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  #1  
Unread 01-11-2020, 08:48 PM
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Help rediscovering direction

I need some help rediscovering a sense of direction after the collapse of my relationship. To keep it short, she and I had moved to a foreign country to make a life together, and back in November she abruptly left just four months in, and now I find myself alone in this country, working a job I detest, lacking means to get set up again back home, very much alone and often anguished over the separation. If any of you fine people can make suggestions based on what you see in my chart, I'd be much obliged. Thanks x
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Astra inclinant, sed non obligant - Latin proverb.


'...Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.' Shakespeare.
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  #2  
Unread 01-11-2020, 09:30 PM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
I need some help rediscovering a sense of direction after the collapse of my relationship. To keep it short, she and I had moved to a foreign country to make a life together, and back in November she abruptly left just four months in, and now I find myself alone in this country, working a job I detest, lacking means to get set up again back home, very much alone and often anguished over the separation. If any of you fine people can make suggestions based on what you see in my chart, I'd be much obliged. Thanks x

Hello ImnotThere,

we only can look into your chart and your transits - her personal motivation for all is not visible in there.





Relationship and longlasting relationship is ruled by your mars -being in exact semisextile with your venus as your AC-ruler and as ruler of your 2nd house - financial income, setting boundaries and self-esteem -in your chart. To experience something in relationship area - a transiting planet has to first activate your mars and in financial income - your venus.

Transiting jupiter did it - by sextile on your mars on december 11th, 2019 but tensioned and challenging you by square on your venus. But with a sextile on your mars -I am not quite sure that it is really over.

Relocation - 4th house is under ruler saturn - and saturn is still sextiled by transiting uranus - relocation was supported by transit. Even your virgo chiron was and is still trined by t-uranus for self-liberation and your healing.
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Last edited by Zora; 01-11-2020 at 09:33 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 01-12-2020, 07:46 PM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Thanks for responding, Zora. I don't entirely grasp the implications of the transits you're describing, but I guess I'll dwell a bit on them. I'm feeling fairly stuck here and am unsure what to do, long-term, now that my original long-term plan has crumbled. I attach her chart anonymously, if that helps. I would like to restore what we had, but it doesn't seem to be on the cards. And being in different countries now, since she walked out, doesn't ease matters. I suppose I'm wondering what I can expect now. Everything has changed, overnight, and I'm struggling to reconcile myself, and most of the time feel horrible, I find her absence unbearable. I continue to write, and work a job I detest, but my prospects are insecure. I guess I'm looking for some kind of reassurance; but I'd settle for any kind of prediction at all. Am I asking too much? Thanks at any rate for kindly responding.
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Astra inclinant, sed non obligant - Latin proverb.


'...Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.' Shakespeare.
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  #4  
Unread 01-13-2020, 12:24 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
I attach her chart anonymously, if that helps.
You'ld better post your synastry as well


Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
Everything has changed, overnight, and I'm struggling to reconcile myself, and most of the time feel horrible, I find her absence unbearable. I continue to write, and work a job I detest, but my prospects are insecure. I guess I'm looking for some kind of reassurance; but I'd settle for any kind of prediction at all. Am I asking too much? Thanks at any rate for kindly responding.
You really have my compassion on this. I once also experienced an overnight change like this -not concerning relationship - but existentially - and I never forgot this horrible shocking feeling and the feeling of being like paralyzed - not able for any clear thought.

You don't explain very much - to enable to get an impression or picture - but I think that she didn't left without any word - not telling you anything about a reason before and for it ?

From my experience I know that women mostly try a long time within the relationship to change something for the better and to rescue it - and men mostly first start after - when women are already thru with all and left the relationship.
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Unread 01-13-2020, 12:40 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
I need some help rediscovering a sense of direction after the collapse of my relationship.
astrology works with date and time for looking into transits - when exactly did it collapse ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
To keep it short, she and I had moved to a foreign country to make a life together
When - month/year?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
and back in November she abruptly left just four months in
without any word - explanation - nothing ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
and now I find myself alone in this country
Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
If any of you fine people can make suggestions based on what you see in my chart, I'd be much obliged. Thanks x
What do you expect precisely as suggestions - not even knowing in which country you actually sit alone now ? Astrology shows the energies available for you - you can use...or refuse to use.
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  #6  
Unread 01-13-2020, 12:49 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

You have scorpio starting your 3rd house - you like it secretively not telling much and to keep it all short.


But this makes it more difficult here - astrology and chart reading is a dialogue- nobody sees you personally and knows what choices and chances you have taken from your own chart energies until now and what consciousness you have developped.
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Unread 01-13-2020, 01:26 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zora View Post
astrology works with date and time for looking into transits - when exactly did it collapse ?


When - month/year?


without any word - explanation - nothing ?




What do you expect precisely as suggestions - not even knowing in which country you actually sit alone now ? Astrology shows the energies available for you - you can use...or refuse to use.

Thank you, and sorry to be cagey with the details. It collapsed on November 11. She was gone by November 14. I live in Berlin. I was left with our apartment which I couldn't afford alone, so I had to clear it out myself and leave and find somewhere else to live, which I did, eventually, after a few weeks on someone's pull-out couch. I'm a writer; I suppose I wonder if there's anything good I can look forward to, anymore. If there's a possibility of us reconciling. How long I will continue to be lost. Get where I'm coming from? I'm lost. And I miss this woman terribly.
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Astra inclinant, sed non obligant - Latin proverb.


'...Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.' Shakespeare.

Last edited by ImNotThere9; 01-13-2020 at 01:40 AM.
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  #8  
Unread 01-13-2020, 01:33 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zora View Post
You'ld better post your synastry as well




You really have my compassion on this. I once also experienced an overnight change like this -not concerning relationship - but existentially - and I never forgot this horrible shocking feeling and the feeling of being like paralyzed - not able for any clear thought.

You don't explain very much - to enable to get an impression or picture - but I think that she didn't left without any word - not telling you anything about a reason before and for it ?

From my experience I know that women mostly try a long time within the relationship to change something for the better and to rescue it - and men mostly first start after - when women are already thru with all and left the relationship.
Thanks, friend. No, she certainly didn't leave without explanation; she didn't feel at home here, and we struggled to make new friends, and when I finally got work myself, I'm sure she felt isolated. She tried, I tried. We were great emotional supports to each other but in the end she needed to leave. There was no blow-up. We even went for drinks together the night before she left, and joked as we always did. It was only later it became difficult.

I guess I felt I should stick out the difficult patch in the knowledge that it was going to get better. It takes time to get set up in a new country after all. She either didn't have that resilience or felt it wasn't worthwhile; though I know it must have been incredibly difficult for her to leave me as she did too, not to negate her difficulty. But I was abandoned here.
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Astra inclinant, sed non obligant - Latin proverb.


'...Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.' Shakespeare.

Last edited by ImNotThere9; 01-13-2020 at 01:44 AM.
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  #9  
Unread 01-13-2020, 02:17 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

The Synastry.

I might also add that if I had the option of moving home and had the finances, I'd resume my education and do a PhD in creative writing, which I've taught before -- workshops. But this isn't possible right now. I'm scraping by.
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Astra inclinant, sed non obligant - Latin proverb.


'...Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.' Shakespeare.

Last edited by ImNotThere9; 01-13-2020 at 04:31 AM.
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  #10  
Unread 01-16-2020, 05:21 PM
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Any takers here appreciated!
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  #11  
Unread 01-16-2020, 05:49 PM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Current chronocratorship is tough, especially with the last solar revolution where dignified Saturn is in square with the Ascendant while dominating it (which is related to travel), in square to the Moon dominated by the other maleficent planet Mars (which is related to relationships for men) and in opposition to the Midheaven (which is related to occupation), and where somewhat dignified Mars is opposing the Lot of Fortune (which is related to finances) while dominating it. Common or maleficent planets rule these places by primary directions, which exacerbate these effects.

Saturn rules the Moon by primary direction until July 2022, when dignified Jupiter takes over. Sun rules the Midheaven by primary direction until September 2022, when the other beneficent planet (Venus) takes over. Job, mind and affairs are going to get better then, finances rather after November 2026. Whatever you choose, I am sure you will manage.
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Unread 01-17-2020, 12:13 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Thanks for responding. I'm having some trouble parsing the dense content in that first paragraph, forgive my ignorance. I gather that it's all very unfavourable. Is it right to say that finances (hers or the lack of mine) and occupation (mine or the lack of hers) was a strong factor in us breaking up?

Thanks, the second paragraph is clear enough. Do you think there's any indication here we might get back together soon? I really want this. I worked hard in the relationship, too, so this is not regret for what wasn't done. All the same I think if we were both willing we could reconcile again. What is to happen to me now? I can't get over this at all. Any advice appreciated.
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Unread 01-17-2020, 12:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
Thanks for responding. I'm having some trouble parsing the dense content in that first paragraph, forgive my ignorance. I gather that it's all very unfavourable. Is it right to say that finances (hers or the lack of mine) and occupation (mine or the lack of hers) was a strong factor in us breaking up?

Thanks, the second paragraph is clear enough. Do you think there's any indication here we might get back together soon? I really want this. I worked hard in the relationship, too, so this is not regret for what wasn't done. All the same I think if we were both willing we could reconcile again. What is to happen to me now? I can't get over this at all. Any advice appreciated.
Your synastry is I would say decent, but I am not confident in issuing any specific prediction. I am going to share a personal anecdote involving a person with the Moon in the sixth in complete conjunction with Saturn at the same degree of Aquarius. He travelled for a girl far westwards indicated by the sixth, but the relationship could not hold because of the Atlantic Ocean factor and Saturn even though both parties were invested. The Moon in conjunction with Saturn while predominated by him and disjunct the Ascendant gives enormous mental suffering. So the two are indeed related in this case exacerbating his melancholy, anxiety and fits of anger towards himself and others. Therapy would not help and the b****** has no faith in God. So he is suffering in a pretty pathetic way if you ask me while everyone is telling him to just forget her for years. God can help him, but he has given him to Satan. It is all irrational to me either way. Otherwise he is a bright fellow with much potential.

You don't have depression looming in right? You chose writing well, dignified Mercury rules the Lot of Fortune, himself and attends the Moon.

Last edited by petosiris; 01-17-2020 at 01:20 AM.
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Unread 01-17-2020, 01:56 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Thanks for the response. The anecdote mirrors some aspects of the situation, not all but yes. As for depression, yes, I've been taking SSRIs (essentially antidepressants) for nearly two years. I drink regularly enough too, especially since she left. I'm just struggling to see what's next for me. I'm hoping to fix things between us, if she's willing. I'm pretty miserable. Does her chart indicate anything? I realise how desperate this all sounds, but sometimes the right interpretation can click and suddenly things are a little clearer.

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Unread 01-17-2020, 09:36 AM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

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Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
Thanks for the response. The anecdote mirrors some aspects of the situation, not all but yes. As for depression, yes, I've been taking SSRIs (essentially antidepressants) for nearly two years. I drink regularly enough too, especially since she left. I'm just struggling to see what's next for me. I'm hoping to fix things between us, if she's willing. I'm pretty miserable. Does her chart indicate anything? I realise how desperate this all sounds, but sometimes the right interpretation can click and suddenly things are a little clearer.
No, not desperate, it sounds beautiful and romantic mostly, but as I said I can't help. It is too specific for me, but you can try your luck on the horary board with that sort of question.

(On a tangent note, aspects go over signs, so the Moon is in conjunction with Saturn and Mars while disjunct from the Ascendant also in your chart.)
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Unread 01-17-2020, 12:48 PM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Hello again ImnotThere9,

as I feel nothing happens and is coincidently - not even choosing a user name - the first question I always have on my tongue reading your name is - if you are not there - where are you then in the moment ? And since when are you not "there" ?

Transiting pluto actually semisextiles your mercury being natally in semisextile with your neptune and t-pluto also conjuncts your neptune for a transformation concerning your work. Neptune rules your work house - but 6th house is also health house.

And your neptune was alread transited in 2017 by saturn's semisexitile to catch your attention that a change is necessary in these subjects. Your moon as your career-path ruler as well.

In 2018 neptune himself entered your 6th house /work and health and transiting saturn squared your venus in your 6th house as ruler of your moneyflow as a restriction to get your attention. Same did transiting uranus for a long time in 2018 on your venus pluto trine. Interrupting the natal flow you were used to and familiar with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
As for depression, yes, I've been taking SSRIs (essentially antidepressants) for nearly two years. I drink regularly enough too, especially since she left..
Did you ever thought about whether you are still right with the work you do?

When did you got to know her ? Have you been under antidepressants that time as well ?

Looking into your synastry with all her planets she puts in your 3rd house - she kinda looks like the kissing muse for you to enable you to write. And who is gone now......but for a certain reason.

You both have matching and attracting pluto aspects - venus/pluto and mars/pluto - strong intense connecting energies - not easy to cut off if once touched- even if there might happen a break off. But all pluto energised people are always instinctively guided and directed and not always able to self-control her motivations and actions. You have a strong pluto in 3rd house in own sign and connnected with your scorpio moonnode - fate like attracting people you meet - and also fate like directed in money earning matters.

Can you imagine, that besides Berlin she didn't like to live in - she also had some other reasons to leave you ? (I know Berlin myself - and for a person with sun in 4th house as I have myself it is the most horrible city in Germany I know - I got immediately ill there within two weeks and left soonest as well).

I don't think that you have depressions - to me it looks like subpressed energy - what is different in its effects. You don't use as you should use it.

Then this subpressed energy grows innerly and get self-destructive in self-destructive thoughts. And poisoning the surroundings and the rooms where you live in. Then needing to stun yourself with alcohol - getting a different radiance and aura-outsending- a sensitive person like shes is -cannnot stand for long. (Her moon squares your neptune - she gets non-verbally what is going on with you in your emotions).

And she is a very sensitive born person with her exact moon neptune square and neptune in her 8th house -very sensitive antennas and warnings for people's issues because she might have had own issues with family members abusing alcohol or having addictions - she suffered from in her own childhood.

Are you both still in contact ?
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Last edited by Zora; 01-17-2020 at 12:53 PM.
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Unread 01-17-2020, 02:13 PM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

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Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
Do you think there's any indication here we might get back together soon? I really want this. .

What can you offer to her to come back to you living in a place she doesn't feel well in and lonely ??.....under and with these options ..

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Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
I might also add that if I had the option of moving home and had the finances, I'd resume my education and do a PhD in creative writing, which I've taught before -- workshops. But this isn't possible right now. I'm scraping by.
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Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
I've been taking SSRIs (essentially antidepressants) for nearly two years. I drink regularly enough too, especially since she left. .
It was not about money why she left - and you surely know it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
I gather that it's all very unfavourable. Is it right to say that finances (hers or the lack of mine) and occupation (mine or the lack of hers) was a strong factor in us breaking up?
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Unread 01-17-2020, 02:41 PM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

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How long I will continue to be lost. Get where I'm coming from? I'm lost. And I miss this woman terribly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotThere9 View Post
But I was abandoned here
Being abandoned and feeling lost is not the first time happened - as far as I see from your chart. And a feeling of loneliness neither.

You have neptune in your 4th house - house of emotions, house of soul and house of mother experience in childhood. And with neptune therein, and saturn as ruler of your 4th house opposing chiron in 11th house - your mother has left an injury in yourself and might have been not available for you in your childhood as a mother. You got the feeling from that you are yourself not wellcomed not allowed to feel well earth-grounded and have a lack of basic trust and basic confidence to be right - in the family you were and in the place you are and as you are - and even not welcomed on on earth.

Neptune semisextiles your mercury as your co-ruler of 9th house - faith also religious faith and also rules your 12th house - prenatal experience house before birth during pregnancy of your mother with you.

To me - you had to learn early (neptune rules 6th house) in childhood to be silent and to not disturb anybody in your family and to hide yourself and to hold yourself back.

This loneliness feeling is mentally coming up right now again ith t-pluto conjunct as ruler of your mind house 3rd conjuncting your neptune as health and work house ruler in your 4th house - emotions and real home.

But it is not caused by her - only triggered by her.


Pluto's transit on your neptune will intensify again on september 1st,2020 in retrograde and will last until november 6th, 2020. You can't sit it out or drink it away - you should get on your feet and change your work you are mainly doing and what your opinion is you mean to be. Your loneliness feeling is mainly the feeling that you let yourself alone and submit yourself to other people's wishes and needs. Disrespecting and subpressing your true real own wishes and needs.

Your money flow and financial income is only safe and secure if you follow your inner instincitive flow with venus/pluto trine.

In my eyes -- your are not a writer. Money flow always shows energy flow and if you really innerly burn for something or not.(Venus/pluto trine). If you don't burn for something anymore- because time is over for this - first what is cutt off - is money flow -venus rules your 2nd house - as this is one of the areas even stubborn human beings start to listen - second is health area.


But believe me - you are stronger as you think yourself - pluto energised persons have an immense energy to overcome all and to stand up afterwards again as completely different.


But pluto/venus is always endangered to see oneself or to make oneself as a victim- even if they aren't. Venus/pluto trine is an intense creating energy - for the most best and for the most worse. Your mind and thoughts about everthing and their direction are most important to look at and to observe - they can create a self-fullfiling prophecy.
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Last edited by Zora; 01-17-2020 at 03:06 PM.
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Unread 01-17-2020, 02:44 PM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Quote:
Originally Posted by petosiris View Post

No, not desperate, it sounds beautiful and romantic mostly, but
as I said I can't help. It is too specific for me, but




you can try your luck on the horary board with that sort of question.




(On a tangent note, aspects go over signs, so
the Moon is in conjunction with Saturn and Mars
while disjunct from the Ascendant also in your chart.)
certainly horary is intended for that sort of question
check out our Horary Questions On Relational Issues board
at https://www.astrologyweekly.com/foru...splay.php?f=43
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Unread 01-17-2020, 07:14 PM
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zora View Post
Hello again ImnotThere9,

as I feel nothing happens and is coincidently - not even choosing a user name - the first question I always have on my tongue reading your name is - if you are not there - where are you then in the moment ? And since when are you not "there" ?

Transiting pluto actually semisextiles your mercury being natally in semisextile with your neptune and t-pluto also conjuncts your neptune for a transformation concerning your work. Neptune rules your work house - but 6th house is also health house.

And your neptune was alread transited in 2017 by saturn's semisexitile to catch your attention that a change is necessary in these subjects. Your moon as your career-path ruler as well.

In 2018 neptune himself entered your 6th house /work and health and transiting saturn squared your venus in your 6th house as ruler of your moneyflow as a restriction to get your attention. Same did transiting uranus for a long time in 2018 on your venus pluto trine. Interrupting the natal flow you were used to and familiar with.



Did you ever thought about whether you are still right with the work you do?

When did you got to know her ? Have you been under antidepressants that time as well ?

Looking into your synastry with all her planets she puts in your 3rd house - she kinda looks like the kissing muse for you to enable you to write. And who is gone now......but for a certain reason.

You both have matching and attracting pluto aspects - venus/pluto and mars/pluto - strong intense connecting energies - not easy to cut off if once touched- even if there might happen a break off. But all pluto energised people are always instinctively guided and directed and not always able to self-control her motivations and actions. You have a strong pluto in 3rd house in own sign and connnected with your scorpio moonnode - fate like attracting people you meet - and also fate like directed in money earning matters.

Can you imagine, that besides Berlin she didn't like to live in - she also had some other reasons to leave you ? (I know Berlin myself - and for a person with sun in 4th house as I have myself it is the most horrible city in Germany I know - I got immediately ill there within two weeks and left soonest as well).

I don't think that you have depressions - to me it looks like subpressed energy - what is different in its effects. You don't use as you should use it.

Then this subpressed energy grows innerly and get self-destructive in self-destructive thoughts. And poisoning the surroundings and the rooms where you live in. Then needing to stun yourself with alcohol - getting a different radiance and aura-outsending- a sensitive person like shes is -cannnot stand for long. (Her moon squares your neptune - she gets non-verbally what is going on with you in your emotions).

And she is a very sensitive born person with her exact moon neptune square and neptune in her 8th house -very sensitive antennas and warnings for people's issues because she might have had own issues with family members abusing alcohol or having addictions - she suffered from in her own childhood.

Are you both still in contact ?
Hi. To answer the first question, I joined the forum ten years ago, the username is a Bob Dylan song I liked at the time and still like.

There were many interruptions financially, yes. And of course there were other reasons, many reasons she might have left, I'm not disputing that. She didn't feel supported enough, and part of that was financial. She left just after I'd found a job here, though, so didn't give this a chance. We lived in a few different places together and if she'd said we need to go, I'd have gone anywhere with her. It didn't matter where as long as I was with her and writing.

And yes, I have experienced depression.

She certainly knows what's going on with me nonverbally, and I her. We were connected unusually well. As for her family life, her father died about three years ago, and her mother is a very powerful influence on her psyche, coming and going all the time, one that she struggles with. Her mother never liked me, suggested once I was from too working class a background to be a good fit, which is why I suppose I have this complex about financial wellbeing or lack of it as a factor in all this. Makes me feel I'm not good enough. She, let's call her X, believed in me though.

As for work, the job I have is terrible and exacerbates my sense of being lost, but I haven't much choice at the moment. I'm slowly starting to explore alternatives which might be both profitable and enable me to engage with what matters to me most, which is writing. I may teach workshops again.

I've known her for about four years. She'd been intensely in love with me for about two years before we came together but we were both with other people. I suppose I felt instant attraction too but was more reluctant to admit it, as I was committed to someone else, who I was actually unhappy with but still. When we really came close was when a teacher and friend of mine died in August 2018. I loved him very much, a father figure (have never seen eye to eye with my own father, whom I never felt liked me much and we don't really talk). At the funeral I delivered a eulogy and afterwards broke down, and she was the only person who came up and comforted me. Another friend of mine died a week later, heart attack in his 30s. I quit my job in health insurance to pursue writing full-time and lived off teaching poetry and editing a literary journal. As the connection between us became unignorable, I ended my relationship of many years at the time to be with her. As far as I was concerned, she was the woman I'd been waiting for my entire life, and I talked about my joy often. Please don't imagine this is a case of, 'She's left because he didn't try enough at the time and now he's scrambling', which you may be implying. We talked constantly, I left her notes if I went out early, we cooked together every evening, I was expressive, and if she had a problem we resolved it. Etc etc. I've cried often in front of this woman, totally vulnerable; something I can't even say about my own mother. But this move was hard on us.
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Astra inclinant, sed non obligant - Latin proverb.


'...Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.' Shakespeare.

Last edited by ImNotThere9; 01-17-2020 at 08:07 PM.
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Re: Help rediscovering direction

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zora View Post
Being abandoned and feeling lost is not the first time happened - as far as I see from your chart. And a feeling of loneliness neither.

You have neptune in your 4th house - house of emotions, house of soul and house of mother experience in childhood. And with neptune therein, and saturn as ruler of your 4th house opposing chiron in 11th house - your mother has left an injury in yourself and might have been not available for you in your childhood as a mother. You got the feeling from that you are yourself not wellcomed not allowed to feel well earth-grounded and have a lack of basic trust and basic confidence to be right - in the family you were and in the place you are and as you are - and even not welcomed on on earth.

Neptune semisextiles your mercury as your co-ruler of 9th house - faith also religious faith and also rules your 12th house - prenatal experience house before birth during pregnancy of your mother with you.

To me - you had to learn early (neptune rules 6th house) in childhood to be silent and to not disturb anybody in your family and to hide yourself and to hold yourself back.

This loneliness feeling is mentally coming up right now again ith t-pluto conjunct as ruler of your mind house 3rd conjuncting your neptune as health and work house ruler in your 4th house - emotions and real home.

But it is not caused by her - only triggered by her.


Pluto's transit on your neptune will intensify again on september 1st,2020 in retrograde and will last until november 6th, 2020. You can't sit it out or drink it away - you should get on your feet and change your work you are mainly doing and what your opinion is you mean to be. Your loneliness feeling is mainly the feeling that you let yourself alone and submit yourself to other people's wishes and needs. Disrespecting and subpressing your true real own wishes and needs.

Your money flow and financial income is only safe and secure if you follow your inner instincitive flow with venus/pluto trine.

In my eyes -- your are not a writer. Money flow always shows energy flow and if you really innerly burn for something or not.(Venus/pluto trine). If you don't burn for something anymore- because time is over for this - first what is cutt off - is money flow -venus rules your 2nd house - as this is one of the areas even stubborn human beings start to listen - second is health area.


But believe me - you are stronger as you think yourself - pluto energised persons have an immense energy to overcome all and to stand up afterwards again as completely different.


But pluto/venus is always endangered to see oneself or to make oneself as a victim- even if they aren't. Venus/pluto trine is an intense creating energy - for the most best and for the most worse. Your mind and thoughts about everthing and their direction are most important to look at and to observe - they can create a self-fullfiling prophecy.

What you say about the early home life and the psychological legacy of that is fairly close to the bone, I would say. Very accurate. But, in her defence, my mother is a strong woman who did the best with what she had, she was emotionally abused herself growing up and I don't think she ever got over it. She maybe wasn't ready for a child so young herself and was abusive, I guess, but I know she feels extreme guilt about that now which she's unable to articulate. And she encourages and accepts me as best as she can. Fundamentally a good woman. We don't get along well but I do admire her.

And yes, Zola, I am a writer and will always be, have always been. Look deeper I'm not poor for no reason! And yes, I've always felt I could endure, but the death drive is strong in me, too. To most people I seem to be quiet and charming (words I've had applied more than once) and a good listener. But inwardly I'm fairly intense and obsessive and driven. I've come close to ending it before, but I don't think I would. I love life too much, though not so much at the moment, with her gone.

She's a writer too, though she's always struggled to find direction, and changes her career choice every five minutes. We talked about her options all the time. When she does settle on something though I think she's going to be very important.
__________________
Astra inclinant, sed non obligant - Latin proverb.


'...Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.' Shakespeare.

Last edited by ImNotThere9; 01-17-2020 at 08:10 PM.
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