Composite with my father - can we reconcile?

Hi

I have a turbulent relationship with my father. I was six when parents divorced, after that, I only saw my father once or twice a year as far as I remember. I met up with him again when I was 15/16 and we saw each other much more regularly, got to know each other. But then, I had a lot of unresolved stuff inside as I was so young and a few years later we had a huge argument and I never saw him since. That was about 20 years ago.

Recently, his picture and his name is coming up alot around me, as he is in touch with all my family, except me. I'm his only daughter. So on Facebook, only recently, I saw a pic of him. I don't know if the composite may show if this relationship is retrievable, or if we are destined not to be in each other's lives.

I notice two yods, one, Merc sextile Mars, yod to Pluto. Those planetry energies are pretty explosive. The other yod, Pluto/Neptune yod to Mercury. Could that show an ability to resolve it with compassion?

He is Taurus sun, so maybe he could hold onto this for a long long time.

I see no transits that suggest a new start, only the transit of Chiron now on the composite Sun. I wonder, if he is seeing my name too on facebook, or pictures of my mum (posted from my cousins who are his FB friend) reminding him of me, and feels the same type of pain (Chiron/Sun).

The composite Saturn/Chiron is the relationship we have, its a tough lesson. The composite Sun is also square the Chiron. I have Sun square Chiron in my own natal chart, which relates to this relationship. My dad also has Chiron square the midpoint of his natal Sun/Moon. Interesting how that repeats. I See that this will be transited by Saturn over the next year, with Saturn opposing the composite Saturn/Chiron but also square the composite Sun. I am not sure if this is a good time to try and reconcile, or if more pain would result. Or could the Saturn opposition be a good time to start again with myself and him, as in facing the past, also facing the past pain (Chiron) and letting it go?

We had the huge argument when transiting north node was around 7 degree Scorpio, which was square the composite Mars, triggering off that yod.

Additionally, this Chiron square Sun aspect is in my chart, dad's, aunty on mum's side and I'm not sure who else. I also live with a landlord who has his natal Sun conjunct his natal Chiron on my vertex, opposition my Sun. He acts like a dad to me, much older. And funnily enough, I've made friends with a new housemate who's natal Sun conjunct my Chiron, while my natal Moon conjunct her Chiron! Can't escape it! It's my inheritance, Chiron in my natal 4th house

Until recently, I've buried my emotions regarding our separation. But with recently seeing his name as my cousins talk to him on their Facebook pages, then suddenly seeing his picture (the first one ive seen of him in years) it's all become rather vital to resolve somehow. Feels like a healing crisis, which feels very much like a Chiron transit to composite Sun. I had same transit with a longterm friend when we split up.



Thanks for looking

hi Neptune rising.

interesting hades is at 7 Taurus opposed the nodal transit during your big argument.

this composite shows strong indications of sexual abuse as the Saturn/pluto and chiron /pluto midpoints are square the nodal axis.

with the ceres/venus/moon conjunction conjunct the south node, you have a "victims" personality, that is you unconsciously do not want o integrate his evil actions. as a consequence you will tend to be drawn to men who also "victimize "you. even though you are estranges from him ,you will find yourself searching for someone like him , until you become conscious of the destructive nature of the relationship.

with mars square to Neptune opposed t chiron, he will always be trying to manipulate you. this square tends to show a drug or alcohol problem .

I don't think reconciliation is possible or at least it would not be constructive for your souls growth because he will never own up to his behavior and would place the onus of the estrangement on you. with venues etc. on the south node, you are in danger of accepting his twisted rationalizations.

with this composite you are in danger of internalizing a S?M personality structure, that is attraction to what hurts you.

rahu

Hi Rahu
Thank you so much your time looking at this chart. Yes interesting aspect with Hades, his natal Taurus Sun is also conjunct that point. I really don't remember that much from when I was under 6 year old. You mentioned this in another thread looking at my natal.
You are right in that I attract what hurts me. I'm more conscious of it now and have a choice, also more conscious of victim personality. I can fall into it it requires conscious effort to take another path. I've ended up now with no boyfriend,choosing not to have one while I stay away from those that want to hurt/use me and just working on myself, healing what I need to heal by myself.

When we got back in touch when I was in my mid teens, he did blame me for the previous once-a-year visits for something I said when i was seven years old. I accepted this at the time and held onto that 'blacksheep' archetype he suggested. Now though, I know more what part he plays in the estrangement, plus other family members have tried to get him to be in touch with me. I also feel I have to prove that I am a good person so that I can't be scapegoated again by him.

Yes the men I draw are usually either bad boys, or unavailable, manipulative, one was abusive. There is the exception, one lovely man.

Neptune Rising said:

Hi Rahu
Thank you so much your time looking at this chart. Yes interesting aspect with Hades, his natal Taurus Sun is also conjunct that point. I really don't remember that much from when I was under 6 year old. You mentioned this in another thread looking at my natal.
You are right in that I attract what hurts me. I'm more conscious of it now and have a choice, also more conscious of victim personality. I can fall into it it requires conscious effort to take another path. I've ended up now with no boyfriend,choosing not to have one while I stay away from those that want to hurt/use me and just working on myself, healing what I need to heal by myself.

When we got back in touch when I was in my mid teens, he did blame me for the previous once-a-year visits for something I said when i was seven years old. I accepted this at the time and held onto that 'blacksheep' archetype he suggested. Now though, I know more what part he plays in the estrangement, plus other family members have tried to get him to be in touch with me. I also feel I have to prove that I am a good person so that I can't be scapegoated again by him.

Yes the men I draw are usually either bad boys, or unavailable, manipulative, one was abusive. There is the exception, one lovely man.

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May I please ask, I do get a gut feeling about something like that with my fathe. Natal he has Mars in Pisces square in Gemini, sextile Sun in Taurus.
My mum's chart has Mars, Saturn, Uranus all conjunct Algol. They are sextile my natal Sun. She told me recently that her father beat her. Could I have picked up on that energy while I was younger?

My chart natal also has Mars opposite Nessus, Sun opposite Ero. The Sun opposite Eros is square my 4th house Chiron. I have the feeling that something has been hidden from me, or I wasn't listened to, or I was blamed or scapegoated. I react strongly to certain things in adult life which I feel relates to my past. Mars rules my 4th house natal and this op Nessus. I also have natal Child conjunct natal Hades, and in synastry my dad's natal Chiron/n node conjunction in Leo is square my Child /Hades.


various images about this are coming into my conscious awareness recently , bit by bit. I wonder if this coincides with the transit I have now with transit Uranus conjuncting my natal Chiron.

Neptune Rising said:

May I please ask, I do get a gut feeling about something like that with my fathe. Natal he has Mars in Pisces square in Gemini, sextile Sun in Taurus.
My mum's chart has Mars, Saturn, Uranus all conjunct Algol. They are sextile my natal Sun. She told me recently that her father beat her. Could I have picked up on that energy while I was younger?

My chart natal also has Mars opposite Nessus, Sun opposite Ero. The Sun opposite Eros is square my 4th house Chiron. I have the feeling that something has been hidden from me, or I wasn't listened to, or I was blamed or scapegoated. I react strongly to certain things in adult life which I feel relates to my past. Mars rules my 4th house natal and this op Nessus. I also have natal Child conjunct natal Hades, and in synastry my dad's natal Chiron/n node conjunction in Leo is square my Child /Hades.


various images about this are coming into my conscious awareness recently , bit by bit. I wonder if this coincides with the transit I have now with transit Uranus conjuncting my natal Chiron.

Click to expand...

mars opposed to nessus is an almost certain aspect of sexual abuse, that eros is conjunct your sun only makes these sexual experiences more likely because it shows you have had a strong sexual vibration for birth and not just from puberty.
also with hades conjunct child, it shows the argument you mentioned was really based on the repressed sexual experiences with him.

that your mother was beaten by her father would be coherent with your experiences because this can show that she would be attracted to a abusive man as a mate(your father)

you Uranus/chiron transit could be a sign that you will awaken your repressed memories so you can heal and get on with your holy destiny.

this patriarchal culture is programed to abuse any woman born with a powerful psychic spiritual soul life. hence you must free yourself from these cultural strictures.

rahu

rahu said:

mars opposed to nessus is an almost certain aspect of sexual abuse, that eros is conjunct your sun only makes these sexual experiences more likely because it shows you have had a strong sexual vibration for birth and not just from puberty.
also with hades conjunct child, it shows the argument you mentioned was really based on the repressed sexual experiences with him.

that your mother was beaten by her father would be coherent with your experiences because this can show that she would be attracted to a abusive man as a mate(your father)

you Uranus/chiron transit could be a sign that you will awaken your repressed memories so you can heal and get on with your holy destiny.

this patriarchal culture is programed to abuse any woman born with a powerful psychic spiritual soul life. hence you must free yourself from these cultural strictures.

rahu

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Thank you Rahu. I agree, patriarchial culture is damaging. I see it alot day to day and feel it, it is like those who favour the patriarchal approach feel threatened by the feminine. I found out my mum's mum also knew that her father beat her. Also found out that my dad's mother had a very difficult birth with my father, so blamed him for being born, emotionally abusing him and making him feel guilty, if not more. I found all of this out only in the last year. I guess with my Pisces Moon, I soaked up all that negativity growing up. I think somehow my father didn't want me to express myself, I know somehow I have internalised a fear of fully expresing myself going back to childhood and shaky boundaries. It seems I come from an inheritance of fighting/abuse (Aries on the nadir with Chiron in the 4th in Aries, Mars trine Chiron).
I also have transit Neptune square to natal North Node/Neptune now, I don't know, would that just fog things up more, or would that be a chance to see through the fog?

Neptune Rising said:

Thank you Rahu. I agree, patriarchial culture is damaging. I see it alot day to day and feel it, it is like those who favour the patriarchal approach feel threatened by the feminine. I found out my mum's mum also knew that her father beat her. Also found out that my dad's mother had a very difficult birth with my father, so blamed him for being born, emotionally abusing him and making him feel guilty, if not more. I found all of this out only in the last year. I guess with my Pisces Moon, I soaked up all that negativity growing up. I think somehow my father didn't want me to express myself, I know somehow I have internalised a fear of fully expresing myself going back to childhood and shaky boundaries. It seems I come from an inheritance of fighting/abuse (Aries on the nadir with Chiron in the 4th in Aries, Mars trine Chiron).
I also have transit Neptune square to natal North Node/Neptune now, I don't know, would that just fog things up more, or would that be a chance to see through the fog?

Click to expand...

I also have transit Neptune square to natal North Node/Neptune now, I don't know, would that just fog things up more, or would that be a chance to see through the fog

I think mediation and applying yourself your healings is called for.
rahu

rahu said:

I also have transit Neptune square to natal North Node/Neptune now, I don't know, would that just fog things up more, or would that be a chance to see through the fog

I think mediation and applying yourself your healings is called for.
rahu

Click to expand...

Thank you Rahu, yes it is helping me. I think it's transit Uranus conjuncting my Chiron bringing up painful insights but thankfully at this time I've rediscovered a more inward type of yoga, yin yoga, that really links body and mind in a way to observe the root cause of thoughts, feelings. Thank you for all your insight, it is really helpful.