I suggest EFT.
http://www.emofree.com/
Don't compare it too anything you have tried before without trying it first.
You have saturn in 4thH...growning up wasn't easy,
You have a few similar aspects that I have as well.
Uranus square moon
Cancer sun.
Moon on the asc.
Just try EFT.
The moon not only symbolizes the emotions but also the mind.
IT is going to increase you sensitivity to the environment....
Work on the emotional body with EFT and discharge and cleanse some of the emotions tied up with...whatever is there.
It's basically easy to learn, you can probably read through it in a day at the most.
The book is free.
You need a PDF reader, that's free too.
Here is an anorexia case handled.
http://www.emofree.com/Addictions/joe-anorexia.htm
Here is one on agoraphobia.
Marie's agoraphobia--including a follow-up
Hi Everyone,
I received a phone call last night from an agoraphobic lady ("Marie") whom I had never met. I drove 20 miles to her VERY rural home this morning to see if I could help. Nice lady. She answered the door with her toddler grandson ("Johnny") at her side.
Marie had agoraphobia for at least 25 years. She can go outside her home but rarely goes beyond 50 yards without feeling intense body heat, panic and other fear responses. She refers to it as "my illness."
The first order of business is always establishing rapport. We had done a fairly good job on the phone the night before and, since I knew she had great concerns for Johnny, I immediately turned my attention toward him. I got down on one knee (at his physical level) and, in a form of child talk (his style of language), asked him how old he was. He warmed up right away and informed me that he was practicing to be a bell. I said "ding-dong" as he moved his head back and forth. Rapport is easy if we are flexible and genuinely care. Marie loved it. That's important. It establishes trust and opens one up to these belief-violating procedures.
I told Marie that we often have rapid success but that agoraphobia was not likely to be one of our "one minute wonders." Again, this is rapport generating because it plugged in with her existing beliefs. Maybe some other phobia could get rapid relief--but not hers. She had it all figured out. It had been with her for too many years and it was too intense. Further, according to Marie, it was caused by her past abuses, hereditary factors and some chemical imbalances. Maybe she's right and maybe she's wrong. Who knows? But to debate this with her is to risk losing rapport. Rapport is critical. Always keep rapport. So I said, "Sure. No guarantees, of course. But if we just make a little progress, that's probably worth our time? (said with an uplifting tone at the end to turn a declarative sentence into a non-threatening question). She agreed as Johnny's cat jumped into my lap and parked himself.
I started with an explanation of EFT and referred to it as a "psychological version of acupuncture." While she had never experienced acupuncture per se, she did have some physical healing with the use of acupressure. Again, we plugged into her beliefs (rapport). It was still weird and "out there" to her but she was perfectly willing to try it.
During the first applications of EFT, I ignored her agoraphobia and tapped for other issues. This was because:
1. My own intuitive sense was that her agoraphobia was a symptom of deeper causes.
2. I wanted to get her comfortable (familiar) with the process.
3. I wanted to take a shot at getting relief for an emotional issue before we ventured outside into her worst fear. This would let me know how responsive she was to the process and would give her some sense of confidence in what we were doing.
We tapped for two issues in her living room. The first was for a verbally abusive experience with her father. It went from 9 to 0 in two shortcut rounds of EFT. We then tapped for a broader issue--
"My mother doesn't love me." This went from a 10 to a 0 within two minutes. In both cases I asked her to vividly imagine the circumstances and try to get herself worked up about them. She couldn't. She said,
"I can remember them but why bother?" This was fun. It was all done in a low key kind of way. The tapping was gentle. The affirmations were gentle. Johnny was quiet and watching intently. The cat was purring in my lap.
We then went outside to see how the process might work with her agoraphobia. I reminded her that she was not to be courageous and confront her fear. She was not to see how far she could go before panicking and running back home. Instead, we were to use her system as an indicator of when we needed to tap. This was to be as painless as possible. She was instructed to tell me whenever she felt any kind of fear response--even a 1 or 2.
"That is a tapping opportunity," I told her,
"Don't let it go by."
I pointed to a spot down the road about 50 yards away (her approximate limit) and had her tap for
"going beyond there." No problem. We walked to that point and I asked her if she was still zero. Yes. We went another 50 yards. She had no fear response but she said her head was telling her that she should be having problems about now and that if she goes any further she will be sorry. This, in my experience, is typical and to be expected. Remember, she rarely gets this far away from home without a severe fear response. We tapped for
"what my head is saying" and went on.
About 50 yards later she said her sinuses were "tightening up" to about a 2 or 3 level. I took this to be a physical symptom of the "unusualness" of being this far away from home. Two brief EFT rounds later, the sinus tightening was gone. We went another 50 yards or so and she said her jaw was tightening (she has TMJ). It was a 4. One round and it was gone. We went on. Now we were faaaaar beyond her previous "limit" and she had no fear response whatsoever. However, she wanted to go back for two reasons:
1. While she felt no fear at the moment, her head was still telling her to be careful. To me, this is either a valid sign that we really do need to do more tapping on underlying levels OR her head was just giving her some normal and logical signs of caution.
"After all, this could be a fluke. Maybe you are just lucky today. Don't overdo it. You know how that panic feels. Be sensible. Be careful. 25 years of emotional pain doesn't go away in a few minutes."
2. Johnny was getting restless and bored with the whole thing and wanted to go back home.
Is there more to do? Most likely. Many past issues here. A blank spot in her childhood memories. A long history of verbal/mental abuse by parents & family. But, in an hour and a half, we accomplished a fair amount by anyone's standards.
Love to all, Gary
If anything you can use EFT to save all your animals.
Stop being so defeated, the world never change overnight.
I used to like to destroy my self to make others wrong too...and even if they were wrong, my methods were lousy.
You can do allot more alive.
But to be honest this is all beyond reason isn't it.
Try the taping with EFT.
You seem to have allot of emotional issues, it's a good place to start.
There are all those tough aspects to you moon on the asc which causes you to have an oversensitivity and really, it may be easy for you to et at the issues you supressed....easier then you think....but you going to have to get over hte idea of reasoning them away.
I agree.
You can't talk your way into seeing the world as a beautifull place..it just doens't work.
The Taping releases the very thing that alter and changes our percetption of the world, the mind, and the emotions, are a very very powerfull thing.....you can help a person to try and get better all day long, but at the most..it often just doens't work out because they don't want to....they do...but they don't...and it's ******* complicated...I know.
Give this a try. I have the idea you'll like it anyway.
The moon on the asc can be like a large open wound with peroxide and salt pored onto it...and those things stick.....the moon can make you impressionable......it can make you very imprintable.......it can impress things upon you..images, scenes, experences, moments.....so....those things can be cleared up or worked through and straitened out.
A moment of disilsionment can ofen be a large shift in reality...if you remember it very clearly...which doesn't suprise me...moon on asc...take it up and find anything that bothers you about it and tap on it.....
Your not an idiot, you can figure it out...you should be able to start about an hour after you read through the book....there are tons of videos online as well....
It might help you snap out of it some and recontact planet earth.
The animals thing....I don't think veganism is some major problem...it is the total inability to walk into a room with dead animals...and freaking the **** out..that's an emotional issue.
A doctor that saves lives doens't freak out at the sight of blood, and doctors can be empathetic...these are emotional reacitions and your emotions controlling you...you have a strong moon...you have to sort of take care of the things that are controlling you below your awareness....manipulating your body and thoughts.
Budhist monks practice for years to master their mind, emotions, body...just pulling the plug doesn't work......it's a quick exit then back on the wheel.
I've astral traveled and used bodies outside of the astral as well.
You may as well stick arround and clear up the emotioal reactive aspects of the body that are making you not able to enter enviroments that are a bit touchy too you.
Gradually increasing your confront actually alows you to do something about things. IT also allows you to imrpove your sense of equalibrim in times when noremally you would be shocked. The outside world is really having an effect on you....all is illusion...I agree...but with the effect it is creating on you, it's turned nightmare......and your not seeing it as an illusion...are you...your seeing it as surreal cold and dirrect reality.
IF it was truely surreal to you you would also have the possitive surreal aspects of this existence as well.....s it's not relaly a wide open sensitivity.....it's something else.
Try EFT first.
Or not,
Do whatever the hell you want to do, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life.
But don't expect people to have absolutely no empathy and for then to be completely indifferent to someone who plans a suicide basically in front of you. I probably feel the same way about people as you do about animals.
It seems like you want advice in a way, or you don't...and I can't really tell wat you want.
You would know, and ther eis a truth to that...and I think I know what your looking for.....but people are goingto have reactions to seeing someone post a picture and saying that they have been planning to kill themselves for some time now, and they may do it soon, or not at all, or whatever....no big deal.....people react becuase they don't like to see people die. They value life. I could see without pleasure, someone wouldn't. But it doens't sound like you without pain either...so we can't say your numb either. BUt this is all guework isn't it...nobody knows you but you...and even you may not know you too well all the time....I don't think I've ever met anyone who totally knew theirself. I've just never met anyone that publicly posted a picture and said they were going to kill themselves as seemingly cool about it as you are.....it's kind of intersting, and horrfiying, mixed with a touch of sureal oddity itself.....
IT just sounds like your touchy and you have something waking something up below your awarness and I would watch moon cycles, and I'd be carefull on full, and new moons, and I'd do emotional work on ties when you have easy moon aspects...but yeah..i'd look out for new and full moons...you could be extra sensitive and touchy on those dates.