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  #1  
Unread 03-22-2019, 05:34 PM
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Stuck

I've analyzed my chart quite a bit, but I don't think I've had the faculties lately to look at anything objectively (not quite the right word, but, sensibly?), so I'd like to request a chart reading.

There seems to be a mismatch between what I would like my life to be, what I believe I should want my life to be, and what my life actually is. The divergence is like three ropes pulling in different directions. Sun/Moon opposition square Pluto is a pretty obvious culprit, perhaps, but the older I get the more untenable it becomes. Pluto is going to tootle over my Moon pretty soon, and I'm sure that's going to be... interesting.

What is this mismatch doing in my life? Can it ever be fixed? It seems like it would be so much simpler if it were only two ropes instead of three, just apply more force on one over the other and then I won't be paralyzed in the middle... but three ropes...

Everything in my life right now is strange. I left my job (rather career) six months ago, went into business with my mother, and now my mother is moving in with my partner and I to work out of our home (at least I can sound almost like my life makes sense when I tell people this). My partner is financially supporting me completely, which has never happened in the 8 years we've been together.

I got a call from an old client asking if I'd come work for them. It's sent me into a lurch. I went into business with my mother because I can trust her and maybe do something good for her. I can't trust anyone else and I feel like I'm no longer equipped to protect myself; I feel ashamed, weak, and helpless about that.

And it's not like I actually want any of this anyway. I want none of it. It's just about survival, providing some kind of value to others, pretending I'm worth something. If I were to have my own way, I'd travel and write, but there will always be someone to care for... so here I am, spinning wheels on the internet like an idiot.

At one point, I wanted children, and then that died when I turned 30 and my closest cousin had a daughter. I'd built up some fantasy over my entire life that my cousin's children and mine would grow up together like we did. When he had a daughter, and I was still no where near a position for children, something flipped and I realized I'd never have a child; that I was foolish to think that would be a possibility. I've decided to love his daughter instead, and the children of my siblings and close friends. I'll be that lady. That is what I should be. Whether I've been any good at loving them, or want to be childless, are two other things.

I got that phone call about a job and it revealed how afraid I've become of everyone. Afraid of betrayal, afraid of loss, afraid of persecution. It would be so much easier if I didn't care about principles or feel like anything I touch is my sole responsibility until I crack under the pressure.

I don't know how to resolve any of this. I don't know which direction to go. I've been on a treadmill, looking out, wondering why the horizon never changes. I'd just like someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong. When I try to talk about these things with people I know, they are supportive and tell me I've always been doing the right thing, that I work hard and should be proud, I'm just in a bind, and so on, but that doesn't matter when I'm just becoming more and more emotionally and psychologically crippled with every second-guessing decision I make.

Maybe I'll take this job, make it work. Maybe I'll say no. It would mean saying no to money, prestige, a life outside this cocoon I've been building since I left those people behind. I know what's on the other side... I don't want it, but I should. I'm not tired, anymore. Until I received that call, I hadn't realized that I'd become so afraid.

So, any help from an astrological standpoint is appreciated...
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Last edited by Flapjacks; 03-22-2019 at 05:39 PM.
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Unread 03-23-2019, 01:56 AM
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Re: Stuck

Psychological changes usually take some time and would likely be accompanied by a series of aspects.

On January 27, 2008, Pluto went into Capricorn until January of 2024.

Neptune went into Pisces February 3, 2011, until January 2026.

Saturn went into Capricorn December 19th, 2017, until December 17, 2020.

I think it was their transits that denote this change in you. Especialy the recent Neptune transits. Your points conjoined, squared, or opposed by Neptune are in bold.
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Unread 03-23-2019, 06:13 AM
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Re: Stuck

Hi, Flapjacks. It's nice to see you back here, though I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch now.

Unique_Astrology has indicated some big transits for you.

To me, the issue isn't so much, "Do A but not B," or "Do this but not that," but just in recognizing that any sensible choice will turn out OK.

Natally you've got some planetary placements that suggest that you are incredibly hard on yourself. Chiron in the first house, sun square Pluto, and Mars retrograde. One of these is a "it hurts to be you" kind of placement, but with 3, I think you incarnated with developing self-esteem as a high priority. Plus you have Mars quintile Pluto, which should make you plenty ambitious (even if privately,) but with Mars retrograde you seem to turn all of the aggression in on yourself.

Is it possible just to consider that there are no bad choices for you? If you take a risk and it fails, you'll be in good company with a few other billion people who have done the same thing. You can always go back to something else.

That big old domiciled Jupiter trine sun and sextile moon should be good for something, like building your faith (Jupiter) in yourself (sun.) Your close Saturn-Mercury trine should make you a careful thinker. (You may have a talent for editing.)

I don't see you as too old to have children. (My husband's niece had twins at age 44.) My two adult children were born 5 years apart, and not by choice. After a couple of years of failing to conceive baby #2, I got this deep, profound conviction that I would have only one child, and that I should just be grateful for him. Sure enough, my profound psychic insight was completely mistaken.

Thankfully you've got a partner in your life who thinks your worth supporting.

Obviously, you should have the life you want. If you cannot financially afford to just travel and write at this point, can you create some space in each day to write, and travel within your means and shorter time-frames? (A weekend getaway, possibly?)

I think that your Capricorn moon knows all about self-denial, but it also gives a very practical capacity and stamina.

You wrote, "I'd just like someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong."

So, OK. What you are doing wrong is your self-flagellation. If life really does look so difficult right now, is therapy an option? Otherwise, please just do a few nice, low-cost things to pamper yourself. What would be 5 nice, inexpensive things you could do for yourself in the coming week?

No, these won't solve your bigger issues, but the universe notices when you take steps, however small, towards self-empowerment.

Because you just deserve it, that's why.
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I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

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Unread 03-23-2019, 08:37 AM
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Re: Stuck

Flapjacks

yours is a Good chart:

Saturn near 7, Neptune near 8 (cusp)

By Carlos

---

Gemini Pyramid: hello
Your chart, Flapjacks, is a good Sun in Cancer-Leo, and Moon in Capricorn/Aquarius chart:
It makes for a wealthy mind.

This is an important little stat.

Sun in 3rd House and Moon in 9th House:

You are a gifted bright person! Congrats!
...

Uranus in 7th House is quite good and bad together:
It shows fights in partnerships, and also higher love generally.

Pluto in Scorpio is very generational. But it means High Stricture.

Your chart ruler Gemini Ascendant is sort of in the middle: The good side is that it is a loving sign, and a good data processing skill sign.

What life area do you need help on? (I didn't undestand main text.)

Travel, outside travel?

Have a good day, Venus in Virgo
Its a good sign for relationships

Gemini Carlos
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  #5  
Unread 03-23-2019, 09:20 PM
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Re: Stuck

Quote:
Originally Posted by unique_astrology View Post
Psychological changes usually take some time and would likely be accompanied by a series of aspects.

On January 27, 2008, Pluto went into Capricorn until January of 2024.

Neptune went into Pisces February 3, 2011, until January 2026.

Saturn went into Capricorn December 19th, 2017, until December 17, 2020.

I think it was their transits that denote this change in you. Especialy the recent Neptune transits. Your points conjoined, squared, or opposed by Neptune are in bold.
Thank you UA. That is a number of midpoint contacts… how would one interpret that as a whole, especially midpoints between outer planets? It struck me that transiting Neptune and Pluto sextile in Pisces and Capricorn are conjunct natal Jupiter and Moon sextile… highlighting a part of my chart that seldom gets acknowledgement over the harder aspects. It seems significant, especially to what I discuss below…

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemini Pyramid View Post


What life area do you need help on? (I didn't undestand main text.)

Travel, outside travel?
Thank you Gemini Carlos. The area is life path. Why what I would like my life to be is so different from what I think it is supposed to be, and how I can reconcile that. I keep falling into the same patterns where I get involved with people and organizations with enthusiasm, and then it all goes very wrong at some point, and now I don't trust any decision I make.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
Hi, Flapjacks. It's nice to see you back here, though I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch now.

Unique_Astrology has indicated some big transits for you.

To me, the issue isn't so much, "Do A but not B," or "Do this but not that," but just in recognizing that any sensible choice will turn out OK.

Natally you've got some planetary placements that suggest that you are incredibly hard on yourself. Chiron in the first house, sun square Pluto, and Mars retrograde. One of these is a "it hurts to be you" kind of placement, but with 3, I think you incarnated with developing self-esteem as a high priority. Plus you have Mars quintile Pluto, which should make you plenty ambitious (even if privately,) but with Mars retrograde you seem to turn all of the aggression in on yourself.

Is it possible just to consider that there are no bad choices for you? If you take a risk and it fails, you'll be in good company with a few other billion people who have done the same thing. You can always go back to something else.

That big old domiciled Jupiter trine sun and sextile moon should be good for something, like building your faith (Jupiter) in yourself (sun.) Your close Saturn-Mercury trine should make you a careful thinker. (You may have a talent for editing.)

I don't see you as too old to have children. (My husband's niece had twins at age 44.) My two adult children were born 5 years apart, and not by choice. After a couple of years of failing to conceive baby #2, I got this deep, profound conviction that I would have only one child, and that I should just be grateful for him. Sure enough, my profound psychic insight was completely mistaken.

Thankfully you've got a partner in your life who thinks your worth supporting.

Obviously, you should have the life you want. If you cannot financially afford to just travel and write at this point, can you create some space in each day to write, and travel within your means and shorter time-frames? (A weekend getaway, possibly?)

I think that your Capricorn moon knows all about self-denial, but it also gives a very practical capacity and stamina.

You wrote, "I'd just like someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong."

So, OK. What you are doing wrong is your self-flagellation. If life really does look so difficult right now, is therapy an option? Otherwise, please just do a few nice, low-cost things to pamper yourself. What would be 5 nice, inexpensive things you could do for yourself in the coming week?

No, these won't solve your bigger issues, but the universe notices when you take steps, however small, towards self-empowerment.

Because you just deserve it, that's why.
Waybread, it’s great to hear from you! When I read threads that are very old, I’ll see you responded to them, and it’s always a bit of a time warp that you are still active after so many years. :P You are very kind.

My life isn't rough right now. I've been in a holding pattern of avoidance. A period of relative calm by design... that's why I was so surprised when a job offer sent me into such a tail spin.

You’re right about children… it is silly to lock that down. My partner requires even more stability that I do when it comes to kids. It just seems like an impossible dream, like so many of our impossible dreams (his Sun/Merc/Venus are conjunct my Jupiter, his Mars is conjunct my Moon, and his NN is conjunct my Mars… these transit contacts are important for him, too, but I didn’t want to bring him into focus when he isn’t part of the discussion).

I could give you a dozen or more reasons why “whatever will be will be” is a troublesome concept for me. If anyone cares to read these reasons... otherwise, feel free to skip the rest of this post...

The culture I’ve grown up in has been against such an attitude even as it proclaims it openly. Credit scores, mandatory insurance, the student loan bubble, the mortgage crisis, standardized testing in grade school, traffic cams, trial by social media, police shootings and body cams, and on and on… everything points to “you better not slip up or you’re going to be ruined”… that is, unless you’re already in a position of influence.

We’ve gone from defense to prosecution, and you’re even guilty before you’ve committed a crime. We watch Law and Order and CSI instead of Perry Mason and Matlock, and when forensics fails we move into vigilante justice because we’ve lost faith in the legal framework. We’re never going to be safe, and we must always remain safe. Don’t hitchhike, don’t go anywhere unsupervised, don’t talk to anyone. Video games are where we can play without fear. Everyone is a suspect. That sociopath murderer that escapes the justice system, that wall street banker embezzling millions, that welfare mom soaking up the tax dollars, that kid with the drugs who is living in sin, that lazy millennial that won’t get a job to help the economy, that rapist who won’t give women equal pay, that immoral abortionist, that gang member, that creep that keeps looking at me on the bus, that lobbyist, that corrupt cop, that tax evader, that tax man, that atheist, that believer, that probably dictator, that quiet one in the corner, that terrorist next door.

I don’t think these fears I have are unjustified amid this psychic strain. I hear a lot of unrest among my peers, but not many solutions… we’ve been sheltered because of this belief in danger lurking around every corner, yet we’re also blamed for our sheltered responses to the world. We’re expected to be studious, hardworking, responsible risk takers that are always successful and never make mistakes, but are ever optimistic and don’t fear failure, easygoing, balanced and healthy, aspiring without seeking, giving without taking, worldly but cautious, never too sexy, never on drugs, drink only in moderation, remain respectful and subservient to authority, but still independent and innovative, and also have nice teeth. Then, we won’t be suspect.

I don’t think I’m being petty when I say these things… but I’m always worried that I have no right to say them, or feel them, or live them. That maybe I am wrong, still, that I’ve got it backwards, or sideways, or upside down. I'd be curious to know if your children feel similar pressures.

It doesn’t take so much courage to convince myself to act by believing everything will work out okay and failure is not the end of the world, although it does take some hefty blinders these days. I’ve tried to adopt that philosophy in the past and it has led to disillusionment. Someone makes it the end of the world for me.

When I left my job, my boss told me that he would blame me if he lost his investment. He said I put a gun to his head. I wasn’t a partner. I wasn’t a manager. I was a supervisor. The “youngster” who lived in a cramped apartment she couldn’t afford was putting a gun to the head of a wealthy hedge fund “visionary” by quitting a supervisor position. Was he going to sue me, ruin me? I don’t know… I made sure to get back into his graces, made sure to placate him just in case. I wasn’t as intimidated by him as the first time someone did that to me, but I worry that it is going to be the same story everywhere.

The “visionary” brushes it off when a lawyer comes knocking. It’s expected. It’s business when you have the money for it, and the nerve. Those of his ilk keep you out of the cross sights you if you protect their secrets, obfuscate, and shift or deny liability in this culture of blame. And if you don’t comply, you’re the one that is liable. That is the game I am inept at playing. It’s quid pro quo, or bust.

I understand why you’re telling me to chill out, Waybread! I appreciate your warmth. However, I’ve been trying to chill out since Pluto went into Capricorn, and I got my first accusation that I was liable because I stumbled on corruption and didn’t yield to it. I learned that even when you’re small, insignificant, they still want to crush you. Pisces Jupiter speaks… and it cannot fathom, why would you kick someone that is already down?

Maybe the challenge is to keep trying even when I know that it might not be okay. They were right. It isn’t safe. We’ve made sure of it… and now we have to carry on despite it.

Three ropes. That should be enough to hang myself with, right?

At least, this is where I am stuck, further explained...

Last edited by Flapjacks; 03-23-2019 at 09:33 PM.
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Unread 03-23-2019, 11:18 PM
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Re: Stuck

All of the unpleasant things you listed are true for everyone. As others must deal with their acknowledgement of them in their own way, so must you. Make your bed, eat your vegetables, and never give up. You don't have to be a super woman, just be the you who achieved so much this far in your life. The problems of the world will get their due but it doesn't fall on you to be the sole due giver.

The 2 longest stretches for aspects in your progressed chart are in Sag and Cap. They have both been simultaneously enduring transits from slow moving Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto. Allowing a 1 degree orb of influence to those points indicates a prolonged period of recent stress. I use locality charts but never forget natal angles or aspects to them. This gets to your natal Saturn on the birth Desc. possibly indicating a tendency to allow negative outlooks to manifest in response to adverse aspects going on. That tendency is bolstered by natal Moon/Neptune midpoint having natal Mars on it.

It will take time but the aspects from Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto will pass and because they are so slow moving, will not repeat in your lifetime except possibly for those from Saturn.
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Unread 03-24-2019, 05:25 AM
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Re: Stuck

Flapjacks, thanks for the extensive feedback.

Unique_ Astrology wrote:
Quote:
All of the unpleasant things you listed are true for everyone. As others must deal with their acknowledgement of them in their own way, so must you. Make your bed, eat your vegetables, and never give up. You don't have to be a super woman, just be the you who achieved so much this far in your life. The problems of the world will get their due but it doesn't fall on you to be the sole due giver.
So true! I know what it's like to grow up in a family where achievement was so highly valued that parental love seemed to hinge upon it. I attended a high school and college, then joined a profession peopled by-- what I see, in hindsight-- were similar urban over-achievers on steroids.

Life is full of people who would spit in our eye just as soon as they would say, "Hello," and who try to feel big by making others feel small. There's no end to them and we can't stop t them. We can only try to live the most authentic life for ourselves, despite them.

As I read your second post, so much of it seemed to echo your horoscope: this is what a person with sun square Pluto would think. This is how a first-house Chiron or Mars retrograde would take such things to heart.

But what if the rat race wasn't so objectively real to you?

I ask because I now live as a retiree in a fairly remote corner of the Canadian Rockies. I am light years away from the rat race I once participated in. And so much more relaxed and happier.

So maybe your emotional well-being requires a much, much lower stress level. If you and Mom get along, maybe your plan for a joint venture would reduce your stress-- no matter how lucrative an offer you turn down.

If you can identify just a few ordinary activities that you find emotionally restorative, hopefully you can schedule a few of them into each week. No, they won't solve the big social ills, or even balance your household accounts, but I believe the universe notices when we take steps, however small, to empower ourselves.

In terms of your "What should I be doing?" question, it's always good to look at the north node. Yours is in Aries. Your growth lies in your courageous independence, not through your nice-girl fitting-in (south node in Libra.)

Quote:
Maybe the challenge is to keep trying even when I know that it might not be okay.
Sure. Or don't try more. Try differently.

The parts of your second post on today's social ills was pretty close to poetry-- or rap music. Can you just write down more of that?

The big question is: What is objectively real? Is it all of this social garbage out there, or something else?

My own mantra is that I cannot promise to change the world, but I can try to live in a way that is consistent with my values.
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C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

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Unread 03-24-2019, 07:09 AM
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Re: Stuck

Waybread, thanks for your point of view - it is practically soul food, haha! I hope when you retired, you felt you had a "right" to leave the rat race. I'm not old enough to feel entitled to that, and so your encouragement makes me feel conflicted.

I can get pretty long-winded, but I love it when people share their own experiences and insights, ponderous or probing ideas. There have been a few people on these forums like that, but many of them have left. Remember Birch Dragon?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unique_astrology View Post
All of the unpleasant things you listed are true for everyone. As others must deal with their acknowledgement of them in their own way, so must you. Make your bed, eat your vegetables, and never give up. You don't have to be a super woman, just be the you who achieved so much this far in your life. The problems of the world will get their due but it doesn't fall on you to be the sole due giver.

The 2 longest stretches for aspects in your progressed chart are in Sag and Cap. They have both been simultaneously enduring transits from slow moving Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto. Allowing a 1 degree orb of influence to those points indicates a prolonged period of recent stress. I use locality charts but never forget natal angles or aspects to them. This gets to your natal Saturn on the birth Desc. possibly indicating a tendency to allow negative outlooks to manifest in response to adverse aspects going on. That tendency is bolstered by natal Moon/Neptune midpoint having natal Mars on it.

It will take time but the aspects from Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto will pass and because they are so slow moving, will not repeat in your lifetime except possibly for those from Saturn.
It'd be nice to not care or put it out of my mind like most people I talk to do. As you say, there are as many ways to acknowledge, or not acknowledge, the unpleasantness we're confronted with. Perhaps it is strange, but I'm comforted by those that acknowledge the messiness of our problems.

I've wrestled with the idea of being pessimistic vs. optimistic so many times... Sag/Cap themes. Even though natal Moon, Mars, and Neptune are ruled by Saturn on the DC, it is in turn ruled by Jupiter. I use strong language and respond to circumstances with a certain level of passion, which seems to confuse people into thinking I’m hopelessly cynical. I appreciate Albert Camus and Thoreau, if that is any indication of outlook. It’s never so simple as whether things are negative or positive. It’s… life. I laugh from it quite often. Should I be so glad when Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto complete their significant transits to my chart?

I don't want to give dues. I just don't know if I'm ready or capable to go back into the lion's den. I've been hiding in my house, running a small business that pulls about $100 net a month. I've been doing those restorative activities Waybread suggested. Reading, writing a dumb comedy that amuses me at least, drawing, taking walks in the woods, playing with my pets, not eating my vegetables or making my bed, mind you... pretending I can be apart from society.

It can’t last forever. I'm not retired. I do need to return to reality at some point; make this small business truly profitable, swallow my fears of the past and see if this arrangement with an old client will work... work, work, work, work, and write in the middle of the night (fantasize that such efforts will throw out something good, the way Faulkner wrote “As I Lay Dying.”) Show love, be humble, have gratitude for my blessings. This is life as it should be. The boulder isn’t going to carry itself to the summit, after all.

Last edited by Flapjacks; 03-24-2019 at 07:12 AM.
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Unread 03-24-2019, 06:57 PM
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Re: Stuck

I suppose, in the final analysis, it's about doing what you need to do, but not beating yourself up over it. I do see success in your life: you are articulate, intelligent, and able to attract people who care about you.

Possibly there is a compromise between your current lifestyle and taking on work that stresses your emotional well-being beyond a healthy state.

I wrote:

Quote:
I believe the universe notices when we take steps, however small, to empower ourselves.
Thoreau wrote:

Quote:
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/henry_david_thoreau

With all good wishes for your journey, W.
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C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

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Unread 03-24-2019, 09:27 PM
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Re: Stuck

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flapjacks View Post
I've analyzed my chart quite a bit, but I don't think I've had the faculties lately to look at anything objectively (not quite the right word, but, sensibly?), so I'd like to request a chart reading.

There seems to be a mismatch between what I would like my life to be, what I believe I should want my life to be, and what my life actually is. The divergence is like three ropes pulling in different directions. Sun/Moon opposition square Pluto is a pretty obvious culprit, perhaps, but the older I get the more untenable it becomes. Pluto is going to tootle over my Moon pretty soon, and I'm sure that's going to be... interesting.

What is this mismatch doing in my life? Can it ever be fixed? It seems like it would be so much simpler if it were only two ropes instead of three, just apply more force on one over the other and then I won't be paralyzed in the middle... but three ropes...

Everything in my life right now is strange. I left my job (rather career) six months ago, went into business with my mother, and now my mother is moving in with my partner and I to work out of our home (at least I can sound almost like my life makes sense when I tell people this). My partner is financially supporting me completely, which has never happened in the 8 years we've been together.

I got a call from an old client asking if I'd come work for them. It's sent me into a lurch. I went into business with my mother because I can trust her and maybe do something good for her. I can't trust anyone else and I feel like I'm no longer equipped to protect myself; I feel ashamed, weak, and helpless about that.

And it's not like I actually want any of this anyway. I want none of it. It's just about survival, providing some kind of value to others, pretending I'm worth something. If I were to have my own way, I'd travel and write, but there will always be someone to care for... so here I am, spinning wheels on the internet like an idiot.

At one point, I wanted children, and then that died when I turned 30 and my closest cousin had a daughter. I'd built up some fantasy over my entire life that my cousin's children and mine would grow up together like we did. When he had a daughter, and I was still no where near a position for children, something flipped and I realized I'd never have a child; that I was foolish to think that would be a possibility. I've decided to love his daughter instead, and the children of my siblings and close friends. I'll be that lady. That is what I should be. Whether I've been any good at loving them, or want to be childless, are two other things.

I got that phone call about a job and it revealed how afraid I've become of everyone. Afraid of betrayal, afraid of loss, afraid of persecution. It would be so much easier if I didn't care about principles or feel like anything I touch is my sole responsibility until I crack under the pressure.

I don't know how to resolve any of this. I don't know which direction to go. I've been on a treadmill, looking out, wondering why the horizon never changes. I'd just like someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong. When I try to talk about these things with people I know, they are supportive and tell me I've always been doing the right thing, that I work hard and should be proud, I'm just in a bind, and so on, but that doesn't matter when I'm just becoming more and more emotionally and psychologically crippled with every second-guessing decision I make.

Maybe I'll take this job, make it work. Maybe I'll say no. It would mean saying no to money, prestige, a life outside this cocoon I've been building since I left those people behind. I know what's on the other side... I don't want it, but I should. I'm not tired, anymore. Until I received that call, I hadn't realized that I'd become so afraid.

So, any help from an astrological standpoint is appreciated...
This chart is a night chart so Moon, Venus and Mars are of the sect in favor
Sun, Jupiter and Saturn are of the day sect so not in favor
your MC is ruled by a Saturn not of sect in favor
IC is ruled by a Sun that is not of the sect in favor
and ruler of your 10th is Jupiter also not of the sect in favor
so these areas of your chart bring challenges
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  #11  
Unread 03-25-2019, 04:21 AM
Gemini888 Gemini888 is offline
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Re: Stuck

It's been a while. How are you doing now? Have you finally found out what hindered you?
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  #12  
Unread 03-25-2019, 06:15 PM
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Re: Stuck

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
I suppose, in the final analysis, it's about doing what you need to do, but not beating yourself up over it. I do see success in your life: you are articulate, intelligent, and able to attract people who care about you.

Possibly there is a compromise between your current lifestyle and taking on work that stresses your emotional well-being beyond a healthy state.

I wrote:



Thoreau wrote:


https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/henry_david_thoreau

With all good wishes for your journey, W.
Thank you, Waybread. I worry you might think I don't hear you, but I do. It's a lot to process (it doesn't seem like it should be, but it is... maybe all those Rx planets, haha).

You mentioned NN in Aries. It is also in the 12th, SN in Libra in the 6th (attracting people... I attract many Libra personalities). It is square Sun/Moon (SN on my Sun/Moon midpoint... UA can correct me if I'm wrong, he's much more versed in that).

When I read Thoreau, I think it tugs at Aries/12th house NN... the individualist that finds peace in solitude, acting according to his principles, but still with compassion for others; blazing a path to harmony with nature and oneself... living with intention, every day. I read his words and it comforts me, feels "right", but I struggle with it so much (mass of men...). It is also reflective of the IC/MC axis in Leo/Aquarius (individual vs. collective).

Kind of interesting, Thoreau's AC falls on my MC, and his IC falls on my AC. He also has Mercury and Moon in Cancer square Pluto out of sign, but those two planets are conjunct where mine are opposed, and his Pluto is conjunct my Jupiter. That might also explain why I respond to his writing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JUPITERASC View Post
This chart is a night chart so Moon, Venus and Mars are of the sect in favor
Sun, Jupiter and Saturn are of the day sect so not in favor
your MC is ruled by a Saturn not of sect in favor
IC is ruled by a Sun that is not of the sect in favor
and ruler of your 10th is Jupiter also not of the sect in favor
so these areas of your chart bring challenges
Thank you for the traditional interpretation of the planet strengths, JupiterASC. Mars being favored while Saturn (ruler) is not, as well as Sun, seems like it would make an impact on goal orientation (working towards goals/building structure via Mars energy). To me, what you say shows a lot of personal development and expression (favored Moon, Venus, Mars), but without much lasting or influential impact (disfavored Sun, 10th, Jupiter, Saturn), or perhaps success is less likely for lasting or influential impacts. Does that sound valid?
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Unread 03-26-2019, 04:24 AM
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Re: Stuck

Thanks, Flapjacks.

I have a bad habit of dispensing pep talks, so just ignore anything in my posts that doesn't seem right.

But aren't you sort of answering your own questions? You know where your growth lies, and what makes you feel most like yourself.

As Thoreau put it, "“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

Some bedside reading: Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow: Discovering Your Right Livelihood by Marsha Sinetar
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Unread 03-26-2019, 05:45 AM
kshantaram kshantaram is offline
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Re: Stuck

[QUOTE=kshantaram;959440][QUOTE=kshantaram;557456]updated,

Hope this update helps take current stock, and adapt as relevant :
if could ack hoping the update is further helpful taking stock.


jupiter own pisces 11th team building-facilitation skills working with groups as organisation dev-training manager etc. jupiter lord 7th over the 11th may suggest gains through partnering-SPOUSE and in leadership roles; gains through elders-teachers-gurus-consultants etc and stepping into such facilitating roles. moon 9th aptitude for psychology-education.


venus debilated virgo 4th aspected by jup lord of it's elevation, debilation cancelled, slower pace of growth/evolution
as well as growth in domestic comforts, property matters, etc, while may perhaps need to overcome self-centric attitude.

venus lord 6th over 4th debilated in virgo impacting domestic comforts, mother's health, property matters. gradual improvements

4th lord mercury negating to 3rd negating native home/mother etc and tending to travels.



sun-mercury 3rd, impressive speech and writings, and admin potentials. sun cancer sensitive.

RAHU NNODE COMING 1.5YR TRANSIT SUN CANCER 3RD, TOXIC HEALTH ISSUES - HEART/STOMACH-EARS ETC,
RAHU TRANSIT SUN-MER 3RD GOOD FOR INITIATIVE BUT PRONE TO EXCESSIVE RISK TAKING.


gemini asc curious-analytical, good at information gathering-processing, but confused while decision making.
lord mer over 3rd leo good for initiative and communications, individualistic approach.


mars elevated cap 8th, methodical, investigative approach. mars lord 12th over 8th success through adversity.
mars aspects own aries 12th supportive of foreign lands etc, rahu 12th tending to foreign lands,rahu aries impulsive;

ketu separative node over libra 6th tending to health issues, accident prone, prone to job separations, aggressive with opponents. libra 6th preference for sociability in work environments, artistic, and just environments.

saturn 9/10th lord for luck-career over 6th sag, calling for greater efforts in career matters, sat 6th
able to cope with challenges of life, sat sag philosophical, love of law and justice. sat aspects own acq 10th protective of career.


SAT-KETU COMING 1.5YR TRANSIT MOON-MARS CAP 8/9, PAIN-INJURY-SURGERY THIGHS-KNEES-UROLOGICAL-CIRCULATORY INFLAMMATIONS; DETACHMENT FROM LUCK-EDU-PARENTS-EMPLOYMENT & TENDING TO DISTANT LANDS;

PRAYERS TO CHRIST, OFFER RED FLOWERS AT THE ALTER AT HOME FRI EVENINGS;

SUN & TRANSIT SAT OPP CANCER-CAP, HEALTH-INITIATIVE UNDER MUCH STRESS,
OBSERVE FAST SAT EVENINGS TAKING MILK-FRUITS OR AS PER CUSTOM;

PREVIOUS 2.5YRS SAT TRANSIT INIMICAL SAG 7TH, RELATIONSHIP-HEALTH UNDER STRESS; ABDOMINAL ISSUES ETC



jup pisces 11th tending to facilitating skills and gains thereby, gemini asc good at analtyical-information processing say psychometrics etc supported by sun-mer 3rd with initiative, communications, writing, and admin skills.
mars elevated cap 8th success through adversity able to cope with challenges, and so with sat sag 6th but calling for greater efforts. rahu aries needs to avoid impulsiveness and ketu 6th tendency to be aggressive and prone to job separations.


JUP YEAR AHEAD TRANSIT OWN INIMICAL SAG 7TH,
GROWTH THROUGH ADVISORY ROLES BUT UNDER STRESS-DELAY;
JUP SAG TRINE MER-LEO 3RD FOR COMMUNICATIONS/WRITINGS;
AND TRINE RAHU ARIES 12TH FOR FOREIGN LANDS.

PRAYERS TO SAINT OF FAITH, WEAR YELLOW SAPPHIRE OVER PENDANT TOUCHING HEART,
OFFER YELLOW FLOWERS THURS EVENINGS;

JUP EFFECTIVE MID-COURSE MAR-JUNE 019 TO WATCH FOR!



do share feedbacks how insightful-helpful the update, remedies, etc etc

wishing well from jupiter though under stress-delay,
while care for sat-ketu transit moon-mars cap 8/9 ahead;



kshantaram
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Last edited by kshantaram; 03-26-2019 at 05:53 AM.
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  #15  
Unread 03-26-2019, 09:43 AM
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Re: Stuck

Thank you kshantaram for your reading. It was helpful, although I do not practice remedies.

There might be some opportunities for travel, but unlikely. I am considering working for a business owned by a US immigrant. That is as close to distant lands as I'm getting anytime soon, that I can see... It would be an advisory role.

Much of my employment has been in a scientific field, moving further and further into administrative work in industries with heavy regulatory requirements from government agencies, where I often end up developing the programs to comply with regulations... mostly with no resources...

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
Thanks, Flapjacks.

I have a bad habit of dispensing pep talks, so just ignore anything in my posts that doesn't seem right.
What an awful habit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
But aren't you sort of answering your own questions? You know where your growth lies, and what makes you feel most like yourself.
I come up with answers, but I don't know if they are valid. I am always setting up beautiful images to reflect upon, but I don't entirely buy into my own ********. Or at least that is what it appears (there is a pun in there somewhere!).

The reality is that I'm always groping around in the dark, like in my dreams. I spoke with a woman once that told me all her dreams were full of light... of course, we were sitting together in a homeless shelter, eating canned vegetables in plastic chairs. If she had so much clarity, it's hard to fathom why she was there to tell me about it.

Not very long ago, I found some books about artists from the 19th century that traveled and documented their excursions through sketched journals in a time before widespread photography (although some "sketches" were full paintings). Their work was preserved as historical accounts of cultures and places that no longer existed.

Going through those sketchbooks was emotionally intense, like finding an album of a deceased loved one, or a dream deferred. Something... something about being an observer, hidden, but awake. Maybe that is myself... or maybe it isn't, maybe it is another "supposed to be". As you can see, I'm very confused.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
Some bedside reading: Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow: Discovering Your Right Livelihood by Marsha Sinetar
Thanks, I will look for it.

Last edited by Flapjacks; 03-26-2019 at 09:53 AM.
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  #16  
Unread 03-26-2019, 12:43 PM
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Re: Stuck

Rahu is the north node of the Moon. When it is placed in the twelfth house (according to Vedic astrology) in an inimical sign (in your case in Aries and in close contact with Mars) it causes distress, uncertainty and worry towards the last part of its major-period.
You have entered this major-period on 18/August/2006. It ends on 18/August/2024.
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Unread 03-27-2019, 08:14 PM
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Re: Stuck

Thank you, mathur_dinesh. That corroborates Unique Astrology's information about the Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto transits, where Pluto completes his transit through Capricorn in 2024.

UA and waybread are right... I'm being too negative about this situation. I've found my feet again, although I'm still not sure what exactly I'm standing on. I fear it may be something rather flimsy.

Thank you everyone for the information, interpretations, and advice. It really does help a great deal and I've been thinking about what you've all said for the past few days. It really boils down to the fact that I haven't owned up to how upset I was over leaving my job. I've thought about it a lot, and tried to make sense of it... but it's all been so intellectual.

That raw sense of betrayal was never acknowledged and colored my outlook without fair recognition for how self-defeating it was. I was in a bad situation, but it's not like that everywhere. I started to believe it was normal, but it wasn't normal, and I think I can let go of that now.

I've been chasing dreams that aren't mine in a failed effort to marry practicality (money, security) and idealism (growth, passion, higher calling). It's easy to do when I am good at many things, and my interests are so varied.

If I go back to that decision, way back in 2009, to pursue the career I did... after another, very similar period of disillusionment, what started it was a mentor whom expanded my view of the world through travel, knowledge and art. I confused that aspect of it with the subject matter... which, as interesting and engaging as it was, wasn't what was making me feel fulfilled and happy. It was the exploration itself that did it.

I have no idea what to do with that information, but I think the book waybread recommended might inspire some more productive thought patterns.
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