A 1st House Plutonian experiencing her first Saturn return

Hello ,I'm Kate.

First of all , apology for the lengthy contents below and my poor English . I’m not a native English speaker.

So here is my story .

I’ve lived my life pretty much alone , only have 2 female friends . After graduating from high school , I’d worked as a babysitter and a part-time assistant helping primary school students to finish homework .Before 29-year-old , I lived with my family and spent my spare time being alone listening to music , watching movies and reading .No much social life .

I only had a 3 months short relationship with a man at the age of 20 . Last year I turned 29, I was finally able to rent an apartment and a young man came into my life right after my birthday . He’s 6 years younger than me . Because of his age and his playboy look , I never thought of him being serious in the relationship , so there’re some trust issues from my side .There were also a lot of misunderstandings between us that ended the relationship in a really bad , ugly way .I was ( am )still in love with him , I thought ( think ) of him every day and prayed that there would be a chance to reconcile .

I don’t have close relationship with my family ,even with my mother . So he’s the most important and the closest person I’ve ever had .A soulmate .Losing him destroyed me , I collapsed completely.It's the biggest event happened to me in my life.

I’ve become unemployed and in debt after the breakup .Locked myself in the apartment for six whole months . Every day I searched the information about how to win him back . I blame myself for how I destroyed the whole relationship ,90% of fault was mine .A month after we broke up , I got to read about astrology by chance.
Turn out that we’re both strong Plutonians .I don’t know his exact birth time ,only know his birthday ,but I’m 100% percent he’s a Sun Scorpio conjunct Pluto Scorpio,Cancer rising ,Mars in Cancer , Pluto Scorpio in 5th house .And we have pluto sextile venus in Synastry ( me being Pluto ) , Sun ( me ) Pluto in Composite . After doing so much research , I realised my ex will NEVER forgive me nor talk to me for eternity .

What’s worse ,the more I learn about my natal aspects , the more self-discovery I get .I don’t consider myself a good person , but I never try to hurt people on purpose. When I got hurt by people , I simply just walked away or cut them off of my life completely as a revenge .I didn’t know it would hurt people as I didn’t find myself matter to people that much .However , thinking back about the past , I realised I did hurt people without even noticing it. I had an extremely hard time accepting my ugly dark side , the mistakes I’d made , the damages I caused to the loved ones .The pluto traits really haunt me .I can’t forgive myself .

Self-loathing and the guilt drove me crazy and I sank into deep depression . And then I’ve started reading a book called Healing Pluto Problem book which helps in some ways .

Six months went by ,my obsession with ex has started to fade away day by day . I understand this so-called love is unhealthy ,gave up the idea of winning him back . I can’t say I’ve already let it go completely , I still think of him and the mistakes I made every day . But at this moment , I only wish him the best with all the blessings.

I’ve learnt to accept the Saturn return thing and what’s done cannot be undone. Saturn brought me a very harsh lesson , teaching and maturity.

Self-love ( My Saturn square Venus ) ,letting go and transformation are the things I should focus on now. I’m ready to do transformation and become a better person .I’m aware of my shortcomings now and every negative aspects of my natal chart ( Take a look , I got a lot )I'm determined to solve the problems (homework)I'd had from the past life .

Started going out and meeting people since June and decided to change my job , as I know myself surrounding with the kids is about power , being in control , authority things . I also plan to do voluntary work in the community once a week and obtain a college degree by studying after work .

The problem I'm struggling right now is I still have no idea about which college major /field /career that suits me the best as I only have experience working with kids .

I tried to figure it out by reading about my natal signs and houses , but they’re really complicated for me to understand .As being a 30-year-old woman ,it is really too late to start college and a new career , I really hope that somebody can help me by giving some advices .

Any advice , suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks a lot in advance.
Kate

P.S How I wish I had a chance to read about astrology earlier ( I mean in my early ,mid20s , things would turn out a bit differently .

Six of your planets, including your chart ruler Pluto and it's co-ruler Mars, are retrograde so that would explain your introverted tendencies. Retrograde planets are experienced as a pain in the ***, especially Mercury retrograde. I can relate.

The best thing you can do now is to prepare for another personal transformation since Pluto is going to hit your Mars, which as I already mentioned is the co-ruler of your Ascendant.

How would you feel about doing something with communication? I know that might be a tough thing for you to consider with Merc rx on the Midheaven.

StillOne,

Thank you .

My exact birth time is 1:30 pm CCT (GMT + 8 hours) .


Jadi ,

Thanks for your help , I didn't know Pluto is going to hit my Mars.

I'm aware of communication problem , that's something I should really work hard on .

Natal aspects :

Mercury trine Saturn
Mercury square Asc.
Mercury square Pluto
Mercury conjunct MC

I didn't know that the way I talk can be hurtful to others( I don't even curse) until the relationship with the ex .

Hey Kate. I'm arab and english isn't my native language but hopefully we're doing great

first of all, we share the same scorpio ascendant. and do you know scorpio ascendants attracts painful love affairs? I have been in the same state. I suffered and had really tough time when my ex left all of the sudden. he disappeared with no sign left behind. 1 year passed now and I'm much better than before. I know how it feels

we also share mars and neptune in capricorn.

anyway, I notice your venus conjuct moon in virgo
I don't understand why virgos push relationships away

about your saturn transit it will only affect the 2nd house
money and properties. any money related to career won't have much heavy affect.

all the best!

I too have Scorpio asc conjuct Pluto (my pluto is in 12th house though). I think we tend to be very intense for some people to handle. Not only that, we obsess a lot but then again, we are very loyal and give our all when it comes to relationships.

That is why when we get hurt, our insticts are to protect ourselves and we don't realise the hurt we have undone upon others, until much much later.

Thanks Noouraz2

I’m not sure if I have Venus conjunct Moon aspect .Last time I checked I have

Venus trine Neptune
Venus square Saturn ( hate it )
Venus sextile Pluto
Venus sextile Asc.

No the relationship wasn’t too painful .It’s me who ******* it up without realising it . Sigh Venus in Virgo , what’s worse , it squares Saturn .

The relationship ended really really ugly and I blamed it all on myself .Every day I read about astrology ,especially aspects ,I found out every flaw I made in the relationship .It’s like I destroyed the best thing happened to me by own hands ,still really hard to accept it .

Aniani ,

What you said is right ,especially “until much much later” “ , loyal and give our all ……What’s worse , I have Pluto square Mercury , that’s one of the reason he hated me to guts.

Heard Asc conjunct Pluto 12H is also a pain in ***

aniani said:

I too have Scorpio asc conjuct Pluto (my pluto is in 12th house though). I think we tend to be very intense for some people to handle. Not only that, we obsess a lot but then again, we are very loyal and give our all when it comes to relationships.

That is why when we get hurt, our insticts are to protect ourselves and we don't realise the hurt we have undone upon others, until much much later.

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I have my pluto in the 12th house as well. my ascendant is scorpio so the ruler of the first house is in the 12th house

this is very scary some say it indicates prison

what do you think?

thecrystalship said:

What you said is right ,especially “until much much later” “ , loyal and give our all ……What’s worse , I have Pluto square Mercury , that’s one of the reason he hated me to guts.

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Hi... Pluto square mercury can actually be a good aspect for astrologers! Its a cut-to-chase and no-bull**** kinda way of looking at life. And it brings the transformational quality of pluto to the cerebral nature of mercury. The fact that it is square will mean that you might aggravate some people some of the time. In time you will learn how to use the more positive attributes of this aspect. Embrace it! You also have a great Jupiter trine Sun aspect in your natal, so you will benefit greatly from that. It will help to bolster your confidence, which likely you will begin to enjoy more now that your Saturn return has finished.

With mercury so tight against your midheaven it would seem that its energy is very important to you reaching your highest peak in this lifetime. However, I wonder if it is a more virgo type of mercury energy. With moon in Virgo it helps to emphasize that theme more. That might mean that being more analytical and rational would be more suited for you than going after pursuits that involve a lot of communication. What further indicates this idea is that your north node is in the sixth house. This shows us where we are heading for our souls spiritual growth. The north node is opposite the south node which is found in the 12th house. This is essentially your comfort zone, so you naturally feel at ease with 12th house matters. Your story of all the time spent alone for much of your life is one way this has shown up for you. Your challenge will be to move away from 12th house and into 6th house matters for this lifetime. This 6th house could mean service to others or working with details, or being a problem solver in some sort of way.

Looks like Uranus will be transiting your north node soon too. Its a chance to shake things up a bit!

noouraz2 said:

I have my pluto in the 12th house as well. my ascendant is scorpio so the ruler of the first house is in the 12th house

this is very scary some say it indicates prison

what do you think?

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Personally, I follow the traditional rulership, so I assign mars to my chart ruler Scorpio and not Pluto.

HarmonE

Your advice is helpful , I will take more time reading the 6th 12th House , and South ,North node .

Applied to be a nurse twice when I was younger . However got rejected because I didn’t take Biology course in high school .