
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Saturnian

Well-known member
I have Venus conjunct Neptune.
And no I wouldn't consider myself a cheater or something like that.
Sure sometimes when something is bothering about my friend,I may not come out and say it at once and this thing influences my phychology but eventually I will say it what has been bothering about them.The only reason I go through such a torture is cause I don't want to end the friendship by one stupid mistake so I analyze it,think about how to say it without turning into something bad,but even if it comes out in an explosive way I know I can get over the argument.
Other than that,I don't think I feel a need for multiple partners.Just as with my friends,sure I need a change of pace cause I can get bored if there's no excitement and things get too predictable but for that I'll just make sure I choose the "right" partner.I don't think I would allow myself to cheat,since I am not fan of it.I can be a hopeless romantic,that I am gonna admit it.But I wouldn't deceive anyone,nor myself.I just don't find it right and if I were to go into a serious relationship with someone I would trust then probably I'd tell him a lot of info about myself.I do think it's significant that you say everything at the beginning instead of later,cause later it can be very destructive.
 

FleetingDasein

Well-known member
FleetingDasein, I'm a Libra with Venus squared Neptune and I very much live this square. I've read that Venus/Neptune aspects are like being attracted to a shadow, or sometimes even having confusion in what gender you're attracted to. When I was younger, I cheated on this guy I was going out with; I cheated on him with a girl. Score 1 for me.

I've experimented with girls, but I would never pursue a relationship with a girl.

But to answer your question, I don't think this aspect is accompanied by a pathological need for multiple partners; moreso a desire for something that you are unaware of. You could have 5 partners, but none of them will be what you want, and you don't know why. So you'll get a 6th, and that person won't be what you want either. You're just idealistic and trying to find something that isn't there.

With this aspect, the grass is totally always greener on the other side. When I'm not in a relationship, I wish I was. And when I am in a relationship, I wish I wasn't. Venus doesn't like commitment and Neptune loves glamour, thus the infidelity. If I'm in a relationship and something shiny and pretty goes walking by, the grass I'm standing in just got 5 shades duller.

But not only does this aspect imply that you may be decieved, but also that you may be the deciever. Or both. And you may or may not even be aware that you're decieving. I have a book that says of this aspect, "Marital happiness can be endangered by a lack of honesty and directness" and also, "These people are likely to bestow their affections unwisely."

I've also read that this square could indicate someone not being very affectionate, or not being clear with their affections. This is me. I am not affectionate at all and most relationships dissolve because of this. Either way, this aspect to me indicates some sort of honesty or deception problem, on either end. Either you're lying to yourself, or you're lying to someone else, or someone is lying to you. Or maybe you're not clear with your affections, so the other person cheats on you, or vice versa. Maybe you attract non-affectionate people, so you go elsewhere.

I completely agree about the grass being always greener on the other side. Even in a committed, loving relationships, I'm still somewhat open to the possibility of something better being out there. Lately, I'm much more grounded in that respect. I'm quite happy in the relationship I'm in, so I wouldn't pursue anything outside the relationship.

I'm very affectionate (Moon in Cancer), so I haven't experienced that problem. I'm always madly in love with partners. My emotions are fairly constant, and my shortest relationship lasted one year. I'm very stable. Most of the instances in which I've cheated, there were no emotions involved. I still remained emotionally committed to the person I was with.

I am very attracted to polyamorous relationships. I like being given freedom to experiment outside a relationship, and when I'm with someone who is really jealous, I lash out by cheating on them. I'm assuming my Uranus is to blame here.

I think that's why my current relationship is so successful. I'm able to be myself, and we're both very honest with each other. I completely agree with what you said about trust. It's very important when it comes to dealing with this aspect.

But also, you could be attracting the wrong people. Venus can not only represent what you are attracted to, but also what you attract. Maybe you attract decietful people, or drug-addicted people (Neptune). Or maybe love is your drug. "Just 1 more, just 1 more. This is the last time. Okay, now this is the last time."

And I'm pretty sure I was cheated on once. But I think I'm more the other side of the Venus/Neptune square. I am attracted to the ideal and what few relationships I've had were problematic. And they end mysteriously. That's another thing with this Venus/Neptune aspect that I think. All the relationships I've had didn't abrubtly and clearly end, they just kind of faded and strangely ended.

With Venus in my 7th, I've got to say that love is my drug. I dated one guy who was into drugs, and another guy who was very deceitful. Both of them cheated on me multiple times, and I only found out later on. Asides from those two, the other guys I dated were really good guys.

Venus and Neptune would be great for eachother. Venus is non-commital, and Neptune is an escapist. They both like music and art. They're both peaceful. They're perfect for eachother, but when they form a square, it's confusing. But if they were a couple, they'd argue about decor. Venus would want tasteful and attractive classical art pieces, but Neptune would want lava lamps and psychedelic Grateful Dead posters everywhere.

That's hilarious. I'm a big fan of the Grateful Dead, so I definitely feel the Neptunian side more. I've got Neptune Rising, after all.


But I think the upside of a Venus/Neptune aspect would be artistic appreciation or talent, or being attracted to artistic people. My brother also has his Venus square Neptune and he is very artistic and creative. And not just with creating, but with appreciating. He deeply loves art and appreciates other people's artistic talents. My brother is also attracted to and attracts the artsy girls. Also, my brother and myself are obsessed with music. Venus and Neptune are both musical and artistic planets, so although they form a square and create some challenges with eachother in relationships, the one thing they can agree on is music.

I find that very interesting. I'm not artistic, but I've always been interested in the arts. I'm also obsessed with music. My music taste is very eclectic, and I generally get along better with people who share my music taste. I never attract that kind of people though. Most of the people I've dated were rational Saturnian types.
 

FleetingDasein

Well-known member
I have Venus trine Neptune, which might be really different from other Venus/Neptune aspects. How could someone claim to love their partner but look at other people and think they are better than the person they're with?

With hard Venus/Neptune aspect, you are always gonna think what you have is not "good enough". You have this ideal in your head (soulmate, or whatever you want to call it) that no one can equal. I don't think it's about looking at other people, and thinking they are better than your partner. It's about thinking that somewhere out there someone is "right" for you. Overcoming this aspect is all about realizing that there is no "right" person for you.
 

Claire19

Well-known member
I can totally relate as I have Neptune as chart ruler and it is conjunct Mars and Venus in Libra and in the 8th.:pouty: Always looking for that elusive ideal and
being ultimately disappointed with the everyday reality. Knowing that romance as portrayed in films and books is hardly as it is in real life. Once the romance of the relationship is gone, so am I!! I have chosen to be celibate in later years at times because of disillusionment...I am not one to commit to one person for a long time and need to be able to connect with who I want. To find a partner that allows for this, is very rare unless they are also doing it.

The best idea is to channel that energy into artistic endeavours,spiritual matters, helping others with their problems and not to put so much store in the idealised relationship. The 7th also rules who we consult, mediation, the general public, legalities and our long time friends as well as committed partnerships. Best not to vow to something that you cant possibly fulfil such as everlasting marriage vows.....
 
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Saturnian

Well-known member
I think Venus/Neptune clouds your judgement because a person you love can seem very ideal to you.Even if people with this aspect see that someone they love does something wrong they'll probably overlook it because they cannot accept it,or don't want etc.

That's what I think of this placement.

What you're saying reminds me more of Venus/Uranus,that Uranus wants excitement all the time and is always wondering what's out there,so they need to be always on the move and try whatever is new,exciting,interesting...
Plus it is said that people with these placement hardly commit for long periods of time,so if the excitement dies they'll look elsewhere.

I perceive Venus/Neptune as kinda the "victim" lover,cause if they idealise one they won't easily see that that person is bad and will try to justify the behavior and actions of their partner everytime.
 

FleetingDasein

Well-known member
Saturnian,

I think it goes beyond the "victim" lover thing. I think it has to do with disillusionment (the square at least, since it is the only aspect I can attest to). The people you're with can't compete with the ideal you have formulated in your head, so you end up feeling dissatisfied with what you have. I think that's what I was thinking about when I asked if there might be a connection between hard Venus/Neptune aspects and infidelity.

I agree it might sound like Uranus, but I think the key difference is that intentions are different. Venus/Uranus is bored with what it has and wants something new. Venus/Neptune is disillusioned with what it has and thinks that the "ideal" is somewhere out there and goes seeking for it. Venus/Uranus wants to experiment, and Venus/Neptune wants to find a soul-mate (or whatever the equivalent is). I hope that made some sense.

[Note: I also have a hard Venus/Uranus aspect, but the orb is way too wide. Most of my relationships have been long term. I can relate more the Venus/Neptune than I can to the Venus/Uranus.]
 
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Munch

Well-known member
I have a very tight Moon/Venu/Neptun stellium in Sagittarius.

I'm not one to cheat. I consider myself far too ethical for that. Instead, I'm prone to not only not commit, but not even date 99% of the time.

At the moment I am in a relationship that took a good year to get going. The biggest reasons that I stay single most of the time is that I don't only value my freedom, I absolultely CHERISH it. Without it, I suffocate and whither.
The other reason is that I do indeed have an urgent yearning for the undefineable. There is something magic and abstract in the Universe that I am constantly trying to get at, and I desire it greatly in my relationships.

Combine that with being a picky Capricorn and pretty much the entirety of the human race is simply not 'good enough.' lol.

If there is any deception, it is of myself. I am the last one to admit that something is wrong or not working. There is a very whimsical side of me that is rarely present here on the ground and is constantly projecting itself upon others.....there's a reason my family called me La La growing up. :biggrin:
 
I have Venus trine Neptune, which might be really different from other Venus/Neptune aspects. How could someone claim to love their partner but look at other people and think they are better than the person they're with?

All depends on the other aspects venus has to, but generally the easy aspects like trines and sextiles are supposed to be one of the nicest, spirutual, romantic aspects. But remember planets are modified by sign, where they express are houses and how they express are *aspects* :cool:

the OP also has venus square Uranus, suggesting a need for freedom and independence within relationships. I have Uranus in 7th house square to sun/moon. This aspect can go both ways, but normally it's me that wants the freedom, especially when partners have cheated.:crying:

OP your pluto is a singleton to. Venus in early libra and T Saturn just been in Libra may well have broken a relationship. Saturn is really 'testing what is of value to you' what is working and what is not, plus it keeps you short of money to...

Plus OP has Neptune conj MC which adds more importance on its aspects, also Square Asc. So lots of neptune confusions here to presenation, outward express Asc and MC lots of changes, shifting of ideas, goals, etc.

Typically, Neptune - venus aspects confer *rose tinted glasses* and sacrifices, which other probably wouldn't do/give.

NEPTUNE DEFINITION ‑ KEYWORDS;

Artistic, emotional, sensitive, mediumistic, wandering, ­sentimental, subtle, deceptive, subversive, imaginative, rhythmic, spirituality, unstable, sacrifice, head in the clouds.

Rules Drugs of all types , alcohol, tobacco, heroin, ether & anaesthetic, Gas lighting. Anything elusive, water has to be put in pipes.
* * * * * *

Wherever your Neptune is, "is where you carry your cross and where you will be called upon to make a sacrifice!".

True sacrifices are never usually recognised, or else they could turn into martyrdom!

Ascendant ‑ sun and mc in pisces ‑ or neptune in the 1st house
rules pituitary gland, feet, and sleeping rhythms. bad aspects may cause sleep disorders, such as insomnia.


All pisceans need an escape route!
(think about it, ruled by the twelfth house, the house of isolation, secrets, the unconscious)

Pisces generally always seem to answer a question with a question!
 

BobZemco

Well-known member
I've always felt this aspect rather strongly. I'm a Pisces rising, so Neptune rules my chart. My Venus is in domicile: in Libra in my 7th house.

Neptune does not rule your chart; Jupiter does.

Venus in Libra enhances the libido and increases the potential for promiscuity, but does not guarantee or prove the Native will be promiscuous. You need Venus in aspect with Mars, or Venus in the Term of Mars, or since Jupiter rules your Ascendant, Jupiter poorly placed and in the Term of Venus or in aspect with Venus. There are quite a few other "signatures."

My Venus in Libra in the 7th has made me very dependent on relationships.

You might be dependent on relationships, but that would not necessarily be the reason why. If Pisces rules your Ascendant, and Libra is in the 7th House, then you probably have a very late Pisces Ascendant, which would put your Ascendant in the term of Mars or Saturn. You'd have to look at the Triplicity Ruler for Virgo, which would be Venus in a Day Chart and Mars in Night Chart and the Moon is participating ruler.

Since Mercury is both the ruler and exaltation ruler of Virgo, Mercury's placement and the aspects it makes will be very important. With Virgo on the 7th House Cusp, it wouldn't be unusual to have more than one marriage or many relationships, especially if Mercury was Virgo.

That would mean in reality that Libra is the 8th Sign (sometimes for late Ascendants it is better to use Whole Sign Houses). The 8th Sign/House does not rule sex (the 5th House does), but it does rule the reproductive system and genitalia, child-birth, and certain facets related to sex, such as sexual inhibitions, fears, hang-ups, frustrations, perversions etc.

It would help to actually post a chart, because the placement of Mercury and Moon here are important as well, and there's no way to determine the real cause without looking at them.
 

MsK

Well-known member
I have Venus (Pis/7th) Square Neptune (Sag/4th) and I can attest to how hard it is. I sometimes feel like I'll never find love :sad:

Here is what Isabel M. Hickey has to say about the aspect in "ASTROLOGY A Cosmic Science":

:venus::square::neptune:
"This aspect is often found in charts of spiritual students. An important incarnation for the individual has to turn deep desire for personal affection into a universal sense of love and compassion. Often personal affections bring disappointment or heartache. Person comes into life with a depleted spirtual bankbook where love is concerned. Does not attract love until his dues are paid. To overcome this aspect there must be a relinquishment of the desire for love; it must be replaced by being Love. In financial sense individual must learn practicality and caution. Could be loss through deception and by giving wrongly."
(phew, exactly 100 words)

This feels soooo true to me. I am working replacing wanting love with Divine compassion, but it's hard.
 
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twoelevens

Well-known member
I as well have square venus (libra 8th)/ neptune (capricorn 11th). the path to find true love is torturing, filled with tribulations of heartaches and misery. i truly felt my whole lifes purpose was to find true love. i'm cheated on frequently, and another just recently, then again i had it coming. Now i feel as if i lost the best thing i had in my life, my dreamy little lady. i enjoy sleeping but am discouraged upon waking up to the grim reality. why can't i sleep forever in peace? what is life without love?

My favorite quote: "So, no matter what I say, what I believe and what I do, I am bankrupt without love."
1 Corinthians 13:1-3

all this love talk is making me depressed. since forever, i always believed there was 'the one' for everyone, but looking at reality would shatter that term. I hope you all find someone who will love you all unconditionally & let our hearts & souls feel accomplished and desired.
 
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