Rushwing
Well-known member
I am the oldest and she is the youngest...
(I'm outside she's inside of chart below)
I have to say that my relationships with my family members are difficult all around, but my youngest sister has not spoken a word to me in over 4 years.
I don't really have an explanation, she never gave me one and neither will any of my other family members (cept my crazy dad, but he's crazy). I picked on her a few times when I was very little (like 7-10 ish), but never violent....
However my parents seemed to single me out as a way to project their own guilt. And my youngest sis, therefore was always a "victim" of my "cruel" behavior according to the family, but like I said I never understood it. I was actually a pretty good kid, pretty normal (no crime, violence or drugs, watched over my sisters all the time etc) except the occasional outburst. I wasn't a mom to my sisters though. I just wasn't a nice gentle always caring sort (waifu material.)
It just seems that I will never know her, and her living with another of my sisters prevents me from visiting my other sister (whom does speak to me)
Does she hold a grudge against me? Will we ever reconnect? Is she my enemy?
I have tried to speak to her a number of times, I have apologized for things I may have done wrong. Before she stopped talking to me, we had a number of conversations that were very nice. There was no "big fight" or anything that happened. It just happened as if she doesn't care if I am alive or dead.
I personally think that it happened when she started seeing a therapist and whatever she said to the therapist, the therapist encouraged her to cut ties with me, which is a huge shame. For me anyway, and I wish I knew the truth.
I think she blames me for sexual abuse which she says she suffered at the hands of a neighbor. I failed to watch over her (she was 5, me 11) when I found out that it happened I felt so so guilty. I had no idea, and I never would have left her alone if I knew there was a danger. (18 year old brother of a large family next door took her into another room while I was playing there (I don't know, my memory of the time isn't very good, it could have happened in a number of scenarios, like when I went there for a birthday party or when I went there to watch a movie, goes without saying my mom and dad never checked up on who we hung out with, but I never hung out with strangers or gang kids..)
I am really bothered that even in remorse for things that I did ignorantly when young, my own blood won't give me the closure of accepting my apology. If she had said something like "this guy hurt me" I would have remembered. I defended my sisters from bullies in elementary school a lot of times.
It hurts anyone to be rejected with no closure. . .especially a member among your own family...
Anyone care to offer any insight on how I can repair this? Any hope? Any closure?
(I'm outside she's inside of chart below)
I have to say that my relationships with my family members are difficult all around, but my youngest sister has not spoken a word to me in over 4 years.
I don't really have an explanation, she never gave me one and neither will any of my other family members (cept my crazy dad, but he's crazy). I picked on her a few times when I was very little (like 7-10 ish), but never violent....
However my parents seemed to single me out as a way to project their own guilt. And my youngest sis, therefore was always a "victim" of my "cruel" behavior according to the family, but like I said I never understood it. I was actually a pretty good kid, pretty normal (no crime, violence or drugs, watched over my sisters all the time etc) except the occasional outburst. I wasn't a mom to my sisters though. I just wasn't a nice gentle always caring sort (waifu material.)
It just seems that I will never know her, and her living with another of my sisters prevents me from visiting my other sister (whom does speak to me)
Does she hold a grudge against me? Will we ever reconnect? Is she my enemy?
I have tried to speak to her a number of times, I have apologized for things I may have done wrong. Before she stopped talking to me, we had a number of conversations that were very nice. There was no "big fight" or anything that happened. It just happened as if she doesn't care if I am alive or dead.
I personally think that it happened when she started seeing a therapist and whatever she said to the therapist, the therapist encouraged her to cut ties with me, which is a huge shame. For me anyway, and I wish I knew the truth.
I think she blames me for sexual abuse which she says she suffered at the hands of a neighbor. I failed to watch over her (she was 5, me 11) when I found out that it happened I felt so so guilty. I had no idea, and I never would have left her alone if I knew there was a danger. (18 year old brother of a large family next door took her into another room while I was playing there (I don't know, my memory of the time isn't very good, it could have happened in a number of scenarios, like when I went there for a birthday party or when I went there to watch a movie, goes without saying my mom and dad never checked up on who we hung out with, but I never hung out with strangers or gang kids..)
I am really bothered that even in remorse for things that I did ignorantly when young, my own blood won't give me the closure of accepting my apology. If she had said something like "this guy hurt me" I would have remembered. I defended my sisters from bullies in elementary school a lot of times.
It hurts anyone to be rejected with no closure. . .especially a member among your own family...
Anyone care to offer any insight on how I can repair this? Any hope? Any closure?
