is my past haunting me?

myapie

Well-known member
Hello,
so in the last 2-3 years i had kind of left my comfort zone which was doing my work well and studies well as a good student/ well made student.
Ive seen a different part of life- my friends that have not been nice, two faced, having affairs, other businesses .

I was scared that some of my friends have not been like me, that they had different lifes- the 2nd side or the side that didnt want to show me.
Because i still have an impression of an innocent girl/woman.

What i want exactly to say is that it was a harsh moment in my life but put me out of a comfort zone- the stereotype of a living by a system- school, studies,well payed job.

I left the country for 7 months and ive been back since september 2017. And a lot has changed. I focused only on myself and my things to do, the projects I MAKE. I dont do stuff i did before. i left people from the past to the way that they were coming back to 'check on me'= my exes, my wanna be boyfriends. Didnt know why i didnt post anything on fb and ect.
Maybe because i focused only on myself and what i do now for me and for my projects and work.

When i did this some people tried to regain contact. I am emotionless to my exes, to my wanna be boyfriends or men who rejected me. I can draw a border now and a line for them and i am not crawling after them to have their attention. I dont feed their ego.
So what i want to say is that i get matured i get older, i am becoming more serious.
Even when i am 28 i dont feel like almost 30.I feel very young mentally.
Some says that my saturn return in capricorn started in december 2017. I dont know. Maybe i feel more grounded and serious or maybe its only a placebo. But something has changed and i dont know if i am evolving or its only my mind.
Could you please look up at my chart and maybe on some of my transits to say why i dont want to be surrounded by other people as much as i wanted in the past?
I dont need to feel accepted by others as i wanted to be in the past.
Now i have my own projects and own 'mind' and i dont have to be guided by others. And its what makes my friends from the past not respect me (?). or not contacting me.?
Because maybe they wanted me only to be level below them? They wanted to have a praise from me? And now when i am more confident and more grounded and its me who takes charge they dont like it?

A lot of people flake on me now. People from the past. People who saw i evolved who saw i am doing my thing. They are nice they are kind of helpful but its not like in the past.
I feel like i am alone and i need to create my own reality with my people to be on the same level as my friends now. Maybe i overexaggerating but its weird.

About flaking on me its weird because i thought that in their eyes i would have been better if i evolved to higher level of work, maturity. But i think for them its better if i stayed in the past.

When in the past i was scared, i was making a feeling to be protected so those people had the eye on me. Like i would have been a little sister of the company. You know like a sister who says only nice things and they like me as a younger member. But not above them.
And they start to delicately flake on me now.
Why?
Should i show them my power now?
I am 'clean'. I have not done anything bad or i have not been involved in anything bad in the past with them.
I dont know if i should be nice or i should be maybe a little more humble?
But sometimes my Aries side and my pride hits me.

Now when it comes to projects i do some national architecture workshops that i do with my architecture friends. its also a reason i didnt contact with my friends from the past for such a long time. It was always me who was taking initiative because they have been busy. ANd it was always me who needed to make up my time between theirs.
Maybe im too strict but it was sometimes like that.
Because of this workshop i needed to focus on my work and this project ONLY. Because of this i met other people, broadened my horizons in my professional field and i didnt have to impress anyone.

So our 'project company; became kind of known with some patronages and famous institutions giving us ;thumbs ups;. And those people from the past dont even accept my invitations to the 'facebook page' or they dont want to talk with me about it.Or maybe they are just busy and dont have time to talk about things that are not involed in their lives?

Maybe because i am growing up and i am becoming more aware?

Or maybe i am going through some shift in life and some new doors will open soon?
What do you think?
Thank you :)

Short term Transits
Venus Square Ascendant 0° orb
Mars Sextile Sun 0° orb
Sun Trine Moon 1° orb
Venus Trine Jupiter 1° orb
Mercury Trine Neptune 2° orb
Mars Opposition Ascendant 2° orb
Mercury Sextile Chiron 2° orb
Mars Sextile Mercury 2° orb
Sun Trine Saturn 3° orb
Mercury Trine Uranus 3° orb
Sun Sextile Pluto 3° orb

Long term Transits
Saturn Square Mercury 0° orb
Uranus Square Ascendant 0° orb
Neptune Sextile Neptune 0° orb
Jupiter Conjunction Pluto 1° orb
Saturn Opposition Jupiter 1° orb
Uranus Sextile Jupiter 1° orb
Saturn Square Sun 2° orb
Pluto Conjunction Moon 3° orb
Jupiter Sextile Moon 3° orb
 

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ElenaJ

Well-known member
So, aries sun and mercury with Leo ascendent shouting out me me me, you've dumped the people in your past and now want to know why they don't accept your invitations or talk to you about your project? Hmmm. At any rate, your Venus on north node in the 7th is exactly square Pluto on the 5th cusp, which is what pushes you to break off if you can't transform the love relationships in your life. Venus is also ruler of your 11th of friends, so you land up pushing them away too. Your ruler mars is exactly on the 7th cusp, making you excitable and irritable with your partners, and also antagonising your open enemies, of whom you seem to have made quite a few. The moon/saturn conjunction is quite a loner, and being in serious solitary Capricorn this is accentuated. These planets, the Venus/NN, Pluto, Saturn, make you creative and serious in your work too. Concentrate on your project, don't try to use people to help you, you can be self sufficient, and remember they will sense that your are only using them and shy away. If you can channel this energy positively you will also find others coming to you. Your Leo ascendent is a charmer, and its ruler sun conjunct mercury gives you the intellect and the communication skills to please people and to go far. In the 9th this could make you a good teacher, and you might also consider going overseas. Good luck with your work, and try to soften up with others and not try to change them, they have reasons for being the way they are.
 

myapie

Well-known member
So, aries sun and mercury with Leo ascendent shouting out me me me, you've dumped the people in your past and now want to know why they don't accept your invitations or talk to you about your project? Hmmm. At any rate, your Venus on north node in the 7th is exactly square Pluto on the 5th cusp, which is what pushes you to break off if you can't transform the love relationships in your life. Venus is also ruler of your 11th of friends, so you land up pushing them away too. Your ruler mars is exactly on the 7th cusp, making you excitable and irritable with your partners, and also antagonising your open enemies, of whom you seem to have made quite a few. The moon/saturn conjunction is quite a loner, and being in serious solitary Capricorn this is accentuated. These planets, the Venus/NN, Pluto, Saturn, make you creative and serious in your work too. Concentrate on your project, don't try to use people to help you, you can be self sufficient, and remember they will sense that your are only using them and shy away. If you can channel this energy positively you will also find others coming to you. Your Leo ascendent is a charmer, and its ruler sun conjunct mercury gives you the intellect and the communication skills to please people and to go far. In the 9th this could make you a good teacher, and you might also consider going overseas. Good luck with your work, and try to soften up with others and not try to change them, they have reasons for being the way they are.

do you think ive dumped those people?
i dont think so. whenever i wanted to initiate something maybe 1 person was coming or noone because usually some of them had been busy with their own stuff.
it was me always who needed to be flexible and to organise my time and wait for them if they make up their minds.
i am humble but i need to have control of my life. i hate being submissive as some friends especially MALE friends like to control me and treat as i am younger or someone who needs help.
OR MAYBE ITS ME WHO PERCEIVES IT IN A WRONG WAY?

Maybe its me who sees it that way which in their eyes is very different than other people?

I havent dumped any people- someone in the past told me before that usually people with venus in aquarius or mars are perceived as ones who take control and INITIATE.
it was maybe 4-5 years ago that ive heards it. so i started doing it and really people have their own lifes and everytime i try to be nice i feel being taking for granted.

its not my pride or anything but maybe i expect too much? dont know exactly.
i work in a group in this project when the group is divided and some information dont show up to others. two women only gossip and talk with each other and thay only say things that are done/ like they dont include us/others in the process, even after arguments or talks that we have had before.
so when some of them left abroad to some exhibition a few weeks ago i didnt talk to her neither wrote to her asking about her experiences abroad.
I DIDNT CARE because i assumed i didnt want to ask and mentally stimulate someones ego if that person was hiding some important information before me and others in the past.
of course i was the one that was accused of being not nice and unpleasant because i didnt write to her and i didnt ask her how was abroad.
i didnt want to i was busy.
when she is busy she doesnt answer and she is silent . she makes people write to her. she only writes when she needs something.
but when SOMEONE ELSE eg. ME does the same its a big drama.

its been always like this with me and others.
i dont care now. i dont know how i can change it.
 
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